Release Life's Rapture

Chapter 9: dum spiro, spero

"While I Breathe, I Hope"


Gannicus tried to remember the last time he awoke next to a woman. He could not. The whores he frequented were paid then left, and the women whom he chanced upon were quickly sent away after his needs were satisfied. None stayed. None were asked to stay. But now Alexa was fast asleep beside him, her head resting against his arm, her chest gently rising and falling against his own.

The man stroked her naked shoulder softly with his fingertips, barely touching the creamy flesh in fear that his rough hands would rouse her from sleep. Her skin looked so pale beneath his own, so soft compared to his coarse and scarred hands that he drew back in something akin to shame. Gannicus looked up and met Alexa's eyes, his lips turning up in a gentle smile, but she moved and rolled on her back away from him. All at once, the floor was hard and cold and uncomfortable, and the dull ache between her legs had become a constant throb.

She sat up, trying to cover herself with the man's discarded cloak that was wrapped between them. Gannicus reached out to touch her, but stopped just short, and Alexa looked over her shoulder at the still lying man. The rising cacophony of the rebels outside pounded in her head, and the magic haze of the night passed had been blown away, leaving only painful reality in its wake.

"I thought it a dream," the girl said, and turned from Gannicus again. "I wish it were."

"What prompts such a change of heart?"

The sound of steel against steel rang in Alexa's ears. Light shone in from the empty doorway, showing the dust that gathered in the air. Someone passed the open entrance of the room, but did not bother to glance inside. "What will you do with me?" she asked instead of answering his question.

Gannicus rose and placed his hands on the girl's shoulders. "Tell me," he said. He nuzzled his nose in the crook of her neck and kissed the skin there, but she was impassive to his efforts. "Tell me what you want."

She pressed the cloak tighter to her breast. "I want to go home."

The man stood swiftly, with a sigh that could have been a laugh, and the girl watched him all the while, her eyes trained on him as he picked up a cup and amphora from the ground. He poured himself a drink - water, Alexa noted - and Gannicus swallowed it with obvious disappointment.

Despite herself, her gaze roamed over the lean length of her companion's form. He was still nude, and unabashed of his state of undress. Gods, there was no doubt in her mind how she let herself be tempted so easily, but she was still ashamed. The gladiator turned and caught Alexa staring, and the girl averted her eyes to the floor before him. He pulled on his breeches, for her sake, with an annoyed growl that she could hear from across the room.

"You are no longer a child," he said, "and your life is your own. I will take you back to Capua, back to the praetor, and whatever happens to you will no longer be my concern."

Alexa got to her feet, the man's cloak wrapped awkwardly around her body, her bare feet dirty and hair a tangled nest, but she attempted to look as dignified as she could. "My life has never been any of your concern," the Roman replied. "And I would be safe were it not for a drunken outlaw stealing me away!"

Gannicus threw his head back and laughed. The sound was a cruel bass in Alexa's ears, and his face mockingly beautiful as he stared at her. "Better you be safe in the presence of a drunken outlaw than risk death putting your faith in a brother who doesn't care if you live or die!"

The girl wrapped the cloak around her more closely. "Why would you -"

"Lucretia thought it to be so," the man said as he took a step closer to Alexa. "Was she false in her belief?"

Alexa did not answer him at first, but turned her face away from the man so he could not see her eyes growing moist. He had seen her cry once, it would happen no more. He was right, she was no longer a child, and all the illusions of life that she carried before have been revealed as false.

"He would kill me," she admitted, "if I got in his way. But they would kill me," the girl motioned toward the entrance of the room, "for no reason other than I am a Roman. The men you saved from the arena were in my brother's villa, listening as one of their own was butchered. And I was there. They'll kill me for that, as well."

Gannicus walked closer to Alexa as she spoke, slowly, his eyes emotionless but locked on hers. "I told you I would keep you safe," he said as he handed her his cup, still filled with water. "And the words I speak are not false."

She nodded her head, to tired to argue, and drank from the cup, not knowing until then how thirsty she truly was. And hungry, too. When had she last eaten? She licked the last drops from her lips and looked back at the man who hadn't moved from his spot before her.

"May I see Ilithyia?" she asked, and only then did he avert his eyes, brows furrowed and lips pursed. The girl's heart fluttered as she held the empty cup to her beating chest. "She is dead?"

"I don't know," he replied flatly. "I'll see to it. And I will find you some clothes."

-x-X-x-

Alexa was thankful that they did not have to leave the safety of the temple as they set on their task, but still, Gannicus cautioned her to stay close to his side. He had left her for only moments in the room all alone, and every noise was the sound of someone coming for her. She could only breathe again when he reappeared, a bundle of brown fabric in hand.

The clothes were coarse and uncomfortable, revealing in their cut, and Alexa was sure she looked just like one of the rebel slaves. She was a mess of tangled hair and bruised flesh. Dirt was caked under her nails and clouded her skin. If the others had not witnessed her entrance, they would never know that she was not one of them.

But it seemed as though Ilithyia had fared worse.

"Have you come to any harm?" Alexa asked as she bent down beside the woman. She picked up the elder's bound wrists in her hands and rubbed softly at the raw flesh.

"I told him that - that the child is his," Ilithyia told the girl. "So far he has shown me mercy."

Alexa looked at the woman curiously. "The man is dim. What does he imagine, that the gods planted his seed in your belly?"

Ilithyia held her companion's hand in hers. The blond's grip was tight but shaking, and even in the dark room, Alexa could see that tears were wet in her eyes. "I laid with Spartacus. Lucretia, she -"

"So the child is not of my blood?" the girl asked. The older woman shook her head, and Alexa stood, pulling her hand from the other's grasp. She looked down at the captive heavy with child - Spartacus' child - and felt nothing. The babe was the only link that she had to her brother's wife, a woman who she cared not for at all besides. Alexa turned to walk toward Gannicus, but looked over her shoulder before she left, stealing one last glance at who she was leaving behind. "Then we have no words."


Don't hate me. Don't hate me. Don't hate me. I love you all!