Chapter 9: So Much for Extra Magic

Colony House looked pretty much the same as it did before I left, with the exception of a few minor details such as the fact that it was dark, the door was locked and nobody was home. I let myself in the back door, let my bag fall on the kitchen floor and made my way over to the living room and, most importantly, my chair. As soon as I sat down I was greeted by my large cat, insistent upon being petted, and once that was done I shooed him off my lap and took off my shoes.

I looked over to Virgil. "Well, that was fucking anti-climactic." He didn't say anything, but he gave me one of those looks so I felt free to continue. "Fine, fine, I'll tell you. It was crazy shit with Malfoy's voodoo Granny, crazy WLF, sorry, Knights of the Wand idiots, the funeral, Christine, the whole boy in the bubble bullshit, Astoria's illness...you know, just a normal trip to the UMS to go to a funeral for a friend and mentor. Fucking hell."

I knew I should go find Mel, or look to see if she'd left a note, but I was tired. Really, really tired, and if I was completely honest I felt kinda weird; full of energy but exhausted at the same time. I was wondering how that was possible when I fell asleep.

The next thing I remember was waking up to Melody's kiss on my cheek, followed shortly thereafter by my son crawling up into my lap, taking care to knee me in the nuts on his way up.

"When did you get home, Hank?" Melody stood holding Virginia and swaying back and forth, her expression slightly unreadable. Part of it said she was happy to see me while other parts didn't look so happy with me. "Sorry I didn't leave a note."

I hugged Hieronymus and snuggled him into my arms. "Hey, big man. Uh, let's see..." I took a look at the clock and realized it was almost eight in the evening. "I got home sometime around six, took off my shoes and just crashed. Where were you guys?"

"Mum's." Mel paused for a long time. "I Flooed her to tell her about you being in hospital and she insisted."

"I bet. I'm fine, really, they can't find anything wrong with me, it's ok." I moved Hieronymus more towards my knee, picked him up onto my chest and shoulder then stood up, careful not to jostle him too much. If he'd been at Lane's then she and the house elf would have given him whatever he wanted to eat, just like Mel had told them not to, but it happened every time. I went over, kissed Mel on the lips and looked down at my daughter. "And has Daddy's little girl been good for Mommy?"

"She's been a good girl for Mummy."

"You know I can't say that. I sound like Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins when I try that."

"At least that's one good thing about you being at Hogwarts, the children won't pick up on your accent or bad habits. Mommy. As if I would let that happen."

"Oh shush." I could tell from her expression that she was teasing me so I ignored her and kissed my daughter on her forehead. "Don't listen to Mommy, Virginia. She's one of those 'high strung Quidditch types' you know."

"Funny, Hank, funny. Now let me put her down and you can fill me in on your trip." She paused for a moment and I saw the worry in her eyes. "What you can tell me, that is."

-ooo-

I dismissed my third year students early, sat down at my desk, took off my glasses and rubbed my eyes. I thought it would be better, after that first week back from the UMS, but it hadn't. I'd told Neville about the weird crap that had been going on, and he'd seen some of it, but he was just as clueless. Even when I owled St. Mungo's about if they'd picked up any odd readings from my diagnostic band or whatever the fuck it's called, and they weren't any help. I was perfectly normal if a bit overweight. Bastards.

"Professor Boyd? Have a moment?"

Gavin Titus stood in the doorway to my classroom, someone behind him that I couldn't make out.

"Sure." I waved him in with an air of knowing desperation; he was going to have me examined or something or probably put me on leave because of all the crap that had happened lately. "Come on in."

Headmaster Titus walked in with a rather large man with a big, bushy brown beard and tiny spectacles perched on the end of his nose like they were some crazy teetering art project. Besides the beard the man wore dark green trousers which peeked out from his bright orange robe. Based on his appearance I was pretty sure he knew Luna Scamander.

"Professor, let me introduce you to Horatio MacLellin, a former colleague of mine."

The man held out his hand to shake. "Nice to meet you, Professor."

I shook his hand, which was big but didn't do the whole 'I will crush your hand' thing. "You too; Hank's fine."

Titus nodded nervously. "Very well, very well, I'll leave you to it, then."

Without another word he left, leaving me looking at Horatio MacLellin and wondering what the hell was going on. I figured I had an idea, though, so I just blurted it out. "So Gavin called you in to see if you could find out what the hell's wrong with me, huh?"

