Hey guys, here's the next chapter, I hope it's not too short. I hope you enjoy it and I really appreciate every single review you guys are leaving me! Each one is very helpful and cherished and Gracias to my spanish reviewer too! Thanks also to the people who choose just to read the story, I hope you're enjoying the story as well!
Can you believe after tonight's episode, they're making us wait again?! Those people are sooo evil, aren't they? Making us wait like that? Anyways, thanks again for reading and please let me know what you thought of the chap. I'll try to update soon. Enjoy! :)
Dean woke up, yawned, and stretched as a bit of the morning sun filtered in through the curtains forcing him to rise and shine. Groaning, he turned his head to the side and noticed that his brother's bed was empty but had been recently slept in as the sheets were all tossed around. A quick glance towards the bathroom told him that Sam wasn't in there. Dean was on the verge of freaking out when he heard the clanking of pots and pans downstairs. Letting out a relieved sigh, he pushed the covers back and climbed to his feet wanting to make sure Sam wasn't over working himself. To say Sam was under a good deal of stress at the moment, emotionally, physically, and mentally would have been the understatement of the year and Dean wanted to make sure that Sam was getting the proper amount of rest he needed in order to be able to deal with what was going on.
Sure enough, he found Sam standing at the kitchen sink, numerous delicious smelling dishes covering the counter tops. He could see that Sam had also set the table for five. "What are you doing up, shouldn't you be in bed resting?" Dean asked.
Sam swallowed thickly and placed the glass he was cleaning down before turning around to face his older brother. "I thought I'd make breakfast." He said quietly.
"Oh, you didn't have to do that." Dean said surprised. "I would have done it for you."
"I know but I ah, I couldn't sleep so I decided I'd do something useful around here for once." He replied sounding a bit bitter.
Sam's tone of voice and word choice made Dean raise an eyebrow and look at him funny. "What do you mean useful for once?" He asked concerned.
Sam scoffed. "I really don't think I've been too much help round here lately."
"Yeah but Sam, that's not your fault… you can't help it if you're not feeling well and out of it." Dean said trying to see what his brother was getting at. Besides you deserve a little R&R after what happened Dean silently added.
Sam nodded not really believing his brother. He was a Winchester and Winchesters were expected to suck it up and deal not run and hide like pansies!
"Go on, sit down okay. I'll finish up here." Dean said urging his brother towards the table.
Sam clenched his teeth trying to keep his irritation at Dean under control. He knew Dean was just trying to do what he thought was best and would make life easier for Sam. Unfortunately, it only had the opposite effect on Sam. One more thing they don't think I'm capable of doing Sam thought as he continued to belittle himself. He picked up a nearby pan that he had just finished drying and gripped it tightly, trying to put all his anger and hurt into that one motion. It didn't work.
"Go on Sammy, it's okay, I've got it. " Dean said as he reached forward to take the pan out of his brother's hand.
"I don't want you to get it!" Sam yelled yanking his hand back, the pan flipping into the air and knocking the plate with the pancakes on it off the counter. Sam stared at his now ruined breakfast and felt tears spring to his eyes. Whether it was the hormones, the stress, his currently incredibly low self-esteem levels or a combination of all three… Sam lost it and completely deflated.
Dean watched the pan flip and fall as if it was all happening in slow motion. "I'm sorry Sam, we can make another batch." Dean said trying to apologize as he watched the different emotions cross his brother's face before his shoulders finally slumped in defeat.
Sam shook his head. "Don't worry about it." He mumbled and then quietly left the kitchen, hoping Dean hadn't seen the tears that were waiting to fall.
"Sam!" Dean called as he watched his brother walk out the back door and sit down on the screened-in porch. He went to follow him when he felt a hand on his arm. Surprised that someone else had been present, Dean turned around to see Pastor Jim standing behind him.
"Let him go son, he needs some time to himself." Jim explained before patting Dean's arm twice and then removing it all together.
