Damn, this took forever! Sorry about that; I wanted to have this up weeks ago, but I struggled a bit too much for that to happen. That's not even taking into account the various life issues that delayed it further. But, it's here, at long last! I hope you enjoy! :)

Notice: mild sexual content on the plate!


Twisted Bonds: the Ultimate Sin

Arc Two: the Genin Exams
Chapter Five: Grab My Jingle-Bells


Shizuka stretched and yawned, before popping her neck with a grunt. She then sighed, deep in thought.

These past several days had gone by rather slowly, as there wasn't much to do. Sure, that hot tub was every bit as heavenly as she'd hoped it would be, and there were plenty of people milling about for her to strike a conversation with, but Shizuka still generally avoided most interactions with anyone but Hinata, as everything still felt so alien to the young Uchiha.

Hell, didn't even interact with Natsu more than needed, despite being placed in her care, as it hadn't taken long for the older woman's opinions towards Naruto to surface. It wasn't hard to see why that'd put a heavy strain on their relationship.

That aside, it just felt kinda dull being here, but not quite unbearable, thanks to Hinata. Shizuka could've done without those guttural moans she kept hearing from next door, though. The young Uchiha had assumed it was a local hooker, who'd just moved into the next apartment, three days ago. Seriously, the twins couldn't have chosen another one to toss that woman in? Why there?! Ugh...

As if just to make it worse, there was also a constant reek of canabis in the area.

While it wasn't the Uchiha's place to dictate where certain locals could live, and all, she was still an heiress, damn it! It just didn't feel right living among such low-tier peasantry, but that was life for ya, sad but true...

Shizuka sighed, hoping that kid she often heard frolicking about didn't follow her neighbors' examples, in any regard.

Pushing such thoughts aside, she then looked at the clock and swore, upon seeing that it was already past seven. Scrambling outta her clothes and getting ready to take a shower, it didn't take long for the young Uchiha to find herself thinking back upon her time, here, once more.

In all honesty, Shizuka hadn't expected a place called the Pit, of all things, to be very accommodating. But, despite its faults, she was pleasantly surprised. The locals seemed very friendly, though more grudgingly so towards Natsu, and the atmosphere had this oddly charming identity to it—an otherworldly combination of coziness and grit. Quite strange, indeed...

As alien as she felt, here; as bored as she was, Shizuka had to admit the Pit was rather comfy—potheads and sleep-depriving harlots notwithstanding, of course...

But, even they somehow managed to just be a minor annoyance, which made them even more irritating, because Shizuka couldn't be bothered to do anything but bitch about 'em. She sighed, again.

Now stark naked, the young Uchiha hopped into the master bathroom, eyeballing herself in the mirror for just a second and unable to help but wonder how Naruto would react to seeing her well-toned figure. She smirked, striking a sexy pose. He'd pop a boner and desperately fight the urge to ravage her, right there, of course! It was simply inconceivable for anyone to resist such a fine, young specimen, after all...

A firm, plump, heart-shaped ass; an impressive chest, despite having just a bit more growing left to do; a lean, firm, well-toned figure with just enough muscle to be sexy; flaring, perfect birthing hips, one third wider than her waist; she had it all! How could that harlot, Nariko ever hope to stand a chance against her?

Shizuka's smirk grew into a pompous grin, as she struck one more pose, and chuckled to herself, before getting in the shower.


Meanwhile, back in the room she shared with Shizuka, Hinata smirked devilishly, her cheeks beet red, as she secretly read a risque, little orange novel through half-lidded eyes. A lewd giggle escaped her lips as the story's protagonist had his way with the princess.

"Shiro clutched Yukiko's long, dark blue locks for leverage, shoving his meat as deep as he could into the eager snatch of his latest conquest: the princess wailing like a common whore.

Never had Yukiko thought she could possibly be fucked so thoroughly... To think her first time would be from behind—to a Yakuza, no less! A hand on her tit, his lips on her neck, her savior pounded her so hard she wouldn't be able to walk for a week!

It was so wrong, and yet, it felt so—"

Hinata let out an undignified squawk, and fell off the bed she was sitting on, at the sound of Natsu knocking on the bedroom door.

"Breakfast is ready, Hinata-Sama."

Understandably more than a little irritated by the interruption, Hinata took a calming breath, before responding, "I'll be there in a minute."

She sighed. It could've been worse... At least she didn't have a hand in her panties, this time around, but, still; that woman's timing was atrocious! Seriously, she couldn't wait five more minutes?! Oh, well...

About ten minutes later, Hinata finally emerged from the room, with a still-slightly-damp Shizuka in tow. Both girls were garbed in their finest robes, due to the event being quite the formal one. They were representing the next generation if Konoha's military, after all, so they were expected to look their best.

Shizuka's kimono was mostly black in color with a red and white obi. On the back was the symbol of a paper fan shaped much like a ping-pong paddle—white on top, red on the bottom, with a black stripe separating the two halves—which represented the Uchiha clan. The outer robe was also decorated with elaborate flame designs and identical fans scattered about. The inner robes were either red or white, and there were black tabi upon her feet.

Hinata was in a lavender kimono decorated in various floral designs, with beige inner robes, a beige and violet obi, and white tabi. While just as intricately designed, made of silk just as fine as her friend's, Hinata's kimono was conspicuously lacking of the Hyuuga Clan symbol. Finally, the younger girl's vibrant, purple locks were held back in a simple, but ornate bun.

To finish their looks, both girls wore nigh-identical, wooden geta.

Natsu smiled at the two. In all honesty, it still felt odd to not assist someone in getting dressed, but being able to focus on other tasks made her job easier, which was a welcome change, in the wake of leaving the compound.

"We've got eggs and bacon for breakfast," the older woman stated. "Please, do eat hardy. The two of you have a long day ahead."


Just a bit later...


In the hallway, Nariko was kneeling before a whisker-marked, little girl around the age of five, standing in the door way of their new apartment.

The kid was decked out in a simple, but cute, little orange dress with white socks and black mary-janes. Her short, wavy crimson locks were wild and vibrant, while her dull, slit, light blue eyes stared at Nariko behind a disappointed pout.

Said blonde kissed her on the forehead, before standing up to see Ayame waiting behind the brat. "Take good care of her," Nariko said, "We'll meet you in the lounge, once the ceremony's done." She then smiled. "Thanks for taking time away from your business to do this!"

"No worries," Ayame chuckled, "I need the practice." The waitress blushed and absently placed a hand on her belly, thinking about the child growing within her.

Nariko smiled at the older woman. Behind her, Naruto draped an arm over his sister, rubbing her shoulder with his thumb. The blonde rewarded him with a kiss on the cheek.

"You will receive a hefty payment for your time, regardless," Naruto added. Ayame looked like she wanted to protest, when he waved his hand dismissively, "I will hear nothing of it. We all know you could use the extra money. Consider it a token of our gratitude."

Ayame sighed. "Sometimes, you two are just a bit too generous for your own good," she chuckled.

Nariko chuckled, "only when we give a shit. You're always there for us, so of course we're grateful."

Ayame giggled. "I'll be making her some food, then," she said, before retreating to the kitchen.

Then, just as the dejected brat was about to follow her babysitter into the apartment, the next door over opened up to reveal Shizuka. Startled by the sudden noise, the little ginger yelped and immediately bolted towards the twins to hide behind them.

Shizuka stared, unable to help but wonder who the little girl now hiding behind Nariko could be.

"Hello, Shizuka-San," Naruto greeted,

With that, the young Uchiha turned her attention to her love interest, and immediately noticed that he wasn't wearing his sunglasses. In fact, this was the first time she'd seen him without them in years. She had nearly forgotten what those utterly enchanting eyes looked like...

They were lightly slit, like his sister's, but a much icier shade of blue: cold and piercing. Shizuka couldn't help but be entranced by his gaze, if only for just a moment. How could she have forgotten this feeling? It was so addictive...

Realizing that she was staring, Shizuka averted her eyes. "So... what brings you two here?"

"They're our neighbors," Hinata timidly explained, popping out behind the Uchiha.

Shizuka's eye twitched, then she glared at Nariko. "You're the one who's been keeping me up at night?!"

"What," Nariko chirped, "you didn't recognize my voice?"

Shizuka twitched, again. Was that supposed to mean she was doing it on purpose?!

"T-to be fair," Hinata chimed in, "it was a bit muffled... Hard to tell."

"Point taken..." Nariko then leered at the younger woman with an impish grin. "So, did you enjoy the show, last night?" This understandably sent poor Hinata into a sputtering fit in an attempt to deny what the blonde was implying. Seeing as how she'd had her fun, Nariko chuckled and raised her hands. "Joking, joking."

Then, Naruto changed the subject before the poor former Hyuuga died from embarrassment. "So I take it you're ready to leave, then?"

"Y-yes..." Hinata mumbled, still a bit flustered. "We... we're just waiting for Natsu to finish up."

Nariko giggled. "Hope you two get along with your teammates, eh?"

"Whatever..." Shizuka grumbled, suddenly finding herself staring once more at the brat still clinging to Nariko's kimono. Realizing how odd it was for such a garment to so much as be anywhere near the blonde in question, the Uchiha paused to take in the twins' appearances.

