Aaaaand we're liking this new development :)


Chapter 6 – Lonely or Alone

The room freezes.

"You can hear her?" Eleazar breathes.

"What is she thinking?" Jasper inquires.

I paused to solidify my focus. "She's thinking about driving in a car at night. It's raining and the radio is on." Why is she thinking about driving a car?

"Wait. She's dreaming! I can hear her dreams!"

This new information sets off a whole new wave of speculation. I only half listen as my mind is drawn back to Bella's dream. She's pulling off the road to a wooded area that doesn't have any lights. How long has it been since I dreamed? I don't remember any dreams from my human life.

Carlisle pulls my attention back into the real world saying, "Edward, Eleazar thinks he can get a better read from Bella since her shielding ability does not appear to functioning currently. Can you take him to her room?"

Eleazar follows me as I continue to focus on Bella's dream. She's starting to think someone's following her through the forest. She pulls out her flashlight and does a sweep of the path behind her.

We enter her room silently and move off to the corner. I pull myself from Bella's dream and divert my attention towards Eleazar's thoughts; I see how his gift works.

It's a mixture of feeling and thought. He concentrates on a subject's mind and feels which parts of the brain are active. Sensing those, he determines if the activity rises above the normal threshold for that part of the brain.

My attention is yanked away from Eleazar and back into Bella's dream as she breaks out into a sprint through the forest while trying to make it back to her car. I look on helplessly as she's tackled from behind and pinned to the ground. She realizes there are two men attacking her as she's flipped over and restrained. As she thrashes and tries to break free, one guy takes a long knife and lowers it to her throat.

As he slits her throat she bolts upright in bed, screaming herself awake.

Eleazar and I vacate the room faster than human eyes could ever see.

"Did you know that was coming?" Eleazar whispers to me as I close Bella's door.

"It was a horrifying nightmare, but I didn't think it would wake her up. Get Jasper."

He nods and moves quickly down the hall. I turn around and re-enter the room again at human speed to find her in the same position I left her in. I try to focus on her mind but once again, I can't hear her thoughts.

I move over to the side of her bed. "Bella, are you alright? I heard screaming."

She pulls her head out of her hands, looks over at me, blinks a few times, and finally speaks.

"I'm sorry Edward; it was just a bad dream. It's just detoxing from yesterday's events."

Wait, she knows why she wakes up screaming?

"Does this happen often?" I ask.

She slowly nods, "Almost every night; sometimes I get a night off. I'm really sorry I scared you again. Do you know if anyone else heard me?"

She relives getting her throat slit and she's worried about scaring me?

"It's ok Bella, don't worry about it. Can I get you anything?" I ask.

"No, I'm fine." She says sleepily. "I'm used to it by now. Thank you though." She lies back down and pulls the covers up to her chin. I notice Jasper at the doorway sending waves of relaxation towards Bella. She quickly goes back to sleep while Jasper and I rejoin the rest of the family downstairs.

Eleazar was talking to the group. "As I was just saying, Bella is indeed talented. Understand that in human form, abilities are harder to discern; they feel more nebulous and hard to quantify. There is also no reason to think her talents would increase while mortal."

"What's under her shield?" Jasper asks with baited breath.

Eleazar begins, "The shield itself is one that covers her conscious mind or her conscious awareness. I felt it, but it appeared to be sleeping, like her. Under her shield is just as interesting. She has an increased awareness of the human mind. She notices more about her surroundings than other humans do. Specifically, she is more aware of people around her."

I spoke. "She mentioned she paid more attention to her dreams than other people do. She saw your painting Carlisle, and remembered it over a year later."

Carlisle nods, "Would you consider her talents a dual ability Eleazar?"

Eleazar pauses, "I don't think so; I think its two separate talents, which is rare. The shield itself is only around the conscious mind while her perception ability was active while I was in the room."

"Is she aware of these abilities?" Jasper cuts in.

"I can't say." Eleazar replies. "Since the shield is centered in her conscious mind, she may be aware of it. I don't know about her perception ability."

Eleazar is silent, but his thoughts take a disturbing turn.

"Absolutely not!" I hiss towards Eleazar.

