Side note: Ok we left off on Bella seeing herself for the first time this is Edwards point of view. Don't worry it takes place pretty much after the fact…..
I couldn't believe she didn't remember me, remember what we had. Even if it was one sided she had to know what she meant to me, what I felt for her especially in those last moments we shared together, but nothing. She didn't even acknowledge me as someone from her past and there was no recognition in her eyes when she looked up at me and I told her my name. She just looked at me like I was mentally ill, like I was being introduced to her for the first time and when I tried to get closer to her she actually growled at me. There was a lot about her that changed not just physically, but emotionally and I couldn't help, but wonder if my Bella was still there in there.
Aside from her blatant attraction to me, as the aroma of her arousal hit me and my family forcefully she hadn't even attempted to speak to me. She just avoided me like the plague and when I finally showed her what she now looked like she just sort of shook it off betraying no emotions while I stared up at her in shock. Sure her facial features matured slightly and the innocence of childhood her face possessed before was less pronounced. Her lips were a little fuller and her skin tone was more alabaster then pale and her eyes were a deep shade of crimson, but aside from that she looked the same to me. I knew to her it would look different and yet she had reacted like it was nothing and brushed it off claiming she was hungry and wanted to hunt.
So hunt we did and I watched as Carlisle taught her the basics of the hunt with me following close behind. She was a natural, so graceful and yet so ferocious as she took down a couple of wolves and a grizzly bear. Emmett would have appreciated the grizzly yet I couldn't help, but be slightly turned on and stunned at the same time. I wasn't use to this now very animalistic and uninhibitedly raw Bella. She was like a hurricane that just came through leaving destruction in her wake and not hesitating at all. She had a hunger that could rival my own as a new born, yet she refused to drink from humans and had remained adamant about that even when we came across some while we headed back from our hunt.
She of course sensed them immediately and growled and snarled as she was attempting to get ready for an attack. Mere seconds before she pounced she turned to both me and Carlisle shivering with the attempt to restrain herself and then she spoke. "What ever you do don't let me kill a human, if you have to kill me you will do it because I will not live with the knowledge that I took a human life. I don't know if I can hold off so you might as well brace yourselves because while the hunger isn't as potent because of the hunt earlier I wont be able to stop myself and I will kill you both if I have too." And then she sprang, but not before me and Carlisle managed to grab a hold of her and shove her as forcefully as we could to the ground.
She was clawing, snarling, and almost feline in her attempts to get away from our hold and it took all of our strength to hold her down. She was so blood crazed that she couldn't think straight and all traces of humanity or the fabricated humanity were lost to her as she snarled and snapped her teeth, the venom oozing out of her mouth. She seemed possessed with rage and she was ravenous with hunger as we used all our force to keep her from prying free. I couldn't bear to see Bella so consumed with the desire to feed that she would lose herself and let the monster rein inside her. A monster I no doubt put inside of her and I wondered if I would ever see the angelic side of her I had seen as a human. She was so tarnished before and yet she still had purity to her and now that purity seemed to be tainted with black specs of deviltry, deviltry that she was trying to control.
I tried desperately to reach out to my love and I spoke words of positive reinforcement. "Bella, love you can do this just hold off a little while longer. The humans will be gone and the temptation to devour them will leave you momentarily. You don't want to kill them you said so yourself and you would hate yourself for this so just hold your breath and whatever you do don't let the hunger rule you. You are stronger then this and you can pull through."
In this mist of her blood crazed tantrum she looked up at me for a moment as if to mule over what I was saying and then just as that moment came it passed and her growling had reached a new high. "Blood blood give me blood I want blood I need it, it burns give it to me. NOW!!!" She screamed.
She was thrashing and kicking us, but we never let her up or weakened our hold because we knew that one moment of our weakness would mean a moment of hers. After the scent of the humans passed us, thankfully they had heard to them would sounded like an animal and decided to change course, we were able to let up on Bella. At first she just sat there as we released our hold on her, she looked astonished and then sorrow overran her features and she seemed to rein in it. I didn't know what to say to comfort her as my words never seemed to reach her and I didn't know how to make this up to her. I loved her and yet I could not do anything about the pain I had caused her.
