Chapter Nine: Kids
He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster…
And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.
Lumen moved to catch up to Chris, but was intercepted by Nick as he approached from the house looking disturbed. He called out to her, attracting his step-brother's attention. Glancing between the two, Chris's dark scowl deepened. He stalked away before Lumen could say anything. She turned back to Nick, sighing through pursed lips and smoothing back a strand of loose hair.
"What's up?" Catching his expression, she frowned. "What is it?"
"I found pills in the house. Not like, painkillers… I think they're poison capsules."
"What, like cyanide?" she asked, completely forgetting about Chris for a moment as Nick nodded. "Wait… how did you find them?"
His expression turned sheepish. "I was just looking around, you know?"
"What the hell were you looking around for, Nick? Am I going to have to kick your ass?"
"Well, you haven't been rewarding me for staying sober," he joked, with a guilty smile, hoping to appeal to her better nature.
"Your reward was me not kicking your ass! What the hell, Nick?"
All traces of humor fell from his face as she raised her voice. He had not expected this sort of reaction from her. She stared at him for a moment, then closed her eyes and took a deep breath to calm herself. But underneath he could tell that she was still furious with him.
"So what are you saying? You think Georgie boy's going to kill his whole family? It might just be a last option kind of thing."
"What if it's not though? What if he knows how bad things are and he's just working up the nerve to do it? Those kids, man…"
Lumen glanced at him, feeling guilty for her outburst.
"Alright, first you need to promise me you weren't looking for pills in there."
"Okay, I promise," he assured her with a smile that melted her icy expression.
"I mean it, Nick. Please."
She looked away and he realized she was genuinely upset.
"Hey, look, I'm sorry, okay? I swear I wasn't looking to score." His voice had grown soft as he realized he had become a disappointment to someone yet again. She met his gaze and nodded, though he wasn't sure she believed him.
"Let's just talk to the others. See what they think," she said, trying not to think too hard about little Harry and Willa. She wasn't about to let their fates become her responsibility.
"Yeah, okay," he replied, "I think I saw my mom heading back to the Abigail. Where's Travis?"
Lumen turned back towards the beach and found him nearing the top of the stairs.
"Travis!"
He glanced over, expression still heavy from what he had witnessed below.
"I need a word," the soldier said.
"They want us to what?"
Lumen stared at Madison in disbelief. Beside her, Nick shifted uncomfortably at the soldier's tone. He had never seen her this fired up over something, and that included their most recent conversation.
"No, it's just Melissa. George doesn't know," Madison replied.
"Oh, so their father's not in on it. Cool. So we grab his kids and make a run for it? Hope he doesn't shoot any of us down along the way?"
"You think it's a better idea leaving them here?"
"Who's to say it's any safer for them out on the water? What are we going to do? Take them back to the mainland where there's hundreds, if not thousands more infected waiting for them?"
"She's right, Maddy," Travis said, hardly able to believe that he was agreeing with the soldier after questioning her credibility only moments earlier.
"They deserve a chance at a better life, Travis!" Madison argued.
"No, they deserve a chance at a life," Lumen corrected her. "We take them out there, I guarantee you they'll be dead within a week. Do you really want the responsibility of two little kids running around out there?"
"On the boat?"
"We're not going to be on the boat forever."
Madison eyed her. The soldier knew more about Strand's plans than she was letting on, she knew it.
"Well, we're not going to have a lot of options there, anyway."
"What do you mean?" the soldier asked.
Madison exchanged a look with Travis.
"I spoke with George last night," Travis began, "He's been keeping in contact with other ranger stations, keeping track of the situation so far. There aren't a lot of places left that haven't been bombed. Almost every city across the country. And as far as Mexico goes, he says they've shut down the border. No way in or out."
Once again, the soldier didn't seem too surprised by this information.
"Just how much more do you know?" Travis asked as he caught her expression, "What are you and Strand hiding?"
She met his eyes and he saw something there that told him to back off. He leaned back in his seat.
