Ellie's Author Note: Oh my god, It's Super Bowl Sunday! I'm so happy, we made it through the HIATUS! *raves* On another note, I wanna thank you guys again for the reviews and the PMs we've been receiving about our story. Me and Julie heart you guys so much. Julie wrote this chapter, I'm putting that out there, she deserves the praise for this, not me. I'm currently working on the next one with her and we hope to get it out soon. Thanks! *Blows kiss*

Julie's Author Note: *singing* Picture perfect memories, scattered all around the floor... Oh, hi! In honor of Glee being back from its hiatus, we give you a new chapter! The tardiness of this chapter is my fault and mine only, so I apologize. This was a particularly difficult chapter for me to write because I don't do angst that well, and it was very painful because every now and then I had to stop and cry. Read carefully, because this chapter and the next? A major turning point in our journey! That being said…

… This was a very, very eventful week for us gleeks! Who saw Lea Michele's tweetpic of Jon Groff? I squealed so loud when I saw it! Also, 'Need You Now', the music and the video, became my newest Glee song obsession. I can't wait to see the episode! *cheers*

On a soberer note, I'd like to thank Charlotte for her PM. It helped me a lot. I cannot describe how much your insights have been inspiring me and Ellie. You're in our hearts and prayers always.

Disclaimer: Nope. Nothing yet. The lyrics are Joe Cocker's You Are So Beautiful.

and I owe it all to you: eight

The ride to the Berry residence was made in a thick, uncomfortable silence that was a mess of emotions. Rachel didn't know what to think of Jesse being back in Lima. Her battered heart was in such a state of emotional confusion that not even her stellar vocabulary at its peak could describe. He wasn't supposed to be there when she was trying to rebuild her protective wall. He wasn't supposed to be there, period. He had left her open and exposed, too raw for the world to see. And she didn't have the privilege of having her pain respected by her peers. Her feelings would be a source of mocking, another way of entertainment and self-assurance for her tormentors.

Jesse, on the other hand, had been shaken to his most intimate core by what he had seen, not only in the bathroom (although the vision of Rachel's soft thighs bright red, and her blood slipping slowly from her renewed wound would surely haunt him to his grave), but on the April Rhodes Theatre stage too. That was the level of verbal abuse and moral harassment Rachel had been victim to before he came to McKinley and after he defected back to Vocal Adrenaline? No wonder then she was so unsure of herself and so doubtful of her talent. He was torn between offering Rachel comfort and asking her flat out to leave New Directions and join his former choir.

She was the one to break the silence. "You-" Her voice sounded rough, and an embarrassed flush tinged her cheeks red as she cleared her throat awkwardly. "You look good", she whispered, eyes looking briefly at him before looking out of her passenger window. And he did, as much as she hated to admit. His hair was shorter, gentle curls framing stormy blue-grey eyes. His body looked leaner, arms larger, a result, she pondered, of his demanding and grueling class schedule. His jaw was more defined, more of a man, instead of the alluring boy she remembered.

He couldn't help but smile slightly at her very obviously reluctant praise. His eyes traveled up and down her body, noticing the pronounced looseness of her clothing, the visible shrink of her cheeks, how larger her eyes seemed to be in her perceptibly thinner face. Her body, before strong but graceful, was now emaciated and looking slightly sickly.

But she never ceased to be beautiful in his eyes.

"You look stunning", he said truthfully, a smile curving his lips. "I like the bangs", the former VA lead added. The new haircut made her look more sophisticated and grownup, a woman instead of the young girl she really was. "Very adult", he said, nodding in slight approval.

A snort escaped her lips, face contorting in derision. "Please. Stop lying, St. James. I have a mirror and it tells me the truth every morning. I'm not, and I never was, a pretty girl", she said harshly. "And right now I doubt I'm even that talented".

Jesse stared at her, stunned. "Who are you?" It escaped his lips before he could contain it, but it felt appropriate. Because this wasn't Rachel, not his Rachel, the girl who belted a Barbra classic without previous rehearsal, who worked on perfecting Laurey's dream ballet sequence in 'Oklahoma' just because it was one of her dream roles, who he told her singing 'Don't Cry For Me Argentina' in front of a sold out Broadway crowd was inevitable.

She didn't reply. I wish I knew.


She seemed exhausted when they arrived at her house. Gallantly, he parked his car on the driveway – her Daddy's Audi and Dad's Corolla missing, which indicated the Berry men still worked long, late hours – and walked around his Rover to open her door, picking her backpack on the process. They walked up the steps to her front door, and she quickly unlocked it, leaving it wide open for him to follow her in.

