A/N: So, so sorry for taking so very long to get this next chapter up. My muse took an unauthorized holiday and only just returned. Not to mention how much RL interfered with my creative process. Ah well, I hope you enjoy!
"'I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir,' said Alice, 'because I'm not myself you see.'"
- Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
She was curled up in a chair on his deck having traded her dress blues for a pair of old jogging pants and one of his favorite hoodies. Daniel had brought her a cup of coffee that she clutched in her hands as she stared out into the darkness.
"Jack, shouldn't we…" but Daniel couldn't finish as Jack cut him off.
"She needs a little space Danny. Just give it to her. She knows we're here."
"OK. Teal'c and I are going to make a supply run. You have no food here ya know."
"And by food you mean there's no more coffee?" Jack smirked at him as he threw up his hand at him and turned to leave. Teal'c, in turn, gave him a nod as they headed out the door.
Jack resumed his post.
She'd been outside for over an hour and though she was starting to get cold, she couldn't bear to go back inside. It was helping. The darkness and the cold were taking her mind away from the pain she'd been feeling these last few days. She still couldn't believe that so much of her life had changed so quickly and so drastically. She didn't hear the door open or Jack's footsteps as he approached. He placed a blanket around her shoulders and turned to leave.
"Stay." Her voice betrayed her and she could hear the fearfully desperate sound it made as she begged him not to leave her alone.
He moved to pull a chair over but she grabbed his hand. He took her mug, set it aside, and gently helped her move forward on her chair just far enough so that he could slide in behind her. Wrapping his arms around her shoulders, he pulled her back so that she was lying against him. Sam rested her head between his chin and his shoulder and he lightly kissed her hair. She sighed and he felt her relax.
"My dad told me that I could still have everything I want," she said after several minutes finally breaking the silence. "I want someone to come home to. I want a family. I want a little girl with sandy colored hair, big brown eyes, and a wicked grin just like her daddy." She could hear his heart beat just a little quicker. "So, what do you think, Sir? Is it possible after all this time or am I just kidding myself by still thinking of the possibility?"
For a moment, he said nothing but when his silence on the subject seemed to cause the next round of tears to fall, he spoke quietly. "I think we've both been kidding ourselves for a long time, Sam," and he reached without hesitation to wipe the tears from her face much like he'd done that day in the infirmary, "but I think we may finally be on the right track."
They lay there on the deck letting the quiet calm both of their hearts.
Jack wasn't sure how much time had passed when he heard the door and turned to see that Teal'c and Daniel had returned.
"Jack?" Daniel said cautiously, "everything ok?"
"Yeah, we're ok, Daniel." Jack looked down at Sam and smiled. "For the first time in a long time, we're ok."
Daniel could just make out Sam's sleeping form now curled into Jack's chest with a look of contentment on her tear stained face. Jack smiled at Daniel and shared the same content expression as he closed his own eyes.
Daniel ducked back inside to grab a quilt off the guest room bed. He brought it out and laid it over his two best friends both now sleeping more peacefully than he'd seen them in years. "It's about time you guys," he whispered as he went back inside to start dinner.
As the door closed Sam snuggled a little closer and Jack tightened his hold on her smiling.
She had no idea how long she'd been asleep but Sam shivered as she awoke and felt arms tighten around her. She was cold and she had to pee but she had no desire to move. She inhaled deeply and found herself lost in an intoxicating mixture of aftershave and wood smoke. She finally opened her eyes and looked up at the man who was holding her tightly.
"Hey there," he whispered sleepily.
"Hey, yourself."
"Cold?"
"A bit."
He smiled and rubbed her arms. "C'mon, let's go inside. I'm sure Daniel and Teal'c probably have dinner close to ready by now."
She pulled herself up off of his chest just enough that he was able to get out of the chair. He then reached for her hand to help her to her feet. For a moment they just stood there, eyes interlocked. Then, Jack pulled her close and with his arm around her shoulders, led them inside.
Sam awoke once more that night with Jack's arms wrapped around her shoulders.
This time they were on the couch having fallen asleep watching a movie.
She looked around the room and smiled.
Daniel was passed out in the chair, glasses askew, legs dangling over one side while his head threatened to fall off the other.
Teal'c sat stoically as ever against the opposite wall meditating or sleeping, she couldn't tell which.
She couldn't remember when she'd been as afraid as she had been this past week as she laid her father to rest. So many uncertainties had plagued her. She'd pulled away from her team since Pete came into her life, kept them at a distance, telling them only parts of the truth. She wasn't sure that they still trusted her the same way they had before. And, some little part of her brain had decided that the guys would finally have had enough and leave her to pick up the pieces alone.
For someone so smart, she was seriously stupid sometimes and right now she was thanking God for proving her wrong.
TBC