"I'm not going to keep arguing about this," Madison interrupted, "We are going to help those kids."
"I'm not going to be responsible for another child's death!" Lumen barked, startling Nick. Travis stared at her.
"They won't be your responsibility," Madison countered, disturbed by the woman's outburst.
"You're fucking right they won't be."
"Hey!"
"What? What do you want to say, Madison? I'm putting my vote in now: I'm not bringing those kids on board. And my vote counts for two, because I sure as hell know what Strand's going to say."
Madison looked to Travis, who appeared torn. Personally, he agreed with the soldier, but with his girlfriend's gaze boring into him, he caved.
"Let me talk to George, okay? Let me talk to him first."
"I can't keep leaving people behind, Travis," Madison said.
Lumen looked at Nick. They hadn't even had a chance to tell them about his discovery yet. Lumen knew that would be the final push Madison needed. But she couldn't deal with another child's death on her conscience. Not again. She got up to leave, but Nick caught her by the arm, attracting his mother's attention.
"Look, I found something in the house," he began, "I think this asshole's planning on Jonestowning his whole family."
"What are you talking about?" Travis asked. Lumen crossed her arms and sighed, turning towards the window. The wind was beginning to pick up outside, sending ocean spray across the deck. A heavy cloud covering loomed overhead with the promise of rain, and despite the warm shelter the cabin provided against the elements, Lumen shivered.
"I found pills in his office," Nick replied, "Not the recreational kind, either. I know pillheads and these people are not them."
"How do you know what the pills are?"
"I know my pharmaceuticals," Nick assured him.
"Still want to leave them here?" Madison asked the soldier, but Lumen ignored her. "Alright, let's go talk to Melissa. We should leave as soon as possible. Strand says we're all clear. If you're right about anything, it's that George won't let us take them without a fight."
"I'll go get my rifle, shall I?" Lumen remarked.
Travis held up his hands, tired of the soldier's attitude. "That won't be necessary. Let's just do this as smoothly and calmly as possible."
"Take someone else's kids? Yeah, sure, no worries. Your typical smash and grab job. Got it."
She pulled out her sidearm and checked the clip as she muttered inaudibly under her breath, eliciting concerned looks from the older couple. She glanced over at them as she slid the clip into place and pulled back the slide.
"Alright, let's go do this."
"I've told them that they're going on a boat ride, that they'll be back in a couple of days. I think they're actually excited."
Inside the Geary's house, Melissa Geary gave a backpack and a small suitcase to Travis, fighting to keep her emotions in check as she prepared to surrender her two youngest children.
"This is Harry's," she said, passing a toy slingshot to Madison, "He gets scared at night. He pretends not to, but he ends up crawling into his sister's bed. We've been trying to discourage that, but I think it's okay if he does it, you know, to feel safer?"
Unable to keep herself under control any longer, Melissa began to cry, shaking as sobs rolled through her body.
"It's okay," Madison said, putting an arm around her shoulders. "I promise they'll be safe with us."
She knew what it was like having to give up a child with the hope that the sacrifice would turn out in their best interest; the number of times she'd had no choice but to force Nick into rehab, despite his assurance that he could get better on his own.
Lumen swallowed the lump in her throat and looked away. Glancing at Nick, who sat beside her at the small dining table, she realized he was on the verge of tears watching this grieving mother. She reached out and gave his shoulder a comforting squeeze, receiving a thin smile of appreciation in return. Gazing at him, any anger she had felt towards him earlier slipped away. Strand was right; he was her weakness, this soft-hearted addict. And she knew that fact was going to come back to bite her in the ass.
George Geary entered the room, driving the soldier to her feet. Her hand went immediately to her sidearm. She had known this would happen.
"What's going on?" he asked, glancing from his crying wife to the group of guilty-looking visitors. "What is this, Melissa?"