"Pretty much." He shrugged, smiled, and took out his wand and transfigured one of the student tables into a plain, wooden rocking chair. "But you probably have a few questions before you begin rattling off things, I would assume."

"Yep. Are you a Healer?"

He hesitated for a moment. "Depends on who you ask. I trained as a Healer but I don't follow their…let's just say Healers have a set process and procedures and don't like to deviate and leave it at that, shall we?"

"Fair enough. So what'd Titus tell you?"

"Gavin owled me and said a friend of his with, how should I say, limited, ah…"

I chuckled. "Don't worry, I can't do magic for crap. Usually."

"That's the sticking point, isn't it? Magic." Horatio crossed his legs and leaned back in the chair, rocking slightly. "I did my background reading before traveling to Scotland, so I know you have minimal magical abilities, Professor."

"Hank's easier. But you're right. There's a reason my first book is called 'My Wand is Useless' after all."

"Yes, well…Gavin indicated you've been experiencing magical…surges, for the lack of a better term. Can you tell me about that, Hank?"

I usually get an idea of whether or not I like someone right off the bat, and whether I can trust someone not too long after that. I've been burned before, obviously, nobody's perfect, but I had the gut feeling that I could trust Horatio. "It's like my magic's been turned up to eleven."

"To eleven?"

I waved dismissively. "Never mind the number, dumb reference, but it's like all of the sudden I have, well, magic. Lots of it. I was in Neville's room…"

"Professor Longbottom, correct?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm in Nev's room and I go to light my pipe and usually the fire that comes out of the end of my wand is kind of like a trickle. Sometimes when I'm wound up it goes a little more, uh, bigger and stuff, but this time it shot out like crazy. I'm just glad Neville was there to put out the drapes and put my eyebrows back on. Oh, and I melted my glasses. These?" I took off the glasses on my face and waved them around. "These are a spare pair from way back, like, three prescriptions ago. That was the first time. Since then I've played around, thinking that I 'got my magic' all the sudden or something but it doesn't work like that."

"Can you elaborate?"

"Sure." I looked at my watch. "I've got three hours until the fifth years. Let's go down to the Quidditch pitch, nobody's there or nobody should be there, anyway."

Ten minutes later or so I stood out on the pitch with Horatio, happy to see that while he was large in rugby player or football player manner he wasn't that much taller than me. I know, vanity. I took out my wand. "Ok, so the extent of my spells and magic really comes down to the fact that I can light my pipe and smokes with fire and way back before I was married I…" I stopped for a moment, unsure of whether to continue.

"You are referring to the unknown spell cast to save your niece on 4 July, the date of your youngest brother's wedding, am I correct?"

"What the fuck?" I pushed my glasses to the top of my head. "Are you an Unspeakable?"

He shrugged. "I completed training, but once again we had a difference of opinion…"

I put my glasses back on and took a step closer to him. "Ok, what the fuck is going on here? I trust Titus without question, but this is freaking me out."

"I am a member of the Department of Mysteries, but in an unofficial capacity. I handle anomaly cases, but my being here today is off the record and as a favor to Gavin. I owe him since he's my father-in-law."

"Ah. Ok. Got it. So you're Fox Mulder and married…"

"Katherine, the oldest." He scratched his beard for a moment. "I wouldn't mind partnering with Dana Scully, but don't tell her."

"Oh, I like you." I laughed. "How do you know the X-Files?"

"Brother married a Muggle; she loved it."

"It was cool." I laughed again. "And this is like something from the X-Files, because all of the sudden now I can do things with my wand, magic stuff, sorta. But I usually see her first."

"Who do you see?"

"Malfoy's voodoo Granny. And she's usually naked or stripping. Hell, the first time I saw her I freaked out, it was right when I came back to my classes after the UMS and I was in the second year class when I saw her sitting in the front row, just as real as you are right now. She just smiled at me, started unbuttoning her shirt and slid a shoulder out when I tried to sit on the desk and missed. Landed right on my ass and cussed up a blue streak. Cost me at least a Galleon that day on the swear book."

"So you see her before your magic occurs or spikes?"

"Sometimes. Not always."

"Have you told anyone else about seeing her?"

"Only Neville."

"So what else happens, Hank?"

"Um, can you conjure up something, a ball or something?"

Horatio took out his wand, fished a piece of parchment out of his pocket and transfigured it into a Quaffle. "How's this?"