Dean bit his lip and nodded as he watched Sam sit on the porch swing swaying back and forth before returning to the kitchen to clean one of the messes he'd made. He knew the other one would need a bit more than paper towels and a sponge to fix.
~DW/SW~
Sam sat on the old porch swing, one leg hanging off and pushing against the deck to propel himself forward. I just wanted to make breakfast… show them that I could do something to help out around here Sam thought as he stared out at the vast property that Jim lived on. It was beautiful really, and quite peaceful with the tall, green trees and the nice sunny temperatures telling him that summer was definitely coming soon. But now looking out at the trees that surrounded the property, there was also a good bit of fear in them too. They hid what could be in the distance… watching him and Sam involuntarily shuddered as he remembered the demon telling him how much he liked to watch him. Sam closed his eyes and put his hands over his ears, as if he was attempting to block those thoughts and memories from reaching him. He jumped when he heard the screen door open and the deck creak a bit as someone joined him. Not wanting to have anyone see the fear and embarrassment that was sure to be written all over his face, Sam turned away, letting his too-long bangs hide his normally expressive eyes and his arms fell to his sides.
"Hey…" Dean said awkwardly as he leaned against the porch rail trying to casually observe his brother. When he'd walked out onto the deck, Sam had been sitting with his eyes closed and his hands covering his ears, rocking. Dean wasn't sure if Sam was aware of that last motion, he seemed to be trying to lock himself up somewhere. He hoped Sam wasn't going to have a mental breakdown anytime soon, not that the kid hadn't been through enough to grant one but still, that really wouldn't be ideal for any of them. An hour had passed since their little fiasco in the kitchen and Dean hoped that was enough time for his brother to cool down and forgive him.
Sam didn't answer and kept his face turned away.
I take it you're still mad then Dean thought. "Ah… dad wants to talk, have one of his 'family-meetings'… you wanna come in for a minute?" He asked hesitantly.
"Oh, um, yeah… okay… I'll be in soon." Sam replied quietly.
"Okay… ah guess, I'll see you inside then…" Dean drifted off as he walked back inside, letting the door swing shut behind him.
Sam jumped again when the door banged shut and he internally cursed, hating how paranoid and shaky he was now. Yeah, I'll be real useful on hunts he scoffed. After several minutes had passed, Sam heaved a deep sigh and pushed himself up heading towards the family room filled with nerves and raw anxiety. He knew what this meeting was about and he really was not looking forward to being the center of attention for one minute longer. He hoped that the meeting wouldn't run long but since when had luck ever been on his side? The answer was never, he was a Winchester after all and everyone knew that their luck stunk like rotten eggs.
~DW/SW~
Everyone looked up when they heard the soft footfalls of socked feet on the hardwood floor and momentarily stopped talking. "Hey Sam, have a seat okay? There are some things we need to discuss." John said as he instructed Sam to take a seat on the couch beside Dean.
Sam nodded and silently sat down beside his brother, not daring to look at anyone. He made sure there was an adequate amount of space between him and Dean as well. He knew his brother would never hurt him, not like how that demon had but still, right now his personal space was very precious to him and he needed it to be respected more now than ever. Plus, he was still a little hurt at Dean's insistence that he be waited on like he was a helpless child.
After a couple of minutes and no one said anything, John decided he would get the ball rolling and cleared his throat. "Sam, your brother, Steven and I have been talking and we came up with a few ideas… ways to keep you healthy and entertained over the next couple months." He started.
Sam nodded, showing his understanding but not really knowing how enjoyable these next few months were going to be.
"Okay, to start with… here's a list of foods that will provide good nutrients for the twins so why don't you choose which ones sound good to you and then Dean can run down to the store later and get them for ya." John said passing his son the list.
Dean nodded, having accepted the role as 'errand-runner' in their suddenly domesticated lifestyle.
Sam took the list from his dad and looked it over. "Can I um… can I have a pen?" He asked quietly.
