Ch. 9
Francis eventually got bored with staring Alfred down. He turned over to the television, crossing one leg over his knee and resting an elbow on it while his eyes turned glassy and unfocused with inattention. Alfred still sat in the stiff wooden chair, twiddling his thumbs and eyes roving around the room absently. He was dying to talk to Francis since their last little chat, but he still didn't know what to say. He could accept that he had misunderstood Francis in some ways, but there was still uncertainty there. He decided that there was no use agonizing about it when the man with all the answers was sitting right there.
"I don't even know where to begin thanking you."
"Well it's not like I'd let you freeze to death," Francis said, briefly looking back over at Alfred before directing his attention to the pretty young weather girl that now appeared on the screen. Alfred could tell he wasn't really seeing her, considering his face was devoid of the look of contentment he usually got when he spotted something visually pleasing.
"Not that. Though I am grateful for you having me over, I was talking about you raising me." Alfred shifted in the chair restlessly, his body and his head refusing to work together.
"Raising you really isn't the right wording is it? Even when you were living with me, I was hardly around and you were practically an adult by then." His attention was undividedly on Alfred again, and Alfred tried not to feel gratified by it.
"But that wasn't your fault. And you gave be a home, food, looked after me when you could. You gave me a place where I was able to feel… free?" Before Alfred could get carried away, he sat on the edge of the chair and held out his hands in a pleading gesture. "I guess I don't understand why you were so indulging of me when you were having your own problems."
Francis wore the perfect poker face, "I wasn't indulging you." Alfred made a noise of disbelief, to which Francis responded, "I wasn't. Certainly I was baffled by you wanting me as your guardian at first. You and Arthur were quite close, so I believed that what was going on between you two would eventually blow over. I was simply waiting for you to give in and make up, and go back to infuriating each other in your usual way."
Alfred leaned forward, eyes locked onto Francis' mouth as he tried to process the information. Francis looked like he was halfway between smiling and frowning as he continued, "When you still refused to speak to him after a couple weeks, I was actually on the verge of dragging you back to him kicking and screaming if I had to." This was news to Alfred. He never remembered Francis ever giving any inclination of doing something so drastic. Then again, Francis didn't give any inclination towards many things. Which was becoming more abundantly clear the more 'talks' they both had.
"Obviously I didn't." He settled on smiling when he saw the confusion on Alfred's face. "Mostly because you finally let on what you were so mad about. I could never throw anyone out when I used to be in the same position as them."
"He tried to force you into working in the accounting firm?" Alfred asked disbelievingly.
Francis smiled sadly and shook his head, "No, but our grandfathers started the business together. When we moved to the States, everyone naturally thought that we were going to set up shop here. He assumed that I was going to follow my father and inherit the business, and he was going to do the same. He never quite forgave me after I told him I wouldn't, saying I was a fool for thinking I'd ever become anything as a chef. Once he sent me a birthday card, congratulating me on a lucrative career as a burger flipper after I took over my first restaurant." To Alfred's surprise, Francis looked wistful rather than upset by the memory. Usually he didn't like talking about his early career, the disappointment even after all his accomplishments afterwards was sometimes too much to bear.
"He'll never understand men like us, who long for the freedom we find in doing the things we love. When you said you wanted to forge your own path instead of doing what he wanted, it was like finding a kindred spirit. Someone else who doesn't have hobbies, but passions. To see that fire in your eyes …Well, it was like looking into a less handsome mirror." Alfred scowled at the little jab, and Francis chuckled briefly at the reaction.
"Look at me carrying on like this, I really have gotten long in the tooth." His good humor faded and he rubbed at his temples, "It's true I wanted to make him hurt for a very long time, Alfred. And yes, it mostly had to do with him not giving me back Mathieu. But by the time I was old and you were grown up, it all seemed ridiculous and, quite frankly, exhausting. I wanted to help you because I understood you, and I'm sorry I never made that clear."
Alfred could only nod, not even sure what he was agreeing to. But he didn't dare speak. The impassioned tone Francis spoke in seemed to take up the entire space of the room, encompassing everything and sweeping Alfred away with it. Letting Francis say his piece became something of the utmost importance and he impatiently waited for more. When it became obvious that Francis wasn't going to go on, Alfred battled with himself for a moment as to what to do. Looking at the older man determinedly, he huffed and heaved himself from the chair. He made his way over to him in quick strides, and Francis looked up with slight worry when he saw the grave expression on Alfred's face. He was about to stand, when Alfred sat next to him with a heavy thump.
Seeing that it was his turn to be confused, he didn't resist when Alfred took a hold of his shoulders, making him face the usually youthful features now set into severe lines of concentration. Next thing he knew, he was roughly pulled forward and two strong arms had wrapped themselves around his torso tightly. Blinking at the wall over Alfred's shoulder, he uncertainly brought his own arms up and hugged back. Lightly patting at the boney shoulder blades, he tried to look over when he heard the sound of a muffled voice come distantly from where Alfred had his head buried in his shoulder.
"What?" Francis wasn't sure if his own voice was shaky from surprise or the constricting embrace he found himself in.
"I'm so sorry. I've been an idiot," Alfred repeated, easier to hear once he lifted his head up. Francis' body relaxed and he pulled back to face Alfred. The younger blonde's face was almost comically upset, and Francis felt his shoulder jerk a little when a laugh was diverted as a heavy exhale through his nose.
"We've both been idiots." He ruffled Alfred's hair into an even worse state, and despite his annoyance Alfred grinned.
"So! We're sharing the bed, yes?" He pried himself away from Alfred, who leaned back and tried to hide the way he wiped at his eyes when he thought Francis wasn't looking.
"Depends," the smile dropped off of Alfred's face when he was reminded of his position, "Do you still sleep naked? 'Cause I don't want that nasty surprise again. Also stay on your side. I mean it."
"It's too cold to sleep naked. Especially in a motel, so you can put your fears to rest," he said nonchalantly, and then getting a wicked grin, "For now, at least."
"That's not funny," Alfred muttered darkly and made himself comfortable as he took his own turn watching the television. It was one of those infomercials on diet and exercise, and he tried not to feel jealous repulsion by how huge some of the biceps on the men were.
"Here's hoping the weather will clear up by tomorrow. I need to get all my shopping done," Francis said conversationally, rummaging through his suitcase again but pulling out a different notebook from before. He threw himself down on the bed, letting it bounce the both of them and smiling over at Alfred's unamused glare.
"Does it have to be tomorrow? You still have a couple days," he said, trying to look at the new notebook inconspicuously, but ended up nearly spraining an eyeball from the effort.
"The sooner the better. This late in the week there might not be that much selection left as it is," Francis responded lightly, looking up at Alfred knowingly as he flipped through a mess of chicken scratch and leaned back against the headboard.
"That's true," Alfred tugged idly at the sheets and nibbled at his bottom lip before asking, "You want me to come with? I know a store that's usually cheaper than the big chain ones."
"That would be nice, thank you."
Alfred nodded again, then tenuously moved back and leaned against the headboard with him. Not much else occurred, though both got a little irritated and restless as the day stretched on and it sunk in how cooped up they were. After a while, Francis took to making lists for imaginary meals he never planned on cooking and Alfred was an expert at protein shakes and exercise machines thanks to the perky blond on the screen trying to get him to call her '1-800' number. When the sun started going down, Alfred eventually gave up on staying awake and rolled over on the bed with his back to Francis before dropping off to sleep.
