Sasuke sobbed uncontrollably into his pillow.
How could I be so stupid? I should have known Naruto didn't have feelings for me. But that still doesn't make it hurt any less…
Sasuke opened the curtains of his room. He could see the sun begin to rise.
I've spent the entire night crying over Naruto, what's wrong with me? I should be more focused on learning special jutsus from Orochimaru, not chasing after some silly blonde boy.
Sasuke felt an intense pain in his lower abdomen. That's odd… he thought. It's probably just food poisoning from Chili's… I should go to the bathroom.
Sasuke wiped tears from his eyes as he finally climbed out of bed and left his room.
I should talk to someone about this, but who? Kakashi is mad at me for leaving the Leaf Village, Sakura is annoying, Orochimaru is a freaking weirdo, and Kabuto only cares about pizza. Wait a minute! There's only one person who won't judge me… Itachi!
Sasuke walked past the kitchen. The entire kitchen was covered in boxes of DiGiorno pizza. Kabuto must have been here… thought Sasuke. He felt an intense pain in his stomach and hurried to the bathroom.
I should go visit Itachi today, he still lives in the old Uchiha village. He can help me with my problems.
Sasuke entered the bathroom. What an odd sensation… he thought. It feels like I have to poop and pee at the same time. Perhaps I should try peeing first.
He unzipped his pants. He found himself straining to pee. What's going on here?
He felt sweat begin to trickle down his brow. His face slowly turned a deep red. His hands were clenched into fists. At long last something came out. But it wasn't what Sasuke was expecting.
A long skinny poo dangled from Sasuke's weiner. Sasuke screamed.
"Sasuke! Are you alright in there? I heard screaming," called Orochimaru.
"I'm… uhh… fine. Just saw a snake," lied Sasuke.
"Oh dear me, my snakes are getting a little out of control lately. What does the snake look like dear?"
"Uhh… it's… long… and… brown," Just like my poo.
"Oh my. Sounds like a nasty one. Could you bring it out here and show me once you're done?"
"Uhh… it slithered out the window," lied Sasuke as he cleaned himself up. That was a close one… and why did I poop out my weiner? Perhaps I should ask Itachi about this…
"Hmmm that's odd, I don't recall that bathroom having a window," said Orochimaru.
Sasuke eagerly flushed the toilet.
"Oh wait it just came back in, and I just flushed it down the toilet," Sasuke called.
He opened the door as soon as he was finished. Orochimaru was waiting.
"Oh would you look at the time Sasuke, it's time for my medicine!" smiled Orochimaru.
I don't want to accidentally poop in the spoon, Orochimaru couldn't have picked a worse time for this!
"Uhh actually, I'm not feeling so good and I don't think I'll be able to fill your spoon today. Go ask Kabuto to do it."
"That is disappointing. Oh well, perhaps I'll try something different today. I want to introduce you to a friend of mine. Her name is Chrysanthemum. But be careful, she's a little shy."
"I don't have time for this. I need to talk to Itachi today," said Sasuke.
"Chrysanthemum is right here in this very room," said Orochimaru. He turned his back to Sasuke, leaned forward, and slowly began to pull down his pants, revealing his wrinkly pink butt-hole.
Sasuke turned away in horror. Orochimaru has completely lost his mind!
"Don't stare too long or she'll start to blush!" giggled Orochimaru.
Suddenly something whizzed past Sasuke's ear. Using his sharingan, he could see it was a piece of pizza, thrown by the mischievous Kabuto. The pizza landed on Orochimaru's left butt cheek. Orochimaru began to shart violently in Sasuke's face.
"Oh dear me, it seems Chrysantehmum got a little spooked by something. She is very defensive you know!" chuckled Orochimaru.
Sasuke angrily wiped the poo off his face. "That's it! I'm going to see Itachi right now!" and stormed out.
"Oh Sasuke, be back by 7, me and Kabuto are going to have a special surprise for you when you return!" laughed Orochimaru.
