True to Katniss's word, within about three days Johanna was released back into the 13 population under the guard of just one man instead of two. She shuffled down the hallway, a piece of shiny metal on her wrist. In place of shackles they had used something similar to what she had in the Capitol: a cuff that would electrocute her if she went outside the bounds of 13. It was the best they could do and the compromise Katniss had arranged with Coin. Johanna looked down at it, seeing the shimmering light of the conductive electricity running through the material.
Johanna made her way back to her compartment, opening the door. She was hit with the immediate realization that Katniss was gone. Her bed was made, her drawers all closed, her side of the room completely barren. Johanna closed the guard out of the room and went to Katniss's drawer. Inside were still a few of her things. Her hunting jacket, the parachute with the spile. The pearl was gone. With a frown Johanna realized she had probably taken it with her.
She trudged over to her bed and sat down on the edge. Something glinted in the light under Katniss's bed so she got to her knees and bent down, reaching underneath. With a smile she withdrew a bow and a small quiver. Nobody was allowed to have weapons except for the people training and the guards, but somehow Katniss had snuck her own hunting bow in.
Johanna grinned and shoved it back underneath the bed, safely keeping it away from any prying eyes. In her three days of isolation she had tried to think of ways to block out the murderous thoughts. The voice that whispered kill in her brain was strong, but she could override it after a while. She made a point to make sure she could see Dr. Thorne during Katniss's time in the Capitol. Maybe he'd have some way, like the hypnosis, to circumvent those thoughts.
She got back onto her bed and looked down at her pillow. She got comfortable on the mattress, sliding her arm underneath her head. She felt something metal hit her hand and she withdrew it. A rush of tears came to her eyes as she fingered the light copper pin in her hand. Katniss's mockingjay pin. She grasped it tightly in her palm and laid back down. With her fist close to her chest she drifted off into a dreamless sleep.
Soldier York allowed her to continue training, even though there wasn't much for which to train. Each day she'd go outside, rain or shine, and do a few miles of jogging. She'd run through the obstacle course drills and spend the rest of the afternoon practicing shooting with the bow and arrow. Wielding a bow almost felt like holding the archer herself. She'd close her eyes and picture how Katniss looked aiming her bow. Her arm straight out, unwavering in its direction. Her body turned to face her foe. Her other arm at an angle near her face. Her eyes narrowed. Her breathing shallow.
Johanna let the arrow fly and for the first time, it sunk into the bullseye. Katniss would've been proud. She would've wanted to hug Johanna, but she would've pretended like she didn't want Katniss's hug. But the light in her eyes, it would spell how pleased she'd be.
Katniss flashed into her vision, falling to her knees after Johanna sunk the arrow into her chest. Johanna stumbled a few steps backward, gripping the bow in her hand. No, that wasn't right. She didn't want to kill Katniss. She sniffed in a few long, deep breaths and tried to will the images of Katniss dying out of her brain.
This had to stop. Johanna dropped the bow on the ground and stormed off the shooting range and back inside 13. She knew that Dr. Thorne would see her if she just kinda barged in there, so that's exactly what she did. He looked up from his notebook with a smile. "Johanna, how nice to see you."
"Right. Look doc, they pulled something in the Capitol and now I think I need to kill Katniss. I need you to...fix me. Fix this, fix my brain. Do whatever it is they pay you to do down here and fix me." Johanna sat in the chair across from him and crossed her legs.
He cleared his throat and took off his glasses, placing them in front of him. "We don't know what they did. We don't know if the used hijacking or hypnosis? If it's hypnosis then perhaps I could help. If it's hijacking then I don't know if I can help you."
"What the hell is hijacking?" Johanna had never heard that word before.
"It's a method of torture that's highly experimental. They use tracker jacker venom and manipulate existing memories. I don't know if that's how they did this for you. I think that perhaps once President Coin establishes power in the Capitol, she can contact the doctors there and they can shed some light on the process."
