Touche Bonnie Bennett

Chapter Nine- Pretend

A/N Okay so this is my version of the Cure. I hope it's not too confusing and I hope you enjoy. Let me know what you think and I just want to say thank you for all those that replied. I will answer each one it's just taking a little time. This chapter is longer than I ever thought it would be which is why it took so long to get out. Happy Reading!

Playlist- Papercup by Heather Nova & Ready for a Fall by PJ Olsson

It's not until she has gotten her heart rate back under her control that she exits the piano room and makes her way downstairs. She stops at the double doors leading into the library. She hovers on the threshold listening to the faint sounds of familiar voices from the other side. Intonations that are reminiscent of long forgotten friendships and misplaced loyalty. These are the voices that remind her of hope and endless devotion. Now the muffled sound of Caroline's vocal chords make her hands shake; Jeremy's baritone causes something in the pit of her stomach to shift but it's not like before. It's a different sensation that no longer takes over her entire body; instead it's like a phantom ache that's not really an ache at all. She swallows hard as she reaches for the brass handles. The metal is cool to the touch and it takes her a full thirty seconds before she braves whatever awaits her on the other side.

The soft chatter from a moment ago stops so abruptly Bonnie would have to be a fool to believe they weren't talking about her and she would be lying if she said she didn't feel a bit self-conscience about it. It is evident in the way her heart fluctuates and misses a beat. She swallows hard as her eyes scan the room. Jeremy is sitting on the couch, twirling a wooden stake between his fingertips, as Matt watches with mild disinterest. Caroline is by the fireplace, hands on her hips as she stands between Tyler and Stefan. The former is leaning against the wall, looking somewhat irritable if not more than a little bored and Stefan has his arms crossed trying not to watch Damon and Elena who are at the bar across the room. Her eyes meet his briefly before landing on her former best friend.

Elena has always been beautiful but it seems that being a vampire definitely agrees with her. Her dark coffee chestnut locks are bone straight, cascading down the side of her face like mahogany waterfalls. Her skin looks milky smooth and frames her shadowy russet pupils. She is perfection personified. There is no way to ignore this kind of beauty and for just a moment Bonnie seems to rationalize why Damon is reluctant to give her up and she has to forcefully swallow the ache that has settled on her chest. Because at the present there is no room for it.

"Four weeks." She breathes the words on an exhalation of breath and clears the cobweb of tears that are still floating around in the crevices of her trachea.

She moves from the threshold taking refuge against the wooden banister. Her fingers wrap slightly around the railing and she leans into it for support trying to give off an air of complete nonchalance. She catches Stefan's stare and waits.

"Now that we're all here let's get down to business."

She does her best to listen to the plan all the while trying not to stare at anyone's face for too long but it is difficult. Matt gives her a smile that seems the most genuine if not laced slightly with guilt while Jeremy hasn't bothered to glance in her direction since she appeared. Caroline seems to be on edge, twisting her fingers together as her eyes constantly dart from Stefan back to her. Every now and then they catch each other's eye but the blond always looks away first.

Damon has come to stand beside his brother but she isn't blind to the way that Stefan keeps some semblance of distance between them and there is a tension there that was never there before now. It seems that the schism that is Elena Gilbert has finally damaged the brotherly bond after over a century. Elena stands close to Damon, always managing to find some way to touch him. Her fingers on his forearm, her shoulder brushing against his… it's all quite romantic and sickening. She likes to believe that she's not jealous… yes she would like to believe this very much.

When she hears the sound of her name she perks up and stares at the occupants in the room. "Now that Jeremy's mark is complete we now have the map, we have the sword and now we have Bonnie."

"You mean I have the sword." Klaus replies leaning against the doorframe. The smile he offers is as chilling as they come and makes Bonnie cringe. He turns his eyes on her and it takes everything she has not to shrink away from his piercing stare. The last time she saw him she was trying to find a way to kill him. By the way he is looking at her it makes her believe he wants to return the favor. "Long time no see Ms. Bennett… it seems you just couldn't stay away. Tell me something how did Stefan manage to rope you back into the fold when it is so apparent that these second rate vagabonds that you once called friends still can't truly appreciate your worth?"

"Put a sock in it Klaus." Caroline snaps folding her arms across her chest.

"Now… now Caroline. No need to be snippy. I'm just stating the facts. It's no secret that the lot of you cast out your resident witch when she stepped out of line. My only question is why she would ever come back here to help any of you when it is so clear that you don't deserve it."

"Well it's a good thing that I don't answer to you." She states coolly even if she feels anything but.

He nods. "Indeed… but just so you know… I would never mistreat you that way."

"I'm so flattered." She mocks, sarcasm dripping from her tone. She walks to Stefan's side looking over his shoulder at the sketching of Jeremy's mark.