Both were wearing orange kimono decorated with black and white tribal flame designs, clearly inspired by Shoki's favored garb. The obi and inner robes were also black and white, the tabi were black, and the twins finished their look with matching, wicker zouri.

Naruto, as stated, earlier, wasn't wearing his sunglasses, but that was the only difference to his look, aside from his attire.

Nariko, however, swapped her crooked pigtails out for a pair of symmetrical, ornate dodango, and was wearing just enough makeup to actually look rather classy. It was... quite foreign, to be perfectly honest.

Finally, though they were invisible to the Uchiha's point of view, the twins' kimono also had the kanji for enigma stitched in the backs in a stylistic, black font.

Shizuka the returned her attention to the kid, once more, the wheels in her head turning. "So," she asked, "I take it that's Yoshiko, then?"

"Yes," Naruto replied, "Do be careful. She tends to be wary of outsiders, until she gets to know them."

Shizuka scowled, not pleased with this revelation in the slightest. "I... I see..."

The young Uchiha didn't how to react. The girl in question looked so similar to Nariko, but those icy, blue eyes were so clearly Naruto's. Was she really their daughter?!


"Who the hell's Yoshiko?"

"She is the reason we were held back for two years."

"Let's just say they... suddenly found themselves in need of a stable income, one day."


No... She couldn't be! Sure, there were rumors that Nariko had gotten herself knocked up, a while back... that allegedly was why the twins had to be held back, and all. But, the kid was clearly a redhead, not a blonde. She had to get that from someone else, right? Maybe that Kotohiko guy?

But, those eyes... those damn eyes!

Shaking her head to dislodge her thoughts, Shizuka cleared her throat and addressed Nariko with a huff. "Credit where it's due," the Uchiha grumbled, "you made a cute brat."

The blonde giggled happily at the praise.

Then, all of a sudden, Natsu finally appeared, popping out of her apartment like a jack-in-the-box. "My deepest apologies," she declared, frantically, "I... I couldn't find the keys." Apparently, one-hundred-fifty foot, 359.542-degree vision, with a zoom-in function, and the ability to see through walls and shit didn't make the flustered maid capable of noticing the little fuckers hiding in plane sight! Damn, that was embarrassing!

"I-it's fine, Natsu," Hinata replied.

Both the twins and Natsu exchanged wary glances, but said nothing, opting for a mutual respect... until further notice.

Nariko then turned to Yoshiko and said, "Tou-Chan and I gotta go, now, honey." Then, she kneeled down and gave the little ginger one more kiss on the forehead. "Go back inside with Ayame-Neechan, and I'll meet you at the ceremony, okay?"

'Tou-Chan?!' Shizuka visibly flinched at the title, hoping beyond hope that it wasn't confirmation. Perhaps he was simply been helping Nariko raise the brat? They were lovers, after all... even if they weren't, they were still family, so it made at least some sense.

Yoshiko gave her mother a sad look, but reluctantly nodded, turning and running into the apartment where Ayame waited in the kitchen—said woman having busied herself with making the little munchkin a bowl of miso ramen.

With that, Naruto asked, "shall we be on our way, then?"

"Yup," Nariko chirped. Then, she addressed the other girls in the hallway. "You coming with?"

Shizuka huffed. "Might as well." They did have the same destination, after all...

As her brother went to close and lock the door, only Nariko noticed another "Naruto" materialize on the other side of the threshold.


Not long afterwards...


In the Konoha Ninja Academy auditorium, a massive crowd was gathering; not just from all over the village, but throughout Hi no Kuni, these over three-hundred men, women, and children had come to offer their friends and family some much-earned support.

Today was the last one of many a childhood, after all, and to be the first of these graduates' adult lives. There was simply no way in hell any family worth their salt would miss such an event.

Even Reiko was there, much to the chagrin of many, guarded by no less than a dozen minutemen and half as many ANBU. She sat in the VIP lounge, awaiting the arrivals of a few others, who were due at any moment.

Meanwhile, Naruto, Nariko, Natsu, Shizuka and Hinata all approached academy's the front gate, eliciting a number of reactions from the crowd that still gathered. Coming along with was Akari, whom the twins had picked up along the way.

Yuugao had also been waiting for the group, just outside the Pit to provide them with an escort, one third of her unit in tow. Another portion was with Reiko, and the rest were tending to Ayame, at the moment.

The Children of the Pit trusted no other units for the job, though they didn't need to. Yuugao wasn't a captain without good reason, after all, and ANBU Unit 13 had more than enough experience and expertise to protect the Yondaime's legacy—even from their own comrades and countrymen, if need be.

As the small group ventured to their destination, the ANBU making way for them, Shizuka and Hinata found themselves feeling rather uncomfortable. The hissing and booing of the crowd... the snide remarks and ill wishes—all undoubtedly aimed towards the twins—were so alien to the highborn girls. Even Natsu was unable to help but wince, seeing her own face upon those of the disgusted masses. What only irked them further was how utterly indifferent the twins and Akari were to these people.

Clearly, this was something they'd dealt with far more often than... well, anyone should have.

Then, a particularly brave man among the horde of assholes decided to throw a drink he'd bought at a nearby restaurant, aiming straight for Nariko's head.

She didn't even give this fucker the dignity of acknowledging his existence...

Not even needing to look at the makeshift projectile, Naruto only responded by thrusting his hand in the shake's general direction. It mysteriously stopped in mid-flight, frozen in the air, as if time, itself had ceased. Then, Naruto's hand dropped, and so, too, did the shake—landing on the pavement with a plop.

"Why would they treat the Yondaime's legacy like this?" Shizuka couldn't help but wonder, but immediately regretted asking, as she was taken aback by a wave of malice radiating from Nariko; one which had given pause even to the crowd and the ANBU repelling them.

"Because, we're not that thing's legacy," Nariko growled, continuing her stride, as if nothing had happened. "Not anymore..." she added, "not since that night."

Try as she might, Shizuka couldn't help but be intimidated by the blonde's tone... one that told her—warned her—not to continue this conversation. Hell, even Naruto was visibly displeased by the question, and that was saying something, seeing as how he was usually so damn hard to read.

The rage and emotional scarring her curiosity had revealed made it obvious that this was a subject the twins would rather avoid. Unfortunately, that only left Shizuka and Hinata with far more questions than answers.


Later, in the waiting room behind the stage, the small group met up with all the other graduates... all fifty-one of 'em—a testament to the rigorous screening process employed by Konoha's academy, seeing as how this year's batch had originally started off with more than twenty times as many students.

One of these soon-to-be Genin was the youngest student here, by a long shot—a petite girl of the Aburame Clan hiding in the corner and trying not to get caught staring at Naruto, as he walked in.

Only the twins and Akari noticed, among the graduates.

It didn't take long for others to start looking in the new arrivals' direction, though they didn't mind. These gazes were familiar... more welcome... less dangerous.

The ANBU fanned out, taking positions throughout the room to keep a better eye on everyone and the exits.

The twins took seats at a nearby table, most of the students actively avoiding them, so as to keep from getting on their bad sides—Nariko's, especially. She was the volatile one, after all, as the Monkey Wrench Incident had made rather clear.

As for Akari, she decided to stand nearby, keeping a vigilant eye on anyone who came within spitting distance of her adoptive family—her trusty katana ever in hand.

Finally, Shizuka, Hinata, and Natsu sat at a table close to the twins—which had conspicuously become vacant, the moment said blonds took a seat.

Soon after, the Aburame girl from a few paragraphs ago approached the twins, a blush upon her freckled cheeks getting Shizuka's attention the instant this kid came into view.

The girl in question had wavy, short, chestnut hair and matching, almond eyes. Her usually-present, round-lens sunglasses were conspicuously missing and her kimono stood out in its simplicity—hued in shades of brown and gray, lacking of any elaborate design; it was unusual for a noble clan member.

She was Aburame Kemushi, the sole twelve-year-old in the room. "I see you're not wearing the sunglasses I gave you," she said, addressing Naruto.

"Oh, he would be, if he would if he could," Nariko chuckled.

"It feels awkward being without them, after so long," Naruto added with a pout. That was one of the many things he hated about such formal events.

"I understand, perfectly" Kemushi replied, smiling faintly, "I must say, though: you both look lovely, today." Then, her eyebrow quirked, and she addressed Nariko. "Have gotten a checkup, recently?"

"Not yet," Nariko replied. "We're all having one, soon, anyways, so I didn't see much of a point."

"I see..." Kemushi muttered. "My hive tells me you're—"

"I know," the blonde interrupted, a satisfied smile gracing her lips.

That got Shizuka's attention in a heartbeat, as well as Hinata's; question marks flying about their heads as they quickly exchanged a befuddled glance. What was this hive Kemushi spoke of, and what were those two even talking about?

"I see," Kemushi repeated. "I wish the two of you the best of luck, then." Then, she bit her lip and looked away, her blush intensifying, before she leaned in to give her childhood crush a quick peck on the lips.

She found herself unable to withdraw, though, if only for a moment, as Naruto cupped her cheek and returned the kiss.

The question marks from earlier stiffened to exclamation points with an audible twang, as Shizuka and Hinata just... stared. What only baffled them more was Nariko's reaction to what literally happened in front of her: she fucking giggled!