Piecing the story together with the children's luggage in Travis's possession, his wife's desperate tears and the defensive stance of the armed woman, he shook his head. He had known she would try something like this ever since her 'accident' with the lights. She had tried to convince him that she thought the lightbulb was faulty, that she had been attempting to fix it, but the repeated flickering had given her away. "Why?" he asked her.
"George, listen to me," Melissa tried, her eyes pleading for him to understand, "I love you. I love our family. But we have to give them a chance. I can't stand looking at them every day and seeing nothing for them, I just can't."
Lumen stared at George, waiting for his reaction, when she saw Harry appear on the staircase looking upset.
"Mama?"
Nick glanced up, sensing something was wrong. Harry's parents turned, the argument momentarily forgotten as their son approached. He glanced between the visitors, his movements shy.
"What, sweetie? What is it? Tell mommy," Melissa encouraged, leaning down to him.
"Something's wrong with Willa."
"What? What do you mean? Stay here, Harry. Just wait there, okay?"
Melissa raced up the stairs to check on her daughter, with George close on her heels.
Lumen exchanged a look with Nick. He approached the little boy, crouching down to his level.
"What happened, buddy?"
"She took her pill."
"Oh, no," Lumen said, her voice barely a whisper. She turned her head towards the door as she felt the powerful urge to leave, wanting nothing to do with this. She tried to imagine the scene upstairs, but only seemed able to think of the fragile body she had found by the window all those weeks ago; the chewed remains of the little girl she had failed to save. Her heart began to race as a sick feeling crept over her. Nick turned back with a helpless expression. Willa had seen him in the study, she had seen where her father had kept the pills hidden. Without a word, he dashed up the stairs to see what his actions had brought upon this family.
Lumen followed behind him in a daze, ignoring the voice in her head that was begging her to leave. She had to make sure the others were safe. There was a scream as she reached Willa's bedroom. She leaned against the doorframe, barely making sense of the scene before her. Melissa was covered in blood, red pouring from the bite wound in her neck, Willa struggling in her arms as she fought for another mouthful. Lumen backed away the moment she saw the little girl's face. The sounds around her grew distant as blood pounded in her ears.
"I can't do this," she heard herself say.
"Lumen?" someone said, their voice dulled.
"Nick, grab Harry!" another voice said.
Fighting to stay focused, Lumen made it back down the staircase, knuckles white as she gripped the rail. She paused at the bottom as she began to feel faint. With one arm around Harry, Nick used the other to urge her on.
They made it out the front door just as George Geary screamed above, his voice carrying through the open window. For a moment Lumen was back outside the abandoned house, Wilson groaning on the ground as he clutched his shattered leg, radio crackling warnings of approaching infected. She could hear the voices of her men arguing behind her, then the little girl screaming above…the high-pitched shriek faded to the deeper-voiced agony of George Geary. She closed her eyes and shook her head, willing herself back to the present. Focusing on Nick, she urged herself onwards as they made it to the pier.
"I want my dad," Harry said to Nick, as he was jostled around with each quick step. "I want my mama."
"I know, buddy," Nick said to him, making his best attempt to soothe the child, "But this is what they wanted."
"This isn't right," Lumen muttered to herself as they reached the yacht.
"What happened?" Daniel asked, loosening the mooring lines. He had seen them coming, sensing the urgency as he spotted the child in Nick's arms.
"They turned," Travis explained quickly.
They hurried aboard, Chris helping them up before he and his father pulled back the ramp and secured the gate. Strand appeared from the staircase, expression adamant.
"Madison, what have you done now?" he said, glancing at the child. He threw a look at his soldier for being part of this, but she had grown pale as she fought to stay upright. He tried to get her attention, leaning forward to catch her eyes, but she was too far gone.
"What's wrong with her?" he asked Nick, as Nick placed the boy down beside him.
"I don't know."
Lumen clutched the table, her breathing uneven. She closed her eyes in an attempt to regain focus, but her head continued to thump, her vision like static.
"We have room," Madison reasoned with Strand, drawing his attention back to the child.
"Children are the very definition of dead weight. Put him back where you found him."
