Hello! This author is still seeking a proof reader. This chapter is currently unedited.
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"If I were an element, I'd be earth."
She didn't say a word, as I had expected. The only signs of life she showed were the slow breaths that drew her chest in and out, and the sad beats of her heart. Her small body was curled in the top most part of her bed and I had the woolen blanket that I had brought back from Alaska as a gift wound around her tightly. The glass in her eyes was still and I counted very few blinks every five minutes. She was compliant enough for me to check the IV in her wrist. When I was done, I gently rubbed my thumb in her warm palm and hoped she would grasp for me.
She had been still for two days. Her distaste for the IV made me hesitant to hook her up, but when I could not get her to eat the next morning or in the afternoon, I didn't have a choice. With my dear patients' days limited, I didn't want to let a single one slip away too early. Her voice and her smiles, and ultimately her life, were too important to me.
When she did not react to my touch I grabbed a chair and pulled it up to her bed, even if it could only be for a moment. She had been my dawn since the moment I saw her; seeing her face so stoic, as if waiting for her final dusk, broke my still heart.
"I would be earth because I am not going anywhere," I said with her hand in mine, "And I am strong for my family. Right now I am trying to be strong for you, but like all things, you're making it a challenge."
One solution that I thought of was to take her away from the hospital. Every waking moment that her misery kept her in bondage, my instinct demanded that I take her away from her prison. If only things could have been that simple. Often I would wonder how things would have been different had I met her sooner.
"I've been trying to decide what you would be. At first I thought fire; you're passionate and you ignite more quickly than a match. But you're water, aren't you?" I tucked a piece of her beautiful red hair behind her ear and reluctantly got up. I had more rounds to do.
"Certainly water," I said to her once I reached the door, taking another look at her poignant form with worry, "What else can move earth?"
...
Later that day I briefly stopped in the breakroom. One of the nurses that I had been working with infrequently, Masha, was sitting quietly at one of the tables alone. She had been Gloria's primary handler and was taking her death very hard; she hadn't been in the hospital the night that she had passed. She clearly held that responsibility on her own shoulders. The young woman held her head in her hands and did not immediately notice me when I took a cautious seat.
"You look like you're having a rough day," I offered.
With a jump, she looked up and began smoothing her hair on the top of her head, "Doctor Cullen, I'm sorry."
To my vampiric eyes it was clear that she hadn't showered, "No need to apologize. I just wanted to check in on you."
"That's very kind," she smiled weakly, "But I'm fine."
Sensing that she wanted to be alone, I nodded and let myself up.
"I'll be on my way then. Try to take care of yourself."
"Wait, doctor."
"Yes?"
She looked for the right words to say.
"Someone told me that you tried to resuscitate her."
I nodded with a sympathetic sigh, "Yes. I'm very sorry that there was nothing more I could do."
"So it is true that she was long gone when Ann found her," she said to herself more than to me.
"I believe so, yes."
"I should have been here," her voice cracked.
I sat back down and reached over the table for her hand, "Masha, everyone has their time. I believe she knew that, too. Gloria lived a very long and happy life, and she did her best to give others the same joy."
Several tears slid down her face but she managed a chuckle, "She did have a zest for life, didn't she?"
I withdrew my hand and shared the laugh, "Yes, she did have a way of lighting up a room. I also believe she wouldn't want you to dwell on her death. Instead, you should relish in her memory."
"Work has been so hard without her," she confessed.
"Did you take the Nightingale Pledge when you finished nursing school?" I asked her.
"Yes I did," she then recited the last line, "With loyalty will I endeavor to aid the physician in his work, and devote myself to the welfare of those committed to my care. I remember the day I made that oath."
"Mourn your patient and your friend, Masha. Don't let it consume you for too long. We owe a great deal to every one of the patients in this building. We are their light in the dark; we can't ever let our flames diminish for their sake."
She bobbed her head up and down many times, and pursed her lips to suppress a sob.
"I'm going to miss her."
"We all are," I admitted, thinking of my patient and the way she dropped herself and screamed when she heard her dear friend was gone. I had her in my arms before she hit the floor and I held her to me. Her small fists began banging on my chest with all their might, but they were only a feather's touch. To keep her from hurting herself I held her hands, too. She let out an angry screech of protest, but soon let up as she curled herself into a small ball and loud, mournful sobs racked her body. Never before had she cried with so much abandon in front of me. I was helpless. Hurting her in that moment tore my insides up in an unimaginable pain.
