OK! This chap's a little short I know, but it's something, right? Warning: Ed's language

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Roy didn't even bother calling Yoshino that night. Sure he'd sort of maybe figured out why Ed had freaked when Roy had found those drugs, but the blowout that had followed was as bitter as all the alcohol he drank.

Roy wasn't the only one drinking tonight, although Ed was coupling that with his prescription drugs and breaking things with his automail fist. When Ed got dizzy, he only lay down on the table, thinking it would pass soon.

When he woke, it was to pounding on his front door that almost matched the pounding inside his head. Almost.

He groaned loudly and rolled off the table, gripping its edge to keep from falling. If that was Roy in his door, he was going to punch him in the stomach...Maybe hang him with that ugly Christmas tie a girl had given him last year, Ed thought as he staggered to the door. Leaning on the wall heavily, he cracked the door open.

A dark blond woman wearing an old pink hooded sweatshirt was glaring up at him, her mouth dangerously pressed. Ed glared right back. When she didn't move, he growled.

"This had better be good."

"I know Roy was here yesterday." She snapped. Ed stepped out into the dreary morning, slamming the door behind him.

"I've never had a woman bitch at me for being gay before, but if you want to, I'll still beat the shit out of you."

"Oh shut up. I'm here because Roy didn't show up at work today and when I checked on him at home, he had a huge bruise on his neck."

"What?" Ed slowed his homicidal train of thought to make room for a new one. "Did he get beat up again?"

"I don't know. He won't talk to me."

"Fuck."

"So you didn't do that to him?"

"His neck? ...No."

"What did you do to him?"

"Nothing he didn't ask for, OK? We were playing rough, he's probably got bruises just like I do, but I never hurt him." Ed snapped. He sighed a moment later, slapping one hand to his forehead and sitting on his front steps. After settling himself, he spoke. "I'm kinda hungover. You done?"

"What are you going to do?"

"Go over to his place and make him tell me how he got hurt."

"How?"

"I'm a lawyer, woman. Damn Dr.Elric, attorney at law."

"Be careful. He's hurt and confused mentally as well." She said gently. "If you barge in and tear a strip off him, he'll be in even worse shape."

"Whatever."

"I'm coming with you."

Ed looked up. "Look," he said, pointing vaguely away from the house. "The Easter Bunny is fucking a turnip."

Before Yoshino could even respond, the door to Edward Elric's house was clicking shut, giving a final chirp as it was securely locked.

"Some lawyer." She snapped. Why did Roy like him again?

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The end was a little weird, I know. I hope it was funny and not too disturbing, Ed was just distracting her while he went back inside.