Chapter: Reckless
Demelza woke up next to her husband in her son's bedroom. This time it was her the one that couldn't sleep worried about Ross's health. She had been coming and going from her bed to Jeremy's room to check on Ross, touching his forehead looking for any sign of fever, watching his arm for any sign of infection during the first part of the evening, almost freezing herself in the hall in the cold evening and trying not to wake any of the Poldarks with her ramblings. In her third trip while she held the palm of her hand against his head, Ross moved to his side a little and said:
'Your hand is frozen. Get in bed or you will catch a chill.'
He didn't open his eyes, she could swear he was sleeping but he moved even further in the bed to make space for her. She doubted at first, but there was really no point in going around the hall in the middle of the cold night. She thought about bringing the armchair that was next to the fireplace downstairs, but that certainly would had wake all the house. So she did. She laid in the edge of the bed as far away as she could from him but Ross tried to cover her better with the blankets and moaned in pain for using his arm to hold himself, so she came closer to him.
It was still dark when she opened her eyes, a pale gloom from the ashes in the hearth illuminating the room, Ross hand on top of hers. She caressed his palm to check his temperature but it was not warmer than usual, seem that the danger of any infection had passed. She didn't want to get up yet, the warmth of the bed and her husband too cozy compared to the freezing air of late January. Again, she didn't realize that Ross was also awake.
The pain in his right arm had kept him far from sleep during the first hours of the night. He had his eyes shut when he heard Demelza's steps coming across the hall, and then felt her careful hand gently touch his forehead and then his shoulder. He wondered if she would be back and about half an hour later there she was again, and then he kept on waiting for her once more. Now she was lying under the covers next to him. Her hand clasped with his own in the middle of the space between them.
'Where did you learn to do that?'-he whispered.
Demelza was caught in surprise by Ross's voice, her body went tense and she tried to pull away her hand from his but he didn't let her.
'From you, actually.'-she said after a moment –'I remember how you tended Francis that day of the duel with Andrew.'
'God. That seems like a life time ago. You were nearly a child…'
'Child or not I remember what you did to stop the bleeding and the other I learned from Dwight.'
'Oh. That hurt by the way.'- he teased her.
'It would have hurt much more if we'd wait to do it. Or even worst, if Dr. Choake had cut it off.'
Ross smiled at her. His beautiful and skillful wife, if he could just turn his body to his side and bring her body against his. He yearned for her but when he tried to move his entire body complained from the pain.
'Does still hurt?'-She asked when she saw his expression change.
'I'll be alright'
'You must rest. And not move your arm until is heal…'
'It feels mended. You did a fantastic job my love '
'Ross…'
'Truly Demelza, I'll be fine. Don't look so preoccupied or I will think that you still care for me.'
She made a silly face to him and got out of the bed.
'Stay in bed for a longer while. I'll come back to help you when breakfast is ready.'
After washing and changing her clothes Demelza went down to prepare breakfast. She was still shaked by the events of the previous day. Still fresh in her mind the image of Ross being carried unconscious into the house. For a second she thought the worst but her body didn't have the time to assimilated it, she had got to work, to help him. Much later, after she left him resting in Jeremy's room and after hearing him whisper his gratitude and love for her she couldn't contain herself no longer. She cried, a waterfall of silent tears emanating from her eyes. She almost lost him, it had been a silly accident but it could have been worst. What if he couldn't grab himself to the stairs? What if he would fall and broke his neck? She knew the mining business was risky and she accepted that but this time when the tragedy had been so close again she couldn't help but think, what if something had happened to Ross and he would had gone thinking she didn't love him anymore? That she didn't care for him?. Maybe it was time to let it go. She was tired of fighting him, of resisting him. And she needed him with her, and after what he said to her in the last couple of days the wall she had built around her heart was finally cracking.
Demelza went to help Ross after setting the table and helping Jeremy to get out of bed.