"As you should be." Clapping his hands together he turns back to the group. "So we have a map but we don't know where to begin or where we are going."

"We're headed to Nova Scotia." She remarks. "This here… it's their Coat of Arms. Dates back to the early 1600's I think. It was adopted by the Acadians, which makes sense if the legend is true."

"What legend?"

"My professor told me that the Acadians were deeply rooted in sorcery. One in particular, Silas, was one of the most powerful sorcerers of his time. He would warn his victims of their impending misfortune before either taking their lives or the lives and health of their loved ones. It didn't matter who they were. I completely forgot about this story until now… I thought it was just another myth… a legend."

"What made him so powerful?"

"All his spells were in his head. He never wrote them down."

"I don't get it."

"Words are our greatest asset but it's also our biggest weakness. We find power in words. We use them to cut down our enemies but those words when written can be used against us. Any spell that's on paper opens the door for a counter spell. But if you keep everything inside your head then no one can challenge you. Which is what Silas figured out."

"Okay but what does he have to do with the Hunter's Mark and this cure?"

"Sorcerers, Warlocks and witches are all pretty much cut from the same cloth except one. Where Warlocks and witches rely strictly on magic, sorcerers deal in science and blend the two. Silas was a scientist that was obsessed with eternal life and therefore took a keen interest in vampires. In his opinion vampires were the next generation of humans with one flaw…bloodlust. So he set out to fix it. He did experiments, had test subjects… mixing what he knew about Biology and his own magic to find a cure. The cure had to be taken and then a spell had to be performed."

"Yeah but you said that this Silas guy never wrote down his spells."

"Except this one; he didn't have a choice. The cure induced death and the thing about the spell is that it only worked on the dead. But you couldn't cast it from the other side. You needed someone to perform it from the side of the living, someone with a lot of power. It's the only way it could work. So he gave the spell to a witch. A very powerful witch."

"A Bennett Witch." Damon supplied and she nods.

"So what happened?"

Bonnie exhales looking back down at the map set before her, as she muddles through the details of Silas's story. "The story goes that the reason why Silas wanted eternal youth and life was because he fell in love. All the power he could ever want and the only thing that made him happy was a young milk maiden from town. He wanted to be with her but he never wanted them to grow old. And she wanted to be with him despite everything that she knew. And so they decided to be together forever. They would die together and Ketsia, the witch was to resurrect them… only she didn't."

"Why not?"

"Because she was in love with him. She loved him and he loved another. She couldn't bare to watch him have eternity with someone else so instead when they took the cure she put a stake through both of their hearts stopping their transition. She took what was left of the cure and the spell and sealed it away and then killed herself." Exhaling deeply she avoids the faces around the room. "The Hunter's Mark must be able to tell us where the spell is."

"Well I don't know about you guys but I'm not equipped to jump on a plane and fly off to parts unknown for some taboo spell without some kind of game plan. I mean we need to sit down and work out the details of what to do." Matt jumped in. Seeing as how he was the only real human in the room it was pretty safe to say he wasn't about to just throw his life on the line without knowing what the hell to expect.

"I agree." Tyler replied. "We should take a week or two, figure out how to go about this."

"We don't have the time." Stefan sighs placing his hands on his hips, looking around the room.

"Why not; the spell isn't going anywhere and we don't want to jump all over this halfcocked and get someone killed."

Stefan's eyes cut to Caroline. "We've got four weeks… that's all."

"Why; what happens in four weeks?" Elena asks looking to her ex for answers that he is obviously reluctant to give. There is a long pause as the room waits for him to reply.

"I'm going back." Bonnie states. "To London. I'm going back to London in four weeks. So whatever we need to do for me to cast this spell needs to happen in that time." And even though her voice sounds steady she is anything but.

"What's happening in four weeks?"

She's not sure who asks but the answer she comes back with is quick. "My life." She replies. "I have classes and study sessions that I can't miss. I have… people who need me."

And the silent indication is very clear. She is no longer a main member of this make-shift Scooby Gang. She is a guest at best and she is okay with that. This is not her life and she doesn't want it to be. She has people who are now more important to her than those in this room.

When she hears Elena simply say 'oh' and take a small step back she almost feels sorry and the urge to reach for her, hug her and comfort her for the pain that she has caused is so strong; it's practically crippling and then she catches him staring. Icy blues that make her halt in anything she is about to do and she must look away. Not that it does much good because she can still feel him. His eyes have been on her since she walked in the room.

"But what if we can't do this in a month; then what?"

