I pull my top down as fast as I can but it is too late; his jaw is still halfway to the floor and he gapes at me like it's the first time he's ever seen another person. I sink onto the bed behind me, feeling the now-familiar burn of tears. He takes his disbelieving eyes off me for long enough to come into the room and close the door behind him before he comes to sit next to me.
"Katniss," he finally says. "What the hell do you think you're playing at?!" All I can do is shake my head. "You do realise if anyone finds out- finds out-"
"Finds out what?" I can't help but play innocent- I'm so used to lying about it all that can't come clean even to my best friend.
"No, that there is no baby! How do you expect to deal with this?" His tone is angry now, and something within me snaps.
"I have no fucking clue. You reckon I think that using a pretend bump is gonna work? You reckon my pretend husband pretending to be a fighter when actually he's the sweetest person I know might pay off in that awful arena? He couldn't even hurt a fly!" I'm borderline hysterical, and the tears are flowing again. "He couldn't even hurt me. He never could, never would, not even now with all this pretending shit I've put him through that he doesn't deserve a bit of." I give a short, maniacal laugh.
"And all because he's the first person I've ever fallen in love with and I can't deal with it!" The confession is long overdue, and the odd feeling of guilt that comes with it breaks my hysteria into helplessness. "Why isn't it all how it's supposed to be? It's all supposed to be pretend- it's all- it's all just pretend, right?!" I have completely broken down. No matter how hard I try I just can't stop crying, nor the words flooding out of my mouth. "It's not like we aren't trying for a baby," I say, detaching the uncomfortable and- for now- unnecessary prosthetic bump. "I have to do this horrible- this horrible process every month but it's just not working! So I have to use this," I say, gesturing to the bump. "I have no choice; I have to keep them happy and I can't do that because Peeta and I- maybe we aren't compatible or something, or maybe someone in control hates us, but for whatever reason we can't conceive. We just can't. And I'm sure it's all my fault somehow."
I've run out of steam now and my tear ducts are starting to run dry; I hear myself taking pathetic little sobbing breaths that I try hard to stop. My sanity rejoins me and I realise the full extent of what I just revealed. "I'm sorry," I mumble. Poor Gale, he was barely even in the door before I unloaded my extraordinarily heavy baggage onto him. I look to his face to check his reaction and I'm startled to see that he looks not taken aback or even amused as I expected him to.
"Madge and I... We can't have a baby, either." He looks so heartbroken, staring at the bump in my hands. "We've been trying for months, before we got married even, but it never worked out." I see the ring from the wedding I was unable to attend glinting on his left hand when he raises it to his head and runs it through his hair. He takes a deep breath, steadying himself. I've never seen him this upset, not even when we talked of our fathers as children. I take his hand, trying to comfort him however I can. "We've been expecting twice, but the longest the baby made it was three months. Madge went to some specialist about it, she was that desperate. She said she's on the list for this fancy Capitol treatment but the doctor said it's unlikely that she'll ever carry full term." Tears burn in his eyes. "Something wrong with the shape of her uterus..? I don't remember exactly, it was a while ago." He's swallowing so often now, it's a wonder he's not crying already. I guess he built the same harsh barriers as I did all those years ago. I pull him in for a hug, dropping the bump to the floor, no longer caring about anything but trying to help him. We stay there for a long time, consoling each other by just being there for one another.
"Look at us," I say, pulling away from him and laughing feebly. "The biggest, bravest hunters in District 12 reduced to snivelling messes that can't even work up the courage to use a pipette."
"Huh?" His brow furrows slightly.
"Oh, it's part of the conception plot my mother dreamed up." I roll my eyes.
"And you haven't done it yet?" I shake my head.
"Not this month, anyway."
"Why?!" The look in his eyes is incredulous.
"I'm scared, Gale," I whisper. "I'm not ready to be a mother. What if we do actually conceive? Even though I- I love-" I sigh. I still can't say it outright. Not if I think about it first. "I'm just not ready." Gale shoots me a look.
"Madge would kill for the chance you've been given, you know that?" He stands up. "She's been through hell trying for a baby and you've got one at your fingertips- but you won't take it." He shakes his head in disapproval and goes to glare out the window.
"Gale, I'm seventeen," I say defensively. "I'm not married, I don't have my own home and I'm not ready or willing to raise a child in this world." Gale remains silent. I am just about to ask him to leave when he turns around, wonder dawning in his eyes.
"Do this process thing," he says. I begin to protest but he carries on. "Do it, and if you conceive, give the child to us." I ponder this for a moment. "Nobody in the Capitol has to know," he continues. "It all works out! Please, Catnip," he pleads. "It would mean so, so much." I bite my lip, still worried about other aspects- what the baby would do to my body, the hype surrounding its birth. Surely they are outweighed by the happiness of my friends?
"Ok," I finally reply, and Gale sweeps me from the bed and lifts me up, spinning me round in his arms as we both laugh. He puts me down, kissing me on the cheek.
"You're sure?" His eyes search mine for any traces of doubt.
"Yes. 100%." I realise that it's actually not a lie. Gale's grin impossibly increases in size.
"Thank you," he says ecstatically as he practically runs to the door. "I've got to tell Madge!" He leaves, and I hear from his footsteps that he's sprinting down the hallway. I smile to myself and grab the equipment, ready to try using it for the fifth time, this time actually hoping something might come of it.
AN: Yay, everything's sorted... Or is it? *dun dun duuuuuuuun!* Find out in the next chapter, which will surely come faster if you review. ;D Thank you for reading! :) x
