Disclaimer: I don't own the Law and Order: SVU characters. Dick does.

I made peanut butter cookies and pesto with cream cheese dip. The cookies are in the pantry and the dip is in the fridge. If you give me nice reviews, I'll be nice and share it!

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It had been two weeks since they returned to Manhattan, and Olivia still hadn't made an appointment to visit the doctor. She and Alex had even gotten into their first (and second, third, and fourth) argument over the issue. Alex continued to demand that she go in, and even volunteered to take off work.

"I just want to get you into the doctor so we can fix this, Liv!" Alex had argued.

"I'll make an appointment later," she had argued. I already know exactly what they're going to tell me, she thought to herself. "We've really been getting slammed at work and –"

"Dammit, Liv, stop making excuses! You're sick!"

"And I'll go see the doctor when I have time!"

Now she was sitting at her desk in the squad room, weighing her options, knowing that the sooner she made that appointment, the better her odds were. Still, she was scared out of her mind. She wanted someone to go with her, but who the hell was she going to call? She didn't want to bring Alex with her – she wasn't ready to share this information with her just yet. Casey had just lost both of her parents, so she was out of the question. She would rather die than ask one of the guys to do it. She debated asking Jess, but she felt awkward doing so, especially since she was Alex's niece, and she was planning on keeping this from Alex for as long as possible. She sighed sadly as she picked up the phone and dialed the only number she felt comfortable dialing.

"Hello."

"Casey?"

"Liv?"

"Can I come over after my shift today?"

Suddenly extremely worried, Casey answered quickly, not knowing what was wrong. "Of course. Are you okay? Do you want me to call in with an emergency so you can leave now?"

Olivia smiled and sniffled slightly. "No, but thanks. I think that was the first time I've smiled all day. Are you sure you're up for some company right now? I know you're still on leave."

"Liv, it's fine, I promise. Please, come over."

Olivia hesitated for several seconds. "Okay," she said softly.

"Olivia, are you sure you're okay?"

"No, but I can pretend for the rest of the day. My shift ends in two hours, so I'll probably be there in two and a half. Is that okay?"

"It's fine."

"Thanks, Case," she said, and hung up. She sighed, relieved that nobody was around to hear her conversation. She hated that she was keeping this from Alex, but she didn't want to scare the woman if this turned out to be nothing. Still, given all the symptoms she was having, she knew it wasn't going to be nothing. It had been difficult in bed, too, trying to keep Alex's hands from her breasts. They had been able to make love, but whenever Alex's hands got too close, Olivia pushed them away. She always made the excuse that she was exhausted or that she just wanted to lay next to Alex, but lately, Alex was starting to get annoyed. Olivia sighed as she tried to concentrate on her paperwork. She desperately wanted to just get this doctor's appointment over with.

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"Come on in," Casey said as she opened the door and Olivia stepped inside. She frowned at the woman she saw in front of her. She obviously wasn't feeling well. "Are you okay? Do you need a glass of water or anything?"

"I can't do this," Olivia said urgently, then turned to make her way to the door.

Casey put a hand on Olivia's shoulder and turned her around. "What? What is it that you can't do?"

"I have to go," she said, turning back around.

"Olivia, stop. Now you obviously came over here for a reason. You sounded terrible on the phone." Casey looked at her sternly and refused to break their eye contact. "What's wrong? Talk to me. You know I'm safe."

Olivia felt her eyes tearing up as she crumbled to the floor. "I…I think…I think I have breast cancer, Case."

"Oh, Liv," Casey said softly as she knelt down and wrapped her arms around the now sobbing detective. "Okay, it's okay," she said, gently rubbing Olivia's back. "It's going to be okay. You're going to get through this, Liv. You're strong, and it's still early, right?"

She nodded slightly. "I don't know how early though. I've been feeling sick for almost two months now. I felt a lump two weeks ago." She looked away and sighed in anger. "I know I should have gone to the doctor right away but, the truth is, I'm terrified."

"Have you talked to Alex yet?"

"No."

"Liv," Casey said sternly. "You need to talk to her."

"Not yet. I want to get to the doctor and find out as much as I can before I do that."

"She needs to know what's going on, Liv."

"I know."

"Come on," Casey said, pulling the woman to her feet. "Let's get you to that doctor, okay?"

Olivia nodded solemnly. "Okay. Let's go."

