"Sensei I want an explanation!" Jiraiya slammed his hands on the desk, killing intent radiating from him like heat from a fire. He had returned to the Flying Blackbird the next evening and to find the the standard shopping smile replaced by a much more creepy one. "Tell me why my godson has spent the last month living in the RED LIGHT DISTRICT!"
Hiruzen who had been stoic up until that moment widened his eyes in shock. "Jiraiya. I was not aware of this until you told me. What happened to the orphanage he was staying in?!"
"NOT AWARE?! HOW COULD YOU NOT BE AWARE OF NARUTO'S LIVING CONDITiONS!" Seethed the sanin. The he forced himself to calm down before speaking again. "Minato's son was kicked out a while ago. From what I can gather his guard was reduced when Uchiha Shisui and ANBU Dog began teaching him some basic Ninja skills. After he was kicked out he lived in the red light district for a while until some drunks found where he was sleeping and tried to kill him!"
The office became completely silent save for the sound of a tobacco pipe cracking under the Professor's grip. Hatake Kakashi would've never allowed such a thing but he was out on a mission. No doubt he would be in the office shouting at him when he returned from Kiri." I'll take care of it Jiraiya. Where is he now?"
"He's living with the witch in her shop." He relaxes a little as he remembers watching the witch comfort Naruto. At least he had a place to go to, even if it was temporary. Then he frowns again as he remembers the all the red marks in her bills and forms. "Thats another thing actually. Did you know how poor she was? Half the food she had was from jars and trades with the other clans. The other half was cheap dog food!"
The hokage blinked in shock. That was another surprise. Her store was very popular amongst the shinobi even if the prices were higher then they used to be. "I am aware that her products are very costly to produce in large amounts. She should not be poor enough to resort to eating dog food." He frowned. "I know you. Do you have any of her bills?"
Jiraiya huffs as if slightly put out. "Who do you think I am Sensei. I'll do you one better." He pulled out a file out of his robes. "I got three months of financial reports, handwritten by the lady herself." Witch or not, Jiraiya was a spymaster and acquiring information was his forte. Even if the wards that guarded it made his head spin.
The contents of those files would've been funny if the situation wasn't so dire. The Flying Blackbird and its proprietress had been tacked with a jinchuuriki tax as of several months ago, a clan tax several years ago, several noise pollution fines, a 30% property tax as of one year ago, and fined with revealing ANBU Identities.
After running through the section regarding her tax returns and conferring with the notes in the archives Jiraiya turns to his superior. "I'll start with the big one first. What's with all the taxes?"
Hiruzen frowns as he continues to sift through documents. He wouldn't normally set aside his standard pile of paperwork to deal with the financial problems of a civilian, but some of the problems that his student had pointed out could prove disastrous.
When did a jinchuuriki tax exist? To his knowledge none of Naruto's predecessors had any sort of tax.
Why wasn't he aware of Naruto's standard of life? Hatake handed in very detailed reports about the boy (and the shop keeper though he didn't seem to notice it.) but he had been sent on a string of missions outside Konoha. Who was sending him Uzumaki's reports?
There was no crime in discovering the identity behind ANBU masks only a hazard. (He wanted to commission her for a version of that identifying spell. It was a good last ditch defense against spies.)
Money was lost during transit between the administrative building and Oribanda Mina. The people who were victims of the tax fraud from several months ago still hadn't received their return.
Oribanda may be a clan from beyond the elemental countries but that means very little in the village. She should only be taxed once she is married.
He will concede that the noise pollution was a crock of shit. He had watched the witch set up the sound muffling charms herself and the shop was always quiet until you went into the back yard. Even then, the plants only grumbled, not screamed and roared like the fines dictated.
How many other families were like this?
He was fairly certain that the witch would sooner leave Konoha and set up her own village before she allowed herself to be taken as a ward. If she realizes that she was getting cheated (judging by the marks in the more recent pages she probably is.) she may leave and take Naruto with him.
He is the god of Shinobi.
He has a whole force of ninjas at his command. His ANBU jonin are some of the best in the elemental nations. Three of the clans in the village specialized in tracking. He was fairly certain that if he were to meet the witch in combat he could best her even if she used her magic. No one would be able to come out of that unscathed if Inoichi's report was accurate.
But if the Witch decided to leave He doubted any of them had the means to track someone who could teleport. It was that same skill that made his successor so feared.
Naruto would be safe from those that would do them harm. He was sure of that. Oribanda Mina was a civilian true, but she had killed before and she had good reflexes that the Jonin commander had vouched for.
He would prefer if his surrogate grandson were to stay in the village though. Plus Danzo was heavily invested in that witch (even when he had told him to back off) So the question was where was all of her money going?
Nee-chan's room was kind of a mess.
