NINE
Billy Cameron checked the countdown timer in his browser window for the thirty-second time in the last three minutes and groaned. Still two minutes to go!
Billy's parents had told him the credit card was only for emergency use while they were visiting Hawaii on their Second Honeymoon. But the website had assured him he would it would be billed as "VisionAmerica" which sounded vaguely charity-like and – it was only fifteen bucks after all. What was fifteen bucks in the grand scheme of things? One dollar for every year Billy had lived thus far. Like a birthday bonus. His Dad probably wouldn't even notice.
He shut down Limewire, all other browser windows and exited Trillian. He didn't want any possible distractions or interferences. His knee jiggled, foot tattooing a frenetic rhythm on the carpet of his room. Wait til he told Adrian and Ian!
A cluster of cries rose outside his window; the Mills' kids across the street. He lurched out of his computer chair and yanked at his blinds. They slid down with a hiss, clattering against the window frame. His hand shook as he picked up his Coke can and took a sip. In his nervous excitement the favoured beverage tasted sickly and he grimaced and put it back down on the desk, pushing it away from him.
Suddenly, the screen on his monitor went black and he gulped and leant forward, his throat dry.
A moment later, a twanging musical beat rose, pounding and thrumming like the – well, kinda like the soundtrack to that low-budget porn movie made way back in the seventies that Ian and he had found up the back of Ian's Dad's closet that time they'd been looking for his gun. The screen was filled with the image of a computer generated red curtain over which a scrolling title appeared:
Lancing in Lovers' Lane
Billy was confused. This didn't really look anything like the blurry black and white pictures he'd seen on the news that morning.
Suddenly the curtain "rose", revealing a poorly constructed alley way set, clearly comprising of cardboard backdrops and an ordinary floor painted to look like brick. The set was dim-lit, so that all that could be seen of the single figure standing against the alley "wall" was his silhouette – one leg stuck straight out in front of him, the other bent at the knee, foot against the wall. His hips were angled forward and his head was bowed, a cap pulled down low.
Billy frowned a little. He hoped this wasn't going to be any queer crap. He wanted to see the Joker sticking it to his hot little girlfriend, like any normal red-blooded heterosexual teenaged male.
The lights rose on the set, the tall, lanky figure pushed himself off the wall and swept off his cap in one smooth motion, then leaned into the camera, leering.
Billy leapt back in his chair. He could swear that deathly grin was fixed straight on him.
"Naughty, naughty!" The Joker carolled, "Does Mommy and Daddy know what you're doing?"
Billy managed to maintain control of his bladder.
The Joker threw back his head and laughed, a sound that made Billy's skin crawl the same way it did when Mrs Henderson dragged her fingernails across the old chalkboard in room 21B.
"Seriously, folks, I've always said that good fences make good neighbours, but in this town a fella needs to invest in reinforced concrete if he expects to kick back and cut loose without a peeping tom cramping his style!"
The Joker was taller and skinnier than Billy had realised, his lean body moving with a feline grace as he gestured and postured before the camera. His skin was white, as white as the refrigerator, and his hair was vivid as grass. Billy had always figured he'd look more like an albino, with a faded, washed out green in his hair, streaked blonde in parts – like when Adrian had coloured his hair that time.
"I gotta admit – at first I was a trifle miffed. I mean, when you consider all the trouble I go to for you lot – all the blood, sweat and tears I invest in devising the most original, the most dazzling and the most brilliant of schemes to entertain you all – and the only thing that seems to whip you up into a frothing frenzy is the opportunity of watching me indulge in a pleasurable but altogether common diversionary activity – " The Joker took in a deep breath, his face suddenly contorting into an exaggerated expression of woe. Billy was captivated; he'd always understood that the Joker's face was fixed into a permanent grin. On the contrary, the demented clown's face was feverishly expressive. " – but then it hit me! I mean, in an unstable and ever-changing market, what is the one thing the masses will reliably flock to? What is that rule thirty-four all about? What do young aspiring actresses with stars in their eyes and dreams in their hearts take a Greyhound bus from Hicksville to L.A. to do just once or twice until they've made their name? Well, you're watching so I guess you know! Heh!"