Johanna almost laughed in his face. The thought that Coin would spare anyone, even a doctor, who had aided the Capitol was laughable. Clearly he thought Coin was on the up and up. Johanna knew she wasn't. Johanna knew the second this rebellion was over, the victors would be the first to be gone. Immunity or not, it was only relevant so long as Katniss was the Mockingjay. No Mockingjay, no immunity. Coin and Snow were cut from the same cloth, but with Snow, you knew which side he was.
Johanna stood up abruptly, knocking her chair over backward. "So you're saying I just fucking dawdle around this rabbit warren until Katniss is dead? And when she survives this rebellion, which she will, I'll never be able to see her again!" Her angry voice broke mid sentence and she slammed her palms against the desk, startling the older man. "Please. I don't want to hurt her."
Dr. Thorne pushed his glasses up his nose, much in the same way Beetee did in the arena. "Do you love her, Johanna?"
No I want to rip her throat out and watch her bleed to death. Johanna shook her head fiercely, digging her nails into the wood of his desk. Her wild eyes focused once more and she dropped her gaze to the floor. "If I could love anyone," Johanna began slowly, "it would be her, I think."
Dr. Thorne smiled, getting up from his chair. In all the times Johanna had seen him he rarely moved from that seat. If she was laying down sometimes he would walk around the room, but she didn't often want to lay prone in the long chaise. It felt weird. He placed his hand on her shoulder and smiled kindly, the corners of his eyes crinkling. "All this time and now she's finally said it. Irony." He shook his head regretfully and patted her back. "I'm gonna see what I can do. But I have to warn you, this won't be easy."
Johanna offered him a small smile. "Nothing worth it ever is."
Johanna sat in one of the high-backed leather chairs in the contorl room, watching the recent footage shot by Cressida. Everything looked like it was going according to plan. Johanna had to clench her fists together as she saw them do a shot of Peeta and Katniss back to back taking down targets. She couldn't attribute the emotion to jealousy or rage but either way she was unhappy. They had been gone almost two weeks and evidently were very close to the Capitol. Much closer than Plutarch and Coin had anticipated.
Once the meeting was over and the room cleared, the squad safely tucked into an abandoned apartment for the night, Haymitch walked over and sat next to Johanna. "How you holdin' up?"
Johanna raised an eyebrow and gave him an unimpressed stare. "How do you think?"
Haymitch smiled and rubbed his stubble, scratching his cheek. He placed his hand on Johanna's back - the second time in two weeks someone had done that - and gave her a sympathetic smile. If anyone in 13 cared about Katniss as much as Johanna that wasn't an Everdeen, it was Haymitch. "You know, I had a hard time believing all this." Johanna shot him a droll look. "Not the torture. I mean, you and Katniss."
Johanna knitted her brows. "Me and Katniss?"
Haymitch smirked. "Look I might be a drunk - or was a drunk - but I'm not stupid. Neither if you open up to anybody and yet somehow, you opened up to each other." Haymitch sighed. "She trusts you. She doesn't trust anyone. Not even me, really." Johanna rolled her eyes. "When Snow put that trigger in you, he thought you would be the best weapon. You already 'hated' Katniss, so it would be easy. There'd be no conflict." Haymitch's thin lips spread into a smile. "But what he didn't know was how determined Katniss is. When she sets her mind on something, she gets it. She got inside you more than any torture he ever could've dreamt up."
"What's your point, Haymitch? You're not my mentor and I don't need or want to sit here."
Haymitch chuckled and took the wireless earpiece from his ear and set it on the table. He took the bottom of Katniss's mockingjay pin that Johanna had fixed to her shirt and smiled. "I thought it was gonna be the boy." He walked out the door, pausing as he got to the door handle. "I'll need that back when you're done."
Johanna looked down at the ear piece, then back toward Haymitch who had already slipped out the door. She hooked the small plastic piece into her ear and was greeted by a hum of static in her ear. She pressed her finger against the piece and felt heat beneath her touch. "Haymitch?" Katniss. Her voice rang clearly through the ear piece and Johanna had to take a second to process it. "Haymitch what's going on?"