She doesn't answer instead she gives a slight shake of her head. Four weeks…that's all she could give them. And once again she is hit with a sense of suffocation that she hasn't felt in quite some time and she realizes that this is the reason she must get away. This is the reason why she can never be here again. This place; these people are no good for her or who she wants to be. They will forever hold her hostage; trying to keep her stuck in a place that she no longer fits.

"Well now that the witch has finally grown a backbone I say we speed up this little plan and get a move on…who's with me?" Klaus smiles to the sea of faces.

A few hours later everything seems to be decided. They will leave in two days and make a go at finding the cure. They have the map, the sword, and the witch and if everything goes according to plan, which Bonnie has a sinking feeling that it won't, she should be back to her new life in less than a month.

As she is leaving the boarding house she catches sight of Damon and Elena in the library. She is seated at the end of the sofa, her palms clasped tightly together in her lap as Damon stands over her. She is looking up at him, her face etched with confusion and there is something about Damon's façade that she has never seen before. She stops in her movements when she sees her former best friend take a stand and reach for him but he tenses beneath her touch and takes a step back. Before she can figure out what's happening Caroline is there asking for a few moments of her time.

She's on the precipice of making up an excuse except the blond is staring at her with those pleading pretty eyes and it's just too hard to turn her down. She nods once and follows her into the den Damon and Elena forgotten for the moment.

They stand on opposite sides of the room. Caroline's hands clasped behind her back, her stance is screaming with trepidation and Bonnie is not sure what to expect.

Caroline has never been one to wait on anything and so it doesn't surprise her when she jumps right in; asking her about school and boys and classes and for just a second Bonnie indulges her; Allows them to slip back into that old familiar routine of being besties; laughing and joking as if the last six months didn't happen and she rationalizes it simply by saying sometimes everyone needs a little time to play pretend… they can lie to each other and act as though nothing is wrong and they are the same as they always have been… but then Caroline goes and messes it all up with four words.

"Bonnie… I'm so sorry."

And just like that, pretend time is over.

She doesn't say anything and so Caroline barrels on, filling up the space between them with words of apology and regret.

"I should have called you. I should have been a better friend. It was wrong to shut you out. You were only doing what you thought was right." She reaches for Bonnie's hand and there is evident relief when she doesn't pull away. " I just… I just want us to be friends again."

"Friends… you want to be friends."

There is a beat of silence as Bonnie stares down at their intertwined hands. How many times had they held hands growing up? How many times had they reached back and grabbed for one another when either of them fell behind?

"Do you remember when we were in the fifth grade and you, me and Elena signed up for that Obstacle Run at school?"

"Oh yeah…Elena had to drop out because she got the flu… she was so mad." She smiles. It was one of the only times she felt like Bonnie was more of her best friend that Elena's. "It was fun."

She nods. "I hated it."

"What; you said you loved it!"

Chuckling softly she shakes her head. "It was cold that day and rainy and there was so much mud and I just remember thinking how lucky Elena was that she had the flu."

"Then why didn't you say something?"

"Because you wanted to do it… and you didn't want to do it alone." She exhales deeply. "And you wanted to win and I wanted you to win. When they blew that whistle and we took off, the only thing I kept thinking was 'please let her win." She smiles. "And you would have… you were in the lead, you had crossed the monkey bars no problem, you hopped the tires like you could fly and the only thing left was scaling the wall and you were already at the top and you looked back and saw me. And there was little ole Bonnie stuck at the bottom desperately trying to keep up… and what did you do?"

"Bonnie…"

"You reached down and grabbed my hand and pulled me up." She feels Caroline's fingers flex within hers. "Even though it slowed you down and cost you the race, you reached back and grabbed for me. And I never doubted that you would; Because that was us. That's who we were." She blinks as she feels the tears come to her eyes before looking up at Caroline. "So I guess what I'm saying is that yeah, we can be friends. We can send each other emails and call one another on the phone when one of us remembers and send strategically dated birthday cards and Christmas presents… but we can never be what we once were. We can never have that back again."

Cocking her head slightly there are tears in Caroline's eyes that have fallen beautifully onto her pale cheeks. "I don't believe that." She whispers brokenly and her tone tells Bonnie that she is lying. She does believe it…she just doesn't want to believe it.

Bonnie can understand that because this right here; this is hard and this hurts. She can completely relate. This truth is the breaking kind and how do you deal with something like that… Caroline didn't want to and Bonnie didn't want to make her.

Apparently they were back to playing pretend after all.

"Barbie… your lap dog is looking for you." Damon remarks standing in the doorway.

Caroline wipes her eyes with the back of her hand even as she throws a scathing look in his direction. "Bite me!" She remarks.

"I'll leave that to your boyfriend…but then again that might just kill you!" He shoots back quickly smirking as she rolls her eyes.

"God I hate you."

"Ditto!"