"It was just a thought Edward." Eleazar replies slightly irritated. "I was just wondering how her talents would manifest should she be turned." He said aloud for the benefit of the rest of the group.

"What's the big deal about that?" Irina pipes up.

"Calm down Edward" Carlisle says. "I was thinking the same thing. It doesn't mean that anybody is thinking about changing her."

Why did I react like that?

"I'm sorry. I'm not accusing anybody, Bella's dream was unsettling to say the least."

"Speaking of which, what dream made her scream like that?" Esme asks. She's comparing the events earlier this evening to the recent episode.

I take a deep breath, "She was dreaming about getting her throat slit in a dark forest by 2 guys in masks" I say as clinically as possible. There are some things I wish I could forget.

A stunned silence resonates around the room. Jasper speaks up first.

"I suspect she's processing her feelings about the murdered police officers. She's putting herself in their place."

Esme, having heard everything Bella said upstairs replies exasperated, "She goes through that every night?"

Alice finally speaks up, "Nearly every night. There is another concern we have not discussed."

All eyes turn toward my sister.

"Yes?" Carlisle said.

"The Volturi." Alice says.

What did they have to do with Bella's nightmares?

"What about them?" I ask.

My skin crawls with the answer in her head.

She took a deep breath. "Aro has been toying with paying Carlisle a friendly visit. Because we are so close to this killing spree, if the nomadic coven attracts the attention of the Volturi, Aro will accompany the guard."

Eleazar is the first to put the pieces together. "I don't see how it could be avoided." He muses.

"If Aro touches any of us he will covet Bella's potential." Eleazar says. "At that point we would not be able to stop her transformation, at Aro's hand no less."

"It's worse than that" Alice replies. "If he touches any of us during Bella's lifetime he will acquire her."

"What?" Rosalie shouts. "We have to avoid the Volturi for the next 60 years because we chose to stay and take care of the nomads?"

"If you kill the nomads before Volterra notices you won't have a problem; assuming you stay away from Italy." Kate replies like she's stating the obvious.

Emmett speaks up with a big grin, "We already killed one, bagging the other two won't be hard."

"Alice" Carlisle speaks. "Has Volterra noticed the activities of the nomadic coven yet?"

She pauses for a moment before answering, "No."

"Would you like us to stay and help you catch the offending coven?" Carmen offers. Her thoughts are kind as always, but she is not enthusiastic about her family being in danger of the Volturi and she's looking forward to getting back to Denali.

"That's very kind of you, but 7 against 2 isn't much of a fight; isn't that right Jasper?" Carlisle says as he stands up to escort Eleazar's family to their plane. Jasper says confidently, "It will be a rout; they stand no chance. It's why they ran in the first place." Jasper says confidently.

That makes me feel better as well.

Everyone says their goodbyes and Carlisle leaves to take the Denalis to their plane. The rest of us talk over the events of the night for a few minutes, but when Bella starts dreaming again, I want to focus on her so I move to my room.

Bella's is dancing in a studio. It's not a performance; she's alone. It reminds me of the innocent joy I felt from her earlier via Jasper. Now, like earlier, she doesn't act like it's for anyone but her. I did notice she never once fell while dancing though.

The dream abruptly ends; she must have slipped out of REM sleep. I was left to my own thoughts.

Where do I even begin? The overall attempt to gather intelligence on Bella had worked beyond my highest hopes but my discussion with Jasper earlier also raised a host of questions.

Do I love her?

That was a terrifying thought. Watching Bella's life ebb away over decades filled me with a longing I didn't know how to escape from. On the other hand, I didn't have the right to ask her to join me as a parasite and I certainly can't ask an FBI agent if she would be willing to join the world of the supernatural. I couldn't silence her if she said no and The Volturi wouldn't tolerate a human knowing our secret, especially if they learn of her potential talent.

This has no happy ending.

The problem Bella herself posed is of a more immediate nature. Her skills create an exposure threat to my family which we have no defense for at the moment. Alice can give us some warning, but migration is our only real remedy and that is currently unavailable to us. The absolute necessity of eliminating what's left of the nomadic coven is the highest priority and we have to wait until they resurface to move.