"Perfect. Give me a minute and then when I say to throw it at me." I walked about a good ten yards away and turned to face him, wand out. "Ok, go."

The ball came at me with the speed of a decent baseball pitch, so I took my wand and swiped at it, kind of like a baseball swing, but I never came in contact with the Quaffle. Instead it got close to where my wand went through the air and then popped in the air about ten feet up and landed back over Horatio and rolled to a stop.

"Huh." I stared at my wand. "That's weird."

"How so?" Horatio walked closer and looked at my wand. "Is anything different?"

"Last time it went over one of the Quidditch hoops. When Neville and I tried it out."

"Did you say any incantations, Hank? Think anything specifically? Feel anything unusual?"

"I didn't want to get hit in the face so I just wanted it away. Didn't say anything, I just reacted."

"Curious." Horatio knitted his brows together, deep in thought. He was silent for a few moments and then looked to me. "May I see your wand?"

"Sure, have at it." I handed him my wand and he walked away for a moment. Suddenly he took his wand, pointed it at the Quaffle and then whipped his wand towards me, sending the Quaffle right at my head again.

"Fuck!" I put my hands together and then quickly popped them open to catch the Quaffle. It stung, but it didn't hit me.

"Perhaps Everton should put you in goal?" Horatio smirked and held out my wand for me to take. "I believe I have found something on your wand. Has this always been there?" He pointed to a part on the thick end of the wand.

At first I didn't see anything but after I took my wand back from him I rotated it slightly so the light would hit it, and there, almost imperceptible in the wood was the symbol for the playing card suit of clubs. "No, I've never seen that on my wand."

I held out my wand as he took a picture of it and then returned the very small camera to his robe pocket.

"What do you think it means?" I put my wand back in my pocket. "And how do you know about Everton?"

Horatio laughed, a big, deep laugh. "Do you really think a trip to a Muggle football match with Hogwarts students, plus all the Aurors who could wrangle a ticket would stay quiet?"

"Wait, how'd you…"

"I know Aurors, let's leave it at that. I think, Hank, whatever magic you have right now is tied to your wand. You haven't noticed any other unusual occurrences when you haven't had your wand somewhere on your person, have you?"

"Actually, I have. I was at home, before coming back to school, and my wand was on the nightstand. I was changing Virginia when I realized I didn't have the baby powder and it just kind of floated in from the other room. Unless my baby daughter had some very early accidental magic because she didn't want a chapped ass it had to be the 'extra' magic, because my wife and son weren't in the house, they were at the shops."

"And you've never done that before?"

I snorted. "Right. Yeah, like that would've happened in a million years."

"Let's try another experiment. May I have your wand again? Is that all right?"

I handed him my wand again. "Sure, why not."

Horatio walked away and stood there, thinking. He stood there for a long time until I took a look at my watch. It was at that moment when all of the sudden a big cat, like panther size, growled and started running towards me. I am not ashamed to say that I screamed, said some really bad words and then put my hands out and started backing away from the cat. At the exact moment I put my hands out a reddish-hued circle popped up in front of me like a shield. The cat simply bounced off of the shield, fell to the pitch and disappeared.

When I could breathe again I looked over to Horatio. "Ok, what the fuck was that all about?"

"You played American football when you were young, correct?"

"Uh, yeah. What the hell's that got to do with the cat?"

"You didn't see the Quaffle as a threat. You were used to catching balls, footballs, right?"

"Yeah, I guess so." That's when it dawned on me. "And the ball didn't trigger the magic but the giant ass cat sure did."

"This is a protective magic you have, Hank."

"Ok, so why am I seeing Malfoy's naked Granny and summoning butt powder, then?"

"My theory, right now, is that the protective magic builds until it is dissipated. The visions of the old lady…"

"Oh no, she may be old, but she doesn't look like it." I shook my head. "If I was single it would be awesome; just think, hot naked woman that only you can see, real as life. Even married it wouldn't be bad but I know…stuff. So it builds?"

"Unless it is dismissed it builds until it manifests itself in other ways. The threat of your wife finding out you didn't use…"

"Fuck me, really? I'm scared of my wife?"

"You wouldn't be the first." Horatio held up his hand slightly and laughed. "Join the club. It worried you, so that's why it happened. As for your smoking…"

"Don't go there." I pulled out my pipe from my robes and held out my hand. "Here, let me show you." I took my wand from him, pointed it at my pipe and got…the regular amount of flames. "Fuck. Wow."