Billy couldn't guess what was coming. He couldn't begin to imagine what the Joker had in store. All he could do was sit in front of his computer, one hand gripping the mouse tight, his jaw hanging open in transfixed fascination.
The Joker placed a hand upon his chest and made a mocking little bow. "And who am I to deny my public what they want? Many things be I, but most of all a showman, a consummate professional whose heart rests easy so long as he knows he has gratified his audience." He leaned in close to the camera once again, dropping a sleazy wink. "I'm sure you could gratify yourselves, but it's always more fun in the hands of others, eh?"
Billy almost wanted to laugh. The Joker really was kinda – funny. And he had a compelling charisma that made it impossible to look away from him.
Joker leaned back again, revealing the 'alley-way' behind him once more. "But I didn't want to just trot out the same old stuff. No, not I – you know how much I hate to repeat a joke, after all. And the youth of today, always needing new and fresh stim-u-la-SHON! New sets, new scenes, new stories – and new faces! And what's a leading man without his leading ladies? On that note – Annie!" The Joker uncurled a long hand and beckoned with delicate fingers offstage. "Don't be shy sweetheart – they're all waiting to see your pretty face."
Billy's jaw dropped open as a woman sauntered onto the set. Her shining red hair was teased into a high, cascading wave down her back and her tanned skin shone beneath the set lights. Her lids were painted purple and her Botox-enhanced mouth was lacquered China-red. Her surgically altered EE cup breasts were barely constrained by the Groucho Marx masks she wore over them and on her pubis a pair of plastic dolls' eyes had been pasted, the pupils jiggling about as her hips swung from side to side. Below them, a long, thick, fully erect green dildo with a smiley mouth painted on its end protruded from the pink vinyl strap-on belt she wore. Her legs were clad in striped, rainbow socks and she wore eight-inch spiked red stilettos on her feet.
The Joker leered at the woman who first pouted smoulderingly then, starting a little as though she'd just remembered a direction, beamed at the camera. Billy was confused. On the one hand, the presence of an AAA babe like that might mean the action was really going to pick up. On the other – she was dressed kinda weird. The Joker sure was as kooky as they said.
Joker dropped a hand around Annie's shoulder and kneaded it, grinning into the camera.
"Isn't she a hottie, folks? Ladies and Gentlemen of the World, meet the Adult Industry Best New-Comer of the Year for the past three years running, Miss Annie Maul! Annie, didn't I tell you to stick with your Uncle Joker and your face would reach the living rooms of the world?"
Annie smiled a little wider, her eyes glassy and her pupils pinned as she lifted a hand to toy with the buttons on Joker's trousers. "I knew my Uncle Joker wouldn't lie to me."
Joker chuckled and gripped her fumbling hand in his own, arresting her from going any further. "You're such a frisky little minx," he teased, leering down into her face. "Always getting ahead of yourself. I wonder, now, how a bright little thing like you ended up in Internet porn? I'm sure you were the sweetest little girl who set the prettiest fires and killed the cutest little pets. You could have done so much more with your life."
Annie cooed, turning side on to the camera and pressing her toned and mostly naked body up hard against the Joker's who ever so slightly recoiled. "You really mean that?" She simpered and he chuckled and dropped a hand to her bottom, giving it a hard squeeze.
"I've got high hopes for you, my dear, really very high hopes. I think this is going to be your big break, you know! But first, you have to pass the audition!"
"Hit me, baby!" Annie breathed and Joker turned a 'aw shucks' look to the camera, shrugging with a shit-kicking smirk up one side of his face.
"They say to wait until she says you may…" The Joker stretched out one arm, his palm held out flat, then balled it into a fist. Billy set back in the chair, a lump in this throat. He didn't want to see that kinda thing.
But a swift gesture later and the Joker unfurled his hand once more, revealing what appeared to be a small hand-held buzzer. He offered it to Annie with a gracious sweep of his arm then gestured to the camera.
"And don't forget, darling, they're the judges tonight." He threw the briefest of sinister glances at the camera before stepping off to the side and leaning on a plastic garbage bin, one ankle crossed over the other and hips jutted forward.