"Sure." Dean said standing up to retrieve one from the kitchen. "Here," He tried to hide the hurt he felt when Sam flinched when Dean's leg accidentally brushed his.
Sam continued to stare at the paper. "Thanks." He mumbled.
Dean smiled softly. "No problem." He retook his seat and waited for his dad to continue.
"Here's a list of some exercises you can do too, it's important to keep in shape during your pregnancy." Steven interjected.
Sam looked up with a confused look on his face. "Why?" He asked. "Why is it suddenly so important that I'm eating right and exercising… aren't we just gonna dump these things as soon as I pop 'em out?" His voice cracked and his eyes were shiny with unshed tears.
Dean looked at Sam for a minute. That was actually a good concern because he honestly hadn't thought that far ahead and he highly doubted his dad had either. In truth, he wasn't sure what they were going to do but he didn't feel quite right about dumping two newborn babies faster than he could get the waitress's number even if there was the possibility that they might be some supernatural being. "Because we want this to go good and it's not going to if you don't take care of yourself." Dean replied.
Sam didn't respond and kept his face turned away so Dean couldn't 'read' him.
The group sat in awkward silence until John spoke again. "I know you probably won't be happy to hear this but I think… we all think it would be best if you didn't return to school… not until after the twins are born. I'm sorry." John said forcing himself to say twins without any malice or contempt in his voice. Dean had made a point the other day when he'd told him that Sam wouldn't be able to accept the twins or what was happening if his family didn't. They had to start somewhere.
Sam nodded and there was no objection from him on that subject because c'mon, going to school as a pregnant guy would just plain and simple suck. Just another example of how these freaks are ruining my life he thought. He had wanted to try to apply to colleges… big name colleges that would be able to offer him scholarships since he knew there was no way he or his family would be able to pay for any education he wanted. It looked as if those dreams had been squashed and were as good as dead and buried.
Dean stared at his brother for a moment, still not used to this quiet side of Sam's, before adding. "But don't worry Sam, after they are born we'll get you re-enrolled or something okay. We'll figure it out." Dean said trying to project a semi-positive alternative. He wanted Sam to know that this wasn't world-ending, no matter how much it seemed like that.
Sam nodded, mumbling "whatever" under his breath.
"And ah, we would prefer it if you didn't go anywhere alone… not, not after what happened last time. I'm sorry Sam but it's for the best." John said sternly waiting for volcano Sam to erupt.
To his surprise, Sam didn't start screaming or putting up a huge hissy fit and in all actuality, John wasn't quite sure how to react to that. Ever since Sam had been a young child, he'd had a massive stubborn streak and had never taken anything lying down. John never thought he'd say this but he missed that fighting side to Sam and wished to see it again.
"What do you think about this?" Jim asked, hoping to get the boy to open up. He was after all, an intricate part of this discussion and he wanted to make sure Sam got his say.
"I'm not totally invalid ya know?" Sam muttered several long minutes later. "Might not be able to hunt but I can walk without you guys having to hold my hand." He looked up and there was an angry glare in his eyes, a big contrast to the quiet, withdrawn teen he'd been only a couple minutes ago.
There's my boy John thought when he heard the sarcastic comment. "Sam, that's not what I said." He replied.
"Oh really?" Sam scoffed. "I realize I screwed up okay, I know I did! I'm fucking pregnant dad, I know how badly I messed up but that doesn't mean I can't walk two steps without you guys needing to check to make sure the coast is clear first!" He yelled, tears streaking down his cheeks.
"Sammy, calm down okay…" Dean said standing up. He faced his brother and pointed to the couch. "Come on, let's talk about this rationally alright? That's not what dad meant Sam, c'mon, calm down okay."
Sam stared at Dean for a moment. "Of course you want me to sit down, you don't think I can wipe my ass without you telling me instructions first?! Do you Dean?"
"Sam," Dean said, starting to get annoyed. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to stave off a headache.
