Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.(boring rite? this is my revenge on having to do this.) XX

Please dont get mad at me if it's bad, and I sorry I haven't updated in so long; im not too good at sticking to one thing for a while.

WOO!! It is officially Fall Break, so there is a chanse that I will update more for the next two weeks. (if there's anyone who has a problem w/ tht, deal.)

I couldn't believe everyone was following throught with this. Surely at least Jasper should know better. Jasper her husband. Jasper the guy that's been with her the longest. I only gave in because of Edward. My Edward.

He stared at Alice's back as she skipped into the backseat of the volvo, Jazz behind her, with a peculiar expression on his face.

"Edward, what is it?" I murmured quietly and quickly enough that the two could not hear through the car door.

"Alice is reciting the Ode to Joy in Latin in her head."

That wasn't good. Alice was keeping something from us. She knew something we didn't.

I stopped breathing as I sat in the passenger seat. I watched Alice's concentrated expression in the side mirror, suspiciously.

Suddenly the look disappeared, and was replaced with ecstacy. Edward winced beside me just before Alice started screaming.

"WE'RE GOING ON A FIELDTRIP! WE'RE GOING ON A FIELDTRIP!" she sang, and kept screaming at a painfully loud volume as we got on the interstate.

"Alice!" I moaned, covering my ears. To my dismay, I could still hear her, and it still hurt my ears as she crescendoed. I gave Jasper a meaningful glare, and suddenly I was hit with a wrecking ball saturated in a lust so strong it nearly overwhelmed me. Alice's lips attacked his so hard I heard her slam into him like two boulders in an avalanche. My eyes drifted to Edward and I fought the urge to start hyperventilating. His eyes mirroed mine, and I laughed shakily.

"Just like old times, huh?" I giggled. He grinned, stunningly, breathlessly beautiful.

I had to look away but I only lasted a fraction of a second.

Control yourself! I commanded myself silently.

"Quickly," my angel said.

Our lips met passionately for a second, and then it was pulling two very strong magnets apart.

Edward groaned-very sexily-and muttered, "Jasper, I don't know whether to call you a blessing or a curse." I moaned internally at his sexiness and clutched my seat for dear life trying vainly to loosen my fingers so as not to kill the seat.

It died.

Edward sped up to maybe two hundred miles an hour, and the next five minutes were agony.

Finally, finally, we reached Seatle Walmart, and my lips rammed into Edward's. It felt as if the sheer magnitude of our passion should explode the entire city.

The wrecking ball disappeared.

Jasper laughed. "Bella, you might have to replace that seat."

We kept kissing.

"Dude," Jasper said, a little grossed out.

Alice got out, Jasper behind her.

I heard the familiar sound of the mercedes horn, and I heard Emmett's booming laugh. I only heard that, and then I was completely absorbed in the kiss, though I thought I heard Jasper say, "See? My ability is not always the reason with them."

Finally, Edward pulled away reluctantly, and a second later, I met him around the car to hold his hand, and lean my head on his shoulder.

"Oookay," Emmett said eagerly as we walked through the doors. "What are we doing here Alice?" He thought there was going to be action. Typical. For all we knew, Alice had seen a set of cute clothes she wanted us to witness.

She walked passed the clothes without a glance, us following with matching mystified expressions. I fidgeted nervously.

She led us to the book section, and my eyebrows shot up.

She pointed to a certain book below a sign saying "Bestsellers." A black book wth two white hands holding a red apple. The title was one word: Twilight. I wondered why Alice would drop what she was doing(planning a glamorous third honeymoon for me and Edward) just to show us a popular book.

I looked at Edward to see his mouth gaping open.

"OH MY GAWD!" someone screamed, almost laughing. "IT'S THE CULLENS!!" I looked over to see a girl my age clutching her friend's arm, staring at us. Both girls were gaping in a mocking manner.

"Edward!" the other cat-called. My anger spiked as she addressed him. "Forget Bella. Come over here and we'll give you something REAL good. Much better than a blood siren." I froze. They laughed and the first girl said something to the other girl that would have made my blood run cold if it were still there.

"Vampire wannabe's."

"Yeah, you'd get something out of it too!" Alice said back, cleverly hiding her horror. "You'd get loss of blood!" The three of them laughed, Alice playing along. I saw Edward nick three of the books in such a way that they could not see.

We walked away, carefully casual, and I heard one of the girls say, "Freaks. The Cullens are too extravagant for Walmart to go here. Every Twilight fan knows that."

Man, was she wrong.

We were out the door and in the separate cars before the detector thingamagigs could beep. Emmett had gotten a copy, and Jacob had gotten a copy.

I flipped through the book, steadily more horrified, though I did not have to read it--it was all correct--down to the last emotion.

I wordlessly gave the book to Edward who passed it to Jasper without looking at it. His eyes were on my face tenderly, shining brilliantly, though his expression was grim. His eyes grew brighter as Alice flipped through the book.

She dropped it in my lap over the chair, and I put it on the dashboard, my face hot.

"New Moon," she murmured, just loud enough that the others in the separate cars could hear, "is next. Then, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn."

"Ooh! Someone's been watching us!" Emmett panicked.

"No," Rosalie corrected. "They've been watching Bella." The way she said it was almost an accusation, as if I was at fault people knew about vampires. I pretended not to hear it.

A growl rumbled deep in Edward's chest, and I thought I heard something similar in the m3. I nudged Edward with my elbow disapprovingly. "Stop it!" I murmured. I glanced reluctantly over at Rosalie to see that she seemed to be arguing quietly with Emmett, her mouth moving quickly, her expression angry. Carlisle and Esme were looking uncomfortable in the front seat.

Alice got out and left and came back with nine black books in her hands. (I wondered vaguely if this Meyer was Emo) I watched her put three on the hood of the mercedes, and the m3, and bring three back in the volvo. I heard in the distance, the detectors beep.

I grabbed New Moon, handed it back, then Eclipse and Breaking Dawn. I froze on the part where me and Edward were on the island, and my face would have been scarlet if I were still human. Would this Meyer really give us the indignity to detail my sex life as others have done in the past? I flipped through rapidly, relieved when she didn't and soon later horrified when I reached book two. I snuck a few peeks at Jacob, engrossed in the book, grimacing, every now and then.

I shucked it to Jasper in the backseat, and closed my eyes, rubbing my temples.

"Bella," Edward said. He didn't like to see me suffer the well-deserved suffering. I had torchered Jacob, but I couldn't help but remember how much I needed him there with me. Edward's arms wrapped around myy waist, and he pulled me close. I buried my face in his chest and groaned.

There was an excrutiatingly long silence.

Emmett broke it. "I have an idea."

No. This was not a funny chapter, but it was good right? At all? Even slightly? The next few chapters are going to have classy Walmart pranks, so I need your help. Can you do that for me?

Btw, the last chapter is not the last chapter in chat form. Remember, this is a hybrid story, so it will have ALL that stuff. Good idea or no?