It was as if the blonde was legitimately happy to see her man giving another woman what clearly appeared to be her first kiss.

Granted, there were those who would hardly call Kemushi a woman, despite her achievements, but that was beside the point...

Naruto looked said brunette in the eye, leaving her entranced in his gaze. "Should you ever change your mind," he said, "you know where to find us."

Kemushi discovered that it actually was possible to blush harder, before nodding. "Thank you."

It wasn't an offer she intended to accept, but the fact that it was even given made her so much happier than she probably should've been. Considering how the members of the Aburame clan were conditioned from a young age to show as little emotion as possible, the sheer amount of joy she exhibited seemed rather foreign to many an onlooker.

With that all said and done, along with one last peck on the forehead, Kemushi scurried back off to that comfy, little corner from whence she came: embarrassed by her own boldness, but happier than she'd ever been in her young life.

"Young love can be so cute," Nariko giggled.

"Indeed," Naruto replied, unable to keep the smile off his face.

Shizuka and Hinata only continued to stare, not sure how to react to what they'd just seen.

It didn't take long, though, for word came back that all the students had arrived. Once it did, Iruka entered the waiting room, and clapped his hands to get everyone's attention. "Alright," he started, "now that you're all here, we can get this whole thing underway. Please follow me, so we can get your pictures taken for your ID's."


A few moments later...


Co-Captain Haruno Rin of ANBU Unit 13 sighed behind her porcelain mask. Something about that brat's expression told the woman she was not going to enjoy filing her report.

All of Yuugao's unit knew of the twins' little bathroom tryst, by now, and according to Hinata's testimony, they weren't using a condom... The twins' interaction with that Aburame brat, earlier, only made her more nervous...

Ugh, this was going to get awkward, wasn't it?

Naruto, Nariko, and Akari sat patiently, having been pulled into this out-of-the-way makeshift clinic for their checkup. They trusted no one else for the job. Likewise, no one else was trusted by ANBU Unit 13, thus resulting in the medics thereof becoming the... not-quite-legally-official, personal physicians of the Semimaru family—the twins, especially.

Rin just happened to be the one in closest proximity, at the time, so she was charged with the task ahead.

Long ago, however, this room was a sizable utility closet with quite the nostalgic significance to the twins, in particular...

Nariko giggled as the memories of Yoshiko's probable conception flooded her mind like a tidal wave of erotic imagery. While said blonde still wasn't quite sure if the patch of hardwood she stared at was where her adorable, little ginger was made, the distinct possibility of that being the case was one hell of a guilty pleasure.

Misinterpreting the girl's euphoric expression, Rin felt immeasurably uncomfortable. But, she had a job to do, so she asked, "have you experienced any spotting or cramping, lately?"

Nariko turned her half-lidded gaze to the ANBU medic and grinned wider.

"Unusual discharges?"

Nariko giggled, "all of the above."

Rin sighed, again. Then, she removed her mask, revealing a woman in her thirties who'd aged quite well over the past eighteen years. Placing her mask on the desk, next to Nariko, she then looked the blonde in the eye. "If and when your mother returns, please don't let her kill me..."

"She wouldn't—" Naruto started, only to be interrupted by the ANBU.

"I meant your birth mother." Rin scratched the back of her head nervously, shifting her weight from foot to foot. She then turned towards Naruto with a grave expression. "Her temper is fucking legendary, and I'm one of the three most likely people in this village to be blamed for your problems... and relationship."

Well... that was the case from Rin's perspective, at least. What only served to make the woman even more nervous was that the other two on her list were either dead or missing...

"Noted," Nariko chirped. It was strange to her that their bond was so frowned upon... especially considering how commonplace it was among the members of dying clans. But, people were strange, in general. Trying too hard to understand them would just give her a headache.

"Indeed," Naruto hummed thoughtfully. "We shall keep that in mind."

The twins did like her, after all. It simply wouldn't do for Rin to get hurt over something she had no hand in.

"Thanks," the brunette nodded. Then, she turned back to Nariko, before blazing through several hand gestures and causing her hands to glow an oddly-warm mint green. "May as well see if those symptoms mean what we think they do, then, eh?"


About an hour later...


After all was said and done, the flow of guests flocking to the auditorium, finally ceased.

The room, itself, was huge: about the size of a theater with no less than fifty rows of several-dozen. That wasn't even counting the balconies where the councils, clan heads, and Hokage were now seated.

Along with them were Anko and Reiko, much to the chagrin of many. Also among them were Inuzuka Tsume, as leader of her clan, and Uchiha Mikoto, for the same reason, among others.

Hell, even Hiashi was there, despite the Hyuuga Clan Elders' collective protest. While Hinata was no longer a Hyuuga, she was still his daughter. He was going to respect his late wife and show their firstborn his support, whether his clan liked it or not. It was the least he could do, so shaming them into silence on the matter could barely even have been considered a chore.

Hell, it wasn't even difficult enough to be called easy!

Cheerfully ignoring the many sets of eyes glaring holes into her from the corners of their vision, Reiko smiled proudly at her adoptive children. It was still a feeling she wasn't accustomed to, but, damn, did it feel good!

She sat to Hiruzen's right, with Ayame to his left, leaving many a member of all three councils wondering how the hell a such a common woman was allowed to be there. Most of Yuugao's unit was also present for their protection, alongside the minutemen from earlier, while Kuukaku and Setsuka held down the fort, back at home. The only thing raising more eyebrows than the ramen chef's presence was that of a little, five-year-old redhead in her lap.

Only a select few knew who she was, as her parents preferred, but Yoshiko's identity would be known to many, soon enough...

Onstage, the only member of the village councils who wasn't in a VIP booth stood before the crowd. As the headmistress of this very academy, Suzume Namida's job was to announce the graduates' names and their achievements, as they came out to accept their Village Plates and... freshly-made identification cards...

Why the hell such things were being issued to ninja, of all things, was anyone's guess, but the shinobi of this universe were not the traditional kind, to say the least.

Standing by her were Chibusa and Iruka, and behind them was a large table with all the ID cards and metal plates with the Leaf Village crest. Unseen by the crowd, however, were three curious ones in particular, which lacked said crest in favor of the Kanji for enigma. There were also several plaques, metals and certificates upon the table to denote the various achievements of one student or another.

"Thank you all for coming," Namida declared with a polite bow, "I would like to inform you that we have quite the remarkable batch, this year. May your sons and daughters continue to make you proud!"

The response she got was an overwhelming cheer from the crowd.

"Twelve years ago, over one-thousand students enrolled in this academy. Some of them skipped grades, some were held back. Some passed, and many more failed. But they all tried their best."

In the VIP booth, Nara Shikaku stifled a chuckle. If his son gave half a shit about his scholastic performance, the brat wouldn't have gotten such appalling grades. But, hell, at least he passed.

"Now, an impressive fifty-six remain," Namida said cryptically, "far more than usual, to say the least." She paused for effect. "So, without further ado, let us introduce the first of them: the Rookie of the Year and student council president; top of her class on average from day one; top student in the subjects of Ninjutsu, and tactics; third place in Taijutsu, as well as the student with the highest GPA I've personally seen in years." Namida chucked warmly. "Does she even need an introduction? The woman of whom I speak is none other than Uchiha Shizuka-San."

There was a thunderous applause, as the girl in question came out with her head held high ant giant smug grin upon her face.

She turned and bowed deeply to the audience. Then, once she grabbed her shit, as well as the plaques, gold medals, and bronze medal for her achievements, she bowed once more, before leaving the stage, grinning like a Cheshire cat with a short chuckle.

Up in the booth, Mikoto couldn't help but show which parent her daughter inherited habit from. Meanwhile, Reiko couldn't hide her amusement if her life depended on it.

"Next," Namida declared, "is the runner up: second place in Ninjutsu, and Taijutsu; first place in history and physics; long-time member of the student council and constant companion to Shizuka-San. She may no longer be a Hyuuga, but her clan surely will miss her: Hinata-San of the Pit."

There were mixed feelings about that, to be sure, but when the purple-haired teen emerged, she got a reception just as that of warm as Shizuka's, before her.

Hinata blushed heavily at the praise, and mimicked Shizuka actions, albeit far more timidly.

Meanwhile, in the booth, Hiashi ignored the questioning looks.

Then, no sooner than the instant Hinata left the stage, there was an eruption of murmurs. Rumors immediately spread like wildfire as the masses wondered what the hell they'd missed, why she and Shizuka had been seen with the Semimaru-Uzumaki Twins, and what the fuck could have possibly happened.

It was short-lived, however, as Namida cleared her throat, prompting the crowd to save their thoughts for later.

"Thank you," the Headmistress declared.

Where was she? Oh, right...

Fast-forwarding past a score of unimportant, faceless fucks who would serve no purpose to this story and presumably just die offscreen, somewhere, Namida sighed.

"Next is a girl who I'm sure we all have mixed feelings about," She said. "While I'm happy for her, I'm also glad to have her go and make someone else's life more difficult..." Namida then scratched her cheek, nervously. "Though, I can't shake the feeling that I'm going to miss some of her shenanigans..." She also couldn't help but let out a chuckle, "The girl of whom I speak is not just an infamous troublemaker, though. She's also the top rookie in the subjects of physical education and Taijutsu."