"No, you know what forget it… I don't need to be here right now because whatever I say, you guys will just ignore so I think I'm going to go lay down and then you can tell me later what I'm supposed to do." He said calmly before marching up the stairs, leaving everyone else standing around in shock.
~DW/SW~
Sam walked into his and Dean's shared room and plunked down onto his bed. So maybe he could have said that better but he couldn't take it anymore. His family was making decisions about him for him without even asking for his opinion first and that bugged him to no end. It made him feel as if they didn't trust him enough to know what he wanted, to know what he needed and it was just one more way of making him feel completely inadequate. It wasn't that he wanted to go to school but it would have been nice to have been asked about it before they'd decided. College hopeful to high school drop-out Sam thought bitterly even as he considered his brother's suggestion that after the twins were born, he re-enroll. Sam doubted he'd be able to anyway, they'd probably go back to life on the road and sleeping in tacky, run-down motels. He wasn't sure what he was expecting to happen after the twins were born but he doubted there would be an apple-pie house waiting for him at the end of this nightmare.
Rolling onto his side, Sam sighed continuing to think about the meeting. The babies, everyone downstairs had seemed moderately okay with them… no one even mentioned that they might be demons and his dad had actually said the word 'twins' without sounding hateful. And what was with the food list and exercises? Sam wasn't sure what to make of this, of his families new perspective on his situation and it kind of confused him and freaked him out a bit. Sam didn't know how he was supposed to feel about the things he had inside of him and he growled. Guess I have to wait for Dean to come in and tell me a story about Dandelions and fairies Sam thought as he rolled over onto his stomach.
Sighing again, Sam pushed himself up and began walking toward the bathroom that was out in the hall. He was about halfway there when he saw Dean's duffle bag lying open on the floor, a pile of dirty clothes surrounding it. Sam noticed that in the midst of the pile of clothes, there was a book. An actual, honest-to-god, written with words and not just porn shots book! Curious, he picked it up and flipped it over so he could see the cover, his curiosity turning to shock when he saw what it actually was. On the cover was a picture of a pregnant woman with what Sam guessed was supposed to be her doting husband behind her. Underneath the picture were the words What to Expect When Your Girl's Pregnant: The Man's Guide to Pregnancy. He bought this Sam thought as he stared at the book in his hands. Looking through it, Sam could easily see that it was being read. Dean hadn't just bought it and then stuck it in the trunk of the Impala but was actually reading it as several pages were dog-eared. I don't believe it Sam thought, tears filling his eyes.
The fact that Dean cared enough about him to go out and buy a book to try and understand what was going on with him really, really touched him and he felt a bit of his anger leave him. Even though he complained about his families smothering and over-protectiveness, he was glad they were there to support him and help him through this because he doubted he would have been able to handle this on his own.
"What ya looking at?" Dean asked as he stood in the doorway to their room, startling Sam out of his musings.
"Oh, ah nothing." Sam said quickly dropping the book but it was too late, Dean had already seen it in his hands.
"Nothing, hunh?" Dean smirked as he glanced at the book lying on the bed.
Sam shook his head and walked away, taking a seat on his bed.
"Sam?" Dean asked curiously. He wanted to know what was going on inside his brother's thick skull. They had finished the meeting, talking a bit more about future plans but after Sam's breakdown no one had really felt like talking, not that they were a sharing-and-caring bunch to start with. As he watched Sam stare at the floor, he was sure Sam's outburst had more to do with than just his lack of being able to participate in the decision making. "You wanna tell me what's going on inside that freaky head of yours?" He asked taking a seat across from Sam on his own bed. Sam's attempt to keep some distance between himself and everyone else hadn't gone unnoticed by Dean and he was trying to respect that.
Sam shook his head and got up, walking over to the window.
"Sammy, c'mon talk to me," Dean urged walking over to his brother and standing beside him.
"Why did you get it?" Sam asked a couple minutes later.