"It's not Haymitch, brainless," Johanna replied, and she heard the small gasp on the other line. She could hear Katniss moving and opening and closing a door.
"Johanna?"
"No it's Prim."
Katniss let out a very soft chuckle. "It's really nice to hear your voice."
"I'd say the same but I've had to watch your little rebellion propos all day." Katniss chuckled again and Johanna smiled, leaning back in her chair.
"I miss you."
"Do you? Looks like you've got enough company."
Katniss sighed and Johanna imagined her rubbing her forehead like she did when Johanna was being particularly stubborn. "Johanna..." Johanna knew. Even though her brain wanted her to kill, murder, slit her throat, she knew this was the same girl who steadied her in the bathtub. The same girl who held her in the nights when she screamed because of the nightmares. The same girl who had, time after time, put her life on the line for Johanna.
You protect me, I protect you.
"I miss you too, brainless." Johanna thought of all the stupid, sentimental shit she could say. How sleeping, eating, breathing, bathing... everything was harder without Katniss there. She couldn't pinpoint the moment that Katniss became all of those things to Johanna, but she was. There was no going back. "Look, I should go. Haymitch will get hanged right after me for giving up his little toy from Coin."
"You're probably right. Okay. Well...I'll see you soon, Johanna. You ...be safe."
"You too." Johanna sighed, hearing the steady breathing of Katniss on the other end. "Hey Katniss?"
"Yeah?"
"I.." Love you. "Wish I was there with you"
"Me too."
After she told Snow she wasn't going to be his whore anymore, Johanna hadn't gone directly back to 7. She had stayed in the Capitol for less than a day, admiring the shops and being both disgusted and impressed at the candy-colored decor and stone white buildings. It felt like gloating that she could wander the Capitol unharmed, unrestrained by the yoke of President Snow. When she arrived back in 7, there was no one at the train to greet her. If her parents were working, someone would have gotten a car so she could get home.
But no one was there.
That should've been her first clue that something was amiss. Instead she found someone to give her a ride and leisurely drove back to her home in the Victor's Village. The man, someone who looked familiar but Johanna didn't know, kept stealing glances at her in his rearview mirror. Johanna was used to the stares - the price of celebrity - but the way he kept shifting his gaze was not shy.
It was sympathetic.
The smell of burning ash was prevalent for blocks before she got home. By the time the car had rolled up near her house, she knew. She could feel it in the very pit of her stomach. Blight was standing on her front porch, waiting for her. She barely saw him since they both usually just drank a lot. But he looked stone sober. Her legs felt like jelly, moving her in slow motion toward her house. The black smoke still rising high into the air.
She couldn't protect them. The whole reason she won her games, to go home to her family, gone. She couldn't even cry. Her eyes felt as dry as the smoke-filled air. It was as if every vein, muscle, organ in her body had been sucked out and she was a husk, floating around. She wasn't angry. She wasn't sad. She was nothingness. Blight was speaking but his voice was so different. It was warm and almost brotherly, whereas normally it was hollow and drunken.
People change their voices when they deliver bad news, as if the softness of their voice will lay the blow more gently.
When she walked into the meeting room in 13, she should have had the same sense of foreboding. Haymitch, Coin, Beetee, and even Dr. Thorne were sitting around a table in various stages of duress. Her mind was so discombobulated from speaking to Katniss the night before that she couldn't appraise the situation like she had been trained to do.
No amount of preparation would have been enough, anyway.
"Johanna, please sit down." Coin's voice lacked the usual authoritative ice that she normally had. Johanna shook her head. She didn't want to sit. "Suit yourself. We've called you here because..." She looked to Haymitch, whose eyes were reddened. In any other district it would've been the mark that he'd been drinking.
"Johanna, Katniss didn't make it."
None of those words made sense. Not in that order, not coming from Haymitch's mouth. She might have asked him to repeat himself but she couldn't speak. She couldn't do anything. She just stood.
