AUTHOR'S NOTE: I recommend you open a new tab and go to my FanFiction homepage, click on my 4shared link and listen to the music featured in this chapter! :)
Songs used: "Teardrop" BY: Massive Attack.
"Crave" BY: Edie.
"Fear The Fever" BY: Digital Daggers.
Chapter 9 - "Fear The Fever"
Storybrooke, Maine
As I walked at a brisk pace down the sidewalk, there was movement and I caught sight of a shadowy figure leaping out Mayor Mills' window. I faltered and came to a very abrupt stop behind the tall hedges that lined her property. My pulse was racing as I crouched down behind the brush. I didn't even have time to wonder who it was when the person rounded the corner and nearly knocked into me on accident.
"Whoa! What the? What are you doing Miss-?" I blinked dumbfounded and awkwardly stood upright as I realized it was Sheriff Graham.
"-Oakumura," I replied, shifting my weight to one side. The Sheriff eyed me suspiciously before looking down at the suitcase at my side.
"Going somewhere, Miss Oakumura?" he asked. I knew he was just trying to change the subject, but it was also his duty as town Sheriff to make sure everyone was safe.
"Um, just going to spend the night at a friend's house..." I replied. Which wasn't exactly a lie.
"Don't you think it's awfully reckless to be wandering the streets all alone at this hour?" he asked, and I stared at him for a moment. Part of me wanted to make a remark about what he was doing climbing out of the Mayor's window at this hour, but I thought better of it and held my tongue.
"I suppose," I replied reluctantly. "But it's not like I have very much farther to go," I lied. Graham stared at me for a long moment and I started to worry that he was going to inquire just who this friend was...
"Well Miss Oakumura, for your safety, I certainly hope so," he said after a moment's deliberation.
"Besides," I said, looking around. "it's not like you have a squad car to give me a lift anyways," I pointed out. The Sheriff flushed a little as we stared at one another and I was pretty sure he knew that I knew what he was doing at the Mayor's house.
"Alright, well you be careful," he said, and I nodded before walking away, practically feeling his eyes linger on me as I went.
It was a long time before I had finally spotted the abandoned cabin in the woods that I knew to be Mr. Gold's. And by which time my feet were on fire and I was exhausted. I was grateful to find the front door unlocked when I turned the knob and I peered inside. The cabin was small, dark, dank and dusty. I ran my hand along the wall, feeling for a light switch. I found it, and flipped it on, but nothing happened. There was probably no electricity.
With a sigh, I made my way further into the cabin and found several candles sitting on a small dresser to my right. Setting down my suitcase, I grabbed one of the candles and took the lighter that was attached to my handy lighter-leash, and lit the wick. Using the flame from the candle to look around the rest of the room, I saw that it was pretty desolate. Just a bare bones of essentials; a few tables, a tiny fireplace, a few pots and pans lining one of the walls and a small bed in the corner opposite.
I lit the other two candles and placed them around the cabin before shutting the front door. Now that the sunlight was completely gone, I felt a sense of pervasive loneliness. I didn't like feeling that way, so I went for what had always comforted me; music. Pressing the 'Shuffle' button on my MP3 player, a song started up with drums and static as a synthetic guitar joined in, the volume of everything increasing. It was a strong, yet comforting beat as a piano joined in with more techno sounds and the intensity built.
My mind was still reeling from the fight I had had with Trent. I still couldn't believe how gung ho he was on sticking to his story of not cheating on me. I had saw him with Amanda at the club and they were holding hands! She was leading him to a private booth! How stupid did he think I was? It was appalling... and as much as I didn't want to admit it... deep down, it hurt.
A female vocalist began to sing along to the music as tears prickled my eyes and I fought to hold them back. I blinked, and a single teardrop fell onto the candle flame, causing it to flicker.
'Love, love is a verb
Love is a doing word
Fearless on my... breath
Gentle impulsion
Shakes me, makes me lighter
Fearless on my... breath
Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my... breath-' I swallowed hard, pushing back the pain as an instrumental solo with drums, more static and synthetic sounds took place. I concentrated on keeping my breathing even.
'-Night, night of matter
Black flowers blossom
Fearless on my... breaaath
Black flowers blossom
Fearless on my... breath
Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my...-' another instrumental segment with drums, static and synthetic guitar took place as I continued to take slow, deep breaths. I was literally keeping myself from having a panic attack. I didn't want to feel the destruction in my heart. I didn't think I could bare it when being left all alone.
Suddenly, all the music besides the drums, static and a few techno sounds ceased for a dramatic focal point that caused goosebumps to form on the surface of my skin. And that was when I knew I was stronger than I looked. I knew that love was not just a word. Love was something that was spoken loudest through actions. And Trent's actions had spoken loud and clear as far as I was concerned. The piano came back right then.
