Catherine stormed down the hall way to the starboard cargo hold where Diana Allers had set up her little production studio. She pounded her fist into the security panel and the door hissed open.
Rounding the corner she immediately felt her ire rise higher. The space was huge, almost the size of the entire crew quarters above and Allers occupied all of it. What was so special about this woman that had earned her this much space on the ship?
The news anchor was standing under glaring podium lights in front of a hovering camera, speaking off the cuff about N7 soldiers from across the galaxy being called in to aid in holding territory regained from Reaper and Cerberus forces.
She glanced at Catherine and continued speaking. Catherine walked right in front of the camera and dug her nails into her palms, resisting the urge to hit the woman.
"Just who the fuck do you think you are?" Catherine demanded.
"I was right in the middle of piece there," Diana said, as if Catherine had just casually interrupted to ask her the time. "Glad I wasn't live. That would have been embarrassing."
"What's wrong with you?" Catherine shouted. "You send me a message like that and then talk to me like nothing happened?"
Diana looked confused and so Catherine brought up the email on her omnitool and thrust it into the woman's face.
"Remember now?"
"I remember it perfectly," Diana said calmly. "I just don't understand why you're so mad."
Catherine sputtered, unable to get a word out past her indignation.
"You're kidding right? What is this? Some kind of blackmail? I don't know what you hope to gain from this."
"The email was a warning," Diana said, her hand on her hips and her chin thrust forward.
"And now you're threatening me?" Catherine waved her hands in the air, wanting to do anything with them other than strike out.
"No, it was a warning to be more discreet," Diana spat back. "If I could see you two, anyone could see you."
"Allers, those booths have blur glass," Catherine said with angry superiority. "They distort the image so light passes through and you can see out but not in."
"That glass only works from a distance. And if you have a fly cam you can send it in close enough to get an image."
"Why would you try to get an image at all?" Catherine shouted at her.
"I'm a journalist," Diana said as if that was justification enough. When Catherine didn't bite she added, "I'm always looking for a juicy scoop."
"You're a war correspondent!"
"Doesn't mean I don't enjoy a good scandal," Diana walked away from Catherine and went around the corner to sit on her bed, which was two and half times the size of the bunks the crew slept in. "This really blew up in my face."
"I'll say." Catherine followed her and stood in the opening leading to her living quarters, which along with the bed held a small couch and a table. "You still haven't explained why you sent me that picture."
"Believe it or not, I was trying to do you a favour," Diana said quietly. "Anyone could have taken that picture and it could have made its way around the extranet in minutes. I just wanted you to see how exposed you really were. I thought I was doing you a favour."
Catherine frowned at her in an expression of utter disbelief. "Why wouldn't you just send me a private note explaining that then? Why take a picture and then send it to me? It wasn't exactly encrypted. Anyone could have intercepted it."
"Once again, I'm a journalist," Diana said, standing. "I work with empirical evidence. Would you have taken me at my word if I had only said I could see you?"
"You're logic is fucking skewed, you know that," Catherine said with disgust. "Don't take anymore pictures of me or James and don't give me anymore friendly warnings. What James and I do behind closed doors is not anyone's business. Whether you meant well or not, sending me that picture was a totally douchebag move. Stay away from me."
She gave Diana the finger as she stormed out of the cargo bay, congratulating herself on not beating on the woman. James was in the hallway when she emerged and caught her arm as she tried to brush by him.
Feeling embarrassed she leaned against the wall and couldn't meet his eye.
"I heard all that," he said, lifting her chin to force her to look up at him. "This has really got you riled."
"I just need my privacy and she invaded it," Catherine said harshly, her ire still close to the surface.
"Let it go, Catnip." James punched her softly on the chin. "Not worth getting worked up about."
"No?" Catherine said, standing taller and meeting his eye. "Am I not entitled to a little respect from her? What the fuck is the deal with her anyway? She comes aboard our ship, our home, takes up more space than twenty other people put together and then takes pictures of us when we're naked. Everyone else on this ship serves a purpose. Shepard and her squad, you guys fight horrible battles. We, the crew, keep this ship running. What does she do? Seriously, James! WHAT DOES SHE DO?"
Catherine was shouting by this point, her chest heaving and her face burning with fury. She shook her hands in front of herself and started pacing.
"I get the sense this is more about her personally than that picture," James said.
Catherine stopped and looked up at him. "Doesn't it bug you? You're sleeping on a dirty cot in the hanger and she's got a big comfy bed and a freakin' couch. And a window! Did you know she has a window in there?"