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"Jess?" Alex asked during her lunch break that afternoon.

"Yeah?"

"When was the last time you spoke with Olivia?"

Jess put her fork down and tried to think. "Um, I think it was a few days ago. Why do you ask?"

Alex frowned and looked down at her desk. "Something's wrong. She won't tell me what's bothering her, but something's really wrong." She looked back up and met Jess' now worried eyes. "She's been sick for weeks now and she refuses to go to the doctor. She barely feels well enough to function through the day and she doesn't really let me touch her anymore. She…she won't talk to me."

"You want me to try talking to her?"

"If you want to. I just don't want her knowing I'm talking about her to our friends."

Jess smirked and nodded. "I'll give her a call tonight, tell her I'm just checking in and thank her for helping me pick out a color scheme for my last project. She won't know you talked to me."

"Thanks, Jess."

Jess smiled modestly. "I'll be discreet, I promise." She looked down at her lunch for several minutes, then looked back up to see that Alex had yet to stop staring at her. She frowned. "Are you okay?"

She nodded and sighed. "I'm just worried."

"Look," Jess said, struggling to find the right words. "If you want to leave and spend some time trying to talk to her, go. I can call people and tell them you're sick or something. I'm sure it'll be okay, even with Casey still out."

Alex shook her head and smiled gratefully. "No. She's just finishing at work right now and apparently Casey is taking her out to dinner or something to thank her for coming to Atlanta." She shrugged and looked down at her paperwork. "Maybe she'll be able to get something out of her."

"Well if she doesn't talk to you tonight, let me know. I'll see if I can get her to talk. She's a stubborn woman."

"Maybe too stubborn."

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"Well, Ms. Benson, I can have the results to you within three days," the doctor told her after performing the biopsy.

At Olivia's request, Casey was sitting in the office with her, holding her hand and trying to offer as much support as she could. She felt terrible asking Casey to do this with her, but at the same time, there was no way she would have been able to do it alone. She smiled at the doctor when she felt Casey lightly squeeze her hand. "What are the treatment options?"

The doctor smiled warmly. "Let's wait until we get the results before we jump into discussing the different treatments."

"No, dammit," Olivia said angrily. "I've been sick for weeks. I don't want to sit at home waiting to hear the news I know I'm going to hear, then have to come back in and start discussing what to do. I want to know now!"

The doctor frowned and turned to look at Casey, giving her an expression that told her she should tell him what to do. She smiled politely, and nodded. "Just tell her what her options are."

He took a moment to look back to Olivia. "Fine. If it's cancer, we can start you on radiation and chemo treatments right now."

"Will I lose my hair?" Olivia asked, her voice starting to shake.

"Possibly," the doctor answered. "Some people do and others don't."

"How long do I have?"

The doctor smiled warmly. "Ms. Benson, judging by the size of the mass, it's still very early. If we start treatment right away, you have a very, very good chance of beating this. You've got friends and family to help you through it?" He looked over expectantly at Casey.

"She's got plenty." Casey answered, wishing the doctor would direct more of his questions to Olivia rather than her.

"Good. Then this should be no problem. I'll have my office call you sometime within the next two or three days to give you the results." He smiled and quickly ushered them out of his office so he could return to his paperwork.

"I really don't like that guy," Casey said once they were out of the hospital.

"He was just doing his job," Olivia said softly.

"Yeah well, he could have been a hell of a lot nicer to you."

"He gets people like me in all the time. It's no big deal."

Casey frowned at Olivia's seemingly beaten form. "Hey," she said, wrapping her arm around the woman. "It's going to be okay, Liv. You heard the doctor. It's still really early. You've got a hell of a lot of people who are going to drive you crazy with their support. You're going to beat this."

"Don't tell Alex," Olivia said suddenly.

"Liv –"

"Please, Case. I just want to get the results first."

"Liv, you need to –"

"Please," she begged, her eyes starting to fill with tears. "Casey, please, don't tell her."

Casey frowned, but reluctantly agreed. "Tell her when the results come in, Liv. She's going to want to support you in this, and she sure as hell deserves to know what's going on."

"I know. I'll tell her."