'-Water is my eye
Most faithful mirror
Fearless on my... breaaath
Teardrop on the fire
Of a confession
Fearless on my... breath
Most faithful mirror
Fearless on my... breath
Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my... breaaaaath-' the female vocalist crooned hauntingly as an instrumental solo took place again. Only this time all the instruments played together, everything intensely as I smirked to myself at the parallel in lyrics to reality. Now that I knew who I truly was... And who everyone else truly was, I found it rather humorous that Regina, the Evil Queen was stranded here in a Land without magic, no longer able to view the world through her precious Magic Mirror.
-'You're stumbling a littllle...
You're stumbling a littllle.' there was an echo of the lyric until the final instrumental solo with drums and static. I thought about how I had actually never met the Evil Queen in person when I lived in Fairy-tale Land. And in all the time I had spent living in Storybrooke, I hadn't so much as spoken a word to her. I supposed I had never had a real reason to. And in a way, I was glad. I didn't particularly favor the woman.
Finally the piano and synthetic guitar joined into the techno sounds 'til the song came to an end. I got to my feet and dragged my suitcase over to the bed in the corner of the room. I reluctantly placed my hand on the bedding and started to wipe it off, however, I was utterly shocked to discover that it wasn't even dusty in the slightest bit.
I blinked stupidly for a moment and lowered the candle to see with my own two eyes that the bed was actually rather clean looking. It was out of place with the rest of the cabin which was very dusty and derelict in appearance. Maybe someone was using the cabin as a place to stay at night..? Suddenly I shuttered at the thought of being awoken by a crazed transit standing over me in the middle of the night.
"No thank you," I muttered aloud as I got to my feet once more and crossed the room. I locked the door, which in all truth, was something that I should have done to begin with... But my head wasn't on straight as of late. Not tonight... Not lately. Ever since I started getting involved with Mr. Gold... I sat back down on the bed, my stomach knotting up at the thought of Mr. Gold. I wondered where he was and what he was doing right now..?
Something inside my suitcase started to rattle around, startling me quite a bit. I yanked my ear buds out and unzipped the suitcase. Reaching inside, I pulled out my cellphone. Something I never used. Unless it was an emergency. I actually hated talking on the phone, so I rarely used it and didn't even know I had managed to pack it.
I glanced at the number that was calling and realized it was Trent's little sister. I hesitated for a moment, deciding if I should even answer it or not... Without giving it much thought, I hit the 'Talk' button. Beep.
"...Hello?" I said in a mono-tone voice as I held the phone to my ear.
"Hey, Tia..." Trent's sister Renee spoke in a soft voice on the other end. "I heard about your fight with Trent."
'Of course she had,' I thought to myself. Trent always went to someone to bash me whenever we got into any kind of argument or spat. He had no concept of 'private affairs'. Unless of course that was keeping secret affairs from me.
"Yeah..." I replied, still in a mono-tone.
"I'm sorry. I know he can be a real jerk sometimes..." she said, trying to sound sympathetic.
"That's a major understatement," I said, no trace of humor in my voice. There was a pause of silence.
"Anyway, where are you? Do you need a place to spend the night-?" Renee asked, but I interrupted.
"Did Trent tell you to ask where I was?" I demanded.
"What? No, he-" she replied, but faltered and I knew he had.
"Thanks, Renee, but I'm fine," I said, followed by another pause of silence.
"I really regret the situation, Tia. You know I don't like seeing either of you unhappy. He's my big brother, and you're like a sister to me," she said, sounding earnest.
I sighed. "So do I, Renee, so do I... And you know you're like a sister, to me, too."
"Is... is there anything you want to tell me?" she stuttered, causing my heart to splutter. My thoughts immediately shot to Mr. Gold. And then to Amanda... "I mean, is there a reason things have gotten so... crazy between you two?" she asked.
I shrugged even though it was a pointless and unseen gesture. "Not really." There was another long silence, but I just didn't feel like getting to specifics with his litter sister of all people.
"Well... I guess I'll let you go then. Just be safe. Bye, Tia," Renee said.
"Bye," I replied before I hit the "End" button. Beep. I tossed the phone back into my suitcase and buried my face in my hands. "URRGH!" I groaned aloud, feeling like shit. Leave it to Trent to get his little sister to try and weasel out my whereabouts. As if I was stupid enough to tell her. Sure, she sounded concerned, but I didn't fully trust her... Hell, I didn't fully trust anyone. Not after everything I'd seen and been through in my life. Or more like lives...