"We're so sorry to have to deliver this news to you. We know that despite the circumstances, you and Miss Everdeen had become quite close. Her death is a tragic blow to this entire country, not just the rebellion."
The gears in Johanna's mind clicked. Katniss was dead. All the hot, wet, red rage that had been boiling in her veins seemed to blow away like steam. The constant near-headache in her temple vanished. Very calmly Johanna took a few steps forward. "Now, the rebellion is not over. We still have a few more days of fighting left. I'll be sending a group of medics in -" Johanna lifted one of the empty chairs and tossed it across the room, shattering a large monitor. Bits of glass and electronics fell to the floor.
Haymitch got up from his seat and went over toward Johanna, who rushed at him. "You were supposed to help protect her! What good are you?!" Johanna sobbed and pounded against his chest, clawing at his gray uniform. "We were supposed to protect her. She was supposed to be the only one to live."
"I know," Haymitch said, cradling Johanna's head in his arms. Her body sagged against him and he slowly got to his knees, the cracking of his unused bones the only sound other than Johanna's hard sobs. "I'm so sorry Johanna."
"Nobodies sorries have ever brought back the people I love," Johanna mumbled into his shirt. Her cries became harder, loud, harsh breaths being sucked in like a drowning sailor in the midst of a raging ocean. "Fuck!" she screamed. She couldn't control her breathing. She couldn't control anything. She got to her feet and shook a finger toward Coin. "You did this. You fucking bitch. You made her go to the Capitol. You knew the risk! Why? Did you really hate her that much? Because she didn't care if you were president or not?" Haymitch tried to step in between them but Johanna stepped around him. "I will fucking kill you for this!" Haymitch shoved Johanna out of the room, slamming the door behind him. She leveled her wild, unfocused eyes at him. "Oh I won't kill her here. No, I will wait until she thinks she's safe. And then I will strangle her with my own fucking hands."
"Johanna you're not helping. You killing President Coin is not going to bring Katniss back."
"I kill Snow."
"What?"
Johanna grabbed a handful of his shirt. "I. Kill. Snow. You go tell her. I don't care about the immunity. Katniss is dead and I want to be the one to send that motherfucker into his grave. If Coin wants me dead after, so be it. I have nothing left to live for anyway." Johanna whirled away from the blond man and went down the hallway, wiping at her face fiercely. No more tears. Tears can't resurrect the dead; if they could she'd be at home with her parents and sister.
She got to her compartment, having steadied her breathing and regained her composure. She opened Katniss's drawer and tears flooded her eyes as the familiar smell of leather invaded her nostrils. She took out the hunting jacket, rubbing the material between her fingers. Something like this, so soft and durable, probably had cost Mr. Everdeen a fortune when he was a teenager.
Johanna slipped her arms inside the jacket, pulling it around her body. She crossed the room to Katniss's side and laid down gently on the mattress. Her face hit the pillow and she breathed in deeply. Katniss. The scent of her shampoo and the earthy scent of the outdoors. Johanna let the tears come out now, dampening the pillow beneath her face.
She was gone. The fire within her had been extinguished in one fell swoop, like pinching the end of a candle. She was gone.
Prim looked pretty worse for the wear as they boarded the hovercraft for the Capitol. Johanna had chosen her seat next to her, feeling as if there was only one person who perhaps understood her grief. Johanna was clad in Katniss's father's hunting jacket, Katniss's bow over her shoulder as well as her small quiver. A long way's away from the militarized bow Gale had or the personalized one Katniss had, but it would do. If not, she also had a weapon Beetee had made for her which looked like a sniper rifle, but altered somehow. ("You'll know how to use it.") And of course, a small hatchet tucked into her belt.
This is what she was now: archer, gunman, axeman. 12, 13, 7.
Johanna sat quietly, staring blankly at the wall across from her. She felt a tug on her sleeve and looked over to see Prim looking up at her. There was no trace of Katniss in her sky blue eyes, cornsilk hair or pale complexion. But somehow, deep inside those inquisitive eyes, lay the same strength. "Is that her jacket? My dad's jacket?"
