Hello, my dungeon-rats! We're closing in on the end of the adventure, so let's cut the ramble and go sacrifice some lambs! WHOO!
LAWYERBOT SAYS: "Something witty about the hurricane. Come on, you're all thinking it, too."
The Binding of Isaac, including all related characters, items, and locations (c) Edmund McMillen, because he's awesome.
Original story of 'the binding of Isaac' (c) Genesis 22, one of the MANY Biblical fun-facts I learned on this journey.
Please note that the following is simply one take on a novelization of this epic adventure. The game is deep and symbolic, therefore meant to be open to interpretation. Please do not correct my version, merely enjoy it for the experience. :)
CHAPTER NINE: Stained Glass
The cathedral was a thing of beauty.
Every wall was lined with giant stained-glass windows, letting in showers of colorful light from every angle. (For the longest time, Magdalene couldn't be pulled from the floor; she bathed in the light as long as she could, enjoying the warmth and trying to dry her damp skin and damper hair.) The walls were clean, and the floors were a polished marble. The air was cool and breezy, which was a much-needed change of pace from the mold and blood they had come so accustomed to smelling.
It was gorgeous. They couldn't bring themselves to leave the room.
Which only made it that much more painful when Isaac pointed out the obvious: "Come on, guys, we have to get going."
He winced as he was met with a tired chorus of groans. Of course they didn't want to go; after what they had been through, who would want to? While his team enjoyed the peace and relaxed, Isaac went over to one of the windows and looked out. The light behind the stained glass was bright, but he couldn't make out where they were. The white plains just stretched on forever.
No place was this perfect. Every stone, every piece of colored glass, every last detail was flawless. All of the windows depicted large, beautiful crosses, which splayed shimmering whites and blues across the pristine floors. The room seemed to sparkle in its own divine perfection. If you stayed perfectly silent, you could almost hear the angels in a round of "Ave Maria." The church had never made him uncomfortable - in fact, he rather liked sitting back and enjoying the glow of the stained glass while the pastor rambled on about fire and brimstone and things he never understood. But this was not his wooden church down the street from his house on the hill.
Something wasn't right. Something deep inside him was itching to explore, to find their way out as soon as possible. And if Isaac was going to find out what it was, they had to get moving.
"Alright, you guys can stay here," Isaac sighed, moving towards the first corridor he found. "But I'm going to-"
The second the door opened, he found himself face to face with a pack of small angels. All of which unleashed a rain of bullets at his face.
In a panic, he ducked back around the corner. "...O-Okay, maybe there's no rush!"
xxxxxxx
Once again, our team found themselves outside of a familiar stone door. But instead of the head of a goat, the keystone of the doorway was a shiny marble cross.
"You go in," Maggie said, pushing Cain a bit closer.
"Me?" Cain, instead, went to push Isaac. Only to run right into Samson.
"I swear, if you two start this again..." the brunette snarled.
"It's okay, guys," Isaac volunteered, nervously eyeing the cross above the door. Crosses had never made him anxious before. They were everywhere in his house - above the front door, above Mom's TV, above his bed, above her bed...why was this one so uncomfortable? "I'll go first."
"You sure, Isaac?" There was clear concern and hesitation in Magdalene's voice, and Isaac could feel the same feelings emanating from his companions. It was reasonable, of course - he had blacked out twice now, and even ignoring his outbursts and injuries, he wasn't nearly as strong as Samson, as clever as Judas, or as fast as Cain. (He was better than Maggie, but that wasn't saying much, was it?)
Still, this felt like something he needed to confront for himself. "Yeah, I'm sure. Stay back and be careful, okay?"
With a nervous gulp, he stepped inside. This room was just as well-decorated as the rest, with glimmers of light still splayed across the floor from the walls of stained glass. ...Except that now, the windows didn't depict their usual crosses.
It was a face. Isaac's face. And it was crying. The same face made up every window.
Isaac could almost hear the frightened cries echoing from each window. ...Wait, that wasn't coming from the windows at all, was it? No, upon closer investigation, the weak sounds of whimpers were coming from the center of the room. That's where he found another lost companion, curled up in the fetal position, sobbing relentlessly.
Feeling his heart melt, Isaac took a few cautious steps forward. "Hey, are you alright? It's okay, you can stop crying, we're not gonna hurt ya...What's your name?"
Once he got close enough, the newest child sat up. Like himself and Cain and Judas, this new one had barely any hair, with the same big, brown eyes that all of them shared with their mother. Big brown eyes that seemed to be shedding tears of white.
Isaac locked up when his teary response came: "M-My name's Isaac."
This was impossible, right? This new thing on the floor couldn't be Isaac, HE was Isaac. Right? The refugee stammered in silence, trying to explain this horrifying paradox, at least to the point where he could move. What was going on? What was he supposed to do?! This wasn't like fighting the doples in the womb, this was literally staring down...well, himself!
The pseudo-Isaac took the first move, since the original hero was still stunned. "Are you gonna kill me, too, mister?"
"What? No, no, of course not! Why would I do that?!"
"You already did it once."
"Hey, look, I'm not going to-" Isaac made the mistake of reaching out and touching his doppelganger.
The copy recoiled with a shriek, letting loose a barrage of crystal-white tears. "No, don't touch me! Get away!"
