Whew! This is definitely the longest chapter I have for a story yet. The song in this chapter is called "I'm Only Me When I'm With You" by Taylor Swift. She happens to be one of my all-time favorite authors. Sorry if you don't like her, but when I was writing it I thought of the song, so, I hope you all enjoy this and REVIEW. Peace 3
James
After freezing my entire body down to the core, my mind had begun to shut itself down and I eventually blacked out.
All I can recall is that I heard someone screaming my name.
It sounded fearful, and sad.
I was told that I was out for over 30 hours and that a friend had been by my side the entire time I was out. I was in a hospital bed.
The covers were scratchy and thin but the top blanket was softer and warmer. I shivered involuntarily.
"James?" A soft voice called to me. It was right in my ear but it was like sweet music that filled me up and warmed me to the deepest depths of my essence.
I cracked my eyes open. Light streamed in painfully and I blinked several times to try and get them to adjust.
"Thank God," I heard the voice whisper even softer. A hand softer than silk grasped my own and I heard a deep sigh of relief.
I rolled my head to the right and I saw the face of an angel just inches away. A delectable smell of dark chocolate and roses mingled with a tiny hint of Axe. It was making my head spin.
Golden brown strands of hair fell into the eyes of-what appeared to me-as a God. Molten, chocolate brown orbs gazed down into my soul with fear, relief, and pure joy.
"I was so worried about you," he whispered hoarsely. It sounded as if he had been crying.
"Why? I was fine," I replied, puzzled. My brain felt fuzzy and my limbs seemed heavier than lead weights to me. I could hardly move, let alone think.
He just shook his head of golden locks and my heart seemed to shimmer like the sun glowing on his hair.
"You left. We had a fight and you left. You stormed out of the house and disappeared for over three hours. I got so worried that I decided to come after you. The only possible place that I could think of to look for you was the beach.
"Sure enough, you were curled up in a ball, shivering, drenched in ice cold sea water and you were nearly sleeping in the water.
"It was terrifying to see you like that, but I called for help immediately after I pulled you out and onto dry sand. The ambulance came soon afterwards and I tried to ride with you, but, they almost didn't let me, I wouldn't let go of you though, and, well...they couldn't get you to lose your grip on my arm." He sniffed. His eyes were beginning to glisten with tears as he swallowed a sob.
"I'm so sorry," I whispered.
He just shook his head.
"No, don't be," he said firmly. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have acted the way I had before. I feel terrible about it. You almost died because of me," he cried.
"No, you didn't send me to the beach, you didn't put me in the water, you didn't sit me down and tell me to fall asleep, I ran away and did all of that on my own, you simply acted in character, there was nothing either of us could have done to change it, it's my fault just as much as it is yours, if not more." I told him softly. I ran a few fingers through his golden, silky hair.
"I figured it out," he said after a few moments of silence.
"What did you figure out?" I asked him, still combing my fingers through his hair.
"I figured out that I truly and honestly love you."
My heart seemed to skip a beat and my entire body froze. I never imagined in a thousand years that I would ever hear him say that.
"It happened after you left. I did some serious thinking and I discovered that you are the one I love. I thought that I had feelings for Logan which is why I was questioning myself, but I had to figure out the truth so, well, when you left, I kissed him." Instinctively my breath snagged in my throat.
"I was trying to figure out if I felt any spark at all from kissing him, but instead of feeling just nothing, it resembled more revulsion. I couldn't stand to keep doing it and all I thought about was you. The whole time I could only see your face. I had to stop almost immediately. As much as I hated hurting Logan, I couldn't stand the thought of hurting you even more," he told me.
I allowed myself to process this information for a moment as we sat in silence, listening the the lull of the machinery whirring and beeping.
He kept thinking about me? This was all a dream, it couldn't be real. It's too good to be true.
"I almost don't believe you, but I know that this is more real than the sky being blue, and money being dirty." I replied. Kendall grinned at me and my heart soared.
My entire body felt weightless and my life unimportant. The fact that I was incapacitated in a hospital bed was irrelevant to the moment I was currently living in. I wanted to live because of Kendall. Not for myself, not for my friends, not for my job, or anything else in the world. Only because of him, I wanted to live for him. I knew I made him happy and that was all that mattered to me.
"'I'm only up when you're not down,'" Kendall sang softly. I smiled as I sang the next line.
"'Don't want to fly if you're still on the ground, it's like no matter what I do.'"
