The twenty first time I shared a bed with Sirius Black was thirteen minutes after I got back from my first date with Lily Evans. She'd asked me out after Transfiguration the week before, out of the blue. I hadn't shown any interest in her for almost a year but she cornered me in the corridor and asked if I'd like to go for a picnic in the Astronomy Tower. She said that I was more mature now, not the arrogant prat that I'd been two years ago. I suppose that was true. The Snape issue had matured me.
To be honest, I'd almost given up on Lily, that's why I'd left her alone. She thought it was out of respect for her wishes. I think she thought she was torturing me, but respected me for not trying to push her any more. I didn't correct the idea. All the feelings that I'd thought were gone came flooding back the minute she'd shown interest in me. I'd said yes, tried to be cool and calm, and not told anyone, except the marauders of course. I wasn't sure of the rules when you were dating a girl. Were you meant to tell people about it or just leave the girl to tell people? And if you didn't tell people would she think you were ashamed of her? But if you did would she think you were bragging and thought of her like a trophy?
So I'd compromised. I knew they wouldn't say anything about it, but they knew if she expected them to know. And now I was going back to my room after a blissful time with Lily, most of which was spent staring at her hair and half listening to her talk about potions. She really was beautiful, and, even better, she was mine.
I was in a trance when I entered the room, and so didn't immediately notice the strange lack of noise coming from Sirius' bed. Peter usually snored, but Sirius had a distinct pattern of breath that I didn't notice was missing until I was lying in my own bed and trying to sleep. It was rather disconcerting, having shared a room with that breathy whistle almost every night for seven years to suddenly notice its absence.
I hauled myself out of bed and crossed to Sirius' bed, listening carefully for any telltale sounds from within. There was nothing. Sound seemed just to slip over his hangings. And then I got it, almost smacking myself on the head for being so stupid. A silencing charm.
Reaching out, I grabbed the hangings and pulled them back carefully, looking in, wand drawn in case. Sirius immediately turned over, scared and shaking. He was crying, but wiped away the tears as soon as he saw me, trying to pretend they didn't exist.
'What do you want?' he spat at me. I could think of no excuse for my behaviour, and he obviously didn't want me to acknowledge his tears so I merely shrugged.
'Go away then,' he hissed, 'Leave me alone,' I sighed. I didn't want him to be hurting. I didn't want him to be crying under a silencing spell at night. I had no idea what this might be about, but I knew that whenever something was wrong with me, Sirius made things ten times better with just his presence.
'Padfoot...you don't have to tell me. You don't even have to admit that there's something you're not telling me, but let me be there for you. I owe you for all the times you were there for me,' I said. He said nothing but shifted over. I slid into bed next to him, sighing.
'It'll be alright, whatever it is.' I said at length, 'And if it's not, well I'll help you make it stop mattering,' I hoped that was the right thing to say, since he kept staunchly silent on the subject of his distress. I heard a mumble somewhere near my shoulder and then felt the warmth of his head against me, tears soaking through my pyjama top. I laid a hand on his head and hoped that he would be alright, that whatever it was wasn't permanent, was fixable, and wasn't something that I would be better off knowing about.