Looking back at Bonnie she exhales deeply. "This isn't over." She remarks giving her a small smile and then zipping out of the room slightly pushing into Damon on the way out muttering a quick 'asshole' as she goes.

They are alone…

She can feel him still standing there, his eyes are on her back and she takes a moment. Her hands open and close a few times and she bites her lower lip and blinks rapidly before turning to him. There isn't even a second of reprieve before her eyes meet his and there is that feeling of suffocation again. He stands there blocking the only exit and she has a brief moment of insanity when she thinks of jumping out the window, crashing through glass and all but she's trying to be less dramatic these days.

"I should go." And there is a beat as neither one of them moves and she's looking at his face but it's giving absolutely nothing away and it dawns on her that perhaps the moment she thought they shared wasn't a moment at all. His lack of emotion is making her doubt what she thought was between them, or could be between them and it's making that weight on her chest that much heavier. Did she imagine it? Did she dream up that almost kiss? Can he really not see what she feels for him?

She moves to pass him when his hand shoots out barring her exit. His palm lays openly on the flat plane of her stomach and even through her thermal sweater she can feel his touch. She inhales sharply at the contact but doesn't move away. She looks down as his fingers press into her, lifting slightly and then pushing into her again, almost as if trying to determine if this is real, if she is real.

"Damon…"

"Bonnie…" He answers.

She swallows hard. "What are you…"

"I just have to know." His voice is low with a husky kind of smoothness and it has her looking up into his eyes. She watches them catch the light, blend and transform it into something she can't name. And that's when she sees that he's holding onto his emotions like a tightly tethered rope. His pretense of being nonchalant is quickly dissipating.

"Know…know what?" She asks.

He's looking into her face, and she feels naked and exposed and so fucking scared because she knows what's coming even if she doesn't really know what's coming.

Before she can question him further he moves in and covers her mouth with his own his restraint snapping. It takes her a second before she realizes what is happening. Her mind is slow even as her body reacts to him instantaneously. She opens beneath his coaxing lips and when his tongue is in her mouth getting all kinds of familiar with her inside she can't help but moan and reach out for him. Her fingers tug at the ends of his t-shirt at his waist and the fabric is smooth to the touch like his skin. And all she can think is he is kissing her.

Being kissed by Damon is like skydiving. She has never been but she imagines this is what it's like. Free falling, desperately trying to breathe and unable to stop the constant rush that is pushing at you from all sides. And he is… it's like his hands and mouth and tongue are everywhere; wrapped in her hair, inside her mouth, at the nape of her neck. He is suffocating her and it's the sweetest thing she has ever known.

And she's not sure when he pushed her up against the door or even when he closed it but she can feel the wood at her back, the brass doorknob pressing into her lower thorax and when she pulls back for air she can't help but ask…

"Elena…" It's only one word but the meaning is very clear.

He presses his forehead into hers breathing in oxygen he doesn't need.

"Is gone," he answers and he can see the confusion in her green pupils. They are not just green though. They are a combination of colors, shades of emerald, jade and hints of mahogany. "I told her… the truth."

She furrows her brow. "The truth…"

"…she needs to be sure of what she wants."

"She wants you. " She answers because she really believes this. She knows this like she knows the color of the sky. In this moment Elena wants to be with Damon. She can see it. She can feel it. "What do you want?" She asks.

When he hesitates it causes her to step back, press herself into the door and put enough distance between them so he is no longer touching her. "Bonnie…"

"What do you want?" She asks again.

He is silent for almost twelve seconds but it feels like a fucking lifetime to her. "Bonnie… all I know is wanting her."

She nods and licks her lips. His taste is still there. He is still all over her even if he isn't touching her. But she can still feel him. She inhales….exhales and looks down at the floor because looking at him in not an option…not right now.

Her mind and her heart feel as if they have been run through a right here… this hurt…this pain…it will break her if she lets it. And she can't let it. She has to acknowledge that there is a part of him that still wants Elena when all she wants is to be wanted by him.

There are a lot of things that she can do. But this isn't one of them.

She can't play pretend with him.

She won't.

She inhales and her breath hitches on a sob that never comes. "I'm real." She says softly. "What I feel for you is real." Even if what he feels for her isn't.

She swallows anything else she might say and turns away from him. She is halfway out the door when his hand grips the wooden frame above her head and his voice stops her.

"She's right you know…"

Looking back she focuses her stare on a spot at his chest. "About?"

He leans in his lips are so close. They are brushing against her cheek, the shell of her ear and she doesn't want to shiver but she can't stop it. He's practically hovering over her inside her personal space and somehow he seems closer than he was when his tongue was in her mouth. His other hand skims her shoulder and glides down her arm. He watches the movement as though his fingers aren't his own before he replies.

"This isn't over."