'I'm bringing you another shirt, I sent Jud for more clothes but who knows when he be back, but the breeches and the coat are already dry, I have to clean the wound...'
Ross sat near the fire while his wife attended his arm once more, it was plain day now and she could see better...
'Definitely another scar...'-she muted to herself.
'How is there so many of my shirts here?'
'They were here for mending'-She replied quietly, still concentrated in his arm.
'I thought Prudie was the one doing that.'
'She just brings them here... and take them back when they're done...'
'Oh...'
'There. That's it for now.'-She helped him put his clothes on. Ross hissed every time he had to move his arm. She tied it against his chest, hanging from a piece of fabric from his neck.-'Breakfast is ready, I think you can manage with a cup of tea.'
He could. He sat next to the fire the rest of the morning watching Demelza going in and out of the cottage doing her chores and attending a couple of women who came to see her. At his wife orders, Jeremy was allowed to play near his father but he couldn't play with him or climb him for Ross to read him a story, instead he had to be content with not being sent to his room. By midday Jud arrived with some of his clothes, his tobacco and his pipe, so the house was fill with that smell so characteristic of Nampara. He felt better, the arm still pained him, but he was in better spirits. When Demelza was busy preparing lunch he told her:
'I have to go to the mine, I need to see the damage.'
'No Ross, you have to rest. I spoke with Mss. Martin, Zacky and Capt'n Henshawe will come to see you after their shift.'
'I can go and see them. Besides, the fresh air will do me good and it will not take too much effort to go there, Jud brought the cart, he can take me.'
'Judas Ross. You can't go, you're still weak, and least of all trust Jud won't drop you in the middle of the road...'
'I'll be alright, I'll be very, very carefull...'
Demelza shook her head in defeat, knowing her husband too well to believe she could change his mind when he was up to something.'
'If you must... but I'll be the one driving you.'
The journey wasn't as easy as Ross expected. To the uneven road they have to add the mud and water left by the storm, in a couple of occasions they had to get down from the wooden cart so Darkie could get through, once Demelza had to push the cart so she could move. She should not be doing that, they both thought but none said anything.
Captain Henshawe greeted them in the mine's office.
'Captain Ross, Ma'am, didn't expect to see you here so soon...'
'Well, you know Captain Poldark, he wouldn't leave Grace without his attention not even for a day...'-Demelza said.
'I came to see the damage. Did you go down? Is it collapsed?'
'It was flooded when I went down this morning, but the engine bomb has been working since then, Zacky is inspecting it right now, he should be here in any moment.'
Henshawe sent a miner to look for Zacky Martin, while they waited they talked about the accident and how lucky Ross had been to not fall from higher or in a stronger way. Henshawe also added that big part of the luck was that Mistress Poldark was capable to attend him so diligently.
'I tend to agree with you, otherwise I'd be with one less arm...'
'You have also been part of the luck Capt'n,'- Demelza said-'thank you for bring him home so quickly and under such a weather...'
Ross took a look at his wife while they exchanged compliments, he thought he heard her said something the night before, when he was laying on the table but he may had been hallucinating, now he heard her repeat that word, home. They carried him home, not to Nampara but where she was.
Zacky came up through the trap door that led to the tunnels while they were chatting.
'Capt'n Ross! 'tis a surprise t' see 'ee here. Good afternoon ma'am'
'How are things down there Zacky?'
'We're putting timbers but 'tis just a precaution, there was no rock fall, 'twas only water.'
'I'll go to see they're in properly disposition before the shift ends.'-said Captain Henshawe.
'I'll join you.'-Ross added.
'Ross.'-Demelza said only for him to hear-'No.'
'Sure you can Captain? I'll make sure there is no risk.'-Henshawe told him watching Mss. Poldark's face.
'I'm sure you will Hensh, but I'd like to have a look myself. Did you have to buy the timbers or we had some in stock?'
