Tobias

Zeke and I meet for our lunch break at a restaurant a few blocks away from Johanna's office. We see each other often since he now runs security, being that I'm Johanna's assistant, it doesn't give us much time to actually talk. Although I've worked closely with him for years, I'm still amazed watching him scarf down food. He's like a black hole, nothing seems to satiate him. He's finished his second hero sandwich when he comes up for air.

"I didn't want to mention this the other night, being that it was your housewarming and all, but I'm planning to ask Shauna to marry me."

"That's great Zeke, congratulations."

"Thanks, man. I'm not sure how long from now the wedding will be though. Matthew mentioned to Shauna about some procedure that might be able to help her walk again."

I've known Zeke long enough that I can tell that there's more. "What's the problem?"

"Well there are a lot of risks and potential complications that come with the procedure, you know me, I'm not big into that science stuff, but there's still a chance that she'll never walk again. I told her that I love her regardless and there's no need to put her life on the line. She hasn't been the same since she lost the use of her legs; I can tell she feels less Dauntless even though factions don't exist anymore, it's still a difficult mindset for her to let go." He falls silent, staring into his plate but not seeing the food. It seems like a long time before he speaks again. "Then she talked about having children. Matthew had her checked out by one of the Bureau doctors, and if she has the procedure, it will increase her chances of carrying a baby to term."

I take a sip of my glass, still holding it when I place it back on the table between us. "You love kids."

"I do. I just...I just want Shauna. A part of me wants to see her on her feet again. Call me a coward if you want, but the other part of me is afraid I'll lose her through this whole process."

I turn my drink around in my hand. What Zeke feels is something I relate to. When it comes to Tris, there have been many times where I felt conflicted between what would keep her safe and what she wanted to do. Although there were many times we each took countless risks, somehow we both came out standing. I don't know if I'd call it fate but I don't have another word for it.

I meet Zeke's eyes. "Sometimes you just have to let the person you love go after what they want, despite the risks."

He nods and looks back at his plate. I raise my glass to my lips. "So, when are you and Tris going to make it official?" I nearly spit out whatever contents are in my mouth. I'm choking when Zeke continues, "Four, man, I didn't mean to catch you so off guard with that question." It doesn't help that he's laughing.

I regain my composure after coughing a few times. "It's not that I haven't thought about it, I have a little. Things with Tris are finally starting to settle. We're in our new place, we have new responsibilities, and we're getting to know each other outside of all the mayhem a few months back. I haven't exactly talked to Tris about it and I don't want to rush into something she might not want."

"Oh, don't give me that crap. You two are made for each other. What's there not to rush into? Don't you want a little Tobias or Beatrice running around?"

My stomach leaps into my chest. Ultimately the next step after marriage is children. Marriage doesn't scare me but parenthood sends a feeling of dread through my body. What terrifies me most in not creating life, but destroying it. I'm afraid I'll be just like my father. I know I'd never hurt Tris and I can't imagine hurting our child, I just can't escape the idea that somehow I'll be just like him.

I've been staring into space. When I come out of my reverie, Zeke is snapping his fingers in my face, calling my name. My eyes focus on him and I say, "Sorry, I was just lost in thought."

His voice sounds anxious. "It doesn't matter, look at the screen." I follow his gaze as he turns to the television screen above the bar. On the screen is a broadcast; I don't hear what the reporter is saying, I read the caption. Bombing in fringe. The fringe. Tris is on a supply run at the fringe. Without thinking I'm on my feet. I bolt out of the restaurant, making my way to my truck. My heart is beating so fast. Tris has to be alright, she has to be.