"You're not doing this again," Travis shot back, "You don't get to decide who lives and who dies."
"That's exactly what I get to do."
"We're doing this," Madison assured him, with her sharpest gaze, "Now move this goddamn boat."
A gunshot broke them from the debate. Seth had boarded during their argument, armed with his rifle as he came to claim his little brother. He glanced around the cabin, pointing the gun at anyone who moved.
"Harry? Come on, you're coming home!"
Madison moved forward instinctively to protect the child and the gun swung towards her. Adrenalin had surged through Lumen at the familiar sound of gunfire, her training coming back to her in a rush of sudden composure. She did the only thing she could think of, seeing a weapon pointed at her group; she drew her sidearm and grabbed Harry.
"Lumen!" Nick watched in disbelief as she pulled the child away from him and held her gun to the side of his head. She stared down the older brother.
"Lower your weapon!" she shouted.
"It's okay, Harry," Seth told his brother as the boy looked around in confusion.
"What the hell are you doing?" Lumen heard Alicia say from somewhere behind her.
"Let him go!" Travis pleaded.
"Drop it, now!" she shouted again.
"He needs to be with his family!" Seth replied, not backing down.
"There's nothing back there anymore," Madison reasoned, "Just come with us."
"Will you stop inviting people onto my goddamn boat?" Strand said to her.
"This is his home. He needs his family," continued Seth, his weapon still raised despite Lumen's demands. "Just let us go home! Please, just let us go home!"
There was a desperation to his voice that brought Lumen to her senses. Chris watched the stand-off, unable to comprehend what he was witnessing. This was a side of the soldier he had never seen before, that he had never thought existed; the dark side of Sergeant Attebury. Sensing the stalemate, Lumen made her choice and pushed the boy towards his older brother, keeping her weapon raised in case he decided to take a few revenge shots. But all he had wanted was his little brother safe in his arms. Giving Harry a hug and checking him over quickly for any wounds, he picked him up and turned to give the group one last damning look.
"You caused this," he told them, before moving off towards the pier. The words hit Madison hard as she watched the boys head back towards what was left of their home. The moment the child was off the boat, Strand made his way up to the bridge and started the engine.
"What the hell was that?" Travis shouted at Lumen, stepping towards her, but she wasn't listening. She gazed out at the pier, where a blood-splattered Melissa Geary was shambling towards her two remaining children.
"Oh my god," Madison said. They watched Seth set Harry down, and ready his rifle. The brothers spoke briefly and Harry turned back to the boat, waving despite his earlier encounter. Having the best rapport with him, Nick waved back to keep his attention focused away from what was about to happen. The boat began to pull away from the harbor as Seth raised his gun at his mother and lined up the shot.
Lumen was having trouble breathing. She had to sit down. Turning around, ignoring the concerned looks as she stumbled by, she managed to make it down the staircase to the hallway below. Throwing open the nearest door, she collapsed against the cabin wall, shaking. She had no idea what was happening to her. She had experienced this once before, during a particularly hot day in the Afghan desert. The medic had diagnosed it as heatstroke, but this…this was something else. Suddenly her mind went to the little girl in the house; her mouth smeared with blood, the way her eyes had clouded over…
She's here. Please don't hurt her! She's all I've got left…
Where is your daughter?
You think his daughter's dead?
If not dead, then infected…
She clawed at her head as tension began to build, desperate to stop remembering.
"Lumen? Lumen? Listen to me, breathe in slowly, okay? Just count to three, in then out. Lumen?"
She stared at Nick as he knelt in front of her but her brain couldn't seem to process what he was saying. She hadn't even realized she was hyperventilating. He took her head in both hands and stared into her eyes, trying to get her to focus.
"Hey, you with me?"
She turned aside and threw up.
"Hey, it's okay, it's okay," Nick told her, pulling her hair back from her face.
"I don't know what's wrong," she managed to say, but her voice sounded distant. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and started to shiver, holding her head in her hand.
