A/N: Enjoy!

Chapter 9

James's POV

I took a deep breath as I stepped forward, walking slowly until I hit the barrier. It had taken me a few moments, but I'd realized that I was standing in the Astronomy tower. With my eyesight getting darker every hour, it felt like the world was pressing in on me.

Moving my face so that I was looking out to the sky, I chocked back a sob. I couldn't see anything; it was like I'd gone fully blind. In the castle, there were walls and people that I could see if I was close enough, even if they were just outlines, but everything was too far away outside, it was as if I was staring into darkness.

Suddenly, the world no long felt suffocating; in fact it felt too big. The space outside was wide open and ready to swallow me whole the minuet I thought about stepping out. How could I ever leave the castle? I was able to walk around so well because I'd explored every inch of Hogwarts, but I didn't know anything once I stepped out of the doors.

Absently, I leaned forward so that my head was hanging out past the barrier; it felt like a dangerous thing to do and I was so tired of being accused of being reckless. The small adrenalin rush made me feel giddy as I stood there, knowing not to try anything else, no matter what anyone said, I wasn't stupid and I definitely wasn't suicidal.

"You were blind long before anything happened to your eyes!" Lily's words echoed back to me and my heart clenched in despair. I knew that it was my own fault for purposely trying to get her angry, but I couldn't have lasted if she'd continued to pity me. To make matters worse, she was completely right, I'd basically stalked her for years; it was a miracle that she hadn't done more than hex me.

How could I have been such a fool to think that she actually liked me? She'd made it clear; time and time again that she hated me. The only reason she was trying to be nice was because she felt sorry for me and was thankful that I'd saved her from my fate.

It would be better for everyone involved if I could just let go of my feelings for her, wrap them up and throw them out into the blackness that would soon be my life. My heart ached like a physical pain as I squeezed my eyes shut, quenching any tears that might have wanted to escape.

The sound of running footsteps alerted me to the fact that I wouldn't be alone much longer. Trying to look casual, I quickly wiped a hand across my face to scrub away any traces of my previous thoughts as I relaxed my stance so that I was resting my weight against my arms, leaning out into the unknown.

"James!" Sirius's voice shouted as the noise of people coming up behind me echoed slightly around the stone walls.

"Hey, Padfoot," I greeted, refusing to turn and face them in case I had red eyes. "Nice night isn't it?"

"Sure is," Peter said nervously, I could hear them shifting and quick whispers that I couldn't be bothered trying to listen to. "What are you doing up here?"

"Just looking at the stars," I smiled, the expression feeling twisted on my face. I could hear the bitter note in my voice but I didn't try to hide it; my emotions were all over the place.

"You can see them just as well from over here," Lily spoke up, causing me to twitch slightly as I heard the tremor in her voice; I hadn't expected her to be there with the guys, who else was there?

"I'm perfectly comfy here," I retorted, ignoring the twist of guilt in my stomach as I remembered our last conversation. "Who else is here?"

"Um, Peter, Remus, Lily, Sniv-," Sirius cut himself off quickly before continuing. "Snape and me."

"And you're all here to come see me?" I said, amused by the thought of them all trying to get on for my benefit. "I'm flattered, why are you really here?"

"They were worried about you," I could hear the sneer in Severus's voice and it made my lips twitch into a real smile. "I, of course, got dragged into it, Merlin knows why."

"We thought you might care about where he was," Lily shot back, her voice sounded strained with a mixture of anger and fear.

"Why?" Severus retorted easily. "He looks perfectly fine to me."

"He's leaning over the edge of a very tall building!" Lily whispered harshly, obviously not wanting me to hear what she was saying.

The facts clicked into place for me; they'd come running up to find me because they thought I was going to jump. The idea almost made me laugh with the twisted irony; I hadn't even thought about suicide before they'd given me the idea and I certainly wasn't going to end my life just because I'd gone blind, I cared about my friends and family too much to do that to them.

"You think I'm going to jump?" I repeated, turning around so that my hip was resting against the barrier and crossing my arms in front of me. "Last I checked, I didn't grow wings in that accident, why would I suddenly give flying a try now?"

"We were just worried about you," Sirius muttered quietly. "You were really angry earlier and I know that you get depressed after getting angry. You always do."

"Not that depressed," I said gently, wanting to be angry that they thought I was going to kill myself, but I couldn't hate them for worrying about me. That didn't mean I couldn't hate the situation, but I couldn't handle much more anger at that moment.

"Noted," Sirius snorted sadly. "But don't worry us like that again, yeah?"

"Of course," I rolled my eyes, hearing Sirius, Remus and Peter chuckle at the sight while Lily and Severus stayed silent.

"That's it?" Lily questioned in a quiet but angry voice. "He says he's not depressed and that's the end of it? He could be lying!"

"But I'm not," I spoke through my clenched teeth. "What are you even doing here? You made your opinion of me very clear earlier."

"Fine," the word was clipped and filled with emotions I didn't want to identify. "I'll leave." Her footsteps echoed as she walked down the stairs, her exit calm and collected while I felt the exact opposite.