Bella begins to dream again; a child is standing in a room next to a staircase talking to a woman. The woman is completely calm while asking the girl about her homework but the girl is getting nervous. A split second later, the woman grabs the girl by the arm and throws her down the stairs while the little girl tries to catch herself. The woman then follows her down the stairs and starts punching the child saying, "Apologize!"

The child screams, "I'm sorry mom!"

This. Is. A. Mother?

This mother then picked up the girl by the hair and shoved her onto the stairs she had just been thrown down. "Get to your room and get your homework done!"

The girl runs up to her bedroom and locks the door, only then does she relax. She walks over to her mirror and looks at her arm, which is red and starting to swell. Then I notice her chocolate eyes. They're not crying. She just moves to her bed and looks over her wounds.

As suddenly as the dream started, it stops.

I pray that was not her mother; I'll have to kill her. How do you do that to a child! She was forced to apologize while being beaten?

I realize Esme's touch earlier probably triggered this very memory.

How did Bella survive her childhood and what effects did it still have on her? I was horrified and curious as to how Bella 'made her childhood a servant' as she put it. I can see why she likes to hunt evil; I'm only watching a rerun and I'm fantasizing about some vigilante justice.

Restless, I get up and walk down the hall to where Bella is sleeping. I pause at the door, listening for what I don't know. Alice says softly "Down here Edward" from her office. I open her door and find her working on some designs for the store in town.

"Edward, you need to make a choice about Bella if you want my help. Right now I can see her future like I always do, but yours on the other hand has become very shifty."

"What choice can I possibly make?" I say exasperated as I throw my hands in the air. "She can't know about us, I can't stay with her, I have no right to turn her, we can't hide her from Aro and I can't stop thinking about her! What would you do?"

"Edward" she begins. "Has it occurred to you that she might want this life?"

"How can you say that?" I snap. "This is not the way we were meant to live, always on the outside, always looking in and watching life pass us by over and over again."

Alice squares her shoulders, causing me a pang of fear. "Now you listen to me Edward, we might be forever watching humanity from afar, but I remember waking up from the burning seeing things that I couldn't control or explain and I know how that feels. I can't help but wonder if I woke up screaming like she does when I was human. If I did, then I'm grateful for what I have now and this IS something I would have chosen for myself so don't be so morose; you could have worse things in your life than a chance at love with a woman that makes you feel alive."

With the exception of Esme, Alice holds the best aim in javelin-of-truth conversations. I can see her point… going right through my ignorant opinion.

"Sorry Alice, I just don't know what to do." I say defeated as I walk towards her door.

"You need to take things as they come Edward." She replies. "Even I don't like to see the end from the beginning all the time and I can tell you from experience that finding and experiencing the unknown is what makes the difference between an existence and a life."

"I'll think about it." I say as I close her door.

I make my way back to my room, pausing again at her door on the way for no good reason. She wasn't dreaming yet when I heard Carlisle return the airport. I also noticed that he filled a prescription for some pain-killers, some anti-inflammatory medication and a set of crutches. I guess working at the ER has its perks.

When Carlisle brought Bella's supplies up to her room, he found me standing by her door. He nodded, opened her door and moved over to the bedside table to leave her pills and crutches where she would be able to get at them from the bed. I followed him in, though I didn't really have a reason to do so.

Bella slept as the sun broke through the windows. I quietly drew the shades so She could sleep as long as she wanted; I wanted her to stay as long as possible.

She looks so peaceful.

Bella began yet another dream as the sun peeked through the drapes and I made my way back to my room. I could watch her forever, but should she suddenly wake up with me and sunlight in the room, the results would be disastrous.

This dream wasn't as solid as the other dreams she had. It was nebulous and convoluted, almost as if she was walking through a fog. She was sitting at a police desk in the middle of a park.

This is odd.

I look towards the sun through her eyes and can almost feel the warmth of it bearing down on my face.

"Why do you choose to stay here?" a voice whispers.

Bella turns towards the voice; I'm surprised to see myself standing next to her desk. It's odd to see myself in broad daylight while still looking human.

"Because I'm alone" She replies.

"Why are you lonely?" Dream Edward asks.

"I'm not lonely, I'm alone. There's a difference." She says serenely while shuffling papers on the desk. She looks at a couple of families having a picnic in the park and smiles.