Johanna lifted up her arm and nodded. "Yeah. Sorry. I'm sure you or your mom probably wants it. You can have it once this is all over." I'll probably be dead anyway. But she didn't say that, this kid had enough death for several lifetimes.
Prim shook her head. "No, you keep it. I think... I think she would want you to have it." The tiny hand that was on her sleeve slowly dragged down to her hand, and Prim clasped them together. Johanna saw the small glimpse of her arena token on her wrist. Arena token. Mockingjay. She was full of symbols of rebellion. Of course, Prim. Prim was the mockingjay, too. Something the Capitol did not want to exist: a person with an infinite capacity for hope. "Do you ...did you love her?"
Johanna looked down at her feet. What use was there in pretending anymore? There was no one to hide from. "Yeah I do." Johanna couldn't use the past tense.
Prim managed a small smile and grasped her fingers even tighter. "She cared a lot about you. She talked about you a lot. How well you were doing with your water therapy, how good you were becoming with the rifles. She was really proud of you."
Johanna swallowed down the lump in her throat but it did nothing to mask the glossiness of her eyes. "Thanks kid."
"I thought she was going to marry Peeta. I mean, me and my mom knew she wasn't married yet really, or pregnant, but that's what I thought." Johanna tensed a little. Prim sensed this, the same way Katniss always sensed her and squeezed her hand. "But after he triggered you? I don't think I'd ever seen her so angry before. Not even when the announced the Quell. They had to pull her off him and give her morphling to get her to calm down. Made her sleep in our compartment so me and Mom could watch her."
You protect me, I'll protect you. Deal?
Another broken promise. Katniss would show up in her dreams, dressed like she was going hunting, like everything was normal. Johanna would rush to see her, overjoyed that she was alive, but Katniss would evaporate in front of her just before they could touch. Just before she could say I love you. In the three nights since hearing the news, each night's dream was the same.
Katniss had promised twice to make Snow pay for his crimes. Once in the training center during the interviews. "Snow made me wear it." "Make him pay for it." In that moment Johanna had finally seen a small glimpse of the real Katniss Everdeen. The pawn in the games, but the glittering darling of the Capitol. The scared little girl who was not married to her prince or excited about her celebrity.
Swear on your family's life.
They had both broken promises. But like the phoenix her father had described, Johanna refused to be buried in the ashes of her grief. No. Killing Snow would drive her anger. She would rise from the ashes of all the people she had killed, inadvertently or not, and kill the man who had set the flames.
They had made the decision not to tell anyone, even with the rebellion nearly a success, that Katniss had died. The Squad was holed away in some clothing shop, awaiting the news of the end of the fighting. Johanna continued with the medics, clad in their white uniforms, mostly because they were the only way to get to the mansion.
And also because protecting Prim had now become her mission. If Katniss were there, that's what she would do. Protect Prim. That's what she'd been doing since the day she volunteered. Even earlier, since the day her father died. But then no one was protecting Katniss. Johanna had failed in her attempt. So she followed Prim and the others through the chaotic streets of the Capitol. The last groans of the resistance were around them, Peacekeepers with eyes out for rebels but mostly trying not to get trampled by desperate Capitol citizens.
Just outside the mansion there was a large flock of Capitol citizens begging to be allowed inside. Peacekeepers kept their guns trained on the crowd, intent on killing anyone who dared enter the mausoleum of Snow's. Like Katniss, Johanna watched as Prim sensed the most helpless people of all: the Capitol children. The Everdeen women will never, ever rest until they've helped every broken soul. Because it's what Katniss would want, Johanna followed Prim near the area where the children were.
A hovercraft appeared overhead and the children shouted for joy. No, Johanna thought. They have watched the games and think the parachute brings food, gifts, maybe candy. But there is nothing good to be gleaned from free gifts from the enemy. Johanna gripped Prim's arm. "Wait."
"Those kids need our help! They could be hurt, Johanna." No. Everything is an arena. This is still the games. Prim is Rue and Johanna is Katniss and without thinking, Johanna pulled the bow from around her and steadied it in her grasp.