"The book?" Dean asked and Sam nodded. "I don't know… I guess I wanted to know what was going on in there…" He said motioning to Sam's abdomen. "And how I could help you out so ya know…" He shrugged.
Sam gave Dean a small smile as he wiped a hand across his eyes. "Thank you." He said softly.
Dean smiled and shrugged again. "How are you doing?" Dean asked hesitantly, he wasn't so sure what kind of mood Sam was in and if a heart-to-heart was in the cards for right now.
"I'm scared." Sam said quietly. "Dean, I'm so scared… I don't know what I'm supposed to do or think…" He cried.
"Sammy," Dean sighed softly and then moved a little closer to Sam, just so that their elbows were touching. He hoped it was okay. "I know you're scared Sam, I know you are but can I tell you a secret?" Dean asked with a small smile on his face.
"What?" Sam asked so softly Dean barely heard him.
"I'm scared too." Sam looked at him, unshed tears in his eyes. "It's okay to be scared Sam, I mean, this isn't something you really hear about is it?"
Sam shook his head, his shaggy hair shaking from side to side reminding Dean of when Sam was much younger.
"But who said scary has to be bad?" Dean asked.
Sam looked at Dean confused. "I was impregnated by a demon Dean, I don't really see the good news in that?"
"Yeah but we don't know if the babies are demons Sam, we don't really know much of anything right now so why worry when things might be okay?" He smiled softly and reached over to brush a thumb across Sam's cheeks.
Sam shrugged as he contemplated that. "Can you make me a promise?" He asked a couple minutes later.
"Anything." Dean replied instantly.
Sam smiled, he knew Dean was going to say yes… he couldn't remember the last time he'd asked Dean to make him a promise and his brother had said no.
"What is it?" Dean asked when Sam remained quiet.
"Promise me you'll back off a little. I know you mean well but you… and dad… you guys kind of make me feel inadequate like you don't trust me enough to let me decide what I can and I can't handle?" He asked.
Dean opened his mouth to say something but Sam cut him off as he continued.
"I… I… I want you guys to trust me again and… and I want to be a part of this family, not just something you guys have to take care of I guess but I don't know…" Sam drifted off and wiped his eyes on the back of his hand.
"What do you mean by trusting you again?" Dean asked confused. "Or that you want to be a part of the family again, Sam you never stopped being a part…"
Sam cut Dean off. "Yes I did… you guys act like I'm made out of glass now and like I could break at any second. Dean, I want to be able to help out around here. You guys shouldn't have to wait on me hand and foot… I don't want you to. I mean, I think I am capable of making a snack without causing great bodily harm."
Dean gulped and looked away, okay, so maybe he had over-reacted a bit but so what? Sam was in a vulnerable state, he was allowed to worry. At least, he had the decency to give Sam a sheepish smile.
"I know you guys don't mean to but when you help me with every little thing, you kind of make me feel like you think I can't do it, like you don't trust me to be okay enough to… I don't want to be a burden." He finished.
"I'm sorry Sam, I… I never meant to make you feel inadequate… we were just worried and didn't want anything more to happen to you." Dean apologized. I never wanted any of this to happen to you in the first place Dean thought.
"I know I worried you guys, I know I did and I get that, I do. I mean, I think if our positions had been switched, I would have mothered you to death too but…" He drifted off because at this point, he was just repeating himself.
"I'll try to back off a bit okay… can't guarantee how well I'll actually succeed but I'll try Sam…" Dean answered.
Sam smiled a little. "Thanks, I ah… I appreciate all your support and stuff but I just need to do some things for myself ya know? But I promise, I'll let you know if it gets to be too much." He relented.
Dean nodded. "It's a deal." He said as he gently leaned over a bit and nudged Sam's shoulder with his.
Hey! So, I hope you liked them trying to come up with plans and so forth. Thanks again for reading, you guys really do make the writing part so much more fun and I hope you continue to enjoy it! I'll try to update soon. :)