Annie giggled and clutched the buzzer in her hand before throwing the Joker a slightly uncertain look. He was grinning widely and without changing expression, inclined his head upwards in expectation. Annie obeyed the cue and turned her face to the camera, smiling. She lifted the buzzer and slid its ring over her middle finger, then lifted her hand to her mouth and slid the digit between her bright red lips, sucking it in to the last knuckle. As she began to fellate her finger, the Joker chuckled, watching her with appraising eyes and Billy began to feel really uneasy. There was something about the guy that made the whole act seem kinda – creepy. Billy had seen hardcore pornography more than once, but the Joker made this simple scene seem more lewd than any of that stuff.
Annie moaned, pulled her wet finger out of her mouth and trailed it down her chin and neck, pumping her hips slightly as she gazed into the camera with a teasing little smile on her lips. She gently smoothed the hand buzzer over the curve of her enormous breasts, gasping as though the hard plastic elicited delightful sensations, then dipped her hand lower, skimming it over the flesh of her taut stomach, right down to her groin, where she rubbed it on the belt, just above the spot the dildo protruded.
Then she pressed down hard and the novelty vibrated, loudly buzzing and Annie threw back her head and moaned.
Another moan rose up to join in hers. But this moan sounded strained and tormented. The Joker's grin widened as he watched the show, as Annie continued to press the buzzer against her groin, the absurd sound of it ringing through Billy's tinny speakers. The pained moan rose to a high whine and then, to Billy's dismay, a young man crawled onto the set.
"Ooooooh, you call and he will come!" The Joker sang, "he can't resist your siren song, Annie darling!"
The guy, whoever he was, looked in bad shape. His arms were twisted behind him and bound together with rope from the elbow down. There was some sort of wiring connected to different parts of the skin of his face and neck by soft pads and although he was fully clothed, Billy could see the wiring continued beneath them. Every time Annie pressed the buzzer into her skin, the young guy bucked, convulsed and moaned and with growing horror, Billy realised the buzzer must've been administering some kind of shock.
"Folks, welcome our budding young star, Marky!" Joker lifted a hand up and flourished, smiling madly. "Marky was the young genius behind the fabulous website you're viewing this very special, one-time only exclusive on. He was very careful to make sure all you naughty little piraters can't make copies and infringe on our artistic rights – after all, if you think I put blood, sweat and tears into my other little performances you won't believe what body fluids got thrown into this! Don't worry though – in six hours you'll get another very special, extra-exclusive one-time only treat starring yours truly. Marky's been good enough to see to that for me, haven't you Marky honey?"
Annie paused in her masturbation and Marky stopped his agonised convulsing, opening swollen and teary eyes to gaze up fearfully.
"Puh-puh-puhlease…" he moaned, slowly writhing on the stone floor. "Puh-please – I'm so-sorry."
"Tsk!" Joker pushed off the garbage bin and stood with his hands on his hips. "Poor lad is camera shy! Now don't worry, Marky, it's like I said to you earlier – you've always been a behind-the-camera kinda guy, but I see real potential in you. You've got leading man quality, I've a knack for espying these things and I espy them in you." Joker turned to the camera and held out his arms. "Marky and me were talkin' shop a few hours ago and I said to him, I said: 'Marky, m'boy, you've got something! I know a great doctor you should see!' Heh! Ba dum dum!" The Joker slapped a hand to his forehead and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment before opening them wide again and lifting his face to the camera once more. "Excuse me. But seriously, folks, I think you'll agree – Marky here has a certain je ne ses quai, a special allure that just begs to be captured and preserved on celluloid."
"Man, puh-puh-please don't – " Marky whined, curled into a little ball on his side at Annie Maul's and the Joker's feet. "You – you – you can have the muh-money. A-all of it."
"Money!" The Joker shrieked, his entire manner changing so abruptly it was akin to possession. He hunched forward, hands in fists by his sides, a terrifying scowl distorting his features, his eyes bulging and wild. Billy leapt up and backwards, knocking his chair to the ground. All of a sudden, in one sickening hit, he got it. This wasn't a game. This was The Joker.
"You think this is about money?" The Joker shrieked again and even the seasoned Annie was trembling. But a second later Joker twitched and seemed to calm down, straightening up again and smoothing one hand back through his hair, then adjusting his suit jacket primly.