"How is she?"
Masha broke me out of my thoughts.
"I'm sorry, who?" I asked. Professionally, I was not supposed to be creating deep attachments to my patients. Gloria, and by extension Masha, saw through that. In that moment Masha pinned me with a sarcastic look.
"You know who I mean," was all she said, sparing me.
I sighed deeply, running my hands through my hair, "She's feeling rough."
Hesitantly, she asked, "Has she spoken yet?"
"Not yet," I admitted.
"I'm sure she'll come around," she said, "Harper always has something to say."
I managed a polite smile, "You're right."
She suddenly got up and I followed suit.
"Thank you, Doctor Cullen. The hospital is lucky to have you around," she said, "I'm glad you joined our medical team."
"Anytime, Masha. I really do hope you feel better soon. Pain doesn't go away; you simply make room for it and continue on."
She smiled and rolled her eyes, "Now you're starting to sound like a Hallmark grief card."
We shared another laugh.
"Listen," I started, "I am going away for a hike with my family for the day tomorrow. Will you check in on Harper while I'm gone?" Hunting hadn't been an option when Harper first received the news. Since then days without feeding passed. I stayed very close to the hospital in case she need me even for a moment. Now my hunger and the smell of her sweet blood left me no choice; I had to hunt. Jasper, Edward, and Emmett convinced me after some back and forth to take the trip with them.
"Of course I will," she promised. I understood why Gloria had been so affectionate with the young nurse. The enigmatic elder seemed to surround herself with sharp women whose kindness is kept safe behind vines of thorn. She surrounded herself with women of great dignity and pride.
We parted ways when my beeper went off. Before I got off work I visited Harper two more times. Each time she was in the same place that I left her, looking blankly out the window in her room.
...
Later in the evening when my long shift ended I made my way back to Harper's room. With me I had a plate of fruit and crackers in hopes that I could drop it off and she might eat it at her own pace. It was dark outside and I expected her room to be the same. A small light peaked between the blinds of her glass walls. Eagerly, I opened the door and stepped in carefully as to not startle her if she were awake.
I was surprised to see that she had moved on her bed. The foot of her bed faced the doorway and she was curled there so she had a clear view of it. I was even more surprised to see that she had taken herself off her the IV and bandaged her wrist up. I didn't know that my human knew how to do that; it was impressive to me.
"How are you feeling?" I asked, closing the door quietly behind me. There was a green leather book wedged between her hands and held closely to her chest. A metal bookmark stuck out with a tassel showing that she was about a quarter of the way through the pages. On the bed in front of her was a tiny blue reading light. The woolen blanket was draped over her and her hair was damp. The smell of hospital soap was on her skin, masking her natural scent that was akin to rosemary and basil.
At first she didn't look at me. When her big brown eyes did find me, she did not speak. Bags that rivaled my own were under her eyes. For a split moment she looked frightened, but it was gone as quickly as it came.
"I see you rid yourself of the IV. That's a good trick, your previous doctor probably should have told me you can do that," I tried my hand a light humor as I approached her with slow, even steps. Along the way, I rolled a table with me and rested the plate of food onto it. In turn, she lifted herself up and slipped her legs down to hang off the side of her bed. The leather book got tucked under one of her legs.
Remembering the treat I got out of the vending machine in the breakroom, I took them out of my coat breast pocket and held them out to her.
"You haven't had solid food in a while so I can only advise you to eat a few, but I thought you might like these," I said, "Dessert before dinner. Doctor's orders."
Her wary eyes traveled from my face to my offering of Smarties. She then evaluated me for a long time, took the candies, and rolled the package between her fingers. She reached out and put them next to the food.
"I don't know exactly how you're feeling right now," I said, "But I know that Gloria loved you."
That caught her attention again.
"Do you know what Gloria said in my ear the first time I met her in this room, Harper?"
She remained still.
"She said, 'Her bark is worse than her bite. She's very sweet and tougher than nails. Give her some time.'"
When her mouth remained shut, I confessed, "You've got all the time in the world from me if you need it." Her brows furrowed and her mouth puckered slightly.
"Did she say anything about your bite?" Her voice was hoarse but to me it was sweeter than any nector.
My small smile that had formed at the sound of her voice slipped, "Sorry?"
"It's nothing," she shook her head and held her hand out to me, "Will you sit with me for a while?"
