Hey y'all! So I'm setting the story up for something I hope you like it (or love it;)) Let me know what you think and please review! Here we go!❤️

"It just seems strange to me…Why wouldn't he just break up with her?" Taylor and I were sitting in the sand, the granules were scratching at my skin and becoming more and more irritating. Right now I was in the painful process of explaining to the stubborn girl why it wasn't as simple as that.

"His Dad…It's complicated." Apparently I was useless at explanations which seemed to be annoying her.

"What does he like, beat him, or something?" There was an air of sarcasm in her voice yet something fearful lay dormant too. Looking down at my hands sinking deeper and deeper into the hot sand I took the time to fully consider my answer. Taylor's eyes practically doubled in size. "Oh my god, he doesn't actually does he?"

"What, no." She let out a shaky breath while I attempted to say what wasn't easy to say. "Connor's a Dad isn't into the whole 'me and him' thing. Not that either of us actually said or did anything to suggest a 'me and him'" I can see she is nodding thus meaning she understands (at least to some extent) "Anyway, we can hang out as long as Daria is around..." Saying it out loud was probably the weirdest thing. In my head I'd been so consumed with the idea that he was hurting me I didn't appreciate just how morally wrong it was. I liked Connor; Connor liked me. Neither one of us really cared that Daria was being used so long as we could spend time together. Jude Adams-Foster the biggest arsehole of them all. Sighing I tell myself that self-loathing won't help.

"Wait so have you and Connor…done stuff?" Lifting one side of my mouth then dropping it again I more or less confirm it. "Oh daymn! Totally thought it was just you crushing on him. Ahaha, now I find out you two have both been…what have you done?" The question was put in a way that connoted all Taylor wanted was something to tease me with. Gathering that she wouldn't tell a soul and was the closest option to helping me handle this whole situation besides a psychiatrist, I had to be fully open with her. Consequently I was now sitting her with flushed cheeks trying to squeak out words. Noticing my plight Taylor intervened. "So you've hugged," waiting for a signal that we had she then continued "You've kissed (as in peck)," again I nod "You've made out," a smirk appears on her face when I tilt my head acutely forward. "You've got a bit touchy feely?" Shaking my head from side to side she stops. Assessing what she knows, which by now is pretty much everything, she puffs put an exasperated breath.

"I told you it was difficult." I groan pitifully.

"It's not difficult, Jude. It's just a sensitive thing. You try just not acting on your feelings?" So many times I've tried. I still remember the strength and effort it took not to let on just how much I like him because I knew it would scare him. We don't talk about our feelings much we just suppress them until eventually the toils don't seem worth it and we become reckless. The silence as I mull this over in my brain is enough to indicate that, yes, I tried.

"I don't think you understand…" It wasn't meant as a accusatory remark but from Taylor's expression, I could instantly tell it had been received that way.

"What's not to understand," she said in a sharp tone "You both like each other but are too cowardly to do anything about it." A ball flies past us from the volleyball game at the left of the dune we're sitting on. I watch the sphere roll drooping letting her words absorb in.

"Taylor, his Dad would be so mad. We…we're better off as we are now." Was I saying this for me, for Connor or for society? Who knew. Rather than staying sat she gets up and does her best to brush the beach from her white shorts.

"I just think you should stop being afraid." Picking up her flip flops she goes to leave.

"Taylor…" Looking at me I realise have nothing left to say "You can't tell anyone, okay?"

"Whatever." She calls back.

"Promise!" I howl after her slowly receding figure.

"Promise." I hear her shout back. Now I'm alone. As it's almost half six I figure I should really get back. I know that Callie is pending the night at Robert's. To be honest I'm no longer sure what's going on with them. Callie says she has a way to stay with us, with our family, but I'm not convinced. We aren't lucky like that. Anyway, Jesus and Marianna are going out with Ana to celebrate Jesus' place at that wrestling boarding school place. I'll miss him but not as much as Brandon. They both have their quirks I guess but I don't have to share a room with Brandon. The way Jesus snores makes it harder to miss him. Brandon isn't going to be at home as he's going to Mike's house which means it'll be just me and Moms. Consequently they're more likely to notice (if they haven't already) my absence and tardiness. Great.

(-.-)

Walking across beaches are never easy. Every step you take you get dragged downwards. I can't help but feel Connor and I are like that. Every time we move further we get sucked into more problems. Oh god I have to stop thinking so deep. To do this I decide concentrating on how many people I can count on the half an hour or so walk back. In total I count twenty which is surprisingly low for a warm evening like today. Finally reaching or road, I jog the last fifteen or so metered to the front door and fling myself inside. I can't hear anyone. The house is still.

"Hello?" I bellow through the walls. There's thudding from upstairs then…

"Hey bud, what's up?" Momma's voice seeps downstairs and sounds short and breathless. I call back up.

"Just wanted to let you know I was home." Detecting some hasty conversations then more pattering across the upper floor Moms voice replies.

"Okay love, we'll be down in a minute." Moms can be real odd sometimes I think as I make my way to the kitchen to get a drink. Half way through Downing my third glass of water a flushed pair fill the room. I greet them and they do the same to me still looking flustered. Momma is sporting a dressing gown and little else whilst Mom has a poorly thrown together outfit and messy, tousled hair. "So how was school?" Steph asks.

"Um good, sorry I'm late. I meant to phone you." Giving each other side way glances Lena curves her wrist up then down to dismiss it.

"It's fine." Swapping more communicative looks they seem to reach a hushed verdict. "Actually, Mom and I were thinking about going out tonight, now if you don't want us too that's fine." I didn't mind.

