I guess I'm okay now. Maybe. I don't know. I managed to talk to Dad earlier today. He's been so thoughtful lately that I guess I felt safe enough to share some of my thoughts. I told him why I was upset yesterday, but I couldn't tell him about Lilith trying to talk to me, or what she said. I think he knows enough about that part.
He was kind of surprised, of course, to hear that I have a crush on Dean W. But also kind of amused, which surprised me. I really don't understand why my dad would think that was funny. I guess maybe it is a little ridiculous, a half Leviathan having a crush on a human. But then, I figure I'm half my mom, and she was different enough to be interested in Crowley. And he's alive, so obviously she didn't eat him after. Maybe I'm half mutant Leviathan. No wonder nobody knows what to make of me.
I wish I could just turn into a regular human. Then I could live a normal life- marry a cute guy, have ordinary human kids, maybe even get a job. That would be cool. Do you think Dean would like me, if I were a human? But maybe he only likes Hunters. I don't think I would be a Hunter. Not that I would be scared, of course, D.W. and S.W. are just scared because they're humans and anything could kill them. But I can't see spending my whole life trying to kill bad guys. My whole life is bad guys. If I killed everyone I know that has killed innocent people and probably will again, nobody would be left.
Maybe I could hang out with the Winchesters as I am. I'm not too violent, although I guess I'd be plenty dangerous, but just maybe I'd be scary enough to be interesting but not bad enough to kill. And then maybe they wouldn't mind me too much. I don't know, though. Just being Crowley's daughter would probably send them running to old Bobby for lore. What could kill me? Not a demon knife. We know that part. I need to look up some stuff about Leviathans.