Well not really. It was just small and full of stuff. It turns out that the entire living space is above the store rather then just behind the store front like he had thought. While the rooms were big there was so much stuff packed into each room that there wasn't much free space at all. The bed was actually part of a series of shelves which were loaded with books. Her desk was covered with various papers and potions recipes (Shisui-nii showed him how to make a boil remover so he knows a potions recipe when he sees one).
The carpet on the floor was floating a few inches off the ground and had a pillow and blanket piled on top of it. He figured that he would be sleeping on a flying carpet which would be pretty cool.
The walls were all full of various portraits. Each of them were chattering and arguing with each other or drinking out of things in the background. One of them was a small painting of an austere elderly woman who was peering at him curiously through a pair of cat's eye glasses.
Moving portraits.
Wow. Nee-chan was awesome. She could make moving drawings!
"Naruto these are portraits of some of my dead family members." Her voiced sounded different when she said that. He's not sure why and he wants to know but Shisui-nii said that Nee-chan didn't like to talk about her past. It made her homesick.
Wait.
She said dead family members.
Did that mean that all these paintings had ghosts in them? THAT'S CREEPY-TTEBAYO!
He must've said it out loud because Mina-nee added "They are not ghosts. Just magical paintings. Grandma Sayuri is probably the only one you will understand unless you learn english." She points to the painting of the elderly woman who was reading a book.
The woman waves slightly to him before returning to the pages.
The room also smelled a little like old books and dog food. Maybe thats what she feeds Dogface.
The smell of everything makes him sneeze which Nee-chan takes to mean that he has caught a cold. "Naruto go take a bath! A hot one! You can take the bed and I'll take the carpet."
Thats kind of dumb since he's never been sick in his life but she doesn't believe him. He doesn't want a bath either because hot water is of expensive and Nee-chan is kind of poor, which is also why she should take the bed. But when he tries to protest she flicks her magic wand and forcibly throws him into the bath tub.
The water is ice cold one moment and then almost hot the next and Naruto is reminded that his Nee-chan was special.
Like really really special.
She was nice to him and always gave him food (it makes him feel guilty that he's eating fresh food when she's eating canned cat food. but she continues to insist that he needed it more), and told cool stories, and yelled at him when he was bad (Dogface too but he's been showing up less and less often in the shop.)
It's kind of like the family stories that he always heard about, where they would scold you if you were naughty.
The days were hard when people either ignored him or kicked him out of places but he had a family who would teach him stuff and acknowledged him.
Even if it was kind of weird.
Life was good.
So he sinks into the water and smiles.
'Twas the night before december, when all through the town
No civillians were stirring, a man sits with a frown
How did this happen?
He was ANBU. He didn't have emotions.
He wasn't supposed to HAVE emotions.
The string of long missions was supposed to help with that. He had been in and out of the village for weeks at a time. The time outside the Konoha was supposed to clear his head.
Yet indigo eyes and flutelike voices continue to echo in his dreams regardless of what he did.
It was one thing to get a hard on for a fictional character but it's completely inappropriate when its an actual person! Especially when its someone you interact with on a daily basis.
It would be easier deal with this if it had something to do with a mission. This sort of thing is natural right?
The memorial stone offered no answers. Not that he would've talked to them about it.
If the witch did something to him there will be hell to pay. That's something his fangirls would do and the implications of that are really disturbing.
That doesn't seem likely seeing as she didn't really care if he was in the shop or not as long as he didn't scare people away.
He groaned and flopped back onto the bed. It's not like he could really ask people about it as there wasn't anyone he trusted enough to do so. Minato-sensei was long dead and he would sooner wear a poofy pink dress before asking anyone else.
Correction.
He would sooner wear a pink poofy dress WITHOUT his mask, before talking. The bird like shopkeeper had forced him into a dress several times before when she felt his presence was scaring business away. Fortunately this was usually when Naruto and Shisui were working in the basement. He probably would've snapped and murdered the shopkeeper if he had to put up with their laughter in addition to the snickers of ninja patrons.
At least they didn't know it was him.
Plus he was kind of curious to see how Mina would feel in his arms as he-
OK, NOW THATS JUST DISTURBING!
He violently shook the thoughts from his head and resolved to purchase a horror novel the next time he visited the book store. It was late and he must've been tired to have this much trouble shutting things out of his head.
...
His next shift as Naruto's guard led him to an interesting scene.
Guard shift wasn't really the right term for it as the boy was slippery enough to escape from any unwanted pursuers. It was more like damage control for him and any shenanigans that involved the boy. Like the orphanage expelling him and the drunk that tried to kill him.
Sadly he could not deal with the angry drunk as it was too dark for Naruto to see anything that could be used to identify him.
The orphanage on the other hand had been shut down for negligence and abuse.
Since the boy lived at the shop until arrangements could be worked out Kakashi really had no reason to visit the shop anymore. But alas, old habits are rather difficult to break. Plus the casual air of the store reminded him of Sensei's home.
Naruto was in the show room sweeping the floor so he helped himself to some cleaning supplies and a silly looking apron (it had a smiley face.)