And so we sat together, side by side. We did not touch. She apologized for the way she reacted and I assured her sincerely that it only mattered to me that she was feeling better. Most of our time was spent in silence as she ate some of the food I brought for her. Her eyes began dropping and I offered to let her sleep. She reluctantly agreed and I gave her room to get into bed.
"Thank you for coming to visit before you went hiking with your family," she suddenly offered from her place in bed. I raised an eyebrow and she gave me a miniscule smile, "News travels fast around here. Masha stopped by to visit. She did all of the talking, but it was nice. She said you asked her to watch out for me. Thank you for that too, but I'll be fine. The staff will take care of me."
She opened her mouth to say more, but chose not too. Instead she turned her back to me, nuzzling deep into the blanket. I noticed the leather book tucked under her pillow.
"I'm sure you can understand I was worried about you," I responded, watching her chest rise and fall rhythmically, "I want you to know you have friends."
"You have no idea how lucky I feel," she replied, sleep lacing her voice. Ah, but I did know how lucky I felt. I smiled at her and made my way to the door. I drank in her vision, reminding myself that I would see her in a day. At least I was not leaving her in as hazardous of a condition as I thought I would be.
"Good night, Harper."
"Good night, Carlisle. I'll see you soon."
I left her quietly.
...
When I reached the foyer in my home clothes, I saw my son Edward waiting patiently for me. He greeted me with a nod and we walked out of the hospital side by side.
"It's good to see you, son."
"I am glad to see you're in better condition. I am also glad to hear that Harper is not still indisposed."
Edward had a hard time accepting my bond with my human patient, but over time it became easier for him to accept. I know she reminded him of his story with Bella and her untimely death shortly after the birth of their child. The mourning process was long and hard, and, at that time, still going. The one thing that I knew kept Edward on this earth was my granddaughter. Bright Renesmee, who he cared for more than anyone else living in the world, very dearly loved her father and made sure to keep him from disappearing.
I watched Edward's forehead wrinkle and I moved my thoughts away from his deceased beloved, "Have you or Alice had any breakthroughs today?"
His head shook in the negative, "Alice has been looking for her future all day. I still can't hear her either."
The night that Gloria died, I washed my hands of her blood. Failure to revive her was exhausting and I was dreading to tell Harper the news. Just as I was thinking of her, my phone rang. When I saw it was Alice, I picked up without pause. She cut me off before I could greet her.
"Harper's just disappeared, Carlisle. She's just gone! I can't see her at all," she had said in a panic, "I don't know where it could have gone. It was all there just minutes ago, I don't know…" That was all she had the chance to say before my phone was crushed in my hand. Immediately I rushed out of human sight and sped to her room. To my relief, she was there.
But her future was not. Later that evening, Edward confirmed that he could no longer hear her thoughts either.
There had been something about her from day one. Before I had even entered her room the first time to meet her, the smell of her blood was unlike any I had encountered. She that did not sing, but still did call to me. It had been centuries since my tolerance for human blood had been weakened. Her scent alone made me curious to find out who pumped that blood through their veins. When I walked through the door, her eyes captured me and I knew. I met my mate.
She always managed to surprise me. Even that evening there was something new. There was something different about her that I couldn't pinpoint, even with only hours between my last encounter with her. The way she looked at me, it was as if she knew me- is if she truly knew me. It wasn't possible.
Being close to her lifts me up. Each time I leave her, it is harder than the time before.
"She'll be here when you return." Edward's simple assurance quelled my worries as we entered the parking lot.
I took his words for granted. When I returned on the morning of December 29th, my human mate was gone without a trace.
…
Please review and tell me what you think! Writing Carlisle is hard, I'm eager to get back to our main heroine's POV.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I started this story over 5 years ago now. My writing has come a long way since then so I hope that none of the severely overly wordy first chapters throw you off terribly. I'm very, very excited about where I want to take this story. As you can see, Harper is going on an adventure. I won't keep our new lovers apart for long, I promise. Maaaaybe just 2 or 3 chapters. ;) It will be so worth it though and I WILL be showing clips of Carlisle's perspective along the way.
ALSO I HAVE DONE SOME REWRITING. Gosh, reading my old work is a little embarrassing but I couldn't bring myself to rewrite it all.
PlaguingYourDreams: I'm glad you liked it!
Shilara:I hope this chapter lived up to your expectations. I'm going to keep writing, for certain. I am in the swing.
shika93: I'm flattered that you enjoy my work. Thank you for reviewing so many chapters!