That part was much to the girl's mild embarrassment, as she legitimately tried not to get such high scores, so as to hide her abilities. But, alas, there were just to damn many bitch-ass wimps and wet noodles attending this year for her to have succeeded. To be fair, Shizuka and Hinata were far from the realm of candy-ass, but one was too damn cocky for her own good and the other was just as timid—if not more so.

Namida continued, "no matter how many in this village regrettably conspired against her, though; no matter who stood in her way, she persevered. The young woman of whom I speak is none other than the village anti-hero, Semimaru-Uzumaki Nariko-San."

The reaction was just as mixed as Namida's own feelings towards the girl. For every cheer there was a boo; for every complement, a snide remark, as the blonde came on stage. When she did appear, her attire impressed just as many as is unnerved, and she gave a polite bow.

Up in the stands, Yoshiko was not a happy camper. What did her mommy ever do to deserve such treatment from all these people? She had to ask...

"Nee-Chan?"

Ayame looked down to the redhead in her lap. "Yes, honey?"

"Why are so many people being mean to Kaa-Chan?"

That question led to more than a few council members nearly jumping out of their skins. The reveal it brought with having attracted more attention than it probably should have, ANBU Unit 13's present members immediately went on high alert, keeping a close eye on everyone else... especially Danzou. That fucker was always up to something...

"Because they're stupid," Ayame replied soothingly, hugging the girl tight. "Try to ignore them, okay?"

Back onstage, Namida addressed the crowd, once more, as soon as Nariko left.

"They say that behind every great man is a great woman," the headmistress started. "The next student is living proof that this can be equally true the other way around. For better or worse, this man and his sister are inseparable... some would say in ways they shouldn't be, but they are, nonetheless."

Reiko smiled proudly with a knowing chuckle.

"While his grades were fairly average," Namida said, "I can't shake the feeling that they were only so, because he held himself back. The young man of whom I speak is none other than the very foundation on which his sister stands, and the only other student that I will doubtlessly miss, just as much as I look forward to sending off: Semimaru-Uzumaki Naruto-San."

In the booth, Mikoto snickered. Try as she might, the Uchiha matriarch couldn't help herself.

"I don't envy that woman," Reiko jabbed playfully. "My children can be quite the handful, when they feel like it."

Ayame chuckled, too. Thinking back on all the ridiculous pranks those two were responsible for, she couldn't help but agree.

Much like his sister, Naruto received quite the mixed reception, but payed it no mind. Just as Nariko had, he was handed his ID and one of the "Enigma" plates, before he gave his parting bow to the audience. Then, he turned on his heel and followed Nariko's footsteps offstage in a brisk stride.


The next day...


Naruto and Nariko were in quite the sour mood. As usual, the latter showed it more.

Now in their usual attire, the boy wore a displeased scowl, while his sister looked absolutely feral, as they had been dragged into attending an "emergency" meeting with the Tree Councils of Konoha. Of course, they'd expected this to be the result of Yoshiko's reveal, but that didn't keep the twins from feeling just a bit... stabby.

Now surrounded on all sides by little bitches who—to their more feral sides—had no business elevating themselves to imply superiority, Naruto and Nariko kept looking about, wishing they could simultaneously glare at all the parties they didn't like.

"Now that we're here," Hiruzen started, causing the twins to jolt at the sudden shattering of silence, "would someone mind explaining why we're here?"

"The Councils demand to know why we were not informed of the Uzumaki Clan's intent to repopulate," Danzou answered.

Had it not been for ANBU Unit 13 and Reiko's presence, Nariko might have been so on edge as to jump at the one-eyed man for his response. "'Cause it ain't your fuckin' business!"

"Show respect you little—" Councilwoman Mebuki started, only to be interrupted by Naruto.

"She is not wrong," he deadpanned. "We simply had no legal obligation to inform you and chose not to. It's no more complicated than that." The blond punctuated his retort with a shrug, as if to show his indifference towards the Head of Real Estate.

"I will have you know that the Uzumaki are among the founding families of the village," Danzou argued.

"Which makes the Uzumaki Clan allies with Konoha," Reiko pointed out, "not citizens. Even if it did, that status was changed, the instant Shoki-Sama founded the Pit." the one eyed woman then sent a piercing look, hidden behind a sickly-sweet grin. "We're not stupid, Danzou-San; please do refrain form disrespecting us by failing to act like it."

"Fat lotta good that shit did our kin, anyways," Nariko grumbled, crossing her arms with a huff. "What their alliance it do to prevent the Uzushio Massacre, again? Oh, right..."

"Now, see here," Elder Koharu started, but, again, Naruto found himself interrupting a little bitch.

"It is a legitimate question," he pointed out, subtly flashing a one-finger salute, while pushing up his shades. "If it wasn't for the Elder Council's assertive bid to have Konoha, and I quote, 'cut her losses', two weeks in advance of the Three Nation Army landing on Uzushio's shores, we might not need to repopulate. This fact, in particular, left us feeling... disinclined to inform the councils—you three, especially—of our plans to do so."

Danzou, Homura, and Koharu all scowled at that.

"We could've assisted with your efforts, had we been informed," Councilwoman Tsubaki contested.

"Be that as it may," Naruto stated, turning to the woman in question, "we owe the councils nothing, and would frankly prefer to keep it that way."


Several moments later...


Finally back in his old classroom, Iruka stood before most of the graduates—a pair of blonds remaining conspicuously absent, at the moment.

Now garbed in a large coat with round-lens sunglasses, biker shorts, and hiking boots, Aburame Kemushi sulked in the corner, worried about what may have happened to her crush. Shizuka and Hinata were just as nervous, and just as depressed, for the exact same reason.

Though the latter two hadn't interacted with the Aburame girl, they could tell she shared their feelings, at the moment. Perhaps they should talk to her about that kiss, yesterday? Would she be able to shed some light on Nariko's reaction? Hinata was especially curious.

"Nara Shikamaru," Iruka called out, "you are to be placed in the reserves under the tutelage of Sarutobi Asuma, until a slot in someone's team opens up."

Off in one of the corners of the room, a snoozing young man with a flaring ponytail mumbled the word "troublesome" in his sleep.

Iruka grumbled under his breath, but continued, knowing that lazy-ass brat heard him, somehow.

"Haruno Sakura," the Chuunin said, getting the pinkette's attention. "You will be occupying the vacant slot in Squad Seven, under the tutelage of Uchiha Izumi."

Then, a sudden vortex of blue rose petals grabbed everyone's attention, as Naruto appeared in the center of the classroom, a blushing and purring, but still grumpy-looking Nariko held in a bridal carry.

Shizuka couldn't keep the jealous scowl off her face, while Hinata and Kemushi both looked visibly relieved.

"Glad you could join us," Iruka commented. "You're just in time for team placement. Please, have a seat."

"Hey," a young man called out indignantly. He had red, triangular tattoos on his face and was decked out in a fur-lined hoodie with cargo pants and combat boots. This young man was Inuzuka Kiba. "Why did you give me hell for being late, but not them?"

"Because, we'd have been on time, had it not for the Elder Council being comprised of rancid, little shits," Naruto deadpanned.

Iruka cleared his throat. "With that out of the way," he said, "let's continue, shall we?"

Naruto nodded and took a seat up in the back, next to Akari, while letting Nariko sit in his lap.

Said blonde then nuzzled up to his chest and purred louder.

"Since you three would qualify as a special case," the Chuunin instructor announced, "I may as well get you out of the way. Semimaru Akari, Semimaru-Uzumaki Naruto, and Semimaru-Uzumaki Nariko are to be henceforth recognized as an official mercenary unit for the Uchiha and Hyuuga Clans, with Mitarashi Anko as their Jounin instructor, under the title of Squad Zero."

"What the hell's all that supposed to mean?" The one who asked was a visibly befuddled Kiba.

"It basically means that we're recognized as hired thugs with no official rank," Naruto replied, "we are technically foreigners, after all, so we cannot become official ninja."

"Then, why were you allowed to attend the academy?"

"To prove our worth."

Iruka cleared his throat, again, ensuring an end to the boys' conversation, before Kiba could ask about Shizuka and Hinata. Then, the Chuunin looked at Naruto, in particular. "You and Nariko will be expected to start your community service, once your Jounin Instructor arrives."

The blond in question nodded in understanding.

Meanwhile, Hinata blushed at the vivid memories of why he and Nariko had to do that.

"Moving on," Iruka said, "Squad Eight will be comprised of Uchiha Shizuka, Hyuu—" he paused, clearing his throat, again, "Hinata of the Pit," that was harder than he thought it would be to get used to... "and, Inuzuka Kiba."

"What?!" The indignant cry came from Shizuka. "Why are we stuck with the dead last?"

"Because you two are the rookies of the year," Naruto explained.

"Precisely," their instructor added, "As a way to promote teamwork, you and Hinata are responsible for helping Kiba catch up, while his responsibility is to shape up or ship out." He then gave said Inuzuka a flat look for punctuation, as if to say, "you'd better." Then, he finished with, "you three will be placed under the command of Yuuhi Kurenai. May the Gods have mercy on your souls..."

