Chapter Nine
Honor Huntzberger slams open the door to Logan's New Haven apartment. Her eyes are narrowed, her face flushed with anger. Bursting into his bedroom, she finds him sprawled across the bed fully clothed and thankfully alone. She immediately snaps the drapes open, letting in the late afternoon sunlight.
"Logan!" She yells at the top of her lungs.
"Wha—" Logan opens his eyes and immediately closes them again. " 's bright," he croaks.
"Yes Logan it is bright!" She yells. "Do you know why it's bright? Because it's two in the fucking afternoon!"
Logan rolls over with a groan. "What are you doing here?"
"What are you doing here he asks me?" She throws her hands up with exasperation. "Why on earth would my older sister drive all the way to New Haven instead of getting her hair done, he asks? Probably because I need to talk to you!"
"Could you not yell so loudly, please."
"I'll yell as loudly as I fucking want to!" She shrieks.
Logan gropes for a pillow and pulls it over his head in attempts to block out the noise.
"I need to talk to you about Gwen," Honor continues. "She said she's tried to call you a dozen times and you won't talk to her. You're just completely ignoring this situation aren't you?"
"Mmmph," Logan replies.
"This is ridiculous Logan!" Honor screeches. "I know you're upset about Rory but that's your own goddamn fault! You have to suck it up and be responsible for once in your life!"
"Dammit Honor, go away!" Logan grumbles.
"So that's it then, you're going to just throw your life away drinking? Drinking is what got you into this mess! Drinking is what lost you Rory! What the hell makes you think drinking is going to get you out of this? Clearly you can't make your own decisions anymore so I'm going to make them for you. You're going to get up and take a shower, after that you're going to drive to the jewelry store with me and you're going to buy a ring. Tonight you will propose to Gwen with the said ring and in November you will become a father. There will be no drinking period! Get in the shower."
Logan rolls onto his back, staring at the ceiling. "Why do you care so much?"
Honor's face softens. "Because I'm your sister Logan and I love you. And Gwen is one of my best friends. I am not going to sit on my ass and let you slide into alcoholism."
"I don't want to marry Gwen."
Honor rolls her eyes. "Believe me, Gwen doesn't want to marry you either. But she wants this child and her parents are threatening to cut her off unless you do. So you're stuck with each other."
"I'm still in love with Rory."
"Well that's just too damn bad. You fucked things up, epically I might add, and Rory is with someone else now, someone who hopefully treats her better." She grabs his arm and tries to drag him out of bed. "Get up and get in the god damn shower Logan or I swear to god I will drag you there."
Logan looks up at his sister, surprised at her ferocity. With all her insistence on the trappings of her privileged lifestyle, he never realized at the heart of it she possessed a remarkable degree of devotion to her family. He gets out of bed and turns on the shower.
Luke's Diner, One Week Later
"More ice for that eye, Taylor?" Rory asks as she tops off Al's coffee.
"Please," he groans in response. His eye has bloomed into a massive purple bruise, curtsey of the vicious swan, who did not appreciate their attempts at capture.
Rory grabs the ice Caesar passes through the window, along with Kirk's patty melt.
"Ok," She says, glancing at the clock. Jess looks up from where he is counting change at the register.
"Taylor's ice," she hands Taylor his ice pack. "Kirk's sandwich," she hands his plate to Jess. "I'll be back in time to pick up Mom and Luke." She leans over the plate to give him a soft peck on the lips and floats out the door.
"That's disgusting, can I have a new sandwich?" Kirk asks, making a face at the plate Jess hands him. Kirk sports a claw mark down the left side of his face from his attempt to chase the swan into Taylor's net.
Jess scowls. "What's wrong with it?"
"You kissed over it."
"So?"
"So there's probably drool or spit or germs on it."
"Your sandwich is fine, Kirk," he insists.
Lane shakes her head, scooping the plate off the table. "I'll get you another one. Jess you know the no kissing over food rule."
"She kissed me," he points out, throwing his hands in the air. "It's not my fault she can't keep her hands off me."
"Lips actually," Kirk adds.
"Shut up Kirk. You and Zach kiss here all the time," he says to Lane.
"Not over the food Jess," she admonishes.
"You sure you don't want to look for famous people with me?" Lorelai asks eagerly. She and Luke stride through the airport, exhausted, but happy.
Luke sighs at his new wife. "There are no famous people in the Hartford airport, Lorelai."
"How would you know that?" She chides. "It's a game, see you find someone that looks famous and you go up to them and ask for their autograph. If they're not famous you can enjoy their puzzled expression and if they are you get their autograph. Ohh look Johnny Depp." She pointed to a man wearing sunglasses who is waiting in line at the Los Angeles gate.
"That's is not Johnny Depp," Luke insists.
"Really?" Lorelai stares him down. "Describe Johnny Depp to me. What does he look like?"
"He's umm…he's a big guy?" He sputters, trying to remember if Lorelai has made him watch anything with Johnny Depp. "The one in The Big Lebowski?"
"Wow," she shakes her head. "That was worse than I thought it would be. You're thinking of John Goodman."
Luke racks his memory, trying to come up with something. "Wait, isn't he that guy from that show. The one from the nineties with the little blonde girls."
Lorelai chokes on a laugh. "You watched Full House?"
"I don't know it was one of those things that was always on. Wasn't Johnny Depp on that show?"
"No you're thinking of John Stamos," she says, still giggling at the image of Luke watching Full House. "Hey maybe when we get back to Stars Hollow we can meet up with Bob Saget and he can teach us a life lesson about sharing and kindness."
"I watched it one time," Luke mumbles defensively.
"Whatever you say Uncle Joey."
"Seriously, it was one time, I think I had the flu. And you clearly know all the intimate details."
"Yeah, cause in 1990 I had a six year old."
Luke shakes his head. "That dude is still not Johnny Depp, whatever he looks like."
"Sure it is, why else would he be wearing sunglasses inside." She tugs his arm. "Come ask for his autograph with me."
"I am not going up to a strange man that bears no resemblance to Johnny Depp and asking for his autograph."
"Rory would do it." She says with a pout.
"You should have married Rory then."
"Nah that'd just be weird," she gives him a quick kiss and takes off for the Los Angeles gate.
"Hey, wait up! Johnny can I have your autograph!"
"Where is that daughter of mine and your demon spawn nephew?" Lorelai asks impatiently. They've been sitting at the passenger pick up area for four minutes.
"Our flight got in early, they're probably still on their way."
Lorelai groans, sitting on the end of her suitcase.
"Would you feel better if I bought you one of those things that apparently pass for soft pretzels?" He placates.
Lorelai nods, her eyes lighting up. "Extra butter please," she calls after him.
"Finally," she groans two pretzels later as Rory leaps out of the car as soon as it pulls to a stop.
"Mom!" She exclaims, pulling her into a hug.
"Offspring!"
The two begin to jabber about Italy and Johnny Depp at a pace Luke can't even comprehend.
"How was your trip?" Jess asks nonchalantly.
"Great. How's the diner?"
"Burned it down," he replies flippantly. "But don't worry, I took down the ice cream shop with it."
"Good," Luke says simply.