"My theory is also that it is wearing off. I'm not sure exactly what spell…"

"Malfoy's voodoo Granny."

"…yes, what spell she did for you, but my best guess is that it is a protective spell. I would suggest having someone you trust such as Professor Longbottom or Gavin do a modified version of Defense exercises or something along those lines to trigger the defensive magic. This may keep the 'Voodoo Granny' from appearing as well as uncontrolled outbursts from happening." He reached into his pocket and handed me a card. "If you run into anything else you think I'll be interested in, send me an owl."

I shook his hand and we parted ways, him off to Merlin knows where and me back to the castle. When I got back to my classroom I looked at his card: Horatio MacLellin, Anomalies Incorporated Investigations. I was a goddamned X-File.

-ooo-

The rest of the month of May sped along until the first week of June showed up, ready for OWLS and NEWTS. It wasn't all just a blur, though; Mom called Melody who owled me that Draco picked up Scorpius from Florida. Astoria was still in some sort of coma but they might have an idea for an experimental potion. I had to report in to St. Mungo's where they ran more tests and concluded that I was fine, except for nicotine traces and an extra four pounds, so they took off my tracking bracelet. Christine had to reschedule our family photo shoot, but that was fine with me because the last time I saw her was at Eittel's funeral and I didn't want a replay of the crap that happened afterwards. Not that I thought she was responsible, just that my last memory of her was during that crappy time where I brained a lady with a vodka bottle.

My magical enhancement was wearing off, that was for sure. I saw Delphine, Malfoy's voodoo Granny, less and less frequently as the month of May went on and my magical outbursts were less frequent. Unfortunately the 'get rid of excess magic' exercises that I had to do were conducted by the Auror department by order of the Ministry for some reason, so word got out to George Weasley. The last 'exercise' that I did in May consisted of George doing all sorts of George shit and me getting angry at him. Of course George managed to do this with students around, so a large debate took place on whether or not I actually owed the swearing book any gold since I technically wasn't teaching. I finally made a deal with George; he'd pay what I would have owed the swearing book if I let him have a memory of what Delphine looked like buck naked. I let him pay, then told him Delphine looked just like Angelina and just smiled at him. He did laugh and say that Melody was out of my league but his Ang was so far out of my league I'd get nosebleeds thinking about it. Needless to say he didn't see any of my memories, the goal from the beginning;every now and then it is possible to get one over on George.

Most of my time that month was spent reading and re-reading the Potter Adventure Series books, especially Eittel's notes. Of the original Potter Series books, what the fans call the 'core' novels, Eittel had narrowed down the author of the first and second books to two people, one of which was currently in Azkaban while the other was one of the more unlikely writers of fantastical Harry Potter lies, a professor in Switzerland whose main works were scholarly pieces on the theoretical foundations of magic. I tried reading one of the woman's books, something about magic on a cellular level, but it hurt my brain after about three chapters. I gave up and skimmed the book, since it was in Eittel's box, and looked for his notes.

That was how Ron and Harry found me that first weekend in June, sitting in my office, reading and making notes, while two students did detention by organizing my albums and CDs alphabetically.

"So, what brings you two by? Please tell me I don't have any 'exercises' today." I looked over to the students. "You two can stop now and pick it back up on Monday evening."

Harry glanced over to the students but then did a slight double-take. "Teddy? Victoire?"

The second and first year students smiled at Harry. Ted, of course, came right over. "Hi Harry. Are you staying for dinner?"

Harry shook his head. "No, I'm afraid not. So what did you two do to land in detention?"

Victoire immediately lowered her head and studied her shoes as if they were the most interesting things on earth. Ted actually looked embarrassed and started to stammer, not really making sense, so I took pity on them.

"They, uh, borrowed my music without asking." I waved the two of them out of the room. "Out you two, out, come on, go do your Muggle Studies assignments."

Ted immediately caught on to what I was doing so he grabbed Victoire's hand, waved at Harry and Ron, and pulled her out of my office as quickly as possible, causing Ron to laugh as soon as the door creaked closed.

"You know, being an Auror makes me pick up on subtle clues so I'm guessing that's not what landed them in detention." Ron glanced at Harry. "Can't have been too bad if they were sorting Hank's music."