Shizuka and Hinata didn't like the sound of that.

Meanwhile, Kiba, being a stereotypical sixteen-year-old male, cackled lecherously at the thought of ending up on the same team as two of the hottest women in class.

Sensing the boy's intentions, Nariko growled silently.

"Moving on," Iruka declared, "Team Ten will be comprised of..."

...three faceless fucksticks with no importance to this story.

What? At least I'm honest...

While their Chuunin instructor was busy naming off the members and commanding officers of any remaining teams, skipping over the numbers still in circulation, Naruto spared a glance at Kiba behind his shades.

'That one might be... problematic,' the blond thought. 'I may need to keep an eye on him.'


Hours later, the newly named Squad Zero and Squad Eight were visibly getting bored, as they awaited their new instructors' arrivals... well... new, in the latter's case, at least.

The rest of their peers had long-since left, obviously...

Having hopped outta her brother's lap an hour ago, Nariko yawned obnoxiously. Not wanting to get into more trouble than she already was in, making out with Naruto was off the table, so she settled for the next best thing and whipped out a little, orange book.

Upon the novel's unveiling, Hinata did a double-take and tried her damnedest not to visibly salivate. 'That's an original hard-back of the Icha-Icha Platinum Collection's Volume Thirteen,' the former Hyuuga inwardly gushed. 'I thought every copy in the continent was destroyed in the Great Pornferno!' Then, Hinata noticed something on the cover—something that nearly made her shit bricks. 'Wait... Is that... Holy, shit, it's even autographed Jiraiya-Sama, himself! How?! Where did she even get that?!'

Shizuka, meanwhile, had question marks floating above her head, not knowing what her best friend's deal was. Naruto and Akari sat there keeping watch over Nariko, Shizuka, and Hinata. Finally, as for Kiba...

"WHERE THE FUCK IS SHE?!"

Needless to say, he was getting impatient...

All of Squad Zero nearly jumped outta their skins at the sudden shout, before glaring at the fucker and returning to what they'd been doing.

Seemingly ignorant to the brief wave of animosity aimed towards him, Kiba grumbled to himself over having to wait nearly three hours for his sensei to arrive. Where was she, indeed?

Staring at the sliding door for a moment longer, then looking on over to the blackboard, a light bulb flashed to life above the Inuzuka's head. Without even a second thought, he then checked to see if someone was coming, before snatching up a board eraser to lodge into the threshold.

"Really, Kiba?" Shizuka was not amused.

"What," Kiba asked indignantly. "Hell, even I was only half an hour late! We've been waiting almost six times that long! Even by my standards, there's no excuse!"

Shizuka huffed at her new teammate's childish antics, but said nothing further.

Then, everyone went back to waiting for their teachers... for yet another hour...

Eventually, the slide of wood indicated a new visitor at long last. Then, there was a thump and a plop, as two-tone crimson eyes gave Nariko a flat look, while Kiba burst out laughing.

The blonde looked up from her book, sensing the gaze upon her. Then mirrored the older woman's expression. "Bitch, how dare you accuse me o' some'n so amateur?"

His mood doing a sudden one-eighty, Kiba glared at Nariko, as she continued.

"Sure, when I was three, I did that more 'an once," she said, "but, nowadays, the shit I pull's gonna be remembered for centuries." Upon that last word, the blonde punctuated her claim with a malevolent grin.

Kurenai scowled at Nariko for her blatant disrespect, but what the blonde said was far from untrue. Furthermore, Kiba's sudden shift in mood made it clear who the culprit was. "Fair enough," the Jounin sighed, knowing full well that starting argument with someone like Nariko would just be a waste of time... and likely result in said blonde trying to tar and feather her. No one needed that...

"I'm here to pick up Squad Eight," the Jounin stated, going straight to business. "Those of you among them, meet me on the roof." With that, she was gone with a literal poof.

Shizuka sighed and got up, having a much-needed stretch, after sitting for so long. Hinata and Kiba followed suit, then, the sound of a dog's whimper sounded from the latter's hoodie.

"I know, right," Kiba asked, seemingly talking to the now-moving bulge in his top. Then, as if on cue, a little white, floppy-eared puppy poked its head out from the collar with a yap, prompting its owner to chuckle.

Once the other team left the room, and no sooner, Naruto looked to the wall on his left and asked, "so why was she so late?"

Whatever technique was concealing the subject of his attention lifted, revealing a woman in an open, tan trench coat and skirt over a fishnet fishnet bodysuit. She wore combat boots with steel greaves, and upon her forehead was a metal-plated headband engraved with the Kanji for enigma—the new, official "village" plate of the Pit.

This woman was Mitarashi Anko, and she was feeling damn good to be back in her old gear, again. Granted, it did have to be re-sized, for obvious reasons—two particularly sizable ones, especially... She wasn't fourteen, anymore, after all. But, it still felt good!

Answering Naruto's question, Anko replied, "Hiashi and Mikoto had a few... understandings to make with Kurenai-Chan." she then shrugged, "'Turns out, she's also a bit of a feminist. Not the good kind, either... So, Tsume also gave her an earful, making it clear what would happen if our new 'friend' ended up neglecting her son in favor of his female teammates."

"Tsume-San cares more about her kits than she lets on, apparently," Naruto mused.

"She's a bit of a tough love type," Anko admitted, "but, she's still a mother, at the end of the day."

Naruto nodded thoughtfully. That made sense, actually...

Nariko, meanwhile, couldn't help but think about her birth mother, wondering what life might've been like, had that incident with Kakashi not happened. Thoughts for later...

"So," said blonde asked, "what's the plan, Sensei?"

"Officially," Anko replied, "we have your sentence to deal with."


Meanwhile, on the roof, Shizuka, Hinata, and Kiba sat before their new instructor, giving her their undivided attention.

"Alright," Kurenai said, "might as well get introductions out of the way." Looking at the kids she was placed in charge of, she continued, "I'd like to know a bit about you: names, for obvious reasons; hobbies; likes and dislikes; dreams or goals for the future..." Upon her students' vacant expressions, she shrugged. "I may as well go first, then...

Very well then... My name is Yuuhi Kurenai. My only real hobby is gardening. I'm also a big fan of hard liquor, though, and am always eager to try new kinds—especially vodka. I don't like anything that's shy of one-hundred-proof, though. Nor do I like cake..." Kurenai found herself lost in thought for a moment. "My goal is to show that women are just as capable as men on the field and hopefully encourage more girls to chase their dreams, whatever they may be."

Then, she looked at the boy before her and said, "You! You're next."

Kiba blinked owlishly, not expecting to be put on the spot like that, but brushed it off, easily. "My name's Inuzuka Kiba," he declared with a smug grin. Then, he gestured to the dog in his hoodie, "and, this is my partner, Akamaru. My hobbies are taking walks and training. I like meat, pretty girls, and kicking ass! I don't like cats, and my dream is to become the most badass ninja this whole damn village has ever seen!"

There was a bit of an awkward silence in the wake of his declaration...

'Charming,' Kurenai thought, sarcastically.

Then, Shizuka shrugged and went next.

"My name is Uchiha Shizuka," the young heiress boasted, twice as proudly, then she shrugged in disinterest. "I don't like many things and I dislike several." She then gave Kiba a flat look. "You, especially."

Hinata couldn't help but giggle at that, causing the Inuzuka to deflate, just a bit.

"My goals," the Uchiha continued, "are to snatch a certain someone from that whore he calls a sister... and, maybe, take out that fucker responsible for most of my clan being wiped out."

That last statement dripped with enough venom to kill an elephant...

"That's all I'm willing to share, at the moment," Shizuka finished with a smugness and tone that practically screamed, "you're not worthy of knowing anything else!"

Kurenai was far from pleased with this one's attitude, in particular. But, that could be dealt with, later...

With the other two outta the way, Hinata figured she might as well get this over with. Sigh and blushing, she fidgeted, as everyone's attention turned to her.

"M-my name is Hinata," the former Hyuuga stated. "J-just... just Hinata, now..." There was a slight bitterness in her tone, prompting Shizuka to place a comforting hand on Hinata's shoulder. The former Hyuuga smiled at her friend, before continuing. "I... I like being with my friend, Shizuka," she gestured at the woman in question, "as well as pressing flowers. I also like cinnamon rolls, and... um..." she blushed, "a certain someone."

She was also a big fan of trashy smut novels, but was feeling... disinclined to share that bit of information.

"I also hate anyone who disrespects Naruto-Kun..." the cold, soulless tone in which Hinata muttered this had visibly started both Kurenai and Kiba.

"Right..." the Jounin said uncomfortably.

Hinata turned beet red, realizing she'd said that out loud. "I, uh.. S-sorry..." she said, awkwardly trying to continue, as if that hadn't happened, "I... I also dislike mean or selfish people... and shellfish... especially shellfish... They're gross... and..." Hinata paused. "Th-that's about it."

Not true... she also didn't like it when people criticized her favorite reading material. But, again, Hinata wasn't about to share that, just yet...

"My goals are to someday prove that I'm not as weak as everyone thinks I am... and to... to f-find a place by Naruto-Kun's side," Hinata finished, averting her gaze with a heavy blush.