"You could invite a friend over if you want." Smiling I tell them it's fine. After half an hour of them working their way around upstairs they're ready to go leaving me $50 to buy take out. Then I'm alone once again. At first I feel like a night alone would be good, then I start to feel bored and lonely and reach for my phone.

Hey, just wondering if you want to come round, got money for take out. – J

Denying my instincts to put a little x I send it. Within the time taken for someone to, receive, read and reply at a human rate Connor had text back.

Great, Mom has book group so that works ;) – C

Sprawled across the couch I scoped out the house. It was more or less clean so I switched on the Tv and watched a show called 'Becoming Us'. Some of the things they talked about were really emotional and I found myself wrapped up in deep thoughts when the doorbell rang. Switching off the screen and rubbed my eyes. Just in case. Hurrying to the door I pulled it open to see Connor standing patiently.

"Hey Jude." You know when people say or do things that cause you to recollect memories or simpler times? Yeah, Connor had a knack for that. Allowing my lips to curve a smile I usher him inside. "So where is everyone?" Connor asked only vaguely interested in my answer (or so I suspected).

"Twins are with Ana, Callie is with Robert, Brandon with Mike and Moms have gone out." I ramble in one breath. I was strangely nervous. Not sure exactly what off I tried not to concentrate on it too much. "Umm, so you want pizza or Chinese or…" Biting his lip a crease appeared between his eyebrow as he tried to chose.

"Pizza sounds good." He finally confirms. I nod as I fetch the phone and dial the pizza place. With that taken care of we go up to my room. Normally we would have watched a film but I couldn't be bothered with the whole not talking element of that activity. He and I needed to talk. Not about bits and bobs about everything. Maybe that was why I'd been nervous. I'd subconsciously been plotting this since the start…sneaky.

"Connor…" I began.

"Jude, we need to talk." Rather taken a back my mind went into emergency shut down. Was Connor going to be the one to initiate the talking? No, it was probably about something else, just let him finish. "It's about…us…" Us. So there defiantly, 100%, was an us. "I need you to sum up where we stand, please?" Blinking at him I was slightly stunned. "Be brutal if you want, I just need you to say it so I know where we stand." It was a fair request I suppose. Clearing my dry throat I attempted to summarise everything.

"Um, so you kissed me in the tent," Connor looked confused "I mean I kissed you back but you, um, it, it doesn't matter, I…"

"Yep, and?" Phew, I'd been getting tounge tied there.

"We fought, then we made up after you started dating Daria." Unintentionally harsh at those words I noticed guilt flicker through his eyes as he fiddle with the corner of my bed sheet from where he was sitting on my bed. "Um, then I got annoyed and hurt and stuff and we kissed, then we were okay. After the whole TP thing we went to the beach and talked and stuff," I couldn't bare to say kissed again as the last time my cheeks had ignited into a brilliant shade of rouge. "You and Daria are fighting and Taylor noticed and brought me up on it…"

"Wait, what?" Connor interrupted. "Does she…does she know?" Choking out a small yes, he sighs sinking his head into my pillow. At least he wasn't angry like I'd suspected him to be.

"I didn't tell her, I mean I did but she guessed it first. Like I didn't just go to her 'Hey guess what' I'm sorry." Pretending his face from my cushion he mumbled out:

"It's fine, I guess she'd find out sooner or later…" What did that mean?

"What do you mean?" Connor shook his head. Shuffling closer to his side I gave him a calculating stare.

"It doesn't matter. Anyway, so that's what's gone on but like how do you, erm, feel, lik about me?" Wow. He was really doing this. I was impressed.

"I erm, like you…" It wasn't enough. I didn't just like him. I craved for his touch. For our pointless conversations. For our friendship. Our more than friendship. There were so many

lilliputian words that when sown together made a polymer of feelings I wanted to express to him. But I couldn't so instead I added, "Like a lot." Connor was still staring me wanting me to go on. Total, brutal honesty. "I hate the fact you're still pretending to date Daria even if it's just for appearances. I hate the fact I never no where we stand anymore. Mostly I hate the fact we've become so complicated." That was it in a nutshell. All out to play. Connor took a moment to evaluate what I'd said.

"Okay. Now I know where we stand."

"Where's that?" I ask softly.

"Here." I whispers as he swaps his sitting crossed legged, matching me. Now he's on hands and knees sinking into the bed a little as he leans towards me. Stealing a quick kiss from me he smiles. I have no longer got any idea what's going on. "Jude, I like you. I really do. I'm terrified this means I'm…you know, g-gay. Im not ready for people to know, not yet at least. When it's me and you, just us too I want to be able to be more than," he pointed between us "Than this." Seizing my hand he holds it using the other to hold my chin so I'm forced to look him in the eye. "If you don't want that, or you want more than I can offer you right now, okay. Just tell me now." Think. No don't think. Act on instinct. On gut feelings. Jump.

"Okay." It had become our saying. He knew what I meant.

"Okay." He repeated.

"Okay." I say again but this time I'm smiling. More than ever. Everything has been set.

"Okay." Connor tugs my hand drawing me into a hug. We start laughing. All the nerves, the tension, evaporate to history. We finally know exactly where we stand. Connor wants an us. I want an us. We have to work around the whole telling people thing. Quite honestly I don't get why it should matter to others. For my family to know us enough. The only problem is Daria but we can get to that another time. Right now is our time. Connor aims to kiss me again. The bell goes. Dammit. "Beat you there!" Connor cries as he jumps up and sprints down the stairs. Chasing him I giggle furiously. At least I'll never be bored.