James sighed and put an arm around her shoulders, guiding her back to the elevator.
"Shepard makes the calls round here and if that's what she gave Allers then there isn't much we can do about it," he said soothingly. "C'mon back down with me. We'll dance some more. I might even let you win."
In the elevator Catherine leaned against the wall and closed her eyes, breathing in deeply, trying to regain her composure. James stood away from her, giving her space and letting her relax.
She followed him back to his station and threw herself into the hand to hand lesson he gave her. Her skill was minimal and her strength left much to be desired, but he drove her hard, making her sweat. Ignoring the pain in her legs and abdomen she traded blows with him until EDI warned them that the shuttle was on approach.
James tossed her a breather mask 'just in case' and told her to stand clear as the shuttle reversed into the bay. The entire end of the hanger was open to the vacuum of space while the shuttle manoeuvred into place and Catherine grabbed at James' arm as vertigo assailed her.
There was a reason they called it space. That's what it was. Empty endless space, interrupted only by the occasional star or planet. It went on forever, rotating slowly as the ship rolled on its axis, and Catherine had an overpowering urge to walk toward the open doors and stand at the top of that fathomless precipice and look out upon the deep purple and black spilled sugar canvas extending in every direction.
A chill crept into the hanger, sending goose bumps racing up Catherine's bare arms. She clung to James, her fingers numb. When doors finally began to close she sagged in a combination of relief and disappointment.
"I guess you've never seen a view like that before, eh?" he asked with a chuckle. "Pretty spectacular."
Before she could reply the shuttle opened and Shepard stepped out. Her armour was battered and riddled with projectile impact marks. Soot coated her face and her hair was in disarray around her head.
Garrus, who Catherine still had not yet formally met, and Liara followed her, both looking just as filthy and tired as Shepard. Seeing them covered in grime and gore, Catherine understood why their water ration was so much higher than everyone else's. They certainly deserved it.
Shepard spied her and waved her over. Catherine let go of James' arm and jogged across the deck.
"Commander," she said with a salute.
"Hogan, go to medical with Mordin," Shepard said. "He'll need to make some adjustments to life support there."
"Mordin?" Catherine asked, confused.
Shepard gestured over her shoulder with her thumb and Catherine peered around her into the shuttle. Cortez had already powered the vessel down and the interior was dark. From the dimness a salarians stepped out. The red skin of his face of heavily scarred and he was missing one horn.
He stepped up to her and held out his hand. "Professor Mordin Solus. Pleasure to meet you. Will need to discuss life support parameters required for female krogan."
"Female krogan?" Catherine said slowly. "Here?"
"Indeed." Mordin gave her a quick smile that she barely had time to register before it was gone.
He turned and stared at the shuttle. Catherine could hear lowered voices within and a moment later a huge krogan in dark red armour hopped out, his landing shaking the deck. Just like the salarian, he was horribly scarred, his head plate marred by what looked like claw marks.
He turned back to the shuttle and held his hand out, only to have it ignored by the woman who stepped out behind him.
She was only slightly smaller than Wrex, but still multitudes larger than Catherine. Her entire body except for her eyes was covered in layers of rich fabric dyed dark reds and blues and edged with gold. Expressive eyes peered out from under a domed shaped head covering, surveying the scene around her.
The female krogan walked forward, her heavy frame making surprisingly little sound as she moved. She stopped beside Mordin and gazed down at Catherine.
"You may call me Eve, human."
"I've never met a krogan before," she said stupidly.
"Then I am glad I will be you first impression," Eve said with a voice so soft Catherine almost didn't believe it was hers. "Truthfully, I need no special changes in the ship to be comfortable, but this is easier than arguing with the salarian."
The Professor brushed past Catherine, his hurried steps taking him quickly to the elevator. Eve followed him more sedately. Catherine gave a smirking James a look of delight and wonderment and made to follow, but a hand on her arm stopped her. She turned to find it was Wrex who had grabbed her.
In a low voice no doubt intended to be intimidating he said, "She's the last hope for my people, little human. Don't do anything stupid."
Catherine didn't know a lot about krogan, but she did know that they respected strength and the ability to defend oneself. Her veins were still coursing with adrenaline from her sparring with James, and the fury she still felt towards Allers continued to simmer just below the surface, and as a result she was barely aware of her next action until after it happened.
The words had only just left Wrex's mouth when she pulled back her fist and ploughed it into his nose right below his head plate. The deck went silent and everyone stared at her. She wrenched her arm out of Wrex's grip and stared him down.