I knew I wouldn't be able to keep it from Ron and Harry; citing student/teacher privilege wouldn't work because of Harry being Ted's godfather and Ron being Vic's uncle, so I exhaled and leaned back in my chair. "They got caught reading a Potter Adventure Series book in class. Vic had one of the latest ones, you know, one of those about Neville being the Snakeslayer and shit, and Ted had the one that covers the time you guys went..." I paused and looked at Harry. I knew all about what had happened from him telling me, from reading about it, but telling him that Teddy was reading this version of accounts wouldn't make him happy. After a breath I continued. "...to get a prophecy."

"They know it isn't true."

Harry's face was impossible to read. I nodded. "That's what I've said time and time again, but it doesn't mean that they aren't interested in what happened."

Ron nodded gravely. "Yeah, I'm pretty famous, people always want to read about me."

Harry looked somewhat shocked and turned to his best mate. "Really, Ron?"

"Oh yeah." He leaned over and fake-whispered loud enough for Harry to hear. "Books are all about me, really, they just put his name on 'em to make him feel better. Since nobody's ever heard of him and all."

A smile broke out on Harry's face. "You're a git, Weasley."

I cleared my throat. "Not that I don't enjoy you two giving each other shit but why are you here? Its the middle of OWLS, wanna give 'em another go?"

"Hell no." Ron shook his head and then became very serious. "Healers have a new potion they're going to try on Astoria Malfoy, see if they can get her out of her coma. Since you were exposed to her..."

"You guys were too." I protested.

Harry shook his head. "You touched something, Hank, not us. We've been given a clean bill and I know you have as well, it's just that the Healers need your help."

"Ok, guys, if it'll help Astoria I'm in." I leaned forward and put my glasses on my desk. "What do I have to do?"

"Not sure. Just come with us to St. Mungo's." Harry looked at his watch. "If we leave now you should be back by lunch."

"All right." I stood up. "Burt?"

With a crack a young house elf stood in front of me wearing a Hufflepuff scarf around his waist. "Professer Muggle's needing Burt?"

I nodded. "Can you keep my office secure until I get back? From students, that is, everybody else can come in if they have a good reason. Oh, and nobody and I mean nobody but me can touch the Potter Adventure Series books. Got that?"

Burt snapped his heels together and saluted me. "Burt will make sure, he will! Yes sir!" With that he snapped his fingers and then disappeared.

"What the bloody hell was that?" Ron laughed. "Do I need to salute you General Muggle?"

"Fuck off." I reached over to the edge of my desk, picked up my Braves hat and jammed it on my head. "It's your wife's fault, Weasley."

"What'd Hermione do?"

"The house elf equality bill, right? Now there are WeasleyVision channels for house elves. Only on like, I dunno, three hours a day because house elves feel guilty for not working the rest of the time, but if you think the Potter Adventure Series is a little whacked out you should hear about that stuff. Burt..."

Harry took off his glasses and chuckled. "I'm sorry, Hank, but a house elf named Burt. I'm used to them having names like Kreacher and Winky and Krobby..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know." I rolled my eyes. "Apparently times change. Anyway since Nonky's over at Colony House with Mel and the kids I got assigned Burt and he takes his job a little seriously. Especially after watching those documentaries on..." I realized the house elf documentaries, from what I'd read since due to house elf magic only house elves could actually see the WeasleyVision house elf programming, the documentaries covered the same topics as the Potter Adventure series and I just couldn't say anything. "...he's excited by the job, let's leave it at that. St. Mungo's, then?"

-ooo-

I sat in one of the examining rooms at St. Mungo's, thankfully in my clothing, as the Healer explained things. Apparently this was the second potion for the Magic Wasting curse as they were calling it; the first one had been rushed to Astoria in an effort to cure her without a lot of trial beforehand. Apparently Draco had misgivings about the potion, but had gone along with the Healers' plans. The first potion hadn't done anything, really, as they couldn't see any difference in Astoria's condition. She remained in a coma, her vitals slowly dropping each day.

"So I just need to drink the potion?"

The Healer nodded, a somewhat young healer, a woman who looked like she might be a few years older than me. "Yes. We know your magical abilities are..."

"Crap." Ron, completely straight-faced, looked to Harry.

"Tiny?" Harry returned the serious look.

"Barely measurable?"

"Infrequent?"

"Shit?"

I sighed. "Fuck you guys." I turned to the Healer. "Sorry 'bout that."

She gave me a weak smile. "Despite your magical aptitude..." She glared at Ron and Harry, which brought them back to the seriousness of the situation. After turning back to me her expression softened. "...you do have magic in you and you were exposed to the illness, curse, whatever it is. We also have your vitals on record from the time you had the tracking band on in the UMS until we took it off, so we'll be able to compare the readings."