Kiba scowled at that last part. Looks like he needed to do some snatching of his own. Oh, well... The best things in life were worth fighting for, eh?

With this chapter's thinly veiled exposition dump outta the way, Kurenai nodded in satisfaction. 'So, we have a wannabe action hero, an arrogant, little shit with a crush, and a dejected misfit with a... possibly-unhealthy crush on the same guy,' she thought. Then, she shrugged. 'It could be worse. Let's just hope the girls don't take their rivalry too far.'

"Very well, then," Kurenai said, nodding respectfully. "Thank you for sharing." Then, she put her hands behind her back and started pacing. "Under normal circumstances, you'd be my students from here on out." She shot her squad a deadly serious look. "However, the academy's track record for being overly-lax in recent years leaves me questioning the legitimacy of your accomplishments." Kurenai then looked at Kiba, in particular. "Especially considering that you were able to pass."

"Hey!" Kiba looked utterly indignant, while Akamaru whimpered in what curiously sounded like an unamused deadpan tone. Kiba then glared at the pup and muttered, "you're not helping..."

"That said," Kurenai continued, "you three will be required to pass one more test. Should you fail, I will send you back to the academy, without hesitation."

"What?!" Shizuka's shriek could literally be heard from a block away. "That's bullshit!"

Kurenai stopped her pacing with an audible stomp. "That's final," she barked, "I am your commanding officer. You will do as I say or be charged with insubordination." Her deadly-serious tone left no room for argument.

The three students were silent.

"You will meet me at Training Ground Three at 5am, tomorrow," Kurenai stated, "if either of you is so much a a minute late, you will all fail, immediately. Am I clear?"

"Yes, Sensei," the group replied in unison, albeit grudgingly.

"Good," Kurenai nodded. "Until then, you three have the day off." Then, as if as an afterthought, she added, "oh! One more thing..." Secretly, she was glad to have been standing downwind from Kiba. "you might want to avoid eating breakfast, tomorrow. If you don't, you will throw up." Then, Yuuhi Kurenai, their new instructor, was gone in a swirl of cherry blossom petals.

Needless to say, the newly-formed Squad Eight did not look forward to that test.

Meanwhile, no one noticed the presence of an uninvited guest floating above—invisible to the naked eye, with his Chakra signature masked to the point that even most Sensor-Class ninja would've been hard-pressed to detect him.


The next day, at Training Ground Three, Shizuka and Hinata both groggily stumbled to the center of the establishment, Natsu in tow. Both girls were tired, hungry and cranky, not that their bodyguard could blame them. They were simply not used to getting up at such an ungodly hour as 3:30am, skipping breakfast and walking half a mile—hell no one likely was, nor should they be... It seemed unhealthy.

Fortunately, Kiba wasn't willing to risk his career, either, and arrived early, for once. Then again, if he was the reason the girls he was so blatantly ogling, yesterday had failed, then his chances to end up with either one of them would be utterly nonexistent. Granted, they had no intention to even consider him, romantically, but his interest in them did provide further motivation for the young Inuzuka to avoid being a liability. If nothing else, that was a nice perk.

Sure enough, Kurenai was there, waiting for them.

She was quite dressed oddly for the occasion, though, considering her role as a kunoichi: she wore a crimson dress under a white flack jacket; upon her forehead was a crimson headband with a Konoha village plate, and upon her feet were a pair of black, knee-high boots. Her dress was also quite odd: resembling more of a robe, which reached down to just past her knees, and was rocking only a single, bell-style sleeve that ended upon the knuckles of her left hand. Finally, to finish off the look, Kurenai also wore a utility belt, while her hands and forearms were bundled up in white cloth, the manner in which she wrapped them resembling gloves... in lieu of wearing actual gloves... for some reason.

"I'm glad you could make it," Kurenai called out, pushing herself off the tree she'd previously been leaning on. She really was... her previous teams had been rather disappointing, so this was a good start, if nothing else. "I suppose now's as good a time as any to start, then."

With that, the five visible people present gathered in the center of the training ground.

As was the case for most, Training Ground Three was very much on the simplistic side: consisting of a dirt clearing in the woods with three large, wooden posts wrapped in rope. Aside from that, it was completely barren: distinguished only by its location.

Out of a pouch in her vest, Kurenai produced a pair of jungle bells on a string. This got her students, immediately; then, she addressed them. "Your test is simple," the Jounin stated, "three students, two bells. If you want to continue your careers from here, then you need to prove your worth by acquiring one. Anyone who doesn't have a bell by noon, on the dot, will fail. Am I clear?"

"Crystal," Kiba declared, a smug grin on his face.

Meanwhile, Hinata and Shizuka exchanged a glance. The former pouted, but nodded, and the latter showed her agreement. An understanding—a plan—was made in that very instant, with no need for words. Then, they returned their attention to Kurenai and confirmed their understanding in unison.

"Good," said Jounin replied with a satisfied nod. Then, she tied the bells to a loop in her belt usually used for placing a key ring, and gave the kiddies one last warning. "You will fail, if you don't come at me with the intent to kill. If you want out, you can leave at any time."

She spared each student a look and was pleased to see that even Hinata sported a look of determination.

'Looks like I may have underestimated her,' Kurenai thought. 'I may need to keep an eye on the girl, if they pass.'

Kiba unzipped his hoodie and let Akamaru hop out, while Hinata and Shizuka took on defensive stances in their respective clans' fighting styles.

Natsu, on the other hand, ran off to one of the training posts and hopped on, using it as an elevated stool. Placing the bag she'd brought with on her lap, the young Cadet then activated her Byakugan: keeping watch, until she was needed.

"You can use any tools you've brought with you, as well as any techniques you know," Kurenai said, "to make things easy on you, I will not be using my main hand for the duration of the test." She raised her right hand as an indication, before placing it behind her back. Then, she shouted, "begin!"

In an instant, both Shizuka and Hinata slapped their hands into a pair of tiger seals and flickered out of sight, while Kiba and Akamaru leaped forward to challenge the Jounin directly.

Disappointment and irritation flashed in Kurenai's eyes, before she "engaged" the Inuzuka and his companion. That word was used rather lightly, though, as all she need to do was casually bat them aside with a vicious backhand and slap, respectively/

"Fuck," Kiba grunted on impact, sent flying from the assault. Soon after, his mood only soured more, as he heard Akamaru's yelp.

With renewed vigor, the young Inuzuka, rolled to his feet a good five meters away, and leaped with a shout of, "you bitch!" In mid-flight, he then started to spin, casting one of his clan's most famous Taijutsu, "Gatsuga!"

Upon that cry, Inuzuka Kiba spun horizontally at inhuman speed, replaced by a vortex of motion, as he careened towards his instructor like a missile. With a yap, Akamaru did the same: technique and all, aiming his assault at Kurenai's legs, while Kiba went for her chest.

All-in-all, the whole damn thing would've been far more badass, had the two living missiles not so thoroughly resembled giant, flying sperm cells...

Also quite unfortunately, their target effortlessly evaded them: needing only a last-minute, backward hop to do so. As she did, Kurenai reached out with her senses, looking to locate her other, conspicuously absent students. She found them instantly, taking note of their intentions.

'So, they're looking to use Kiba as a scapegoat, are they?' That thought didn't please her in the slightest. Not even five minutes in, and it already looked like her new team would fail. 'That's too bad... Oh, well, they still have plenty of time. Let's hope they don't disappoint me too much, before we finish.'

Meanwhile, an uninvited guest—still invisible to all present—detected the Jounin's displeasure and quickly started connecting the dots.

As the boy and his dog flew past her, Kurenai observed their mobility: gauging all the "hows" of their technique—how they moved; how fast they could; how well they could turn; and how long it would take for the damn thing to peter out.

Sure enough, it did so rather swiftly.

Almost immediately, though, there was another yell of "Gatsuga" followed by a second yip, and it all started over again.

Kurenai only continued to duck and weave, effortlessly evading them, as she continued her observation.

Apparently, this "Gatsuga" technique of theirs only lasted about a minute—more than enough to end a conflict, if used correctly, but she was simply too far out of their league for it to be all that effective.

Almost immediately after the techniques fizzled, once more, there was a third yip and yell of "Gatsuga!"

Kurenai was no longer interested in observation, though; thus, poor Kiba was met with a twirling sidestep, just before he would've struck his target in the torso, and then... he apparently forgot how to breathe.

Unfortunately for Kiba, the pirouette wasn't just used for evasion... No, Kurenai also used the motion to build momentum for a savage jab to his gut. One bitchslap later, and she sent Akamaru to the ground: landing right next to his owner with a yelp.

"What the hell?" Kiba shouted, "how'd you do that?!"

"Do I need to spell it out for you?" Kurenai scoffed. "While I will openly admit your clan's technique is certainly frightening, it's still a forward thrust, at the end of the day. Just like any other thrust, all of its power is focused in one direction: thus making it vulnerable to lateral force." the Jounin shrugged. "It's basic physics. In short, I just needed to hit you in the side hard enough to cancel your technique."

"Yeah?" Kiba wasn't amused at the sound of it being child's play to cancel his Fang over Fang. "Well, you can take your basic physics and shove 'em up your ass!"