"Don't threaten me," she said, her voice low to hold back the tremble in it. "Number one, I'm not stupid. Number two, I answer to Commander Shepard."
The huge krogan's shoulders began to shake and a laugh erupted from him that echoed through the shuttle bay and made Catherine's want to clap her hands over her ears.
"I like this one." He slapped Catherine on the back, nearly knocking her to the floor. "Only the strongest in your crant, eh Shepard!"
"Only the best, Wrex," Shepard said, but as Catherine hurried by her to the elevator she gave her a look of disbelief that might also have contained disapproval.
Catherine didn't wait to find out. She joined Mordin and the female and they rode in silence to the crew deck. EDI had already informed the medic, who Catherine had only recently learned was the famed Doctor Karin Chakwas, and she was transferring her work to her omnitool and preparing to relocate to another area of the ship when they arrived.
Catherine sat down in her vacated chair and waited for Mordin to tell her what he needed from her. The salarian went about the room opening and closing cupboards and drawers, rifling through supplies and scanning through files, the whole time talking to himself about what he saw.
Finally, Catherine stood up and interrupted his rambling.
"Professor Solus," she said loudly to drag his attention away from the electron microscope he was testing. "What exactly is it that you need from me?"
"Ah yes, life support technician." He took a deep breath and turned to her, his eyes blinking rapidly. A datapad appeared in his hand and he passed it to her and his hypersonic speech continued. "Eve has dangerously low immune system. Will have to strictly maintain air filters, as well must make alterations to temperature and humidity. Krogan resilient, but an optimal environment is preferable."
Catherine perused through the itemized list, nodding as she did.
"This is easily doable. I can get the systems set up but it will take a while for it to take full effect." She glanced over at Eve where she sat on one of the gurneys. "Will you be alright until then?"
"I'll be fine," EVE said blandly, clearly tired of being asked.
"Saw your reaction to Wrex," Mordin said. "Brave."
"Brave indeed," Eve said. "But smart. Wrex had no right to threaten you."
Catherine began to explain that she'd been duelling with James and never would have reacted that way otherwise, but Eve stopped her.
"You showed your strength," Eve said. "It requires no explanation."
The krogan's eyes sparkled and Catherine gave her a small smile before mumbling that she should go make the adjustments to the rooms environment. She was tired and Ai-Wei or John could easily have made the changes, but Shepard had asked her specifically and after the look the Commander had given her she wasn't about to shirk her duty.
The changes took little time and once implemented the system would automatically adjust every time the doors opened and only tiny alterations would have to be made with regular maintenance by whoever was onduty.
As soon as she was done EDI informed her that the Commander wanted to speak with her and was waiting in her cabin. The AI could give Catherine no other information and her heart pounded explosively as she rode the elevator up to The Loft.
Stepping off the lift was like stepping into hell. The hallway outside Shepard's cabin was small and claustrophobic, lit only by dark orange floor lights, much as the CIC was, only here it was much more menacing.
She rapped softly on the door and a voice called for her to come in. The light that met her eyes was bright and watery and she realised it came from an enormous fish tank that took up half of the left wall. To the right of the tank was a small office space where datapads and paper files were piled haphazardly.
A collection of model ships was encased in glass around two sides of the desk which overlooked the living area where there was a large bed, an 'l' shaped couch, several chairs and another, smaller desk.
Shepard was waiting for her in the living area which was accessed by way of several steps. The Commander called for her to come down and Catherine went nervously down the stairs. She kept her eyes straight ahead and stood to attention.
"At ease, Hogan," Shepard said. "Have a seat."
Catherine sat on the edge of the chair across from Shepard, her hands folded in her lap and her back straight.
"Hogan, there are three things we need to talk about," she said. "And since you aren't blinking, I'll get the incident with Wrex out of the way first. You can stop worrying about that. It was exactly the right way to react to him. But please don't hit any more heads of state."
"I think I can manage that, Commander." Relief flooded through her and she relaxed a little, letting her shoulders fall.
"Now, I'm sure you've heard whispers on the ship of the Crucible." Shepard leaned forward with her elbows on her knees and her hands clasped in front of her.
"I have, ma'am," Catherine had heard the word said several times in the past few days, though had never been part of the conversation herself.
"Admiral Hackett has requested that I have my crew sign confidentiality agreements so that we can speak freely aboard the ship. Please keep this information to yourself for the time being. I'll be meeting with the entire crew individually over the next few days."
The Commander went on to explain to her what the mission to Mars had been all about and what they had found there. The Prothean archives had held plans for a super weapon of untold power that they hoped would be capable of destroying the Reapers.
