It was decided. Nathaniel and I would go to Highever to check up on Fergus. Alistair would return to court, Denerim, Arl Eamon, and eventually his Orlesian princess. Valenna would go with him to scout the Alienage for recruits. It would be good for her, not every elf was lucky enough to be born Dalish. The Alienage elves were the way they were for reason. Uncountable centuries of oppression does nasty things to a people.
The courtyard of the Keep was crowded with people taking their leave. Alistair's guards stamped their feet and blew on their fingers in the early morning Ferelden chill. He folded me into his arms, wrapping his cloak around us.
"Love, are you sure you'll only take Nathaniel? I would like you to be better protected."
I tapped the chest plate of his armor. "I would rather be seen as a sister going home to visit than as the Hero of Ferelden swooping in to clean out a den of assassins. Besides, if you haven't noticed, I can take care of myself."
"Hm, yes," he said, kissing my forehead. "You know how I feel about swooping." He spun me around and gently shoved me toward Nathaniel, who was waiting by the main gate. He smacked my bottom and said, "Go, you minx, before I insist you return with me."
Laughing, I left the hustle and bustle of the Keep behind as Nathaniel and I turned west toward Highever.
The Ferelden air was crisp and the leaves were turning. A beautiful day for a journey. Highever wasn't far, maybe six hours or so, and with luck, we'd be there before dinner. I set a fast pace, anxious to get home.
Was it still home? I doubted that any of my personal possessions still existed. Fergus was still there, of course. I missed my brother deeply. I also missed my parents, but that was a profound ache that I could ignore most days. Home and not home I guess.
I was so absorbed in my thoughts that the first few hours sped by. I didn't notice that Nathaniel was in a foul mood. I realized when we stopped for lunch that he had been silent the entire journey. He wasn't normally talkative, but absolute silence wasn't like him.
As we finished eating, I asked him. "Something bothering you?"
He glared at me. I was taken back. I had no idea he was angry. He curled his lip and stared at me with cold, gray eyes. "I take it that out pleasant diversions are over?"
"Do you want them to be over?" I asked, perplexed.
"It seems that you've reunited with the man you've wanted all along. You no longer need a stand in."
"Is that what you think? That you were a replacement? It's not that simple, Nathaniel." I put my hand on his arm. He pulled away and looked down the road.
"Odd how you think so much about some things, but not at all about other things. It seems that this is something we need to discuss, but at a later date. Your brother awaits."
We made the final approach to Castle Cousland. It was near the dinner hour and the sun was lowering in the sky. I looked at the main doors. They were brand new. Of course they would be, Howe and his men had broken the old ones down. Those doors were ancient, destroyed in one night by a greedy man.
A guard admitted us and went to fetch my brother. I looked around. Everything was new. The woodwork smelled of beeswax and lemon oil. My first instinct was to flee. I turned to Nathaniel, panicked. He squeezed my arm and smiled reassuringly. I took a deep breath. I was the Commander of the Grey. I could do this. I could visit my childhood home and be fine with it. The ghost of Howe wouldn't keep me away.
I took another deep breath and squared my shoulders. I could do this. Fortunately, Fergus arrived in short order, long before my new found resolve fled.
He entered from the opposite door from us. His face lit up and he swept me up in a bone crushing embrace. "Maker's breath, Eth! You are a sight for sore eyes!" He held me at arms length and inspected me. "You are too pale and too thin. Don't they feed the Wardens?" I laughed. He didn't know about the hunger the Taint brings. Thin I might be, but I could put away enough food to shame a troop of men.
"Oh, Fergus!" I breathed his name like a prayer. "I'm so glad to be here, to be home!" I heard a small sound from Nathaniel and turned to reacquaint them. Fergus' grip tightened and his eyes narrowed.
"Why, dear sister, you've brought a guest. And a particularly dangerous one at that," he hissed, glaring at both of us. I had long come to terms with Nathaniel's lineage. It was stupid of me to forget how Fergus would feel, and stupid of me to bring Nathaniel without thinking how he would also feel. Suddenly I felt old.
I gently pried Fergus' hands off of my arms and held his hands in mine. "Fergus," I said mildly. "I didn't bring him here for any nefarious reason. You two were friends, once. Neither of you have done anything that should have changed that."
They stared at each other for what seemed like forever. Then, abruptly, the tension between them snapped and I exhaled a breath I didn't know I'd been holding. Fergus held out his hand to Nathaniel. They clasped hands, warily smiling at each other.
My brother turned to me. "So good old Nate is a Warden now?" He shook his head. "How did that happen?"
"I conscripted him," I said, with a lightness I didn't feel. "He was, um, at the Keep. The other Wardens from Orlais had been killed in that attack I wrote you about and I needed his help." I forestalled his next question. "No, I didn't trust him initially, so I figured that I'd keep my enemy close. But I do trust him now, Fergus, I really do. He had no idea what his father was up to. He'd been in the Free Marches for eight years. Ok?"
Fergus held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. "Ok, ok. You've worn me down with your persuasive arguments, as you usually do. I'm still trying to wrap my head around my little sister as the Commander of the Grey."
"You're telling me, Fergus," Nathaniel said in his quiet voice. "Where is the little girl who used to follow us around, in her ripped clothes and hair like a birds' nest?"
I made a face at both of them. "I should have left you at the Keep," I said to Nathaniel. They laughed at me, the tension gone. It almost felt like old times. "Just promise me that neither of you will lock me in the chapel, ok?" They smirked at each other. Great, this was going to be an interesting visit.