"Charming," Kurenai muttered sarcastically.

Then, Kiba popped what looked like a black gumball into his mouth, and flicked one to Akamaru to munch on.

Said pup happily snatched the little ball with a yip, and... started to change, the instant he chewed and swallowed it. Now, he looked more feral: his fur flaring out, as it turned red.

'Huh... so I take it that's why he's named Akamaru, then...' Kurenai mused.

"Gatsuga!"

"Aaand, here, we go, again..." the Jounin sighed.


Meanwhile, still hidden among the surrounding shrubbery, Shizuka and Hinata observed their opponent... and they were not pleased. Despite Kiba being surprisingly reasonable in combat, Kurenai was still too damn powerful... no, that was an understatement; she fucking owned him!

As was the case in a game of chess, it was easier to see what the players were up to from the sidelines, and in this case, the Jounin was utterly—albeit subtly—dominating their teammate. Rarely did she need to move so much as a few inches, when she dodged; never did she need to move her right arm from behind her back—not even for balance; always did she hit her mark, when she struck, and even when Kiba and Akamaru came back for more, she remained calm, collected, and fucking deadly! Hell, she didn't even need to look at the one she was hitting, half the time! She just knew he was there and took a swing!

So, this was a Jounin... The thought scared them both. How were they even supposed to get close, let alone pass her test?!

Shizuka did her best to come up with some sort of strategy, but struggled... the fact that she was so damn hungry and still tired didn't exactly help. A frontal assault was suicide. Attacking from the sides proved ineffective, even for both Kiba and Akamaru... and, loathe as she was to admit it, they were actually faster than her, when using that technique of theirs. So, what options were there?

Perhaps a Body Flicker to get behind her? Her reflexes would prove a challenge, but—

The Uchiha's train of thought was interrupted by Hinata's yelp, as the latter spun around and attempted to liquefy the inside of whomever just dared to touch her... oh!

Hinata's hand was caught at the wrist by a very familiar blond, and suddenly, she forgot how to breathe. Naruto then placed a finger on his lips, gesturing for them to be quiet, before releasing her hand and producing a pair of energy bars from his coat.

Upon the sight food, both Shizuka and Hinata turned beet red and the audible growls emanating from their bellies.

Naruto couldn't help but smile in amusement, before handing the bars over and giving Shizuka a small note. She and Hinata stared at it, as the former grabbed the folded paper.

By the time either of them looked up, the enigmatic object of their affection was already gone without a trace.


Kiba flew back with an audible thud; Akamaru followed soon after, finally rendered unconscious.

Kurenai ignored the latter, as she loomed over her sole male student... a student that continued to look infinitely more temporary by the second. He just didn't get the point of this test, did he? Shizuka and Hinata clearly didn't either, and time was a-wasting!

It hadn't even been thirty minutes, yet, so there was still hope. Kurenai was more than willing and patient enough to wait it out. But, she would most certainly be pissed, if it turned out that the Rookie of the Year and her runner up proved to not be worth all that time...

Did the academy's standards truly sink so low? That question irked her.

Kiba struggled to his feet, only top be sent back down with a vicious bitchslap.

"Tell me," Kurenai said, "how did you pass? Dead last in every subject, barely-passing grades, atrocious attendance... " Kurenai's left hand found itself on her hip, as she gave the boy before her a condescending look. "Surely, someone with a track record like that shouldn't have been able to graduate from the same academy as the Yondaime... so, how?"

Kiba scoffed. "Isn't it obvious?"

Kurenai quirked an eyebrow, awaiting his answer.

"I'm just that damn badass!"

The Jounin scoffed. "Yes, I'm sure your mother is so proud," she jabbed, ripping a snarl from Kiba. "The laughing stock of the academy, dead last of the year..." Kurenai chuckled. "She clearly raised you well..."

"ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT!"

With that shout, Kiba leaped towards his instructor with renewed vigor, arms stretched wide.

Feeling in no mood to be glomped, Kurenai responded with a backward flip kick to the chin. Before gravity even had a chance to take effect, she then jumped up and gave him a heel kick to the gut, sending him flying a good ten feet. Then, she vanished and reappeared beneath him, kicking him another direction. Then, she reappeared, and sent him flying in yet another direction... and another... and another...

Kiba lost count of how many times he was launched one way or the other, before his assailant let him drop, just enough to send him flying into a one of the training posts with a spinning scissor kick.

Then, Kurenai's eyes shot wide open, as someone flickered into existence behind her, just as she landed: taking a swipe at the bells. She responded by spinning around and delivering a vicious backhand to the former Hyuuga's cheek—only for Hinata to literally go up in smoke, replaced by a splintered log.

Then, the Jounin muttered, "oh, hell, no!"

She disappeared, an instant before the spot she'd previously occupied was engulfed in a massive fireball, twice as wide as she was tall. Its caster, Shizuka, fond herself just about to receive an incapacitating swat to the back of her head, only to be replaced by Hinata in another poof of smoke.

Kurenai backed off, using her hand, instead, to swat at the palm strikes that would surely fuck her up, if so much as a glancing blow connected. Such was the danger of fighting a Hyuuga—former or otherwise.

It didn't take long for their little dance to come to an end, though, as Kurenai spotted an opening and wove around Hinata's guard to deliver a savage uppercut to the ribs... only for Hinata to go up in smoke, again, and be replaced by yet another log. This one, however, was covered in little notes, bearing arcane runes that spelled all sorts trouble.

"Shit!"

A massive explosion rocked the training ground, leaving only a ten-foot-deep crater in its wake. On the other side of the clearing, Kurenai panted. Damn, that was closer than expected! She was legitimately impressed.

Getting her bearings straight in an instant, the Jounin immediately noticed something—or someone, rather—missing: the fucking entirety of her squad. Hell, even the dog was gone! Kurenai blinked owlishly. Not only had Shizuka and Hinata made a swift retreat, but they actually scooped up Kiba and Akamaru, while they were at it?!

She blinked some more, as if doing so would lift some kind of hallucination she may have suffered from... only for them all to still be gone. "Okay, then," she muttered, "now, I'm thoroughly impressed."

Taking a deep breath, Kurenai stood there... and waited. She tapped her foot for a bit, before doing a few stretches. For what felt like ages, the minutes crawled on by, as she waited to see what those three were up to... and to see if they really were worth all this time she was giving them.

Then, she heard a loud, sudden smack reverberate off the trees, followed by something else...

"BITCH, YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT A WOMAN WHO JUST JUGGLED YOU WITH HER FEET!" The only thing that startled Kurenai more than the shout was the voice to whom it belonged. "YOU'VE GOT THREE CHOICES: SHAPE UP, SHIP OUT, OR I LIQUIFY YOUR INTESTINES!"

The poor Jounin was in utter shock. "That has got to be a Genjutsu..." There was just no way that could possibly be Hinata... could it?

As if reading her mind... and reminding you that she existed, Natsu spoke up in a horrified deadpan. "I wish."

Kurenai's gaze turned to the Cadet so quickly as to nearly give herself whiplash. "WHAT?!"

"Believe me," Natsu said, "I was just as shocked to discover that Hitomi-Sama had given birth to such a vulgar young woman. I'm still puzzling over how it could've possibly occurred."


Meanwhile, Kiba was so damn startled that he nearly shat himself. Did Hinata, of all people, really just slap him?! What the fuck? Wasn't she supposed to be the timid one?!

"Oh, believe me," Shizuka scoffed, "I would love to just let you fail, if I could. But, I'd fail, if I did, and so would Hinata. I don't want that, so for better or worse, I'm stuck with you, until your dumb ass eventually gets itself killed."

Kiba shot her a vicious glare, understandably not taking kindly to that. So they were trying to throw him under the...

Busses don't exist in this universe... under the wagon? The train, perhaps?

Ah, fuck it!

So, they were trowing him to the wolves, earlier! He knew it!

Contrary to popular belief, Kiba wasn't an idiot. He was a lazy-ass, little fuck, mind you, and twice as arrogant as most people thought he was; but, he wasn't quite stupid.

"Oh, don't give me that look," Shizuka barked. "You're dead weight, and you know it! Want me to say otherwise? Prove me wrong!"

Akamaru whimpered in annoyance.

Kiba glared at the pup. "You have no idea how much I wish you didn't have a point."

Said pup responded with a yip, prompting his companion to sigh heavily.

The Inuzuka then glared at the girls. "Fine! What's the plan?"


Kurenai continued to wait patiently, knowing that her squad was scheming something. She could sense it from here. It took more self control than is really should have to keep from grinning. While the Jounin didn't often like being proven wrong, this was most certainly an exception.

They were getting up, now. Soon after, he felt Hinata and Shizuka's Chakra explode to life.

"Oh," Kurenai thought aloud. "He gave them some soldier pills?" That was about as far from expected as it could get, considering the animosity and sense betrayal the she'd detected...

Then, she snapped to attention, as no less than ten fireballs about as big as her head careened towards the Jounin in rapid succession. The projectiles had no hope of hitting her, though, as she expertly dodged them, only to find Kiba and Akamaru spinning to her from the sides—as the had, so many times, before. Not at all feeling threatened, Kurenai ducked and wove, to evade them just as easily as the fireballs.