Catherine was floored by the information and signed the form without question, not really understanding what exactly was going on, and Shepard moved on to her next topic while Catherine was still gathering her thoughts.
"EDI tells me there was an altercation between you and Diana Allers," Shepard said, her expression serious and her tone neutral.
"I apologize for that, Commander," Catherine said contritely. "It won't happen again."
"I have all the details, Hogan," Shepard said. "What Diana did was out of line and I will be having a word with her about it. I also understand the issue you take with her living quarters."
"I'm not questioning your decision, Commander," Catherine said hurriedly.
"I'm sure you aren't, but I'd like to explain all the same. Accurate and timely reporting can make all the difference with the public. They need to know that we are out here trying to make a difference. It's important that we have someone like Allers aboard the ship. Most Alliance ship would have quarters set aside for an embedded correspondent, but the Normandy is not equipped for that and the cargo hold is the only space we could allocate to her."
"I understand, ma'am," Catherine said simply.
"If she pulls any more crap like that, let me know," Shepard said. "There's no place for it on my ship. Dismissed."
Catherine stood, gave a salute, and tried not to hurry for the door. Just as she was leaving Shepard called her name. looking back she found Shepard standing at the bottom of the stairs with her arms crossed.
"I know you've never served on a ship before so I'll give you some advice. There are only three people you have to worry might blab about your affair; you, your partner, and the pilot. Everyone might know, but as long as you and James keep mum, they won't talk about it either. Living in close quarters like his we all have to keep each others secrets. Joker's the only one you have to worry about. I suggest you have a word with him."
Catherine blushed. The Commander was the same age as her, but it was like talking to a teacher or an older sister. Embarrassment chewed at her.
"Thank, Commander. I'll do that."
Shepard nodded and turned away. Catherine called the elevator up and rode it down to the CIC. She wanted to talk to Joker as soon as possible before he somehow managed to get his hands on the picture on her omnitool.
EDI was in the co-pilot's seat when she arrived at the bridge and Catherine decided that she might as well confirm EDI's silence at the same time.
Joker's chair spun around as she entered and the pilot spread his arms wide and grinned at her.
"Catherine! You're still alive. I was sure Wrex would have head-butted you to death by now. How does it feel to punch a krogan in the face."
She decided to go with the theme he'd introduced. "A lot better than you'll feel if you get chatty about anything you shouldn't."
"Such as?" His voice inflected high and she rolled her eyes at him.
"Such as any relationships that might not be yours to talk about," Catherine said, glaring at the foolishly grinning man.
"That's pretty harsh, Cat," he said, wounded. "Considering I know everything that goes on aboard the Normandy. It would be a lot easier to keep my mouth shut if you were to provide me with details yourself."
"That's not going to happen, Jeff," she said firmly.
He swivelled his chair back around. "Okay, but you're really letting me down here."
"Same goes for you, EDI, just without the threat," Catherine said to the AI who was studiously ignoring both of them.
"Of course, Catherine."
Catherine knew that this only meant that EDI and Joker would not talk about it with other members of the crew. There was no doubt in her mind that they would continue to discuss all the gossip they could get their hands on with each other.
She left the bridge and headed back for the crew quarters. She was worn out and her body was urgently demanding that she let it rest sooner rather than later. No one had told her what came next or where they were headed and she didn't care. The beatings she'd taken over the last thirty-six hours had cleared her head and she wanted to take advantage of that and get another decent sleep before the next time reality sucker punched her in the gut.
But she was thwarted yet again. Her mind went back to her conversation with Shepard and the form she had signed agreeing not to talk about any aspect of their mission.
Project Crucible she'd called it. Something about dark matter and particle acceleration. Physics had never been something Catherine could wrap her head around and most of what the Commander had told her had gone in one ear and out the other.
After seeing a Reaper and the what they were capable of, she had no idea how one weapon, no matter how big, could do any serious damage to them. It didn't seem like the scientists building quite knew the answer to that either. What if this Crucible was part of the Reapers plans? What if by building it they were speeding their own extinction in some way?
The thought was stupid and Catherine knew it, but it still slithered its way into her head and made it impossible to sleep. Giving up, she climbed out of her bunk and made her way to the port lounge. It wasn't empty, but it was quiet and the couches were deep and soft.
She lay on her back with one arm over her eyes and listened to the quiet conversation around her. Three people played a game of cards behind the glass screen at the other end of the room, two people sat at the bar sipping from highball glasses of chilled vodka.