"Hey Dogface!" Greeted Naruto. "Your back! Didja beat the bad guys?"
He shrugged and smirked slightly behind his mask.
"Heh. Awesome! You should totally teach me a cool jutsu-ttebayo!"
Kakashi chuckled quietly, Naruto constantly peppered him for "cool Jutsus" although the verbal tic was new. He hopes that the boy didn't get in the habit of saying that as it would become annoying very very quickly.
It would also be a punch in the gut.
He was just like his mother from the attitude, right down to the verbal tic.
He was going to be sick.
Before he could make his escape, Mina appeared.
What he saw left him speechless (and slightly pink in the face.)
Typically Mina was reminiscent of a giant bat with her baggy robes, her cloak, and her giant goggles. It would be intimidating if the robes beneath the cloak were plain black rather than purple polka dots (Something about potion safety.)
That was not what she was wearing today.
Her jet black hair had been let down and fell to just past her shoulders with long bangs framing her face. It had smoothed it self out since her arrival to Konoha and looked less like a scrub brush.
She wore a simple white sundress with ruffles on the end that came just past her knees. It showed off her svelte figure perfectly. She had definitely filled out from the last time he saw her without a cloak (Dammit stop thinking about that.)
"Oh hello Ha-"
He cut her off with a glare. Addressing him by name when no one was around was one thing but Naruto was here too.
"Oh fine. Welcome back Dogface." She greeted him. Then she turned to Naruto "You ate right?"
Naruto who had also been rendered speechless. "Whoa! Nee-chan you're actually really pretty-ttebayo!"
"That doesn't answer my question." Mina paused at the implications of what he said and demanded. "Why are you so surprised? Did you think I was ugly?"
"NO! No! Not at all it's just shocking thats all!" The boy flailed about for a few moments before changing the subject "Uhhh... Why are you dressed up? Isn't it time to open the shop?"
"Eh? No. I take saturdays off to clean and sort everything." She adjusted her clothes one more time. "Can you two take over for the day? I have a date."
Just like that the people with the Y chromosome had the rug pulled out from under them.
"D-Date?" Choked Kakashi before he could stop himself. "Who would want to go on a date with you?" The witch who enjoyed needling her customers, who frequently threatened and warned her patrons, who liked discussing uncomfortable topics, had someone ask her out for a date? Who asked her? When did THAT happen?
Why did she say yes?
Of course right after he spoke he realized his mistake.
Mina glared at him with the force of twenty owls. "Oy Dogface. I know I'm not much of a lady." She gave her wand a quick flick and he felt something growing from the top of his head. "For that you are definitely going to scrub the cauldrons. I want them all clean when I get back. Got it?" Then she left and slammed the door on her way out.
The boys shared a moment of silence before Naruto sulked into the floor. "I can't believe she went out on a date and left us with all the work."
Kakashi shifted awkwardly but said nothing. He took a few moments to collect himself before speaking. "Want to spy on her date?" It wasn't something he would normally do as it seemed kind of disrespectful.
It was something Obito would do in conjunction with running his mouth like he did moments ago.
He would probably think that he deserved having antlers sprouting from his forehead.
Naruto began looking really excited before slumping again. "Nah. Got to clean everything-ttebayo." He grumbled.
Kakashi shrugged and ran through a series of hand signs.
Two more copies of him, silly apron and antlers included, burst into existence and began cleaning. Naruto stared at the shadow clones in wonder before giggling at how silly they looked.
"OKAY! Now lets go see who Nee-chan's date is-ttebayo!" The boy shouted as he bolted out the door.
Kakashi hurried after him before Mina noticed her follower. Five year old boys are hardly subtle and he didn't want to know what would happen if they got caught.
AN: Still haven't found a beta. Still have trouble writing dialogue. Still have problems writing Kakashi's pov though its getting better.
In my experience, it's a lot harder to control your flow of thoughts late at night. Something about your inhibitors being down. Under his stoic anbu mask i can definitely see him flipping out when he isn't being numb about everything. Nobody can be really numb about everything all of the time. At least I don't think so.
It's getting easier writing Naruto since i just have to think of a puppy from an abused home.
Mina is wearing the same dress as Meiko Honma from Anohana: The Flower We Saw That Day.
Multipule-Characters1-Acct: I'm still trying to figure that out myself.
To the ever mysterious guest: I'm in the midst of planning of Shisui's interactions. I must admit that I did put Kakashi on the back burner since i wasn't quite sure how to go about it. Hopefully this makes up for it.
Raven Blanchard: Fukasaku was a victim of accidental rune summoning. When he was a polywog a student in mahoutokoro experimented with some runes and summoned him on a beach. He spent a few years in japan before the same student got enough experience to properly send him back to Mt. Myoboku
Ultimate Alternate Universe: Danzo is very possessive. He wants the rarest treasure as close to him as possible. Even if he can't quite get it yet.
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