Besides, Renee wasn't exactly known for being the most selfless or sincere person... Christ, none of Trent's family were. I reached into my suitcase and pulled out my pillow and a small blanket that I had always slept with for as long as I could remember. Even in the Fairy-tale world... My cheeks flushed as I realized that it could be seen as a security blanket. I groaned again, feeling depressed that I had to worry about such mannerisms I was developing and what the causes of them were.
Popping my ear buds back in, I slid my suitcase onto the floor with a thud, kicked off my shoes and climbed into the bed fully-clothed. I took a deep breath and my thoughts instantly went to Mr. Gold once again. I cursed under my breath as a lyricless song played and I imagined him doing some sort of 'top secret' trade with a faceless stranger over an shrouded 'exotic' prized possession. Otherwise, I really just couldn't imagine what he would be doing...
I felt a sick ache in my heart that I had never felt before... It was different than the ache I got whenever I thought of Trent lying to me about fooling around with some chick. It was the kind of ache you felt not of betrayal, but of yearning to be with someone you missed badly. Part of me felt a little foolish to have such strong feelings for a man I knew didn't love me... I knew I would be an even bigger fool if I loved him already. I couldn't even say that I truly knew who he really was. And I had gotten to know him more as his alter-ego Mr. Gold, than I ever had as Rumpelstiltskin.
I decided to settle on labeling it as lust. It was safer than love. After all, love was what had gotten me into this mess with Trent to begin with. I cringed at the memory, conflicting yet similar in a twisted sort of way, of the beginning of Trent and my relationship in both Storybrooke and the Fairy-tale Land. I was naive enough to think that our love would actually last... That what we had was true love.
"Tch!" I scoffed involuntarily. "What a fucking idiot I was," I bitched to myself in the candlelight. I sighed again, trying to free myself of the stress. "I refuse to let a man, no, a boy destroy me like this. Not when I know what a real man is now," I said aloud, smiling to myself at the thought of Mr. Gold. A song with quick, short guitar riffs started playing through my ear buds as another female vocalist began to sing softly.
'I'm always on for a search
Even though I'm grounded
I don't take too many breaks
Even then I'm rested
And I don't care about tomorrow
And I don't care about where I'm headiiiiiiiiing-' the female vocalist held the note as the song began to build in intensity as the guitar riff got quicker and drums joined in.
'-I'm making up the end
Before the story's even started
I wanna' comprehend exactly what is going on
So many episodes of every spoken word
To feel the real core
To avoid the absurd
But ironically-' the steady beat with drums came in as I thought only of Mr. Gold... and Rumpelstiltskin.
'-It's the mystery
Thee unknown I will save
It's the magic that I craaaaaaaaave-' the female vocalist crooned before there was a short instrumental break. Although I had regained my memories from my former life, they were still very hazy and felt similar to recalling a vivid dream. Only instead of the dream fading, the memories remained, they just felt... disconnected. There were more fast guitar riffs followed by the music suddenly slowing up.
'-Through the fields of splendor
Through these walls of noise
I will remember
To use my voice
I will fight
For my right-'
there was a short pause in vocals as the steady guitar beat played on and the music encouraged me to do the same when it came down to Trent.
'-And I will fight for my right
To speak my mind
I will fight for my right
To speak my miiind-' there was another short pause in vocals as I lay there in the small bed with my eyes closed.
'-And ironically-' the drums ceased for another little guitar solo.
It's the mystery
Thee unknown I will save
It's the magic that I craaaaaaaave!-' there was another small instrumental break with keyboard, drums and guitar. I lay there on my side, gently moving my head in time to the beat of the music.
'-And what I've been hungry for
Is somethin' of substance
What I've been craving
Is somethin' of taste
What I've been hungry for
Is somethin' of substance
What I've been craving
Is somethin' of taste
Something IIIII couldn't waste
Something IIIII couldn't waste
No...
I know...
Yeah, I know...
Oh, I know...
That I'll never glow
What about yooou?-' Guitar, drums and keyboard played to the slow beat as the song faded and came to an end around the four minute mark. My mind was calmer than it had been all night.
After having spent the night alone and having some time to not feel so trapped, I made my way back home. However, I was startled when I stepped in the front door of my apartment only to find the entire place cleaned. I was perplexed, and for a brief instance, I imagined that Trent had Amanda here. I set my suitcase down by the front door and went into the bedroom where I could hear the shower running.
My pulse thudded hard in my chest as I glanced around the room. Everything was neat and tidy, and there appeared to be no sign that anyone had slept over last night. Though I knew looks could be deceiving and that wasn't enough to make me feel at ease. If anything, it made me even more suspicious. Trent hadn't voluntarily helped clean a damn thing in his entire life. Why start now? Was he just finally trying to show me that he cared? Or was he trying to hide his fling with that home-wrecker? I was more inclined to think the latter.