What does she mean? What's the difference between lonely and alone?

I was hoping that dream Edward would ask her that very question. Instead he replies, "Do you want to be alone?"

"No, but I can't pretend to be something I'm not and nobody stays unless I live their lie. I would rather be myself and alone than a lonely façade of myself with people who only think they know me."

"What would you rather be Edward, lonely or alone?" She asks in reply with her head tilted to the side.

Wow, she's right. There is a difference.

Which do I want to be?

Dream Edward leans into Bella's ear and breathes, "Come and see."

Bella shudders in her dream as she whispers "Edward." Out loud.

That is the best sound I've heard all night.

Back in Bella's dream however, she is passionately kissing dream Edward. Kissing myself through her eyes is disconcerting to say the least and I try to extricate myself from Bella's mind quickly. Unfortunately, at this time Bella's mind is as inescapable as everyone else's, so I leap from my window and run until Bella is out of range.

What have I begun?

Bella's dreams were very intense and honestly, I had no idea how she does that every night and stays sane.

What lie did she live that taught her the difference between being lonely and alone?

There's only one thing I know for certain.

I can't leave her.

I don't know if there is a God, but I pray I can find a way to know and understand the woman who turned my world upside down in less than 48 hours.

I don't know how to make this end well, but maybe Alice is right. Maybe it's not necessary to see the end from the beginning. Maybe it's just necessary to do the best you can with what you have.

I start my journey back to the house when I get a text from Alice. "Change your clothes before you see her; she'll notice."

I make a note to enter the house via my bedroom window when I get another text from Alice, "Be honest with her, she'll know if you're faking."

I text back asking if there is anything else I should know to which she responds, "Emmett heard Bella say your name in her sleep. Be prepared."

Oh, that's rich. Emmettthinks he's going to tease me about Bella when I could make him whimper with the images I've pulled out of him and Rose.

I run back to the house and jump in my window. Bella's thoughts are silent again, she's awake. She's talking with Esme in the kitchen, complimenting my mom's cooking.

That is what was in the extra shopping bags. Good one Alice.

I change clothes and make my way down to the kitchen. Bella and Esme are chatting happily about Esme's remodeling and design business as she eats a hearty breakfast with eggs, bacon, a bagel and some strawberries.

"Good morning Edward; did you enjoy sleeping in?" Esme asks with a huge smile on her face and a twinkle in her eye. She was clearly enjoying her conversation with Bella.

"Yes I did mom, thanks for asking" I reply with equal excitement. "Where is everybody?"

"Your father is working the Saturday morning shift and Alice is down at the shop. Rose, Emmett and Jasper are on their way to a car show." Esme mentally tells a different story. "Rose, Emmett and Jasper are out following the trail of the remaining nomadic coven. They are all eager to end the threat."

Bella pipes up. "Ummm, hi. I was on my way out the door when your mom scolded me for trying to leave before breakfast." She sheepishly looks back towards Esme. "What were your words Esme? Something along the lines of, "There will be no walks of shame in my house?"

Esme chuckles. "Something like that."

I walked over to my awesome mother and give her a hug while whispering a thank you in her ear to which she counters, "It's been my pleasure. Bella is truly refreshing."

I join Bella at the kitchen table as Esme's phone rings. Alice.

"I'll be in my office if you need anything Bella." Esme says as Alice's thinly veiled plot continues to unfold.

"So Bella, you were going to do the walk of shame?" I ask playfully.

She looks at me with a hint of admission and the smallest spark in her eye.

She shrugs, "It was more like the hobble of shame, but I didn't want to impose on you or your family. I've done that enough."

"You're lucky Alice wasn't here when you tried to pull that; it would not have ended well for you." I shot back.

"I would beg to differ, but if your mother can corner me like that I wouldn't stand a chance against Alice. I was thoroughly owned by her last night." She says while grinning and pushing her plate away.

She continues, "Which brings me to another question; do you know where my gun is?"

"Uh, I think it's still in Carlisle's study. I'll go look."

The weapon was indeed still there and I was reminded of the events that left the gun here in the first place. I returned to the kitchen to find Bella at the sink, washing her dishes.