Chris appeared in the doorway, concerned by Lumen's hasty departure, but was promptly forced aside by Madison as she stepped into the room. She watched the soldier attempt to get to her feet and stumble forward. Nick caught her just in time and helped her over to the bed.
"What happened?" Madison asked, glancing at the pool of vomit on the floor.
"I don't know," Nick said, turning back to his mother as he helped lower Lumen onto the edge of the mattress. "She's really sick, mom."
Madison knew from his expression that this wasn't as simple as a stomach ache.
"We need to talk about what happened back there."
"Not now."
"Nick–" Madison pushed, but the look he threw her shut her up.
"We can deal with it later, okay, mom? Can't you see what she's dealing with? She's not well. That wasn't her back there."
"She was just trying to help," Chris muttered behind her. Madison turned to look at him, as if only noticing him for the first time. He met her gaze but quickly looked away. She glanced back at the vomit on the floor.
"I'll find something to clean that up. What does she need? Anything?"
"Just sleep, I think. Maybe some water. I wouldn't give her any meds. Unless we have valium…"
"You know we don't, Nick."
Chris turned away and moved off to find some water. Madison watched him go and when she turned back she saw Nick feeling Lumen's forehead. The soldier felt cold but she was drenched with sweat.
"What is this, Nick?" Madison asked, her voice low.
"You want a blanket?" Nick asked Lumen. As out of it as she was, she managed a small nod. She was freezing.
"Alright. You'll be okay. I'll be right back," he said, rubbing her arm reassuringly. As he headed past his mother, he said, "I think she's in shock."
"She looks like she's coming off something."
"She not a user, mom. You should have heard the way she ripped into me when I told her about those pills. She would have given you a run for your money."
Madison followed him down the hall towards the cupboard. He pushed aside the sleeping bags they had stored away that morning, and pulled down one of the woolen blankets, looking around as he considered what else she might need.
"Can you find a bucket?" he asked his mother, who was still frowning at her son's dedication to the woman who had just held a child at gunpoint.
Chris passed them carrying a bottle of water, heading back towards his room. Nick watched him for a moment before Alicia appeared at the bottom of the staircase.
"What's going on?"
She had noticed her step-brother's rushed behavior, and, thinking Nick was having another episode, had followed him back down.
"Nothing, honey."
"Where's Lumen?"
Though the soldier had started to grow on her over the last few days, that latest stunt had left Alicia devoid of almost any faith in her. She glanced from Nick to their mother, but neither seemed in the mood for giving answers. Nick, completely ignoring her, started back towards the room. She turned to her mother. "Did you talk to her?"
"She's sick."
"Uh, yeah. That much I had figured out," she replied.
"Look, can you leave us for a second?"
"Seriously?"
"Alicia, please," Madison said with a little more force than she had meant.
Exasperated at being brushed off in favor of her brother yet again, Alicia stormed off towards her bunk, slamming the door behind her. Madison remained alone in the hallway, head hung and hand on her hip as she figured out the best course of action. She turned as she heard footsteps behind her.
"Maddy, what's going on? Where are the kids?" Travis asked as he came down the stairs.
"Nick and Chris are with Lumen, and Alicia's–"
"Wait, what? What are they doing with her? After what she just did?"
"She's not well."
"Did you talk to her? She's dangerous, Maddy! They shouldn't be hanging around her!"
"We'll have to talk about this later."
Nick rushed passed them once more, this time heading up the staircase. Travis watched him, frowning.
"What's going on, Maddy?"
"I don't know. She's not well, Travis. She's not going be able to answer any questions right now."
"What about the boys?"
Back in the room, Chris had taken a seat beside Lumen on the bed, opening the bottle of water and offering it to her. She accepted and took a swig, swishing it around in her mouth to get rid of the sour taste.
"You okay?" he asked her, realizing how stupid the question sounded as he took in her pale, clammy complexion. He was doing his best to ignore the smell of sick in the room, more worried about her wellbeing.
