Chapter Nine - Homecoming IV
"Cas..."
"Mmm?"
"...Cas..."
"Yes Dean?" he rumbles against Dean's throat.
"Your family..." He is distracted again as Cas' lips latch like sucking-velvet to his skin. But he gathers all his willpower to get his thought out, "They're right down the hall."
Cas pulls away with one last tongue flick to Dean's adam's apple, and shifts up to look at Dean's face.
"Shy all of a sudden?" Cas deadpans.
Dean gives him a look, but his hands never leave Cas' hips, where they had a some point sneakily worked their way between the hem of his shirt and the waist of his pajama pants to rest on naked skin. He loves Cas' hips; those bones are the perfect handle, with the perfect cradle for his thumb. That divot... he loves that divot.
But right now, he's trying to be the sensible one - which is rare in and of itself, and is made all the more difficult by the feeling of Cas' warm weight on top of him. His body holding Dean down to the mattress. Dean likes it too much.
"We can be quiet," Cas whispers against his adam's apple, tongue peeking out to brush skin, lips open and lax against Dean's throat.
Dean snorts, "Speak for yourself."
When Cas doesn't really let up with the touching and the kissing and the general proximity, Dean squeezes his eyes shut, nipping at his throat, he can't help but voice his concern. "s'Now really the time?"
Cas barely pauses, "Call it an early Christmas present."
"The gift that keeps on giving, huh," Dean jokes slyly.
Cas bites slowly down on the junction of his neck and shoulder and the laugh is chased from his voice with a sharp breath in. All the while Cas' hands are smoothing up and down Dean's torso, making him breathy, desperately fighting the need to roil up against him, slow and lazy, just like he likes. But he won't. Because Cas' parents are literally right down the hall, Gabriel could be anywhere with a glass to the door or their adjoining wall, and poor Samandriel does not need to be scarred like that. On any other day, in any other circumstance, Dean would damn the consequences and give Cas exactly what he wants. And then some. But, it just doesn't feel right, being a guest in their home, to violate these good people's son a stone's throw from where their all going to be having breakfast in an hour.
And he knows that as quiet as Cas thinks they can be, there's something about people having sex nearby that makes everybody hyper-aware. Dean is certain they would know.
But it's not just that. Whilst Dean knows that Cas does want him (the infuriatingly appetizing hardness making a rythmic home in the crease of his hip and thigh right now is pretty much irrefutable proof) he doesn't like the idea of them doing this just because Cas might want to stick it to his Dad. It doesn't feel as though consent is dubious in any way, like Cas is out of his mind and doesn't know what he's doing. It's just that... Dean would rather that when they do this, the only person Cas is thinking about sticking it to... is him.
Of course, while Dean is thinking all this over, Cas' hand is sneakily making its way down Dean's stomach to the very obvious bulge in his pajama pants. Dean makes an interrupted sound of protest, taking Cas' wandering hand in his own. Cas sighs in frustration, rolling off of him. He pulls his hand from Dean's less than gently. Dean glances over at him, noticing he looks a lot more angry than is necessary.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Cas bites back.
They lay in a tense silence for a long moment before Cas seems to break and snipes, "Since when are you so conservative?"
On the surface it might seem like a joke, or a harmless jibe, but there's a harshness to it that hurts Dean somewhere in the murky middle of his chest for the implied opposite - that Dean's not conservative at all, that Cas maybe thinks he's been a little too... loose in the past. And even slight implication of judgement from Cas always hits Dean like a slap to the face. Because he's been judged all his life, he judges himself even more harshly, and the one person who likes him as is, is Cas.
Dean leans up on his elbows, looking over at Cas, studying him. His brow is set into a stubborn frown. Dean knows he doesn't have anything to apologize for - it's his prerogative to say no to sex any damn time he wants. But... he can't fight the instinct.
"Sorry," he mutters quietly. His voice comes out maybe a little more meek than he meant.
That seems to shake Cas out of his funk. Dean can physically see his tension melt as his eyes fall closed and he lets out a deep sigh. He won't meet Dean's eyes but he rolls onto his side and presses his face to Dean's chest.
Dean doesn't want to chuckle because it's not that kind of moment, and he doesn't want Cas to think he doesn't want a damn apology, but, the way Cas acts like a cat sometimes, nuzzling his face against him, is pretty damn fascinating and very, dare he say it, cute.
Cas pats him on the chest and presses down a little and Dean gets the message, laying back, Cas settling his cheek against his chest, wrapping his arms around Dean's middle and hugging him tight.
"I'm sorry," he whispers into Dean's chest. And then a quiet moment later, "Thank you."
Dean knows he's saying thank you for forgiving him as well as for stopping him from making an ass out of both of them in his parents' house. Dean feels very appreciated in that moment. like he made the mature choice. And everything feels comfortable again. He's glad, because they need to stick together. In less than an hour the dog and pony show of Holidays with the family! starts again, and lovely though they are, it's stressful. For both of them.
Still, Dean feels special for being invited in to Cas' world. It's nice, to have a family to stress about.