"Well, I think we've kept our panting audience waiting long enough. Marky, honey, time to put your mouth where the money is! Annie?"
The slightly uneasy Annie hastily began pressing the buzzer once more, although her performance was perhaps not quite as convincing, given that she kept darting anxious little glances towards the Joker, who watched the proceedings with savage glee, a cheek-splitting smile on his face. Marky jerked and twitched and Joker clapped his hands impatiently.
"Come on, come on, show us what you're made of!" He snapped and Marky struggled up to his knees. "Just do what comes naturally!" Joker counselled him airily with an expressive flick of his arms.
Annie paused in her buzzing and Marky panted, sobbing, lifting despairing eyes to the camera. Billy's own breath was coming in anxious, sharp gasps as he stood uneasily in front of his computer monitor. He should turn it off. He didn't want to see this. Didn't want to know what was going to happen.
Yet somehow he just couldn't bring himself to move away.
Joker tapped his Cuban heel sharply against the stone and Marky dragged himself towards Annie, coming into line with the tip of the ridiculously oversized green dildo she wore. Still snivelling, tears and mucous streaming down his face, Marky squeezed his eyes shut and forced his mouth open, bending forward to take the end of the dildo in his mouth.
"Oops, little premature there, Marky!" Joker screeched in glee as Marky hesitated, the tip of the dildo between his lips, his frightened, red eyes darting nervously to the Joker who looked at the camera and sighed, shaking his head. "Boys! They just wanna cut straight to the climax, always forgettin' if you blow too hard – " and the Joker wound one arm right back, pivoting on a leg, " – you blow too soon!" He brought his arm whipping around, his hand landing with a terrific smack on Annie's bare bottom.
She shrieked, jumped in surprise and Marky jerked back as a long, thin stick shot out the end of the dildo.
It quivered for a moment, then a small bright red flag unfurled, "BANG" printed on it in bold black letters.
Billy released a breath he didn't realise he was holding in unison with Marky, whose lower lip trembled in gratitude.
Joker grinned and thrust one leg forward, hand on his hip. "Darn! Didn't get the money-shot in the can! We're gonna haveta do another take! Marky, I know we didn't discuss this before the show, but market demand means if you wanna make it, you gotta swallow."
Marky's face fell in confusion, his brows creasing together. "Wha - ?" He stuttered.
The flag fell out of the dildo and Annie and Marky both swivelled their heads to look at it.
There was a swishing sound, followed by a sickening thunk as a thick blade burst from the end of the dildo, slamming meatily into Marky's throat, sending a spray of blood across the stage, spattering the camera lens.
Billy heaved and ran, stumbling over himself as he hurtled to the bathroom, the sound of the Joker's delirious laughter shrieking out of his computer speakers.
As he hurled into the toilet, the voice of the madman filtered in from his bedroom, almost drowned out by Annie's horrified screams:
"Hopefully we delivered to all your sordid expectations, folks. But if that wasn't enough to whet your insatiable appetites, rest assured I've got plenty more bang for your buck in store! Join us again in six hours time for another blow-by-blow triple-x exclusive feature starring the man you just couldn't help turning on and who doesn't want to get off – ME!"
--
Hrm, Mistah J enters the mix and all of a sudden the chapters triple in length… what an egotist.
At this point I have to stop and say zhinxy is basically a co-author now. I went into this fic knowing what I wanted the basic set up to be and how Mistah J would handle it. I knew I wanted him to parody porn movies for his murders, and that one of them would involve 'deep-throating' a bladed weapon. But zhinxy, oh wow, she has just been there by my side for this chapter, kindly allowing me to run paragraphs by her as I wrote them and making the most insanely awesome suggestions, helping me to refine the ideas. This chapter was a real team effort and I think it came out a great deal stronger for what she contributed. I'm really grateful and appreciative she shares her fabulous bat-brain with me and gives me new things to think about. She also concocted the idea for Annie Maul – I wouldn't have considered a third party for this but I love how it turned out!
Plus she is as just as big a Joker and JokerxHarley fangirl as I am and that's an enormous pleasure!
Thanks zhinxy, you rock my world!!