"If Esme catches you doing that, I'll have hell to pay." I say as I take her by the waist and pull her away from the sink. This could be fun…

"I have to do something Edward!" She whines as she reaches towards the sink. "I've made enough messes here, don't you think?"

"Not really, no."

She stares at me with a quizzical look before saying, "Can I have my gun back?"

"Uh sure, here you go."

She softly thanks me for getting it and loads it into her purse.

"Thanks for inviting me to such a nice party; I really had a good time" she says with a smile on her face, but it doesn't reach her eyes like it usually does.

"You're welcome" I coo. Something's missing here, how do I let her know that she really is welcome.

"My family loved you and I'm sure Esme would be happy to have you over anytime." I add. Well, almost the whole family.

A small, sad look crosses Bella's face.

She takes a deep breath, "Edward, we both know I freaked out your family and while Esme is a wonderful woman, she's the kind of person that would love to care for almost anyone. I'm really sorry for ruining the party. I should go." She reaches for her crutches and starts to hobble away.

"But" she pauses, "For what it's worth, you have a great family and they did in fact vouch for you."

Oh Crap… This is what Alice meant. I was just trying to be polite and make her feel welcome! Now she thinks I'm patronizing her.

"Can you give me the number of wherever you got these?" She motions to her crutches.

I give her the best smile I have. "You can thank Carlisle when you see him next. Furthermore, you didn't scare me, you amazed me and I was wondering if there was anywhere we needed to stop before we got to your house."

Her eyes bulge and her heartbeat speeds up. She looks at me with a piercing gaze before saying, "There's something about you that's different and I haven't figured it out yet."

"When you figure it out, will you let me know?" I smoothly reply. What I really want to do is give her the best hug she can handle.

She stills for a moment before saying, "I need something from you Edward, and understand that I don't ever ask this of people."

"Whatever you want is yours." I reply. I hope I can give at least that to her.

She takes a deep breath, "Honesty. I need honesty. I've worked hard to make a life where I feel honest towards myself and I won't allow people into my life that erode that work. If you have the slightest respect for me as a person, you will be honest with me; even when it's not popular."

Her eyes bore into me with the most sincere look I have ever seen from her. It feels like asking for this simple thing is harder for her than talking about her horrifying dreams.

Don't bet against Alice.

It's time for my own brutal honesty. "Bella, you are the most fascinating and alluring thing I have ever seen. I promise to tell you everything you don't want to hear if you will pay me the same compliment."

She looks straight into my eyes for a few seconds before smiling and saying, "Well then, I have a master's degree in brutal honesty and I'll be happy to excuse your slip up earlier if you tell me how bad I scared your family on the way to my place."

That went better than I expected.

"Deal, now do you need to stop anywhere first?"

"Not really, I just really want to change out of my walk of shame clothes."

I help her into the car and take her crutches. As we pull out of my driveway, she starts in with her questions.

"So will you tell me how awkward last night was for your family?" She says with a mock cringe.

"Which part, your PTSD reaction, your abusive parents, waking up screaming or the fact that you brought a gun to the party? Speaking of which, can I ask why you thought you needed to be armed for family game night?"

She put her face in her hands, "There is not enough facepalm to go around."

"However" I add, "you didn't scare them as much as peak their curiosity. You have Esme wrapped around your little finger, Carlisle would love to pick your brain due to your profession, Jasper finds you refreshing and Alice, well… you met Alice. Rose is not a fan of yours, but Emmett is already thinking about ways to use you to get to me; he loves to play pranks." Oh, and you're possibly the death of us.

"Now tell me" I continued, "Why did you come armed?"

"I'm armed everywhere I go; it's just a good habit to keep." She says nonchalantly as she pulls her face out of her hands. "I guess that could have gone worse… somehow."

We drove for a while in silence. I guess she was going to a place she never had been before, maybe it would make sense to bring a gun. It's not like she intended for us to know about it.

"Do you know why Rosalie dislikes me?" Bella finally says as we pull into her driveway.

I get Bella out of the car and into the house with her crutches and purse while I try to explain Rosalie to her.

"Rose is generally an unhappy person; I think her opinion of you has more to do with her than you."

Bella nods as we stood in her parlor, "That fits."

There was an awkward silence as Bella shifted.

"Hey, um…" Bella says, obviously hesitant to say something.