"Tia, is that you?" Trent called out from the bathroom.
"...yeah," I replied just loud enough so that he could hear me. A minute later, the water stopped running and I heard the sound of the shower curtain being drawn. I went back into the living room and grabbed my suitcase before taking it back into the bedroom. I didn't unpack it, but left it at the foot of the bed and sat down on my side. I waited in silence for him to get out of the bathroom and when he did, he acted like nothing had even happened last night.
I wasn't sure if I was relieved, or annoyed. I sighed quietly and decided it wasn't worth getting into another screaming match over and I 'put the ball in his court'; I waited for him to be the first one to say something. It was way too long before he sat down, flipped on the TV and pulled up the DVR list. There were tons of shows recorded and hardly any space left for any new ones.
Trent was saying something about one of the programs, but I didn't really care what it was. I just nodded stiffly and grunted in response. Something that would suffice as a reply. He turned on one of the shows and I zoned out. I felt like a zombie... my heart was numb, and in turn my mind was, too. It was hard to find anything interesting anymore. I found it hard to believe that I had ever found any of these programs entertaining before.
I was no longer Tia, and I was also no longer Sarah... I felt like I was someone else stuck between the two lives and two personalities. I didn't know what to think or feel anymore... Other than the unbridled passion I felt for Mr. Gold. My heart ached again and I tried to stifle it as I sat there beside Trent.
The day passed in monotony and slow as molasses. But when the evening arose, apparently so did Trent's sex drive. Before I even knew what was happening, he was pawing at me. "I can't do this," I said uncomfortably.
He paused. "What're you talking about?" he asked and I looked at him.
"I can't do this, Trent," I repeated. "It's..." I struggled for the right words. "It just feels wrong."
"What? No, don't say that. You can't possibly mean that..." he said, sounding heartbroken and I felt a pang of guilt in my heart. "I love you, Tia."
I stared at him, my eyes flicking back and forth between his blue ones. I tried to see that he was lying, but I couldn't find evidence in the glassy eyes that looked back at me. Was I wrong? "I don't even know what love is anymore..." I replied, looking away and trying not to cry.
"Yes you do. I know you love me and you know I love you," Trent said as he grabbed my hand and squeezed. I closed my eyes and tried to settle my breathing. My pulse was jumping into my throat and it made it hard to speak. I didn't want to look at him. It felt too painful just sitting there. "Just relax, baby," he cooed as he put on some music with a click of the remote and pushed me onto my back. He kissed me as the song started up with a female vocalist and a synthesized organ.
'I feel the fever
Deep in my booones
It runs electric
It drives me hooome-' the beat came in, as well as a piano.
'-It knows the weakness
Deep in my soooul
It keeps me hostage
I'm never alooone
Maybe you should gooo
Baby, can't controool...
Maybe you should gooo
Baby, can't controool...-' the female vocalist repeated the lyrics before the song kicked up in intensity and I went through the motions with Trent.
'-It wants to kill you
It wants to tear you apart
It wants to thrill you
This vengeful love that I've got
Wants to consume you
And spit you out
I fear the fever, fear the fever
Can you feel it now?-' there was a short instrumental solo as the song slowed up again and more piano notes played. My body was present, but my mind was absent as he pillaged my flesh.
'-I feel the fire
Burning belooow
It's gonna' trick you
Swallow you whooole
Maybe you should gooo...
Baby, can't controool-' a brief pause in vocals as the music became intense again.
'-It wants to kill you
It wants to tear you apart
It wants to thrill you
This vengeful love that I've got
Wants to consume you
Then spit you out
I fear the fever, fear the fever
Can you feel it now?-' the song slowed up once more and something inside me just clicked.
'-You know you're not safe heeere
I'll only bring you dowwwn
Can't help you disappeeear
My love is too late nowww
You know you're not safe heeere
I'll only bring you dowwwn
The end is almost neeear
My love is too late nowww-' the intensity returned.
'-It wants to kill you
It wants to tear you apart
It wants to thrill you
This vengeful love that I've got
Wants to consume you
Then spit you out
I fear the fever, fear the fever
Can you feel it now?
It wants to kill you
It wants to tear you apart
It wants to thrill you
This vengeful love that I've got
Wants to consume you
Then spit you out
I fear the fever, fear the fever
Can you feel it now?
You know you're not safe here...
You know you're not safe here
I'll only bring you dowwwn.' With a few last notes, the song came to a haunting end. And all I felt was guilt. Almost as if I were cheating on Mr. Gold with Trent, even though in reality it was the other way around...
Please review! Thank you for reading!
~Satine~
