James, why can't you stop disappointing Katie? And for Keytapper, a little scene for you.
(Keytapper jumps up when Carlos says this. She marches up to James and slaps him forcefully, leaving a satisfyingly bright red welt.)
I leave.
There is no sound as I storm out of the studio. James, Kendall, and Logan all give me strange looks, wondering what is going on.
I don't even think as I walk to the elevator, and press the button labeled 'Lobby'. The whole way down I stay silent.
Once it stops, I hurry out of the elevator to let a harried-looking man in a suit through. I walk quickly outside, where I hail a cab to take me back to the Palm Woods.
Several minutes later I am jogging through the Palm Woods reception area to the elevator. I step on and wait out the ride, saying nothing to the red-headed boy next to me, who I recognize as Tyler's little brother. He is playing a GameBoy, sticking out his tongue in concentration. I would laugh if I weren't so angry.
There is a ding as we stop at the fourth floor, and I step out. I barely manage a wave before I sprint down the hall to our apartment.
I fumble with the key for a few seconds before finally hearing the click of the lock. Stepping into the room, I drop my purse and keys, slamming the door behind me.
I run to my room, already deciding what I'm going to do.
Looking around, I decide on the shelf above my bed. I take a picture off of it- a picture of James and I at the guys' graduation.
I hurl it at the wall, but the glass doesn't burst dramatically into a million pieces; it merely cracks down the middle, the left side slipping out of the frame and breaking on the floor. It lies on the picture side when the frame hits the floor.
I grab the mix CD he made me for my birthday last year. Snapping it will not suffice, so I run my long nails over it, bearing down hard. There is a satisfying, high-pitched sound, and I snap it in half.
No longer even caring, I sweep another picture off of the wall where it has been hung. I tear around my room, looking for things that remind me of him. When I don't think I can find anything else, I kick the wall, hard enough to knock over things that I don't want to break. I stop, and turn to the row of books that have just fallen off of a shelf.
I begin picking them up, when one slides out of the pile.
It's a thick, five-subject notebook with a red cover. Scrawled across the front in my eleven-year-old handwriting is Katie's Journal. I have written in this huge book since I was a pre-teen, up until last week, when the pages ran out.
I think of when the entries about James begin, towards the middle. I remember when I wrote the first one, hunched over it, spilling my secrets like only a fourteen-year-old would. How I wrote of this fantastic boy, three years my senior, whom I was beginning to think of in more than a sisterly way.
I smile a little to myself. But there is no humor, no nostalgic glee in the smile; it's a smile full of venomous satisfaction.
I turn to the page where the James-Chronicles begin, and pull lightly at them, about to rip them in half.
A loose piece falls out of the forgotten half, the pre-crush half. I lean down to pick it up, my face twisting into a curious expression as I read about my twelve year old self.
January 18, 2010
11:50 P.M.
We're officially moved in to the Palm Woods. I can't help but miss my fri- well, you and I both know it would be a lie if I said 'friends'. But I miss Hamlet- the Palm Woods doesn't allow dogs over a certain weight.
Earlier, I was crying in here, in my new room. Don't get me wrong, I WANTED to move here . . . but I didn't think that I would be this homesick. I suppose it'll go away with time.
But anyways, when I was crying, James came in to ask me for some hairspray-don't ask, I don't know. But he asked me what was wrong. I kind of half-sobbed something about home, and he came over to give me a hug. He's so nice to me. He's like another brother. So are the other guys, but sometimes I wish James were my real brother instead of Kendall. Even though I know he probably wouldn't be as nice if he were my sibling.
He told me it would be alright, that the Palm Woods wouldn't be so bad. He said it would be a fun place to hang out, and make some friends. I know he's right.
You know, one of the biggest things the guys freaked out about was all the hot girls they'd see here. But I have yet to see any cute boys my age. I know I'm only twelve, but I'm gonna be a teenager soon.
But I guess I'm okay without any boys. As long as I have my brothers.
As I read this, a tear wells in my eyes, and a small, genuine smile spreads over my lips. I remember now what it was like to love James as only a brother. It was a good feeling, a simple one that I didn't have to ponder for hours at night.
I realize suddenly that this newfound love doesn't have to be so complicated.
"I love James Diamond, simple as that," I say aloud to no one. I laugh at nothing in particular, feeling more free than I have in months. I just hope that this doesn't ruin things between us.
I suddenly hear a door opening, and then talking. I can only make out a few sentences.
"-why did you have to tell her?"
"-sorry, James, you know how manipulative she can be!"
"-well, good job, now she'll hate me!"
He sounds distressed.
I walk to my door and open it, sling-shotting myself out of it and into James.
I wrap my arms tightly around him, and he tenses. I don't realize it, but I am crying.
"I'm so sorry!" I exclaim. "For making things weird, for slapping you…for everything!"
"Are you alright?" he asks, shocked. I nod against him, then pull away.
"The only thing I'm not sorry about," I begin, "is storming out of the studio today." I give him a cold look. "Jennifer's a slut. Plain and simple as that."
Kendall grins. "Someone finally has the balls to say it!" When I give him a look, he quickly backtracks, "I mean, the ovaries to- the boobs to- ugh!" He closes his eyes. "That's twice in one week!" he says, referring to talk of my development.
I laugh at him, and the rest of the guys join in.
"I know she is," James says, still giggling a little, a smile plastered to his handsome face. "But…I've just wanted a girlfriend for so long."
I wave a dismissive hand. "Please, you could have any girl you want." I realize how awkward that just sounded.
"Like who…you?" he laughs, and I step back. His eyes widen. "Katie…I didn't mean…"
"It's fine," I sigh. Kendall has stiffened, ready to yell again, but I put a hand on his chest. "S'okay, Kendall."
"You know, James," he says, his voice full of steel. "I'm beginning to like you less and less."
Kind of lame ending, I know, guys. Except I think the tension between James and Kendall is fun to write :)
Anyways, there might be some physical contact in the next...that isn't painful. ;)
No sex, though! None! Gosh, get your minds out of the gutter!