While the men continued talking about the safety measures to take in the lower tunnel Demelza was left staring at her husband. Of course he will go down, that's why he went for, there was no way he would be satisfied just talking with Henshawe and be reassured everything was fine, he had to go down and see for himself, putting him again at risk no matter what she said. It didn't matter that he could only climb with one arm to hold... she knew the men would take care of him, she could even go down with them herself, what would Ross say about that? But that's not what she wanted, she wanted that for once Ross would listen to her and would not put himself in unnecessary risk.
They were in deep conversation when she went out of the mine's office. No one noticed her leave.
A few minutes later a couple of miners went in to prepare for their shift, it was then when Ross looked around looking for his wife.
'Where's Demelza?'-he asked to the others but no one answered.
'I've seen Mss. Poldark g' down th' path over th' cliffs sur'-one of the just arrived miners told him.
Both Henshawe and Zacky looked awkwardly at Ross.
'Excuse me gentlemen'- He said and went out looking for her.
Demelza was walking fast towards home. She was furious with Ross and felt like a fool for letting him do this to her again. Ross spotted her in the distance, he tried to run but his legs were also sore, he had to do it anyway. When he was closer he called for her, she turned to see him but didn't stop so he kept running.
'Demelza!'-she turned to face him when he was a few feets from her.
'What do you want Ross?'
'Why did you leave? Where are you going?'-he asked breathless
'I'm going to my house to prepare the linens and boil the water and find the needle so I can stitch you when they'll bring you with a broken neck!'
'Demelza, that's not...'
'Going to happen? Probably not. But that's not the point. The point is that you are the most reckless, stubborn man ever existed! It's like having to take care of another child! Even Jeremy has more sense than you and more regard for my feelings. You do this kind of things all the time! You never listen to me, you put yourself in danger I don't know what for and all I can do is wait for you to get hurt and you don't mind what that does to me!'
'What it does to you?'
'Ross...'-didn't he know?- 'I'm your wife...'
'You have not been my wife for quite a while now, you don't want to be my wife.'
'Ross. That's not true...'
'I know I'm far from being perfect Demelza but you're not perfect either. You left me. Abandon me, remember?'
They were standing on the edge of a cliff. Demelza's dress was still wet near her feet and her shoulders were covered with a chal. She was trembling from head to toes, but it was not from cold.
'What else could I do? After... after you and Eli...'
'Enough with Elizabeth. She doesn't matter anymore, nothing else matters to me but you, you know that, I told you... Everything, everyone I know, my relatives and friends, Elizabeth, her house, our house, the mine… I'd throw them all in the dust for you and you know it, you know that Demelza. If you don't know it then, after all this years… I know I failed you and no words I can give you now will make that different, but I love you Demelza, and we've had such happiness before and I want to have it again. With you.'
She went silent and looked from the sea to her husband trying to make up her mind. Ross went on a step closer to her, his good hand reaching for her elbow and said more softly:
'I won't go down the mine, you're right, is foolish, and I know I properly do foolish things but I always had you by my side to tell me when I do so...'
'For what is worth, you never listen to me.'
'I do listen to you. You're the voice in my head saying I've to come home, you're the reason that I want to be home, if you had not been by my side all these years God knows where I'll be right now... I'll try to do better, to be a better husband and not give you such sorrow. On the contrary, all I want is make you happy, that's what I always wanted and to make you proud... though that ship is sailed now… I need you to let me try again.'
Demelza had to wipe a tear that escaped her eyelashes.
'...we can have anything you want now, with the mine prospering...'
'Ross. I will stop you there because you're about to start to say foolish things. If the mine wouldn't recover, if we had to work the fields or go fishing to survive it wouldn't make a difference, I wouldn't love you less for that, I hope you know that because otherwise it means that you don't know me at all...'
'Of course I know it... do you still love me then?'-Ross' hand went from the arm of his wife to her waist. Demelza didn't reject him, instead she put one hand over his chest near his heart, the other carefully on his right shoulder. She nodded.
Ross smiled.
'Say it.'