Johanna shook her head. "No, those parachutes. Why are they dropping gifts? Why are they -" Her question is answered by the large explosion of about twenty parachutes going off in the hands of the children. Blood splattered everywhere, the air filled with the high-pitched screams of wounded kids. Crying, wailing, useless shouts for their parents.
Prim jerked forward but Johanna held to her tightly. "Johanna, let me go! I have to help them!"
"No!" Johanna barked, using her superior strength to hold Prim still. "Those parachutes on the ground, they're still full. It's a trap. This whole fucking place is a trap." Prim still jerked on Johanna's grip but with less resistance. Other medics filed in, but they are not under the Mockingjay protection. They are not the hope of Panem. They are not the last trace of Katniss Johanna had.
The second round of parachutes explode, this time sending fireballs up into the air, over the barricade of the City Circle. Johanna gathered up Prim in her arms, facing her away from the downpour of fireballs. The heat seared their skin but they were far enough away to escape the majority of the damage. In the screams of the fallen Capitol children and selfless medics, Johanna hear the first, really clear call of freedom.
There would be no more hunger games now. No more Snow. No more Us Vs. The Capitol.
Katniss should've seen this.
The days between the trial of Snow and the execution were short. Johanna spent them curled in a ledge beneath a window, staring out into the beautiful expanse of the mansion's yard. Sometimes special clients of Snow's would insist on meeting in one of his bedrooms. Usually prominent political members in the Capitol who wanted everyone to know for what they paid. Johanna would sit on a ledge, much like the one she was on now, and wait for them to arrive.
The remainder of Katniss's prep team had come in, styling Johanna's hair and buffing her skin. They had tried to make her wear the Mockingjay suit but she had refused. Seeing it had nearly brought her to the brink of insanity. Instead she opted for jeans, a pair of hunting boots, a shirt and Katniss's father's jacket. She would not represent the Mockingjay Cinna had developed, or the one Coin used for her rebellion. She would be the girl who traversed the woods and took care of her sister. The girl who sat by her side, stroking her hair as she tried to get over her fear of water.
The quiet, witty, somewhat scared girl that Johanna had come to admire. The one she missed with every beat of her heart.
On the day before they were set to execute, Johanna went down the hospital to visit Finnick. Evidently he had nearly had his head torn off by a mutt in the sewers and was still in recovery. Peeta was somewhere down there too, recovering from his burn injuries from having been too close to the City Circle. Johanna didn't visit him.
Something about Finnick that no matter what the situation, he always managed to look better than everyone else. Even now, with the big gash across his neck and the scars on his cheeks, he still struck a handsome face. Johanna entered the room quietly, sitting in the chair next to his bed. Like a true victor, he opened one eye as he heard the noise. He even managed a smile.
"Johanna," he whispered. He pointed to a screen that began to illuminate with words. Can't talk.
"That's for the best, I was tired of hearing you anyway." Finnick chuckled and Johanna placed her hand on his arm. "Did you see what happened with the parachutes?" Finnick nodded. "It aired live?"
Finnick nodded again. All over the TV. Saw those kids. Boom.
Johanna looked down, then scooted the chair closer to Finnick. "Without Katniss, you're the only person I trust. I need to ask you a question and I need you to answer me honestly." Finnick's face turned into a frown and he nodded again. "Do you think that was Coin?"
Why Coin? Why not Snow?
"Why would Snow kill Capitol kids?"
Why would Coin?
"To prove a point. To eliminate anyone who might still be with Snow. The hovercraft had a Capitol logo but... wouldn't Snow have used a hovercraft to go into hiding? Why kill a bunch of kids? And to air it? Doesn't that reek of fucking Plutarch?"
Finnick blinked hard a few times. It was evident on his face that this was not the first time he had thought it. They were both victors, they had been in the arena and seen the parachutes. They were also soldiers. They knew the price of warfare and the extent people were willing to go for power.
What do we do?