Being in a place not intended for sleeping seemed to help and eventually she drifted off. She dreamed she was back on Earth as a kid when it was first confirmed that she had suffered eezo exposure in the womb.
Her mother had cried and fretted for days much to Catherine's confusion. Her dad had died the year before but in this dream he was there. He'd held her mother and comforted her, but as he turned to give his attention to Catherine his face changed. It drew inwards and the colour washed out of it until it was dark grey and leathery. His eyes fell from their sockets to be replaced by glowing blue orbs.
His skin split and wires sprang from his neck coiling down to his sunken chest and bony rib cage. His mouth gaped and piecing, raspy shriek came out, like atmosphere escaping out a hull breach. He threw himself at Catherine and she woke with a scream.
She sat up on the couch panting and gripping the cushions with white knuckles. For a moment she couldn't get her bearings. The room was dark except for the faint starlight coming in through the window and it almost seemed homey. Someone had draped a blanket over her taken off her shoes.
Swinging her legs over the side the couch she put her head between her knees and grabbed her ankles, fighting down the vomit threatening to rise up. She hardly ever dreamed of her dad. To have her mind betray her this way and turn him into a husk before her very eyes felt cruel and unfair.
"EDI, how long have I been asleep?" she asked quietly.
The ever present AI spoke gently from the intercom above. "Approximately three hours. I have judged that your sleep patterns are irregular and insufficient to keep you functional. Perhaps you should ask Doctor Chakwas for something to help you sleep."
Catherine shook her head. Despite having given Morgan the exact same advice, Catherine was reluctant to follow it herself. She liked to keep her body free of artificial drugs and never took anything unless she absolutely had to.
"If it gets much worse I will," Catherine said. "For now I'm okay. Can you tell me if James is still awake?"
"He is," EDI said. "Would you like me to ask him to come up?"
"No, that's fine. Thanks, EDI. Whose blanket is this?"
"It belongs to Doctor T'Soni."
Catherine got up off the couch and stretched. She was still stiff but the soreness was dissipating and she felt ready for another round with James.
She folded up the blanket and left the lounge, making her way to Liara's quarters opposite medical. The knocked on the door and a projector lit up and scanned her face. Liara was there a moment later, standing in the open doorway and blocking Catherine's view of the interior.
"I just wanted to bring your blanket back," she said and held out the bundle. "Thanks."
"You're most welcome, Catherine." Liara smiled at her and Catherine noticed her freckles for the first time. She'd never seen an asari with freckles before. "I supposed we all sleep when and where we can."
"Yeah." Catherine rubbed at the back of her neck. "I've been having some trouble in that department."
"I think we all have," Liara said sympathetically. "A form of stress release is a good thing to have. Though you seem to have no issues there."
Catherine could only stare at the asari. Was she referring to James or the fact that Catherine had done more drinking since coming aboard the Normandy than she had in the last year.
"Your secret is safe with me," Liara whispered.
"I'm not sure it's a secret anymore," Catherine said with a frown.
"Nevertheless, I won't tell a soul."
She went back into her room and the door closed quickly behind her. Knowing there was no point trying to sleep anymore, Catherine went in search of James. He was in the shuttle bay talking to Cortez, but left his friend and walked back to his station with her. He sat down on his cot with her and listened to her description of the nightmare she'd just had.
"That's pretty gruesome," he said when she was done. "I didn't know you were a biotic."
"I'm not," she said. "I have eezo in me, but the implant nearly killed me so it was taken out. I can't do anything except make myself light up a pretty blue when I really concentrate, and it just makes me feel sick to my stomach."
"Dreams like that is why I don't sleep a whole lot," James told her. "My dad was a monster all by himself."
"How so?" Catherine asked.
"He was a junkie. Treated me like shit after my mom died. My uncle did a lot for me."
Catherine leaned into him and tucked her arms through his. "Had any news?"
"No," he said quietly. "You?"
She shook her head and yawned. "You make me feel very relaxed, Jimmy."
"Yeah, same to you, Catnip." He reached up and patted her on the cheek. "So, we're heading for Eden Prime, eh."
"Really?" Catherine put her head down on this shoulder and closed her eyes. "Samantha said there was some Prothean artefact there."
"And we're going to get it," James said.
He kept talking, his low voice rumbling against her ear. She closed her eyes and just listened to the sound rather than the words, letting it lull and sooth her. Soon she felt him shift and stand up, lowering her down gently to the stiff surface of the cot. She curled on her side and he put something heavy and warm over her shoulders.
His voice continued to sound in her ears and she fell asleep to the sound of it, feeling safe and warm and comforted.