"Ok." I nodded. "So do I need a new bracelet thing or..."

The Healer shook her head. "No, we'll be able to monitor everything here. We should know within the first ten minutes if any negative reactions occur."

"Well, let's do it then." I signed an authorization parchment and then was handed a small vial, no bigger than a thimble, of a pale blue liquid. Before the Healer or anyone else could say I word I drank it down. Nothing happened. I looked at the Healer who took out her wand and started a bunch of weird looking instruments in the room near my bed that beeped, whirred and made other strange noises.

Almost imperceptibly the room started to shift. The corners of the room seemed to draw towards the center, as if someone was standing there with a really powerful vacuum cleaner, holding out the part for the floor cleaning, sucking the room into the middle. As the corners disappeared they were replaced by a series of gray images, like a black and white photo, until it seemed like there was a black and white picture underneath the tea towel that was reality and someone just plucked the tea towel off from the middle.

So there I was, in color, in a black and white world. Ron and Harry were gone, everyone was gone. Just me and black and white trees, black and white water lazily moving, a black and white houseboat...and that's when it hit me. I knew exactly where I was.

Pretty much right after I realized where I was the door to the houseboat opened and she was in color, wearing a red headscarf, white v-neck t-shirt and cutoff jean shorts. No shoes. And she was walking right towards me. When she got close I could make out her smile.

"So Henry Aaron MacDonald Boyd, mister four names, my time with you is done, I believe."

"What do you mean? The extra magic stuff?"

"Yes, child, the 'extra' magic. This potion you took's gonna drive me right out, but dat's a good thing. Help heal that poor girl."

"So this'll fix Astoria?"

She shook her head. "Didn't say it'd fix her, jus' that it'd help heal her." She stepped closer, put her hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eye. "I had a good time with you, and we's coulda had a grand time together, but you really is a one woman man."

"If you knew that why'd you show up in my classes and start stripping?"

"Mmm, mmm, mmm." She shook he head, lifted a hand off my shoulder and snapped her fingers, turning her naked. "I don't work this hard to look this good to have nobody notice, baby."

And she did look good. I'm married, but I am a man and...she looked good. "Delphine, I'm pretty sure anyone who sees you, even in clothes, would agree you look good."

That seemed to do the trick, as she smiled appreciatively at me. Then, much to my surprise, she walked forward, took my hands into her hands and then turned them over, palms up, and raised them to her lips, kissing the wrist on each hand and then pushed the wrists together. The spot where she had kissed each one felt warm, as if someone had heated up a nickel and then trapped it between them.

"That was nice, child. I can't helps you no more except that. Remember where you was kissed."

And with that she winked at me and then everything flashed back to the full-color world of St. Mungo's. Ron and Harry looked at me oddly and the Healer began another session of sending the machinery off and whirring and beeping and whistling. She waved her wand over me and then looked at her parchment.

"98.7% Muggle, professor."

Ron and Harry teased me some more, mostly Ron, but I felt the insides of my wrists tingle slightly. Then all the tests began; I was there for about another hour, all sorts of machines, magic and whatnot, but the main thing at the end was that the Healers were happy that I had my original amount of magic after taking the potion. They sent off an owl to the UMS as quickly as possibly, promising to let me know if there was any change in Astoria's condition.

-ooo-

Three days later I sat in my room with Neville, looking over some of Eittel's old notes. Neville had decided to read some of the other books that were related, the non-Adventure series books, and was in a transfigured easy chair with his feet up on an ottoman, nose buried in a book about the history of some obscure witch from the tenth century or something. All I knew was that there was a fanciful illustration on the cover of a semi-clothed witch, something I made sure to tease Neville about quite horribly, especially since he and Hannah were expecting at any time.

All the teasing stopped immediately when I heard a knock on my door. Neville turned to me.

"Expecting someone?"

I looked at my watch. "Yeah, forgot about it, sorry. Lupin's here for a detention. D'you care?"

"No, we're just reading."

"Fine with me."

I looked over to the door and in my 'irritated professor voice' told Lupin the door was open. A resigned and irritated Teddy Lupin opened the door, walked in and stopped suddenly, seeing Neville sitting next to me. With a visible sigh and shrug of his shoulders Lupin closed the door, walked over towards us and winced, as if expecting to hear that he was going to clean the second floor toilets with his tongue. I'd thought about it, but Titus would probably yell at me so I went with something different. Before I could say anything, though, Neville took his feet off of the ottoman, marked his place in the book, sat up and looked at one of his Gryffindors in a very disappointed face. I almost felt sorry for Lupin. Almost.