Johanna gave a glance to the door where a nurse was standing talking to a doctor. "Nothing," she said quickly with a smile. "You just get better. I hear you're going to be a dad."
Finnick smiled a real, wide, genuine smile that nearly broke his face. Johanna ran her fingers through his soft, sandy hair. Hearing of Annie's pregnancy had been one of the only bright spots of the last few days. Though really, even the smallest match burns brightly in complete darkness.
They held a vote on a hunger games using only Capitol children. Enobaria, Peeta, Beetee, Haymitch and Annie. The only living victors. Katniss had been right all along, even if her motivations were somewhat ulterior. They had purged all the remaining victors in the districts, young and old. Only those under Coin's protection had survived. Except Katniss.
Her absence hung heavy in the room. But Johanna knew how she would vote. She would have taken one look at those kids going up in flames, those medics that could have been her sister, and she would vote yes. Spare the entire Capitol, use the kids one last time. Annie, Finnick (via television monitor) and Peeta voted no. Beetee, Enobaria and Haymitch voted yes. Johanna looked from Peeta, then to Coin.
The games will never end, will they? "I vote yes. For Katniss."
After the vote Johanna was whisked away to get ready for the execution. She didn't know what would become of her after this. Probably death but that would be okay. At least death would be a release from grief and heartbreak.
Johanna strapped the rifle to her back and slung the bow and quiver over her shoulder. She gave herself a look in the mirror. It all smacked so blatantly of Katniss. The tiny braid they had put in her hair, the mockingjay pin, the jacket, the bow. The only thing that represented Johanna herself was the axe she had tucked in her belt. Only because without it, she felt unprotected.
Old habits die hard.
The crowd was wild as Johanna stepped out into the City Circle. There was momentary confusion as to why Katniss is not present, but it didn't matter. Johanna looked up to see the cameras having focused on the mockingjay pin. The crowd roared louder.
Johanna stepped out slowly into the circle, facing just a few yards away from Snow. He looked pretty bad - puffy lips, green skin, blood coughed up onto the ground at his knees. Johanna took out an arrow and loaded it onto the bow.
She aimed it at the rose in his lapel. Then, she placed the bow and arrow on the ground. Her eyes flicked up to Coin, then back down to Snow. "I made a few promises. So did Katniss. I'm here to uphold them both." Johanna took her rifle from her back and aimed down the sights. She pulled a small lever a few inches back, clicking it into place. She steadied her finger on the trigger.
With one shot both presidents of Panem fell to the ground dead.
The rest of that day was a blur. The crowd shouting, people pushing, guards grabbing her. The only thing she had done was pick up Katniss's bow and quiver and clutch it to her chest. Everything else just seemed to happen around her. Which was fine. Within a few days she'd be dead too, either at her own hand or the Capitol's. They had done her the service of keeping her in a bedroom, complete with all of her things. The hunting jacket was over a chair, the bow and quiver on a desk. Her mockingjay pin was fixed to her shirt, her token still around her wrist.
Whole but empty.
Katniss called to her again in her dreams, but again she would disappear. Johanna would apologize for not protecting her, but just as Katniss would lay a conciliatory hand on her cheek, she would vanish again.
So when Katniss appeared in her doorway, Johanna was unmoved. "No more," she groaned at the apparition. "You're not here. You're dead."
"Do I look dead, brainless?" Katniss asked, placing her hands on her hips. Johanna sat up in her bed, rubbing her eyes.
"You never look dead. You always look beautiful. And then I fucking go to touch you and you disappear. So let's just skip it tonight, yeah? Let's just get some sleep. I'm gonna be dead in a few days anyway." Johanna glared at the ghost. She hated this dream.
Katniss cocked her head to the side. "You really don't think it's me, do you? Come here." Johanna wanted to stay in bed, but she thought perhaps if she entertained this dream, she would finally sleep. Even the mutt nightmares were better than this. "In your dreams, I disappear?"
"Yeah brainless, when we touch."