'Yes of course I love you Ross, but...'-she raised her gaze to look at him and didn't finished what she was saying. In fact she didn't know what she was trying to say. Her heart was willing to let the past go, to welcome him again in its love, ready to be loved back, but her mind was not so convinced. She needed it something else. Ross' smile disappeared when she went a few steps back, his hand reaching out for hers, just their fingers holding each other in a light touch.
'But?'
'I... I don't know. It can't be that easy, I mean, words, they're just words. Everything you said, I want to believe you, and I love you Ross, I do, but how would I know that you mean it? That you will do what you say?'
'You won't know that Demelza,' -he said almost whispering to her, looking at her, seeing her fears in the deep blue of her eyes- 'you will have to have faith in me.'
Faith.
Demelza realized that in some point in all those terrible months she had lost her faith in her husband, and she was horrified by it. It was her who had said that no matter what happened, what he did or not, said or not, she had faith in him and in their marriage. They couldn't do this again on love basis alone, actually they didn't do it like that when they first got married, he didn't love her back then and yet they grew in love together.
'Do you still have faith in me? Even after everything I did, even when I'm stubborn and pigheaded?'
Ross brought her closer once more, pressing her to him, his arm clasped to her lower back.
'I wouldn't have you any other way Demelza. And I wouldn't have any other, look at me Demelza'-she had cast her sight away, but he forced her to look at him and waited until he was sure he had her full attention- 'any other, but you. I don't want to face the world without you.'
She laid her head on the base of his neck, holding him tight to her. He did the same, smelling her hair's perfume and softly kissing her head. They held to each other for a very long time, neither of them wanting to let go. Eventually Ross realized where they were standing.
'You know where we are?'
Demelza raised her head to look at him but didn't lose contact with the rest of his body.
'There, is where I came to look for you, when I proposed to you.'-He said with an inclination of his head indicating a place a few feet ahead of them.
'Oh, yes, you're right.'-she looked around behind her, searching for the place where her life had completely change, then with a tease on her voice she said: 'Though you didn't actually proposed...'
'What do you mean?'
'Well, you didn't ask for anything, you just told me...'
'Would you have said no?'
'Now you'd never know, wouldn't you?'
They both smiled, the tease in her voice sounded strange and unfamiliar. Ross walked the few steps Demelza had done and took her in his arms again, he searched for her face, waited until her eyes were looking directly at his and then kissed her. His hand on her cheek, he put a lock of red hair behind her ear and rested his forehead in hers.
'Did I mention that I love you?'-he said to her once more.
'I believe that you did... I love you too Ross.'
He waited for Demelza to say something else, but she didn't. It was her who brought her lips up to him to kiss him this time, a soft, sweet kiss fill with love and promise. They hugged to each other for a while, looking at each other and occasionally touching their lips in light kisses. The sun was setting on the horizon, and a cold breeze reached them in top of the cliff. Demelza wrapped her chal tighter over her shoulders and meant to leave but Ross held her hand and brought her close once more. His eyes were sparkling with the dying light and the beautiful cheeky half smiled of his appeared in his face.
'So...Demelza Poldark, will you do me the honor to be my wife again?'
She laughed at the silliness of his question and in that instant felt something. She had felt it before but didn't realize until that moment. She went speechless. Looking at her husband, she didn't want to move or say something that could transpire what was going on in her mind, as it was custom in her. He was waiting, so she replied with honesty.
'I'll have to think about it Mister Poldark, people say you're reckless'-she said teasingly and saw him exhaled the breath of air he was holding-'Perhaps you can court me and persuade me.'
They both smiled at her mischief, and Ross fervently kissed her again knowing that he would do anything for her wife, even wait for her.
Next Chapter: February 14th
AN: Right! So we are almost there, only one more chapter... I'm still deciding if it will be one long chapter or I should break it in to two, I'll see in the week.
Thank you everyone for reading and follow this story, and for the sweets and encouraging comments, it means a lot.