"Nonono! I'm not going to hurt you, just-"
Too late; the damage had been done. The pseudo-Isaac continued his sobs, which continued to spill wave after wave of crystal-white tears in every direction. Isaac was knocked aside when one made contact - he had been beaten down by plenty of blood and sick and smog during his run, but none of those attacks BURNED as badly as these ones did. It left no physical damage, but he could feel its wrath burning down through his skin, as if the damage was torpedoing straight through him, to the point where he could start to feel every drop of the attack shooting through his heart.
He had to fight back. He didn't understand why, or even HOW he would go about it, but this...thing, this imposter needed to be stopped!
Isaac returned the attack. His tears were coarse and bloodied, thanks to all of the damage he had been taking, both from the enemies and from the items they had been scavenging to save themselves. (Cain had the bright idea of using Mom's face-peel to "toughen him up." He'd be missing skin on that side of his face for weeks.) It hurt to cry - had been for a while now, really - but it also hurt the enemies. Eye for an eye or something like that, right?
As soon as he returned the attack, though, the other Isaac sprung to life. He hopped into the air, suddenly sprouting angel wings that were as pure and white as his tears. In a flash of holy light, a trio of angel babies appeared - the same ones they had been finding throughout the cathedral, the ones that fired triple-shots of pain, except these could use the other Isaac's crystal-white tears.
He didn't look sad. Or angry. Or upset or frustrated or determined. He looked...happy. "I'm going to die for real this time, right?"
Isaac paused. With his team in the background to battle the angels, the combat between the two Isaacs had slowed to a crawl. "What do you mean?"
"I don't like being stuck," he answered. "Thanks for coming back and fixing things."
"Fixing things? Fixing what?"
"LOOK OUT, ISAAC!" SHHHH-WHOOOOPM!
Isaac barely had time to dodge out of the way of the massive blue laser that crashed through the room. (He had a feeling Samson knowing how to shoop the whoop wouldn't end well.) The pseudo-Isaac got caught up in the blast, and being so close, Isaac could hear his screams of agony as he withered into oblivion.
...Did he just kill himself? Did that really just happen?
"Isaac, who was that thing?" Maggie asked, rushing over to her brother's side. Isaac could barely bring himself to answer. He wasn't exactly sure, and the response he wanted to give wouldn't exactly reassure his sanity.
"I don't know," Isaac answered instead.
xxxxxxx
All that stood between Isaac and his answers was this golden chest. All that stood between him and clearing the confusion was this golden chest. All that stood between him and home, between him and his bedroom, between him and his crayons, between him and Guppy (...though it may have been too late for that), all that stood between him and EVERYTHING was this golden chest.
He was going to go into that chest. He was going to get to the bottom of this.
"Are you sure you don't want us to come with you, Isaac?" Maggie asked nervously.
Isaac nodded. "Thanks for everything, guys, but...I don't know what's in there. I think I have to do this myself."
"B-But Isaac, what if something goes wrong? What if you get hurt, and then we can't help you, or what if you can't fight everything by yourself, or-"
"Oi, blondie!" Maggie silenced her panicked ramble as Samson came around to Isaac, untying his signature headband. "If the kid wants to tackle this on his own, let him." He tugged Isaac close and wrapped the red bandana around his head, just as it sat on Samson's. "If you need to do this, we can't stop you."
Isaac smiled. Wearing the headband was like a macho boost, a feeling of rough-and-tumble manliness he just wasn't used to. Maybe that's why Samson was always looking for a fight. "Thanks, Sam."
Cain sighed, stepping forward as well. "Well, if everyone's getting sappy over this..." He shoved his compass and map into Isaac's hand. It was the biggest key to their success; Cain always seemed to be able to find everything, no matter where it was hiding. "I dunno what's down there, but this might help ya out." He also detached his golden ankle-cuff, instead moving it to Isaac. "Take this, too - y'know, for luck."
"Ooh, ooh, take this, too!" Maggie squealed, shoving a blue rosary into Isaac's hand. It was a lucky find they stumbled across before the shopkeeper incident; Maggie looked much better after picking it up, considering her state from the cat-head incident. She claimed it was just as lucky as Cain's lucky foot, but that was probably just to get under the bandit's skin.
"Guys, I think I'll be fine!" Isaac laughed. Still, the support was nice.
"No, you won't," Judas argued, stepping forward as well. "You don't know what's in that chest; you could barely handle the way up here without our help."
"I know, but-"
The red-hat interrupted by shoving his book into Isaac's hands. It was more-than-tattered by now, barely held together by the unmarked binding. "You need this more than I do."
Isaac gave a shudder as he looked at the black-scrawled star on its cover. He hated holding onto it...but Judas had a point.
With all of their goodbyes and good lucks out of the way, Isaac stepped forward and threw the lid of the chest open. The wood grain of the sides seemed to drop down forever, and the bottom was obscured by darkness.
So, for the last time, Isaac took a deep breath, then jumped in and dropped into the unknown depths below.
With the cathedral completed, Isaac and his Polaroid descend to the chest! Will he survive this final twisted challenge? Can he defeat the final boss? Or will he be stopped by a series of unnecessarily-dickish rooms before he even gets there? And what kind of fantastic items will he get in the first four chest? (Considering he has a good spacebar item, my bets are on the poop, the dead sea scrolls, Mom's pad, and teleport.)
Point is, you know where you have to find the answers! Tune in to the penultimate chapter next time on Unknown Depths Below!
§ Tucker's Mayflower, signing off! §
