Disclaimer: Insert witty comment here; don't own.
Memoirs of a Genius
Day IX
Well, this just keeps on getting better and better.
Apparently Gast found out about Jenova not being an Ancient, got attacked by something called a conscience, and fled back to Midgar. Without all of the notes, thankfully, because if he did take them, who knows what he would do with them.
Lucrecia is still AWOL.
And Vincent? Don't get me started about that idiot. Pretty idiot, but still. I left my apartment in a hurry, leaving all of my possessions to the mercy of Sephiroth (thankfully Jenova is too busy talking to/bothering Sephiroth to laugh at me, for once), and went back to the basement of Shinra Mansion, where I left Vincent.
What a scene. He had gotten as far as using the knife, and was staring at it sticking out of his chest.
"Valentine."
"Hojo."
"That's Professor Hojo to you. And… why, may I ask…?"
"You told me to take the bullet out."
At this point I didn't know if to laugh hysterically, to scream, or to remain calm. I settled for a rather disturbing mixture of the three.
"You…stupid…Turk…" I said, trying to stop laughing. "You really are something"
At that, I walked over to him, and pulled out the knife which was on the other side of his chest as opposed to the bullet.
"Oops," he said.
I started laughing again. I made a note to stop doing that lest it become a habit. A constantly giggling professor is so undignified. And no, the times I was high on something or another do not count.
"Well, how am I supposed to dig out a bullet that's practically a millimetre away from my heart?"
He was starting to sound annoyed. And just then I noticed that his eyes were now a faint red-brown colour instead of their usual brown. So, the injections are already taking effect.
"You've made a point," I said, grinning manically. Oh, the anticipation of what was to come…
"…uh…Hojo…?"
"Surgery time!"
A half hour of UNaesthetic (I'm the king of puns! KING I tell you! Ahem), blood-curdling screams, and my favourite scalpel Bob later, Vincent sat up on the operating table glaring at me. And glaring. And glaring. And… well, you get the point.
"What do you want, Valentine?"
He took a while to answer.
"Where is Lucrecia? And what did you do to my arm? It's not working."
"I'm telling you… I DON'T KNOW WHERE SHE IS," I yelled. How arrogant of him… as if I'm not (partially… alright, minimally) worried? "And as for your arm… we'll see."
I injected him with a drug that will make him fall asleep, and left to get some well-deserved sleep.
Or I would have, had I not been reduced to spending the whole night trying to put out a kitchen fire that Sephiroth started while I was away. Where did he learn…?
Jenova and I are going to have words. One day old babies do not know how to operate a stove without outside help. …and yes, the boy is just that advanced.
In the morning, I gave Sephiroth his injections (as well as some tranquilizer…Hehehe) and put him in his cot. He looked so sweet and innocent and cute and... And… well, bugger this. I was so exhausted that I made the mistake of consuming an unhealthy amount of caffeine again. What said caffeine made me do makes me cringe.
First, I skipped through town (yes, skipped), picking flowers and putting one in my hair, then giving some to a few children who were playing Cops and Robbers. (And I was briefly reminded of a… different rendition of that game. Turks are so original… when it comes to that at least). To make things worse, the flower I had chosen to put in my hair was yellow. Yellow. Yellow is so not me. Then, I walked into the weapons shop, requesting a chainsaw. I honestly didn't know why I had bought that chainsaw.
So then I skipped through town again, giggling like a fool, a yellow flower in my hair, and a chainsaw in my hands. I probably looked like a maniac. Parents were running out of their homes to round up their children, and any puppies and kittens and bunnies (never thought I'd pronounce those evil creatures' names) were unfortunately disposed of. What? They were evil! They were looking at me with vehemence in their eyes!
When I eventually reached the labs, Vincent was awake and poking his immobile arm, muttering useless things such as, "Move, damnit," and, "O Lucrecia, why hast thou forsaken me?" And let's not forget, the classic: "Love, it consumes us all, such as pain never will…" …and other such crap.
I hopped up to him, and ignoring his protests, flung him down onto the operating table, giving Jenova a mock-salute as I did so.
This I have got to see, I heard her say.
"Hojo, what are you doing now? Where are your glasses? Why is there a flower in your hair? ...Where's Lucrecia?"
"You ask too many questions," I remarked, "As for the flower, you can have it."
"How sweet of you," he said sarcastically, taking the useless plant.
"Hang on…" I started up the electric chainsaw. "There we are…"
"What is…? OH GOD, THE PAIN! HOJO, I WILL KILL YOU! I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND…!"
I laughed despite my resolution not to do so.
When I snapped out of my caffeine high an hour later, it was to see a left arm-less Vincent, who was miraculously still alive because of the Jenova and monsters in him.
"You bastard," he said, weak. He looked like he could hardly move.
"Hehehehehehehe. Now to find you a nice prosthetic."
"Why are you doing this?"
I thought deeply before answering. Was it for revenge for him stealing my wife? Was it out of jealousy? Love? Some ulterior motive that isn't apparent to anyone, save Jenova, yet? Was it for me to test my creative boundaries when it came to science? Or was it something entirely different, something deeper? At the time, it was only for one reason.
"Hehehehehehe. It's fun. Heh. Heh."
I was greeted with silence.
"You are doing all of this because it's fun?" he eventually said with disbelief.
"…"
"…"
"Yes. Now shut up and sit still while I figure out where to get you a prosthetic."
"I'm hungry."
"And food, too."
As I rooted though the spare parts in the local pile of metal garbage, I couldn't help but think.
It was such a lovely arm, too. Oh well.
I wonder what Sephiroth's doing.
Food.
…and other such intellectual thoughts. I found something that looked like a cross between a Zu leg and Freddy Krueger, and went to the nearest restaurant, a sushi bar, not caring that the patrons were giving me odd looks.
The villagers must think I'm insane by now. First the chainsaw, now A Claw. Well, you can't please everyone.
Though how anyone who actually knows me can think of me as insane is beyond me.
"Two portions of sushi for take-away." I demanded.
"Comin' right up. Though you could at least say please," the barman, a surly-looking man, grumbled.
"Oh, the youth of today," an old woman sitting at the counter said condescendingly.
However, I was too glad to be offended. Young? Me? Hehehehe. I must be retaining my ravishing good looks, aging gracefully and… don't look at me like that. No, seriously, what's so funny?
Anyway. I took the sushi back to the Mansion, fantasizing about a romantic halogen lamp-lit, 10 gil dinner under the stars (or rather, the omniscience of Jenova) with Vincent, and was greeted by the pleasant sight of blood everywhere.
"Vinc- Valentine. As nice as the décor is…"
"I was hungry."
"YOU ARE NOT A VAMPIRE!"
"A voice in my head told me to do it. He was very nice about it, actually. Called himself Galian-"
"Shut up and eat your sushi."
And so we spent dinner in what some would call a deadly silence, punctuated by Vincent almost choking several times whenever I nudged him with my foot. The man acts as if he's never been the recipient of footsie before… unappreciative git. See if I have dinner with him again!
When I eventually got back to the apartment, I found that everything was covered in three inches of water. Apparently Sephiroth turned on the tap and didn't switch it off. And no, I do not know how he reached the tap.
…GAH, now I have to spend the night cleaning.
Things are just not going my way lately. I'm starting to get fed up. Really fed up.
Now Sephiroth is screaming because he's hungry.
Damn. Damn it all. How is a man supposed to keep his sanity around here? How!
Oh yeah, I need to operate on Vincent tomorrow. Hehehehe. Fun, fun…
A/N: Hojo is twisted. Like you didn't know that. As usual, please review! Your reviews keep me sane and un-Hojo-like!