Katniss held up her hand at her side and nodded her head toward it. "Go ahead. Let's see if I disappear again." Johanna rolled her eyes but held up her hand. Just as their hands touched, she imagined seeing Katniss disappear. But she didn't. She felt warmth. Her eyes shot open. "Still here."
"But.." Johanna nearly threw up. "How is this real? How are you real?" Johanna pulled her hand away from Katniss and ran her fingers through her hair. "Wait, you know what? I don't care." Johanna took Katniss's face in her hands and brought their lips together in a desperate kiss. If this was real, then there was not a moment to waste. Even if she woke up from this dream, it would at least be a good one.
She broke away for only a second to catch her breath. Katniss spun her around and slammed her against the door, placing her palm behind Johanna's head to cushion the blow, the other hand wrapped around her waist. Johanna let out a quiet gasp that Katniss used as an opportunity to deepen the kiss, sweeping her tongue into Johanna's mouth with purpose.
Johanna was certain that this is what going crazy felt like. One moment despair, the next, ecstasy. Feeling Katniss's body pushing against her, hearing her quite sighs into the kiss, smelling her scent... To Johanna's surprise, kissing Katniss felt a lot like fighting with Katniss. Dueling for dominance, teasing and pushing until the other one broke. Her hands roamed all over the parts of Katniss she had been aching to touch. Her hips, her stomach, her arms, her breasts. Every covered, but still amazing inch. Each time she touched something new she was rewarded with a soft moan that sounded like absolute heaven.
Johanna broke first, pulling away and panting breathlessly. Her hands rested on the sides of Katniss's neck, staring into her gray, unwavering eyes. "I didn't protect you."
Katniss smiled sadly and kissed Johanna on the lips once more. "Yes you did. You kept Prim alive. I had to stay in hiding because they thought that if you thought I was dead, it would break your trigger." Her mouth twitched. "It worked."
"But you didn't get to kill Snow."
Katniss sighed, running her fingers through Johanna's hair. "It didn't matter. Coin told me the cost. It was the sacrifice I made but it was worth it. You came back to me."
Johanna tried to insult the tears in her eyes to prevent them from falling. Stupid, useless tears that never served any purpose. "You shouldn't have lied to me. All of them. Everyone lied to me."
Katniss's happy gaze turned doubtful. "To help you."
Johanna moved out of her grasp, feeling particularly sober all of a sudden. "I thought you were dead!" She angrily pointed her finger at Katniss. "I thought you were fucking dead. Do you know..do you have any idea what that felt like? For days there was nothingness. Just...emptiness. Gnawing at me. Consuming me." Johanna threw her hands in the air. "It was like losing my family all over again! It was so fucking painful Katniss!"
"Johanna, calm down. I'm alive."
"And that just makes everything okay? No. No you don't get to just walk in here and ..and be real and kiss me like that and just..." Johanna put her fingers on either side of her nose, inhaling a deep breath. "I think you need to go. I need ..I need to be alone."
"Please don't be like this. It killed me to have to do this to you. But I couldn't bear thinking that I'd never be able to see you again."
"Well I didn't get to make a fucking choice, did I?" Johanna interrupted. Everyone had played her for a fool. Even Prim. Johanna felt like the biggest idiot in Panem. "Just get out. Now."
Katniss did, quietly leaving the room without so much as a peep.
Is this was protection was? Lying? Keeping each other in the dark for the greater good? Johanna got into the bed, curling underneath the blankets and tucking them under her chin. Katniss was alive. She was alive and they had kissed.
She was alive but she was a liar. It was like having her leg amputated, and then a few days later finding out that they're just going to stitch it back on. Things don't just come together again because you want them to.
She felt angry. She felt betrayed. But deep beneath those layers of hostility, Johanna had buried a piece of happiness in there, like a pearl dropped from an oyster into several feet of sand.
She was alive.
Author's Note: I had a burst of inspiration for this fic and banged this out tonight. Your response continues to overwhelm me. I was gonna wait on updating but y'all were so kind in your reviews I just went ahead and did it anyway. Please drop me some more comments and let me know what you think! This one was a doozy!
