Characters/Pairing: Severus, Neville, Trevor the toad
Rating: G

A/N: I think this was written as a gift for pennswoods on Livejournal.


Some days it was a little frustrating being Neville Longbottom's friend. He tried to give Neville heartfelt advice about the value of calmly collecting one's thoughts and presenting an impassive face to antagonists, but the boy was just so easily flustered by people who seemed to take delight in making things difficult for others.

Take today, for example. A typical minor disaster, and then that low, menacing voice: "Longbottom, you appallingidiot," it said. "Someone ought to slice open your head, scoop out the useless mush within like so many pumpkin seeds, and use your skull for a helmet, for clearly it is made of some mystical substance far more impenetrable than the mere bone possessed by ordinary wizards. Truly, a rare gift indeed has been bestowed upon you."

Yes, well. That was putting it a little strongly, he thought, but the big dark one was just one of those sorts of people. Poor Neville, though; he really let it get to him. In fact, sometimes he wondered whether Neville was understanding him at all.

Ah, well. It was a bit of a job, but someone had to do it. All he could do at that point was offer his condolences.

"Brrrrreeee-oonnnnnk," he croaked sympathetically.

"Trevor, shhh!" whispered Neville with a note of panic. "If Professor Snape hears I've brought you along again, I've really had it."