"Not the best," she managed, with a weak smile. She rubbed her face, glancing down at her palm as she felt it come away wet. She hadn't realized she was sweating; she felt so cold. She tugged the blanket around closer, but it didn't seem to be helping.
"Can I do anything? I want to help," Chris said.
She looked over at him, touched by his concern. As she gazed at his bruised face, sensing his simple desire to feel needed, she felt her throat begin to tighten once again and refocused on her breathing.
Chris placed a hand on her back, hoping it would at least be a slight comfort to her. He could feel her shaking beneath his hand and considered going in search of another blanket. Nick returned carrying a couple of buckets and a mop. He glanced at Chris's hand resting on the soldier, then turned his attention to the mess on the floor. His mother had offered to clean it up, instinct kicking in as she recalled the nights of caring for her own sick kids, but Nick had replied that it was his turn to do the mopping up. She had cleaned up enough of his messes.
"How you doing over there, Lu?" he asked as he got to work. Lumen just shook her head. She had sunk deeper into the bed, sleep beginning to feel like the best option.
Chris watched his step-brother, brow creased. He almost felt as though Nick was invading his space, intruding on a private moment between him and the older woman. He had claimed the room when they'd boarded, dumping his belongings in the cabin that had once held his mother's remains; and right now he felt like he had the situation under control. It seemed unnecessary for them to both be there. As Nick finished up, he pushed the second bucket towards the bed to avoid any further accidents. Alicia appeared in the doorway, abandoning the security of the crew's quarters, compelled by curiosity. Her expression was uncertain as she looked around the room.
"What wrong with her?" she asked, "Is she sick?"
'Sick' seemed to imply a whole different meaning these days, as their experience with the spreading plague bred paranoia.
"I'm not infected," the soldier answered, her voice rough but still tinged with amusement. As lightheaded as she was feeling, Lumen still managed to look guilty. "I'm sorry you had to see that, back there."
The three teenagers were silent, the only sound the wet smacks of the mop against the floor.
"We can talk later," Alicia decided, observing the woman's pale skin. She thought back to Matt, how he'd looked when they'd left him alone in his house…
"I'll be back," Nick announced, picking up the dirty bucket. He threw his sister a look and she seemed to catch his suggestion, disappearing back towards the bunks.
"It's okay," Chris told him.
Nick turned back with a puzzled frown.
"What do you mean?"
"I've got it," his step-brother assured him, looking at Lumen, "I can take it from here. I'll watch her."
Nick's frown deepened, but Chris seemed adamant.
"I can do this," he assured him once again.
"Yeah. Okay. Cool." Nick forced a smile and nodded before hauling the bucket of murky water towards the hallway. He knew Chris needed something to take his mind of his mother, and if this was it, he was fine with it, though Lumen's sudden turn in behavior had really shaken him. He was convinced it was some kind of post-traumatic stress. It had to be. This wasn't her. He had seen similar behavior in other addicts, the ones who shot up to forget their past, the way they spun out as their memories betrayed them.
"Let me know when she wakes up, alright?" he told Chris, nodding towards the sleeping form of his friend, hoping she would be willing to talk more once the symptoms had subsided.
Chris looked down at her. He hadn't even noticed that she had drifted off. Pulling the blanket up closer around her shoulders, he took the bottle of water from her grasp and placed it on the bedside. Though her head was close to his lap, he couldn't quite make out her face. He brushed her hair back and smiled down at her. Asleep, she looked softer, without the tough edge of a woman who had seen war. He noticed the scattering of freckles across her nose, the way her long eyelashes rested against her skin. She looked peaceful, almost innocent. In a moment of impulse, he brushed a finger across her cheek and felt a rush of affection. Smiling to himself, he felt content for the first time in weeks.
A/N: This may have been the hardest chapter yet. Big thanks to anr017 for listening to me complain, and her constant willingness to help me out with ideas and feedback.
The tunes I listened to throughout this chapter were it's namesake, Kids by MGMT, and Youth by Daughter. Thanks again for reading, and any reviews are welcome. xx
