EPOV
I sat in the living room and waited.
Alice and Nya had gone to the kitchen. Alice was rummaging through the pantry and the drawers to see if there was anything she might be able to offer Nya to eat or drink. Actually, I suspected that they didn't want to be there when Bella's spirit arrived. It was kind that they would give me time to have her to myself before I would embark on a journey that Nya insisted would be most difficult to endure. Yet, I was not anxious or fearful of traveling wherever I might to bring Bella back to this world.
"Who she is has passed on, Edward," Nya had insisted. "She is still very sad. In the world she is in now, other lovers are united for eternity. Some of those who surround her have waited decades to be reunited with their loved ones, but they are together in that next life because they so greatly loved one another in this mortal life. But Bella- she couldn't bring herself to hope for such a sweet reunion, for how could she ever taste such a fruit? It is no longer in your nature to die as a mortal can."
It did bring me a sharp degree of aching to hear that Bella never planned on us being together again. Yet, that was only because she didn't realize how much I love her. Had she known all along, she would still be alive. Nya had also explained that she would feel embarrassed and ashamed of what she had done. That she might not want to come back because of her feelings of guilt and humiliation. I would find her and convince her to come back. As I waited for her to come to me, I thought of all the things I would say to her: of how much I loved her and always have loved her; of how I don't want to go on without her; of how she will be the only woman I could ever conceive of loving; of how I would give anything in the world for her to come home with me. I would get down on my knees and beg her if that's what it would take. Whatever it takes – anything – I will do.
An hour passed before she entered the living room. I could see her standing behind me in the reflection off of the large windows. I turned, but could not find her.
"Edward," she whispered.
I turned back around and faced the window. She was there- in the window itself, it seemed. I ran my fingers against the glass, trying to touch her.
"Are you really here?" I asked.
"Yes."
"Will you not come out of there?" I asked, referring to the window itself.
"You will have to come get me."
"Show me how," I begged.
"I will," she nodded. "But first, tell me why. Tell me why you are willing to do this silly, strange thing, Edward."
"What are you afraid of?" I asked, sensing her discomfort.
"You might never come back out again."
"I might not. But if I do it will only be if I have you with me."
"I'm afraid that I might be somewhere that you are not willing to go. Surely you know what I have done?"
"What have you done, Bella?"
"I…" She turned her head away? "I have killed myself, Edward. You knew that, didn't you?"
I was stunned. I knew she had done that, but I never expected for her to say it so bluntly. I hated hearing that from her lips, and I hated myself even more for being the one to have caused it.
"I don't care," I insisted. "Wherever you are, Bella, I will come to you. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you, and nowhere that I am not willing to go to get you back."
"Edward," she whimpered.
She placed her hand against mine. I could feel that it was warm, in a way.
"I am ready, Bella. Take me where I need to go."
"If you don't come back out, it will be all my fault. Please don't let that happen, Edward. Please. If something becomes too much for you and you have even the slightest feeling that you are losing the battle, please, for me, please, just leave. Just turn around and go back. I can't stand the thought of you being damaged forever because of something that I have done. I wouldn't have walked off that edge, Edward. I wouldn't have. I'm not completely sure why I did. I mean, I knew I was doing it. I know that. But I didn't realize that you still loved me. I'm so sorry for what I've done. Please forgive me."
Again, I was stunned. I had to calm down before I could figure out what to say or how to think clearly. She thought I didn't love her? Why was I so shocked in hearing that? I had let her think that when I left. I assumed it would have been for her own good; for her safety. How naïve I had been.
"There is nothing for me to forgive, Bella. Bring me in." She reached her hand out and I entwined my fingers in hers. She pulled me through the window and into the glass.
I heard Alice and Nya's voices somewhere in the distance.
"Edward?" they called over and over.
I looked back to see my own body lying on the ground. I turned to face Bella again.
"And for the record, just to be straight, I have always loved you, Bella."
Some things just need to be made clear from the beginning.
…
A/N: Hello everyone! I am so sorry that I have been away for awhile. It's been super-busy on this side of the keyboard. I've learned to row a boat, started cooking real food (without the assistance of the microwave and from scratch!), had a garage sale, lost fifteen of the twenty pounds I wanted to shed and firmed up some, scrapbooked the heck out of my miscellaneous pics, and wrote all of my essays for my classes next semester (that's the great thing about being a Lit. major- you get to choose your topics, so I read the assignments and wrote everything in advance)! Anyway, now that I'm back in the groove of things, I would like to let you know that I plan on having several chapters for this story out by the end of this weekend, and possibly one or two for Legerdemain as well. Until next time,
Stephanie
(*hugs*)