"Mister Lupin, what has brought you into detention today? I have to say, after our discussion the other day I'm severely disappointed in your behaviour."

Lupin looked to me expectantly, as if I would help him out. I didn't. "Oh, why don't you show Professor Longbottom why you're in detention, Mister Lupin."

"Professor Muggle..." Teddy looked over to me, pleading.

"Oh, no, I insist." I smiled at him, knowing that I couldn't have planned this better if I'd tried. "Please, show your head of house why you're in detention today."

As if walking to his doom Teddy took a step forward, scrunched up his face, concentrated and then it happened; he'd transformed, using his metamorphagus skills. I knew what he was going to look like, obviously, as he'd done it right in the middle of a lesson, so I watched Neville. Initially Nev looked like he wanted to burst out laughing, but he kept it together somehow. Eventually he gave Lupin the 'Face of Extreme Disappointment' as the older Gryffindors called it.

"Mister Lupin, I take it that is how you believe Professor Boyd looked when he was your age? You do realize that even if Professor Boyd was a second year at Hogwarts he would not have the goatee."

"Yeah, but I don't know what he looks like without it."

Teddy smirked just a little bit, for a quick second, but then assumed a more chastised expression which looked weird since he looked like me. Then his eyes moved over to the books on the table, finally stopping on the Potter Adventure Series books. I knew he wanted to say something, but since he'd been busted earlier for reading them in class he didn't make a peep.

I didn't get a chance to say anything because there was another knock on my door, followed by the door opening before I could tell someone to wait or come in or go away. Lavinia rushed in with two envelopes in her hand, waving them back and forth.

"Hank, Hank, it's from Sainte Odetta in the UMS!" She thrust the envelope towards me. "Open it, open it!"

"Shit, Astoria!" I tore open the envelope and read it quickly. "She's ok, they think."

"They think?" Lavinia questioned, and then did a double-take as she saw Lupin out of the corner of her eye. "Oh, that's...something."

I waved a hand in Lupin's direction and turned to Lavinia. "Fix yourself, Lupin. Vin, they say she has her magic back but there are...complications. Right now she's paralyzed from the waist down. It's early yet, ok?" I watched the emotions play out over Lavinia's face; she'd watched Scorpius when he was young and had enjoyed spending time with Astoria Malfoy when we'd visited with them. "The Healers know what they're doing...well, this is new, but she's conscious now and has her magic, so that's a good thing. We'll just have to wait and see, ok?"

"What's the other letter?" All of us turned to Teddy, who still looked like me. Well, a miniature version of me. A miniature version of me with a lot of hair. "Sorry."

I took the other envelope off of the desk and turned it over to see where it had come from. In the upper left corner of the envelope was a crest with the name Perchta below. I opened it up and took out the parchment. Part of my consciousness heard Neville give Lupin a hard time about his detention, part of my consciousness heard Lavinia unsuccessfully stifle a snicker, but the rest of my brain registered that Muggle Studies was finally, finally catching up to the other classes in regards to international status. There, on the page, was proof; the Prechta Academie in Switzerland was hosting an international conference for instructors of Muggle Studies.

"Hank?"

Lavinia's voice brought me out of my reverie. "It's a Muggle Studies conference in Switzerland. I've been asked to present a paper." I turned to my oldest 'daughter' and smiled. "Think Mel and the kids would want to go to Switzerland this summer? Can you think of anyone who'd want to go along?" I winked at her and then turned to Lupin, who was half-way finished transforming back into himself as he looked like he still had on my face but with his brown hair and eyes. "Not you, Lupin, you can't pass for me, you're not tall enough."

Neville leaned forward. "And you might still be in detention. I think that's enough for today but we will discuss this later. Dismissed."

After Ted had left all of us looked at each other as if we were daring the others to start. Lavinia cracked first. "That was hilarious! It was like you shrunk and had hair, Hank!"

Neville stood up; initially he kept it together but after a few moments he looked at me from the side of his eyes and smiled. "Even if the size was different I could tell it wasn't him. Not a single curse word and he didn't smell of smoke."

"Phpppphttt." I stuck my tongue out at them. "You guys suck."