"Bella" I chide. "Spit it out or I'll give you a fake compliment."

She snorts, "I bet it will be something like 'your clothes look good right now.'"

"Bella, I also know a deflection when I see one."

"The jig is up!" Bella says with a laugh and a hand-in-the-cookie-jar look. If I didn't know better, I would say she's shy.

"Bella, I also know two deflections when I see them."

She pauses and looks at me for a second before dropping her gaze, "Um, I've never really been good at relationships so I don't know what I'm supposed to do now; but I was wondering if you would be interested in staying for a movie."

I bring her chin up and look directly in her eyes. "I would love to stay, what movie did you have in mind?"

Her heart rate jumps and she sways forward the smallest bit. Then she breaks into a stunning smile and replies, "Have you even seen Napoleon Dynamite?"

"Is it a documentary about France?" I have never heard of it.

She barks out a laugh, "Sort of. I need to change out of these walk of shame clothes. Make yourself at home." she waves towards the back of the house. "The kitchen is around the corner; I'll be right back."

Bella turns to go up the stairs, leaving her crutches at the bottom. Ten minutes later she emerges wearing a white turtle neck and black smokestack pants with some of the thickest socks I had ever seen and dragging the feather quilt she had thrown down the stairs behind her.

"I get cold really easy, so I always bundle up when sitting still in the winter."

We watched this documentary of what turned out to be Southern Idaho and Bella couldn't stop laughing. I simply didn't get it, but I can't wait to force Emmett to watch it. As we sat on the couch watching Kip and LaFonduh ride off into the sunset on a horse, sings her ode to I love technology.

"Wow Bella. I get to pick the next one." Her taste in movies could use a tune-up.

"You didn't like it?" She giggles. "I reserve the right to veto anything with Monty Python in the title."

"Deal" I say as I take out my cell phone to send Alice a text. "I need to get going, I have a late shift tonight. I'm texting Alice to pick me up; do you need me to get you anything before I leave? She'll be here in about 15 minutes."

"Oh, ok." Bella replies while alternating between sighing and laughing. "I'll be fine; this is not my first injury."

I remembered what she said earlier about Rosalie and a new curiosity sprouts in my mind.

"Bella, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure." She says as she hobbles towards the kitchen.

"Earlier when I told you how my family wasn't freaked out by you, I remembered that I'm short an answer. When we got here, you said that you weren't surprised Rosalie didn't like you."

"Yes, I remember." She replies calmly.

"I wondered why you weren't surprised. Did she say something to you?"

"No no, nothing like that. But now you're asking for trade secrets" she says coyly.

"Hmmmm. What would it take to get some of those in trade?" I say playfully. It must not be that bad if she's joking about it.

"Let me think…" she says. Then she starts rubbing her hands together in a super villain sort of way and says, "You have to help me play a prank on Emmett."

"Is that all?" I laugh. "Deal."

She starts to make herself some hot cocoa, "You know the phrase, you never get a second chance to make a first impression?"

"Yes" I reply.

"Well, human psychology causes us to make snap judgments about our real time environment. Most people aren't consciously aware of these judgments."

"I'm with you so far" I said.

"I however, am a freak" she shoots back.

"Now I don't follow."

"When I meet people for the first time, I also make those same snap judgments. The difference between me and other people is that I consciously recognize those intuitive cues. I trust my sub-conscious and use the information as a tool in behavioral profiling."

Carlisle is right, she's aware of her gifted abilities.

"Wow, that's fascinating. I'm sure Jasper would love to talk shop with you; he's a shrink by the way."

"I know." Bella says. "Tyler told me after he noticed me staring at you during our first meeting." I see her cheeks blushing ever so slightly.

"But Bella, what made you think that Rosalie didn't like you?"

"Oh that. My first phrase gave me a clue."

"What's the first phrase?"

"My first phrase is that feeling or idea I get with those snap judgments that coalesce into a phrase or word. It's the result of my intuitive analysis."

"So what was Rosalie's first phrase?" I'm riveted to my seat. I get to see Bella's ability in action.

"Stone." She replies.

Oh crap.

She's more powerful than we thought.


That's right Edward, you have not even begun to learn how powerful she can be :)