"I think we should have more then two people accompany me on hunts for now. I felt a weakness in your hold on me and I don't want to take the chance that I might use even more force on you all in order to feed on human blood. I was actually attempting to control myself back there and I shudder to think about how bad it will be if I cant even bother with controlling myself at all. Maybe the bigger one Emmett will be of more use to me. And thank you both for not letting me kill them, I don't know what I would have done if I did." She smiled slightly, but it did not reach her eyes.
We made our way back to the castle in almost no time at all, Bella was feigning exhaustion and though she could not sleep, she simply stated that she wanted to be alone. I didn't want to accept her plea for solitary confinement because I knew she was likely beating herself up over today's almost mishap, but I could do nothing as I had no claim over her. I knew she was already weary of me and I hated the distance she put between us, but I knew I had never meant anything to her and yet she could not remember Demetri her supposed lover and that gave me some form of hope. Hope was a stupid thing for me to have as I was now apart of the guard and my duties would call for me to one day be separated from Bella and I would probably never see her much again.
It hurt to know that I gave up all of this and she still flinched the moment my skin brushed hers or my eyes locked with hers. She still disregarded me for the most part and she barely even acknowledged me when she went to leave as I made a last minute effort to appeal to her new found killer instincts. "Bella before you leave I just want you to know that the blood lust will die down eventually to a point where you can control it. You wont have to worry about temptation as much and you will even be able to walk amongst humans and be apart of society one day. I hope you know if you need to talk I am here and while I know you have no recollection of me what so ever I do want you to know that I cared about you and I still do."
She looked over at me her expression almost loving and then it turned dark with anger in the briefest of seconds. "I remember you now. I remember that you are the reason I am here and that you claimed to care about me and yet you drink from me then turned me into this freak of nature. You stole my life from me and you didn't even flinch, you disgust me."
I stared up at her in shock and watched as she walked towards the entrance of the castle, but before I could speak Carlisle's thoughts stopped me. "She needs time Edward you can't expect her to just be ok with everything. She is so vulnerable right now and all her human emotions have transferred into her vampire emotions and you know very well how hard that can be. Everything is heightened and so much more raw that she can't help, but feel angry. You know she doesn't mean any of it, but you have to let her heal on her own."
I nodded my head and kept walking as Bella, Carlisle, and I neared the castle entrance I couldn't help, but let her words sink in. She was right to be angry and even to hate me, but she had to know how much I loved her even if she didn't want me. She had to know how much I hated doing what I did to her and how much I would give to have a chance to make it up to her forever. She was my everything and without her I would be nothing and still I was just so relieved to know that she had taken to my lifestyle and she would finally be free. I knew there was some possibility that she would choose the life of the guard, but I hoped she would never make that choice and yet I still wished she could be my mate.
"I do think she cares for you I can see its more then lust in her eyes. She's doing a good job of hiding it, but as I don't know the girl I can still clearly tell she has deep feelings for you my son. I don't want you to lose hope of that and if there was ever a way that she might love you and be with you we will find it. Please don't give up hope." Carlisle thought and I couldn't help, but frown because the hope I had felt when Bella was completely turned off of Demetri had diminished the moment she told me she was disgusted by me.
As we enter the castle not far behind Bella I couldn't help, but tune in to the thoughts all around me. Heidi's thoughts were closest and the most irritating of them all. "….She isn't even that pretty and she would do well if she stayed out of my way and knew her place. I wonder if I can find a way to use this as my benefit it sure was fun playing with Demetri, I cant believe he actually still wants to be with Bella. He seems to think she'll change her ways, but she probably wont since she can't see past the animal eater."
Next I could here Demetri's thoughts. "….Bella, Bella, Bella. You are mine Bella and I will make you see that just as you will see that animal blood will never satisfy your thirst nor will he not the way I can."