"I'll make sure she's okay," Severus told us, following her while muttering about 'dramatic Gryffindors' under his breath. There was a silence as I tried to get my anger back under control and didn't succeed very well.

"Do you need help getting back to the dorm?" Sirius finally asked when the silence began to feel too awkward.

"No," I said shortly, trying hard not to lash out at them. "I'm not an invalid."

"No you're not," Remus agreed, speaking up for the first time. "But you do need us, it's nothing to be ashamed about, we all depend on each other. You, me, Sirius and Peter we all need each other; you're family, James, you're our brother and we want to help you."

I deflated, nodding wearily as the fight left me, leaving me exhausted. I felt like I'd spent all my time since the accident angry and all I wanted to do was curl up and sleep for a week. "I'm sorry. I've been a jerk to you guys and even worse to Lily."

"It's natural to feel angry," Remus soothed. "You don't want to be seen as weak, especially to Lily, that's why you've been lashing out, but you need to know that we just want to help. Lily too."

"We get to look after you this time," Peter piped up. "You've always been the protector, maybe it's your turn to get protected."

"You're right," I agreed tiredly. "Let's just go back to the dorm."

I reached forward and took hold of Sirius's elbow, feeling too tired to try find my way on my own. I felt confident that I could get back to the dorm unaided if I needed to, but a part of me liked the fact that I could depend on my friends without worrying about what they'd think of me.

Sirius squeezed my shoulder briefly before leading me away from the barrier and down the stairs. I could hear hushed voices as we got to the bottom and Sirius stopped walking when we reached where the noise was coming from.

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay," Lily spoke up. I could tell that her words were directed at me and I felt another stab of guilt about the way I'd treated her.

"I'm so sorry," I told her. "I've been awful to you and you should hate me, I wouldn't blame you if you did."

"I don't hate you, James," Lily replied quickly. "I'm your friend and I'm going to be there for you. Whether you want me to be or not."

"Speaking of which," I turned to face where I could see Severus's outline. "You promised you'd help me practise magic."

"I must have been experiencing a moment of craziness," Severus muttered. "But I did indeed say that. Why don't we see how your first classes go? Then we can organize a place and time to meet."

"Can we join these training sessions?" Remus asked, perking up at the idea.

Severus nodded briefly. "If you can behave." Sirius bristled at his words but I tightened my hold on his arm to stop him from saying anything.

"Great," Remus answered, obviously sensing Sirius's annoyance. "Let's get back to the dorm then, before the whole night is gone."

Severus muttered a quick word of parting before leaving as the rest of us went back to Gryffindor Tower. The Fat Lady glared at us for waking her up but she let us enter the portrait hole after we kept repeating the password. Lily went up the stairs to the girls dorms after saying goodnight and then we went to our room.

I stumbled a few times as I entered the dorm, letting go of Sirius so that I could go to the bathroom. We never really tidied much up in our room since everything that was on the floor was things we used too often to put away and anything else was clothing that had come out of someone's trunk.

Knowing they wouldn't care, I fell straight into the first bed I came across, closing my eyes and relaxing into the mattress. I could smell the faint odour of chocolate and Peter's shampoo, so I knew that it was his bed I'd stolen. It wasn't the first time we'd slept in someone else's bed, we normally stumbled into the room after our adventures and claimed which ever bed we could.

"Dibs on Moony's bed!" Sirius cried, I heard the sound of a brief scuffle before a mattress creaked. Remus's bed was always neat and tidy so if we weren't too tired we'd fight over who got to mess it up.

"Fine, looks like I'm in Prongs's bed," Remus sighed over the sound of curtains closing.

"Why do I get stuck with Sirius's bed?" Peter complained good-naturedly. Sirius was known for leaving his bed in a mess, which meant that he sometimes put things down and then lost them. The last time I slept in his bed I'd found an odd sock and a broken quill that stabbed me in the back when I was trying to sleep.

"Because you didn't think to claim Moony's," I muttered sleepily into my pillow. "Snooze you lose, Wormtail."

There was a telltale 'thump' as a pillow flew past my head, coming from the direction of Sirius's bed. I reached up and grabbed it before launching it back the same way, smiling as I heard a startled cry from Peter. After years of living in the same room, I'd grown able to throw things at my friends without looking at them, a skill that came in handy when any of them tried to prank me while I was sleeping.

"Go to sleep," Remus moaned. "At this rate we'll be awake all night."

"Not to worry," Sirius laughed. "We can always sleep in class."

"This is why you're not a prefect," Remus stated in amusement.

I snorted. "I'm Head Boy and I agree with Sirius."

"Outvoted," Peter chuckled. "Mr Wormtail declares that classes are for sleeping."

"Mr Prongs seconds this declaration and says that he will demonstrate tomorrow."

"Mr Padfoot claims that this should have been declared years ago."

"Mr Moony hates you all and would really like to go to sleep now."

A/N: After having so many ideas for this chapter, I'm not sure it turned out like I wanted it to. Anyway, I hope you liked it. Please review! :)