"'Well you drive me crazy half the time, the other half I'm only trying to let you know that what I feel is true, and I'm only me when I'm with you,'" we finished together. The song that was written as a solo worked better as a harmony.
Kendall and I simply sat there and stared deeply into each other's eyes. We gazed down into the depths of each other's souls to see what was there and to understand even more about our new mate's.
I patted the empty space on the bed next to me and Kendall hopped up to join me.
He sunggled in closer to me, underneath my arm and buried his head in my chest.
"I was so scared that I had lost you," he said quietly, his voice muffled from my clothing.
"When I saw you curled up in a fetal position, unmoving, unresponsive, hardly even breathing, it scared me beyond belief. I couldn't breathe myself. I don't want to see you like that again."
"I know it upset you," I replied softly. "but now that everything is in the clear between us, I doubt that we will have a repeat of it ever again," I promised him, wiping a tear from his cheek.
"I love you too much," I whispered. My chest tightened at my own words but I knew in my heart they were honest and true.
The glimmer and gleam in his eyes that appeared after I said it confirmed to me that he knew and understood I was speaking from my heart. He trusted me and I knew he felt exactly the same way.
I drowned myself in his gaze and leaned down to touch his lips with my own. They were soft and gentle like a spring breeze. I thought I would explode with joy when he responded to my kiss.
It lasted for only a few seconds but it was bliss. It was enough.
He rested his forehead against mine and smiled.
"I love you so much, James," Kendall sighed.
He kissed me again, but this time with more passion and ferocity. His lips met mine in a crash like cymbals and tickled them with his tongue, request entrance which I eagerly granted. I ran my fingers through his hair and gripped it for a better hold on his head as he began to moan into my mouth as I danced with his tongue. He tasted of dark chocolate and strawberries and reminded me of home. I held him even tighter to myself as he clutched at strands of my hair.
I was enraptured by our embrace and didn't want it to end. Unfortunately, my door was blown open by a concerned nurse who ended up with a most bewildered expression on her features.
It had to have been an interesting sight to a stranger, two teenage boys making out in a hospital bed, not strange, but certainly interesting. She looked flustered from intruding and I almost giggled at her apologetic expression that was mingling with embarrassment.
"Oh, goodness, I'm so sorry, I just...the pulse monitor...it was beeping faster than usual, please pardon my intrusion, I'm terribly sorry," the woman kept mumbling as she hurriedly escaped the room.
I felt quite bad for the woman and made a mental note to say something to her later.
Kendall and I exchanged a look and shrugged.
"So, does anybody know about us yet?" I asked him. Kendall looked away a moment before answering.
"Logan." He said, his tone flat and expressionless.
"Oh, is he the only one?"
"So far. Carlos is questioning but I promised I'd tell him after you woke up and I spoke to you. I still have no idea what the hell I'm supposed to tell my mom though, and Katie is a completely other story. God, this is going to change everything now," he said sounding very distressed.
I raised an eyebrow at him. "Change everything? Kendall, all we did was say that we love each other and realize that we are meant to be together. Nothing is changing, just our relationship. We're still the same people, we didn't get new souls or bodies or anything, everything is the same." I said, slightly puzzled.
"Well, yeah, but, what if the group becomes more broken because of our relationship? I mean, James, I broke Logan's heart because I chose you. I loved you more than I could ever love him but it still killed him to have me say it to him. Carlos doesn't even know anything yet, the poor kid probably doesn't even know what sex is yet!" Kendall exclaimed. He was beginning to get slightly hysterical and it was frightening me.
"Kendall, shh...please calm down. Everything is going to be fine, don't worry, let me sort things out with the guys and everything will settle down again, especially once I get out of this stupid place." I tried to sound reassuring but even I was starting to become doubtful.
What if it did break us up? What is to become of BTR? What will Gustavo say? Ms. Knight? Carlos? How is Logan going to take all of this? Maybe Kendall is right, maybe this will change everything.
Maybe, everything will come crashing down around us like the rain on the pavement.
I rubbed circles on Kendall's back as he drifted off to sleep on my chest, thinking about whether or not I had a chance to save everything we all worked so hard to achieve, or if I would be forced to watch it all fall like snow. I hoped not.
A/N: I have no idea when I'll be posting again. But please REVIEW. Any suggestions on how I should end this? In parts? More Chapters? A Dramatic Twist? Ideas will or will not be accepted it's all a matter of opinion but they are all greatly appreciated. I hope you liked it!
