Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
I got it! I finally got Tenshi to write the rest of the Jerry Show!
And I must say, it's some sort of hilarity!
At last, the Jerry Springer Show!
--
Ayame, Sango and
Kagome are rolling over in the floor laughing
Ayame: Hell
yes! Hell…yes!!!
Sango: You
showed him girl! You showed
his ass!
Kagome:Shit yeah! Fucking
hell yes!!!
Ayame: Ilove
Maury now!!!
Sango: Oh,
Jerry Springer's next!
Kagome:Yeah! I wanna see me
break that chair over Kikyou's back!
Ayame: You
about killed
that kinky ho!
Kagome: I
know I did! She deserved it to! That fuckin' bitch! Shakin' her
nasty skank ass around my
man!
On the TV…
Crowd:(Screaming) JERRY!
JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jerry:(comes out from
backstage calmly, sorting note cards and smiling) Hello!
Hello everyone and welcome! (Takes
a seat) Today we have a
VERY special show… We all know how wonderful it is to finally find
that 'special someone' and once you find them, you try your best
to make it work…but as we all know too well, things don't always
go as happily as planned… Let's get on with it, shall we? Today
we have a lovely young lady whose journey to true love has hit a VERY
unexpected bump…everyone; this is Kagome's story-
Kagome: (
Sitting serenely in the chair beside Jerry's, hands folded in lap)Thanks Jerry… I've
come here today to confront my boo InuYasha…
Jerry: (Pats her on the shoulder) It
says here you've been together how long?
Kagome:(Scowls) 2
Damn years!
Crowd:OOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Jerry:(Stands) Why
don't we get on with it- Here he is- INUYASHA!
InuYasha:(Walks out, does
the chest-pound-peace-sign-thing and sits beside Kagome) Sup?
Jerry: Now
that we've got both of you out here- Kagome- continue; tell
InuYasha what you came here to say…
InuYasha:
(Growls) Oh
HELL NO! You're fucking pregnant AGAIN?
Kagome:
(Smacks him in the
head) Shut the hell up! I
ain't got –BLEEP- to
say to your ass! The reason I brought you here is 'cuz I know
you're mutha –BLEEP-'ncheat'n on me!
Crowd:(GASPS)
Kagome:(Stands and faces
the crowd) That's
RIGHT! This sonuvabiotch has been off (Mimes
bump drafting) with this
diiiiiirrrrrrrtttttyyyyyy ass –BLEEP'n-SKANK!!!!!!!!!!!!
InuYasha:(Stands up and
gets in Kagome's face and tries to put his arms around her) Don't
be like that baby…
Jerry:
(sighs and
reshuffles cards before getting to his feet and addressing the crowd)Without further adieu,
lets bring out the woman Kagome claims ruined her relationship –and-
her life-
Kagome:(Glares at Jerry)
ExCUUUSE me?! That ho didn't ruin my life but I sure as HELL gonna
ruin her-
Jerry:(cuts her off)
KIKIYOU!
Crowd:(Begins to scream
and jeer and cheer)
Kikiyou:
(Runs out middle
fingers in full salute and runs to the edge of the stage and screams
at the audience) YA'LL
SHUT THE HELL UP YA'LL DON'T KNOW MEEEEEEEE!!! (Walks
over and takes a seat on InuYasha's lap, gives him a big sloppy
kiss and a grope before getting up, flipping her hair defiantly in
Kagome's direction and sitting down)
Kagome: (Begins to get up, a
murderous look on her face)
Oh HELL no!
Jerry:(Puts a hand on
Kagome's head and pushes her back down, clears throat)
So… you're the other woman?
Kikiyou:(smacks her gum
loudly) That's right!
But if ya'll wanna get all technical, I'm the ONLY woman! (smirks
at Kagome) That ho look
like a MAN to me!
Kagome:(Leaps from her
seat and lunges at Kikiyou) C'MERE
YOU FAT PIECE OF –BEEP-NASTY! (Jumps
on her and they struggle for a bit before falling onto the floor)
Kikiyou:
(Claws at Kagome)InuYasha baby, get this
fugly ho offa me!
InuYasha:
(Jumps up and
down, grinning and cheering) RIP
HER TOP OFF!!!!!!
Crowd: (Chants) RIP
IT OFF RIP IT OFF RIP IT OFF RIP IT OFFFF!!!!
Steve and
other guard-guys: (Drag
Kagome off of Kikiyou and holds them apart from each other)
Kagome:(Being held mid
air by Steve, her arms and legs flailing madly) UGLY
ASS WAFFLE TWAT!
Kikiyou: (Spits at Kagome,
arms clawing in mid air) AT
LEAST I COULD KEEP A MAN!
Kagome:(Freezes and
stares at Kikiyou)
Kikiyou:(Freezes and
stares at Kagome)
InuYasha:(Scratches his ass
when he thinks the camera isn't aimed at him)
Kagome:(Kicks Steve in
the balls, he drops her and she lets out a roar suitable for Xena;
Warrior Princess) That's
IT bitch! It's ON!
Kikiyou:
(Laughs) Bring
it bitch!
Jerry:
(Sighs and wonders
off to clean his glasses)
InuYasha:(Nudges Jerry, not
realizing his mic is still on) You
got any water up in this place?
Kagome:(Grabs a chair)HUSSY! (Swings
it at her)
Kikiyou:(Dodges) SLUT
MONKEY!
Kagome:(Swings) -BEEP-!!!
Kikiyou:
(Dodges)-BEEP-!!!
Jerry:(Begins
to inconspicuously inch his left pants leg up, finally revealing a
hairy, pale thigh, with a shiny hip flask)
InuYasha:(Arches an
eyebrow)
Jerry:(Takes a drink and
offers it to InuYasha)
Kagome:(Swings)
-BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-Her
mouth is moving at an astounding
speed-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP-
YOUR MOMMA'S UNCLE'S NASTY, BUG EYED, LOW-BALLED PET GOAT!
InuYasha &
Jerry: Oh Snap.
Kikiyou:(Staggers
slightly) …Whore!
Kagome:(Shrieks and
swings one last, fatal time)
Crowd:
(Silence)
Kagome: (Faces the crowd
and raises her arms like Rocky as Kikiyou, struck by the chair,
groans on the floor) OH
HELL YEEEAAHHH!!
Jerry:(Waves off the
camera crew, eyes bloodshot, and passes out onto the stage)
Camera Man:(Cuts to Steve)
Steve:(Still wary of
this abused groin, attempts to compose himself) I've
always wanted to do this! But-But- (Inuyasha
is running around behind Steve with an extremely pissed-off looking
Kagome chasing after him. He mouths "Hi mom!") But
what I really want to do… is DIRECT!
The Jerry
Theme Song begins playing, signaling a sign-off
Steve:
Aw, man!
Ayame, Sango,
and Kagome are crying, mascara running, they're laughing so hard
Kagome: (Raising a fist in
the air) Whoo! I killed
that bitch!
Sango:(Clapping)
That's my ho!
Ayame: Hey,
Kagomalisha, isn't his mother dead?
Kagome:
Shh! Don't ruin his dream!
The door
suddenly bursts open, Kaede on the other side
Kaede:Merry Christmas you
pumpkin-headed, albino fuckers! (Tosses
a bag of grass at the stunned girls and walks away)
Ayame:
(Coming out of
the shock)
Kaede, it's Easter!
--
Alright! There's that! Finally completed! I've got to get some more ideas for little skits for this fic, I know. It'll probably be some big shindig or something. Something in the street… or the Mystic parking lot!
-Yura