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She sat at her kitchen table, tears pouring down her cheeks as she put the phone back in the cradle. The doctor had just called, and though she knew what the results were going to be, it was still hard hearing someone say them. As she sat there, trying to make it all disappear, she came to a conclusion that she knew was going to upset everybody around her. She looked up a picture sitting on the mantle over the fireplace. It was one of her and Alex at the zoo. They both looked so incredibly happy and she hated that she was about to destroy everything. Still, her mind was made up. She wasn't going to tell Alex unless she started losing her hair or if she found out there was no way she was going to win this battle. She would just tell her that she was working overtime or something. She looked at the clock. Four – fifteen. Alex would be home in an hour. She dried her tears and started cooking dinner, praying that she could keep her secret for as long as possible. It wouldn't be easy, and she had no idea how she was going to explain it to Alex when she woke up vomiting. Still, she just prayed she could get through this as quickly as possible and, if luck would finally be on her side for a change, she'd be able to get through it without anybody knowing.

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"Well I'm just as stumped as you are," Jess told Alex at lunch one week after their conversation. She had stopped by their house earlier in the week to talk to Olivia about a project. "She's usually a tough nut to crack, but I didn't even begin to push and she started getting angry."

"Dammit, Olivia," Alex said as she brought her hands to her face and rubbed her eyes in irritation. "Well, thanks for trying."

"Hey," Jess said encouragingly. "She'll come around. Keep bugging her about it. If there's one thing I've learned about that woman, it's that if you keep on her, she's bound to crack eventually. She loves you, Alex, and I know you love her just as much. Give her some time, and don't give up."

Alex smiled and shook her head. "There's no way in hell I'm ever giving up on that woman. I love her too much and she's done way too much for me to just walk away now."

"Good."

"I just wish I knew what was bothering her. She's been so sick and I think she's starting to get depressed, which really isn't going to help her get any better. She needs to talk about it so we can help her."

"She will. Give it a little more time, Alex."

"We've started fighting about it."

Jess furrowed her eyebrows and bit her lower lip in concern. "She's been yelling at you for asking her about it?"

"I've been yelling at her to tell me about it, too."

"Are things between you two okay?"

"I thought so. Now I'm not so sure. I hate that she's keeping something from me, and sometimes I swear I would storm out of the damn house if I had a place to go."

"Well, the couch in our living room folds out into a bed, and we've got a spare bedroom. Either one is yours whenever you need it, okay?"

Alex smiled. "Thanks, Jess."

"Just wait a few more days and keep talking to her. If she still won't budge, you can crash with Allen and I."

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"Hey, Liv," Alex said softly as Olivia climbed into bed with her. She wrapped her arms around the detective and pulled her close. She could feel the tension in Olivia's body and she hated that the woman wouldn't say what was bothering her. "I love you so much, Liv. I love you more than anything else in this world."

Olivia felt her eyes watering and she bit her lower lip in an attempt to force the tears back. She swallowed heavily and forced herself to put on a brave front. "I love you, too," she said, though there wasn't much emotion in her voice.

As tempted as she was to come back with an angry response, Alex bit her tongue and squeezed Olivia a little tighter. "Talk to me, honey. Please, tell me what's wrong."

"I'm fine," Olivia said through clenched teeth.

"No you're not, baby. Something's wrong."

"I said I'm fine," Olivia responded, her anger intensifying. Please, keep asking me. If you keep nagging me, maybe I'll break.

"Okay, well when you want to talk, I'm here."

"Look, I'm fine. Just…just drop it." No, don't drop. Keep asking me if I'm okay.

"Whatever," Alex answered, removing her arm from around Olivia and turning over so her back was towards her. "Good night."

Tears poured down Olivia's cheeks as she felt Alex pull away from her. She desperately wished she had the strength and confidence to talk to Alex. It bugged her that there was a little voice in the back of her head telling her that she was less of a woman now that she had breast cancer. She curled tighter into a ball and tried to will herself to sleep. She would start her first round of chemo tomorrow, and would be telling Alex that she had to work overtime. If she was lucky, Alex wouldn't call Cragen to verify that. If she wasn't, she was in a hell of a lot of trouble.

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Yes, I'm aware that this chapter is a little shorter than my other ones, but I'm working on the next one even as we speak. I had to end it here for the next one to work…at least for it to work for me. If y'all (yes, I just said y'all, and no, I don't live in the south. I actually haven't lived there in more than 10 years) are lucky, maybe I'll finish it and post it tonight…