Voldemort and Sauron Get in an Argument Over Who Has More Euphemisms

            "All I'm saying," said Voldemort, "is that while your franchise ended with the death of your creator, my franchise is still growing.  There are still three more books left to come out.  I could gain any number of new names."

            A giant Eye, wreathed in flame, glared at Voldemort.  An uncomfortable silence followed.

            "Um.…" said Voldemort, "You want to add something?"

            The giant Eye turned on a man sitting not too far away from two of the most evil beings ever to come into fictional existence.  He, however, showed no signs of fear.  In fact, he yawned in boredom.  The eye glared more intensely, if it is possible for a flaming, lidless eye to become more menacing.  The man suddenly noticed and jumped up with an "Er…sorry.  How may I serve you, my lord?"  This was the Mouth of Sauron.

            The Eye stared intensely at the man for a moment.  "My Lord Sauron says that he has had thousands of years and several ages to rack up many euphemisms.  You've had, what, fifty years?"

            The flames around the Eye increased dramatically.

            "Oh, right.  I'm not supposed to use your real name.  But then, how do I tell people who I am?"

            The Eye looked slightly shocked at this oversight.

            "Oh please!" cried Voldemort, getting back to the subject.  "What does time have to do with it?  The amount of evil you create is far more important.  The amount of fear your real name inspires is more important.  The amount of screen time you get is more important.  I actually menace my main character personally.  You're an Eye at the top of a tower!"

            The Eye contracted with insane anger.  The Mouth of Sauron gulped and continued, "My Lord respectfully wonders what the main character has to do with anything?  After all, in three years, you will be defeated by a child."

            "And being defeated by a Hobbit is something to be proud of?  Please, you were destroyed by the epitome of 'cute.'  Besides, how do you know the Potter brat will kill me?"

            The Eye and the Mouth of Sauron exchanged incredulous looks.  "Please," said the Mouth, "you live in a children's book!  Of course you're going to lose!  And it dilutes your evil!"

            "How does it dilute my evil?  I kill, I torture, I maim.  What did you do?  Create some jewelry?  OoooooOOOooooh!"

            The Eye would have narrowed if it had had any lids to do so with.  The Mouth of Sauron continued, "Those pieces of 'jewelry' turned nine humans into some of the creepiest henchmen in literary history."

            "So you created henchmen.  So what?  I've got the Imperious Spell to do that for me.  Much less work than forging twenty rings of power."

            "Your henchmen are just evil men, not supernatural beings.  The unknown causes more fear.  You know that.  Why else would you put your Death Eaters in masks?"

            "Whatever."  Voldemort looked at the clock.  "Look, I have to get back before everyone thinks I've died again.  But I'm warning you.  In the end, Lord Voldemort will have more people scared to say his true name than Sauron."

            The Eye dilated imperiously.  The Mouth spoke, "Maybe, maybe.  If you don't get destroyed by another incredible plot contrivance in the meantime."

            Voldemort rolled his eyes.  "Uh-huh.  Now get out of here before I get a fire extinguisher."

            The Eye and Mouth Sauron disappeared with a flash of anti-light and a puff of black smoke.

            "Show off," said Voldemort.  "And he singed my guest couch again!"