But, then, just as Kiba flew past, he was replaced by an unexpected poof, from which Shizuka emerged with a roundhouse kick aimed at Kurenai's head.

Both women's eyes went wide, as the blow actually connected. Despite staggering a bit, though, Kurenai recovered quickly, as Shizuka followed with a spinning heel kick.

The blow was parried quite cheerfully, pulling a disappointed grunt from the Uchiha, who then transitioned into an axe kick. Kurenai needed only to step back, though, so Shizuka charged in with a series of rapid jabs, only scoring a few glancing blows, at best. Then, she "poofed" out of Kurenai's sight, as Akamaru tore through the smoke to try and hit Kurenai square in the chest.

But, then, she melted into a flurry of cherry blossoms: having little choice but to flicker out of the way, as her natural speed would've simply not sufficed.

As soon as she landed, Shizuka and Kiba were on her like white on rice, doing their best to incapacitate her. It didn't matter how hard they tried, though; it didn't matter that she still had her main arm behind her back; Kurenai was still in a league of her own, by comparison.

First Shizuka was sent flying with a jab to the gut, followed by Kiba—a savage roundhouse to the face rewarding him for his troubles. But, then, from behind, a hand shot to the bells on Kurenai's belt. The other two were just a distraction!

Unfortunately, her target knew Hinata was there, the instant she flickered into position. Again, the former Hyuuga found herself grabbed at the wrist—this time by Kurenai's... right hand.

It wasn't in vain, though, as said Jounin was quite pleased.

This was exactly what she wanted to see...

"Congratulations," Kurenai chirped. "You pass!"


Some time later...


Nariko sat there on a toilet, waiting for her test results to show. In all realism, the quaint, little device was just a waste of money, given both Naruto's sense of smell and her own instincts, but there was just something about doing this that felt... right, somehow? She honestly didn't know why...

The blonde smiled and blushed with a happy sigh; seeing the test slowly show a positive result made her absolutely giddy! Oh, how badly she wished her mate was here to snuggle!

But, alas, she'd have to wait for him to return.

Oh, well... She glanced at the clock and realized it was getting close to breakfast time. Best get started on feeding the munchkin, eh? With that thought in mind, Nariko disposed of the test, washed her hands, and headed on out.

Not long after, she started buttering her favorite pan.

While she was at it, Nariko absently wondered how it became popular belief that sugary, chemical-laden breakfast cereals were somehow good for one's kids. Seriously, how the fuck could they be? First off, starting your day of with so much sugar was bad enough for you... but, on a daily basis? That was a nutritional deficiency waiting to happen! Never mind the potential risk of heart disease and diabetes... not to mention the abundance of potential cognitive disorders.

No, a good plate of scrambled eggs, lightly fried with real butter was the way to go... well, one of them, at least. Again, contrary to popular belief, that was actually good for one's heart. A bit of fresh garlic, and just enough iodised sea salt, only added to the health benefits.

The rise of margarine's popularity, as well as these common misconceptions, would only serve to fuck people over in upcoming decades, she'd wager. Hell, even bacon was healthier!

But, that was neither here nor there...

First order of business was to season and saute some 'shrooms and onions, before adding the eggs and chopped garlic. It all only took a bit, as Nariko blazed through preparing what most civilians would make for a family twice as big as hers.

"Yoshiko-Chan," she called, knowing full well that the smell of food had doubtlessly roused the little ginger. "Breakfast!"

The patter of tiny feet sounded as said munchkin bolted to a bar stool placed before the counter, cheerfully waiting for her mommy to dish up some food.

"Eager, aren't we?"

Yoshiko giggled, causing her mother to grin wide. Then, the kid's food started vanishing at an utterly-inhuman rate.

At that, Nariko couldn't help but chuckle. Oh, how she looked forward to many, many more mornings like this... and the several more kids to come.

Then, the blonde suddenly asked, "so, how'd it go?" She didn't even need to look; Nariko knew her brother was there; she couldn't possibly mistake that scent.

"Without a hitch," Naruto replied. "Genin Squad Eight has been recognized by their commanding officer as an official unit of Konohagakure no Sato. They've also been given the rest of the day off so they can recover—Kiba-San, especially; he took most of the beating."

"So she's as much of a hard-ass as Anko-Neechan said, eh?"

"Indeed." Naruto sighed. "Even I took a moment to determine the objective of their test... but I managed."

Nariko smiled, before approaching her mate. Only grinning more widely as he wrapped his arms around her, the blonde then snuggled close.

"So, how are you feeling?"

Nariko hugged her brother more tightly, before answering. "Glad ta have ya back... It gets so lonely withoutchya, here..." After a brief pause, she asked, "so, what's on the schedule?"

"I have already filed the report to Hiashi-Sama and Mikoto-Sama," Naruto replied. "Ayame-Neechan is also on her way, as we speak. The only thing left is eight hours of community service. We have been assigned to garbage duty in Sector Five."

In other words, they needed to send a couple clones to dick around, while Akari cleans up the whole damn place in five seconds. 'Noted...' Nariko grinned impishly. 'Be a good boy, and I might just give you a nice reward, when Yoshiko-Chan takes a nap.'

"Your food's in the mic," Nariko said, "didn't expectchya back so soon."

Naruto smiled and nodded, but stayed put, taking the opportunity snuggle with his mate for just a bit longer.

The smile never left Nariko's face, that day...


Done!

I dunno... I suppose that ending could be better, but it'll do.

They say an artist often is their own harshest critic; I'm no exception. I did learn how to use colons and semicolons, though. That was fun. :)

Now, that the Genin Exam Arc has officially come to a close, I can start with the next: the Missions Arc... I may change that into something a bit more spicy, but it'll do as a placeholder, lol.

I've already got some good chunks written and planned out, but with the wedding and move coming up, I'm not gonna be able to update for a while. I'm actually cutting it close, right now, as my flight's taking off, very soon. Long-distance relationships are not easy, but, we're hoping to finally close the gap, once and for all.

On the upside, I will have several chapters written in advance, when I do start updating, again. So, when that day finally comes, I'm gonna be updating more regularly. Hopefully once a month. That way, I don't have to worry about writer's block causing content droughts like this, again. Believe me, I was probably just as annoyed as some of you were—if not more so.

But, shit's getting better, and I look forward to a long and awesome journey with this tale I'm telling. Hope to see you guys again, soon!


Trivia:

Needless to say, this chapter's completely mature title is a reference to the Bell Test—which I have shamelessly stolen from canon, among other things.

Yoshiko has finally been revealed! Fun fact about red hair: It has a tendency to skip generations, as its quite the picky trait... at least in real life. In fact, it only pops up in kids, when both parents have a ginger in their family tree.

Aburame Kemushi is an original character based on the deadpan loli archetype. While I was writing this chapter, I was greatly inspired by Lelei La Lelena from the anime Gate—Thus, the JSDF Fought There(better known as Gate, for short.. or its Japanese name, Gate—Jieitai Kanochi nite, Kaku Tatakaeri). That said, Kemushi is partially based on her—or, rather her archetype (neither of which are owned by me).

(The anime is owned by Sentai Filmworks and A-1 Pictures; the light novel is the work of Takumi Yanai. I have no part in the ownership of any sources from which my inspiration came, in regards to this character.)

Kemushi's name, according to Google, means caterpillar. This is Google, though, so take that with a grain of salt. I chose this name, as a reference to her young age and the bug theme of her clan. (As a side note: anyone who wants to use her for a fanfic can feel free to lemme know in a PM. I'd love to see what other writers would do with her. =3)

As for Uchiha Izumi, I now know that she was Itachi's first victim in the Uchiha Massacre, but I don't give a shit. I needed a name, lol. She may have a decent role in this fic (at least as a background character), but it's hard to say, just yet.

In regards to the Icha Icha Series: I've had some readers wondering why Nariko wasn't a fan of Jiraiya's work. The answer is that she was; it just hadn't come up, until she whipped out an apparently rare ass book in this very chapter. It would also seem that she's not the only fan, lol.

Also in regards to Hinata, can you say sleeping lion? That's what I'm trying to go for, at least.

Kurenai's attire in this fic is mostly original. It is based on her outfits in canon, though—albeit mildly so. She's also a bit more of a badass in this fic, because I felt that she was nothing short of laughable in canon, which was quite sad, really. :(

As a bit of a health nut, I decided to add a bit of nutritional advice at the end, lol. Contrary to popular belief, eggs are quite good for your heart, and those "heart healthy" cereals you're likely munching on are actually very bad for it. There are reasons America has such a bad reputation, in regards to health, after all, and the causes of this problem can be just as surprisingly small as they are abundant. The more you know...


Techniques Mentioned:

Gatsuuga (Dual Piercing Fang; referred to as Fang over Fang, in the English Dub): a spinning projectile technique utilized by the Inuzuka Clan—typically cast in combination with the user's animal companion. It's an inhumanly fast and powerful thrust—often capable of piercing reinforced concrete, should the caster be strong or skilled enough.


With that, I bid you all adieu, for now. Hope you enjoyed the finale to the Genin Exams Arc, and that you all have a nice day! :)