He did, after carefully peeling his shoes off and staying barefooted. Rachel walked straight to the kitchen, and he heard the sound of the refrigerator being opened, walking to the same room. She handed him a bottle of water, having drunk one of her own, and wordlessly cruised up the stairs to her room. He noticed the bags and shadows under her eyes, and gently put a hand on her forearm. Her skin was fragile under his fingers.

"Have you been sleeping well?" He asked her quietly, examining her face closely.

She shrugged, choosing not to answer his question. "I'll take a shower now, so, if you don't mind-"

It was clear what she was implying, but he refused to leave her alone. Only God knew what Rachel would do with herself until her dads came back home, and he also wanted to catch up with her. "I'll wait up in your bathroom while you shower, if that's okay with you", he replied, and noticed when she realized this wasn't a request. It was a demand. That's right, baby. I'm staying right here. Deal with it.

Rachel sighed, recognizing the glint of determination in his eyes, and nodded wordlessly, breaking free of his grasp (his warm skin seared her, making her tingle all over and her mind spin with questions she wasn't sure she wanted answered). They quietly made their way up to her bedroom, and he smiled slightly at the unchanged room. It still was very girly, a Broadway shrine. She made a gesture towards the bed, before turning towards the shower room. "Rache…" He asked quietly.

"Yes?"

Jesse took a deep breath and made that leap of faith. "Can I see?" As soon as the words left his mouth he saw her stiffen and turn around slowly to face him, incredulous eyes locking with his own.

"W-what?" She gasped. "N-no!" Shame flared within her at her stammer. I can't! She thought wildly. He can't see them, I don't know why he is here, but he is, and if he sees he'll be disgusted with me!

"Please…" He added quietly, a hint of desperation in his voice.

"No, Jess-" Rachel closed her eyes in embarrassment at the nickname she had given him when they were dating slipped past her lips. Oh, God. Kill me now. When she felt warm skin on her cheek, she opened her eyes, startled to notice him so close to her.

Jesse didn't care if he came across to her as too desperate. Because he was. He was desperate. Rachel was fading, and he couldn't let that happen. She was his soul mate, his perfect match in every aspect that mattered. He couldn't lose her. The lyrics left his lips without him even thinking them through.

You are so beautiful, to me

Can't you see?

Tears bubbled in Rachel's eyes. It wasn't fair. She was a sucker for singing (especially his), and Jesse knew about it (he used to tease her about that). Besides, she was too tired to fight him, too tired to kick him out, too tired to do anything that demanded that much strength of her. She was just so tired. Exhausted, even. So, she nodded, surrendering, walking slowly away to her bathroom, Jesse hot in her heels. Once inside, she quickly discarded her clothing, heat flooding her cheeks at his sharp intake of breath.

Rachel's half nude body in front of him broke Jesse's heart. The cuts and lacerations were scattered, from her thighs – obviously her favored spots to cut herself – to her waist. Taking her hand, he twirled her around slowly, eyes drinking the abuse she had been inflicting to herself.

Her eyes were downcast, embarrassment and terror preventing her from looking straight at him. His fingers slid slowly from her fragile wrists – thin red lines shining bright in pale skin –, skimming down her arms – no cuts there, thankfully –, avoiding her small chest and sliding down her flat stomach. She flinched when his fingertips brushed at her thighs, teeth biting down at the pang of pain his touch on the wounds shot through her body.

"Oh, Rache…" He whispered, fingers sliding up to trace the small curve of her cheek. He was so warm… It felt foreign, for her, to feel so much warmth. She felt so cold all the time… A gentle shove, and she looked up, blinking at him. "Go ahead and take your shower. I'll wait out here".

Rachel's shower was relatively quick. While she bathed, he looked around, and was surprised when she came back, cheeks rosy from the hot water, wearing black tights with a dark red sweater dress. Her hair shone under the dim light, and she looked adorable, sleepy and sweet. "I'm exhausted", she mumbled, lying on her back on the mattress. He had previously folded the duvet, knowing she would want to rest after her particularly tiring day.

"Then sleep", he replied simply, lying on his side, his right hand coming to support his cheek.

"You're here", she shot back petulantly, a yawn escaping her, eyes droopy.

"I'll still be here when you wake up, I promise".

"M'kay". She said, eyes closing as her breath evened.

And, as she slipped into dreamland, Jesse's own eyes closed.

And he cried.