I could hear snips of Jane and Alec, but they were too busy inflicting torture on Demetri while Aro had tuned me out. I listened harder to see if I could hear anything else about Bella, but the only other thoughts I heard were that of my brothers Jasper and Emmett and those thoughts were very troubling to say the least.
"….I can't let my Alice come here its not safe. What will I do if something were to happen to her? She says I should trust her and trust her visions, but she gives me no reason to know that she will be safe when she arrives and I can't have that. I can't risk Alice and as much as I care for Edward, she is everything to me. I don't know what to do."
"…Shit Rosalie is going to be so pissed off at me. I mean I risked my life for a human and then Heidi hits on me and I couldn't help, but give her some attention she reminds me so much like my Rosie, but I didn't do anything. I could never do anything to hurt my baby and I hope she doesn't think I would ever look past her. She is perfect, but I do have to admit Bella is actually pretty hot if I didn't see her as a sister that is. I feel so bad for Edward and I just hate the fact that the girls are coming. I really think we should fight, but Alice says to trust her so I will trust her. Now if only Jasper can hold it together he is looking just as bad as Edward."
So apparently Alice had a vision and she neglected to inform me that she and the others were coming here. What was I going to do now? What could this mean? Would we all be safe or would we die in the place of the ones we loved? As I came into view of my brothers and they became aware of mine, Carlisle's, and Bella's presence there expressions were sad to say the least. Bella immediately walked past the others in a sort of huff and Jasper apparently felt just how angry she was because he literally blanched.
"Shit Edward what did you do to piss her off. The anger is radiating off her in waves and she isn't even trying to hide it. I know you heard that Alice is coming and I don't know what she saw, but she says we need to wait for her and not do anything drastic. She also said to tell you not to overreact when it comes to Bella because you will only push her away and into Demetri's arms. Apparently she is a stubborn one. Look I don't know that I like that Alice and the girls are coming here, but I am trying to be accepting of it. I just want you to know that if it comes down to Alice I will kill whoever I have to, to keep her safe. I hope you understand man."
I nodded my head towards him and he smiled timidly. He knew I understood more then anything and he knew I would do the same if I had to. I knew we would have to find a way to fill Carlisle in soon as well as Bella, but I didn't know how to go about that yet with Aro and the others not too far. Apparently Bella didn't want to be around me or the others as she decided to take leave to her chambers and if Aro hadn't stopped her I don't know what I would have done.
"Bella dear we have a more suitable room for you now as you are not human and your comfort is much different. I know your chambers were quite thoughtful for a human, but they are certainly not fit for a vampire of your importance. Please allow us to escort you to your chambers your maker, young Edward, will be just down the hall so if you should need anything at all please don't hesitate to ask."
Bella looked over at Aro and I could hear from Jasper that she was furious, but she hid it quite well. "If you wouldn't mind I would like to stay in my old chambers as that is where I was use to and maybe its where I was more accustomed too. I don't have many of my memories back, but I feel like if I were to reacquaint myself with my room maybe I would remember more. Unless of course there is something you don't want me to remember, but I know that could not be true. Edward, my maker, as you said has more to be ashamed of I am sure, but still if you are not comfortable with me remembering certain things then I understand."
Aro looked rather pleased with himself as he let a smug smile cross his features, but just before it was there it disappeared and I couldn't help, but want to rip it off of him. "Of course whatever you desire Isabella. I just want to make sure your stay is a pleasant as possible. We have nothing to hide here and we are just as committed as you are to bringing back some of your memories. I will have you know that if under any circumstance you feel that your experience here is less then hospitable you come find me and I will put a stop to what ever may be bothering you."
She nodded as he looked up at me and a thought crossed his mind briefly and I couldn't help, but grind my teeth together in order to hold back a growl. It was a brief thought, but one of a very frightened Bella below Aro wincing in pain as he shoved himself inside of her. There was blood when he pulled out of her, she had been a virgin, pure and sweet and he took that away from her. He made sure to let me see this thought and I couldn't help, but hate him and hate myself more for not being able to protect her. How could something so horrible happen to someone so good and now look at what had become of her. She still had that innocence under the anger and tough exterior she was still good natured, but she was forced to be a demon of thirst and hunger.
Aro spoke again knocking me out of my thoughts as Carlisle tried to rub my back soothingly. "If you will excuse me I have some matters to attend to, another rare find has recently been brought to my attention and I will be departing shortly to help my dear brothers attend to the matter. Apparently she's being held up with some werewolves and well Cauis is very nervous without my being there and apparently Marcus thinks its best not to send for just any reinforcements. I shall be back within a few days time, but you need not worry as I have Demetri, Alec, Jane, Heidi, and Felix here to keep you company. The wives will all be escorting me, but I promise there is no need to worry as this is merely precaution. I will see you all when I get back."
With that he left and before I could make sense of anything Bella had left too. I didn't know what to do or how this would play out. Maybe this was apart of Alice's visions or maybe this was a trap? All I knew was that I couldn't really let myself process all of this information because right now I couldn't see past Bella and Alice be damned, but I needed to make this right between us. I needed to apologize and I needed to do it now before I could even think of anything else. So I turned towards Carlisle, Jasper, and Emmett who were engaged in a quiet conversation about what Aro's leaving might mean and I interrupted their exchange.
"Hey I don't know what this could mean for us and I promise when I get a chance and its safe we will all talk, but for now I need to see Bella and at least apologize to her. I can't have her hating me, but I promise once I apologize we will take a walk and talk things over. Aro knows I wouldn't leave here not with Bella being here so I know he wouldn't be suspicious if we took a little tour of Italy and the sun will be down for a little while longer so we are free to rome. Just try to keep your thoughts to yourself for now."
I didn't stick around to hear there reply as I rushed towards Bella's chambers in hopes that I may finally get a chance to fix things. I knew she wouldn't want to speak to me, but I had to at least tell her how I feel and how sorry I truly was. She had to know everything. As I reached her door running on instinct I thrust it open only to see a very naked, very aroused Bella standing in her bathroom doorway in front of her mirror. She looked to be checking herself out, but when she noticed my presence she made no move to cover herself up and I couldn't help, but let out a moan as I bit my fist and started to pant with unneeded breathe. She was so beautiful the same perky round breast only they were fuller and slightly larger and her tiny slim frame was more toned and flawless. Every once of her was just as breath taking as before and it felt like it had been so long sense I had touched her. Her arousal and the look of lust in her eyes is what made me step closer and closer to her. She was like a sex goddess begging for me to take her and I couldn't stop myself from inching forward.
We were now a breath away from each other and I could still smell the strawberries, freesia, and her breathtaking arousal as I brought my hand up to her beautiful face. She didn't flinch her eyes only lingered first on my face, then my chest, and now my very erect groined and I couldn't help, but groan. "Bella?" I pleaded.
She looked up at me at the sound of her name and she smiled deviously as she leaned into my touch and brought her beautiful full lips to mine in a steamy kiss. I had never been kissed like this before so uninhibited and yet so passionate. Before I had to be so careful with Bella and now the possibilities were endless and as I felt her delicious tongue tangle and dominate mine I couldn't help, but moan for more. There was still that same force and electricity in our touch as before only now it was intensified. I didn't know what this meant, hell I didn't even know my name, all I knew was I was kissing the most amazing woman in the world and she was kissing me back.
Authors note: I don't know if I am in love with this chapter, but I figured I wanted Edward's point of view. As I said Bella was going to be angry for some time and this may not mean there going into the whole "I love you and can't live without you" spiel. I kind of had a little writers block so if this chapter sucks sorry and sorry for the cliffe as well. Next chapters will be better I hope and longer. Thanks to those who have reviewed and are reading it means a lot to me. So again its that time….PLEASE REVIEW.
