Thanks to TheBigCat as always she is like Tony the Tiger says GREATTTTT! so hear it is boys and girls a new chapter and only a day after the last or almost a day. time is relative after all. i know the story is a bit angsty at the moment but it will get a bit lighter just give the Doctor and Rose some time they will make it. so leave a review press the follow & read dont forget to read Allons-y
That question had been bugging Rose for years now. She had liked Donna Noble with her quick wit and quicker mouth- more than a match for the Doctor. Then she had become all smart from a shock. She had liked the fiery red head from the moment they had met. But looking around her now, she knew they were alone on the TARDIS. So what had changed since the last time she saw him on Bad Wolf Bay? Better yet, how much time had passed for him? She knew time ran different here- her world was ahead of this one.
"How long has it been for you Time Lord?"
"6 months, 22 days, 10 hours and 33- no, 35 seconds," he replied, barely thinking about the numbers. "How long for you?"
"Two and half years."
How old was she now, he wondered, quickly doing the math. 19 when he met her, 20 when they went back to her mother's from the one year later nightmare, almost 21 when he lost her to the other world, it had been a year and a half for him when she had found her way back which would have made her 25 and now another 2 years. She was 27 now, he thought with a pang in his hearts, but she still looked exactly the same as if time had frozen her at 21. Not possible, was his next thought. She was just aging well.
"You didn't give me an answer, Time Lord. What happened to Donna?"
Her voice broke through his musings as he pondered how to answer her. He had already lied once to her and really did not want to do it again.
So he told her the truth.
"She's gone back home," said the Doctor wearily. "Newly married, doesn't know who I am, doesn't know that she saved the world. She has no memory of her time with me at all." He sighed. The pain was still so fresh. He had lost the girl he loved and his best friend all on the same day. The questions were swimming in Rose's eyes so he answered before she could ask.
"Her brain was killing her. She wasn't meant to handle all of that knowledge. I had to block it so it wouldn't kill her. If she remembers even one thing, the floodgates will break down and she'll die."
"Did you know all of this when you left me that day?" Rose asked him with a hint of fire in her eyes.
"Did you know what you would have to do to her?"
"Yes." He rubbed the back of his neck and looked down at his mug of tea, no longer able to meet her eyes.
"You knew," she said with deceptive calmness. "and you lied to me. Seems to be a talent of yours."
"You would have stayed even if you had known, Rose. He needed looking after and you were the best one for it. He loved you Rose. I know he did, because he was me and I..."
He stopped. Now was not the time to bring up how he felt. He went quiet suddenly and waited for her next words.
"You're right, Time Lord," she said. "He did love me." She laughed harshly. "But not the way I think you wanted him to."
He flinched at her laugh. It was so hard and cold. Not Rose's laugh at all.
"He loved me all right; great friend and all that, but he was more Jack's type then mine."
The look of shock on his face was priceless and made her laugh in glee. It had been so long since she had really truly laughed. God, it felt good. So good. Almost her old self good.
And that stopped the laughter just as quickly as it begun.
He sat there grinning at her that bright cosmos smile. The Doctor was happy to get a real laugh from Rose, even if it was at his expense. The fact that the other him was gay had taken him by surprise. Maybe it shouldn't have. Donna had definitely liked men, and since he had part Donna in him, well… he just didn't want to think about what his other self got up to in that other world.
He started to grin as her laughter lit up the room with joy that he never thought would be there again. And just as suddenly as it begun, it had stopped and she was staring at him with silent tears running down her cheeks.
He wondered how long it had been since she had laughed.
Too long, he decided, if a simple laugh could bring her to tears. Did he reach out to hug her, take her hand, pat her shoulder? Would she want that from him right now? One look at her face told him the answer. If he touched her now, she would hurt him. She did not want or need his comfort. She had been dealing with this on her own for a long time.
So he turned his eyes down to the floor and let her cry to herself.
Rose was mad at herself. Crying because she laughed. What kind of idiot had she turned into in the last couple of years? She did not cry well, except at night, when nobody could hear her. She was glad he had not touched her, though. If he touched her she would break. The walls would crumble down and they had taken too long to build. She would never let anybody behind those walls again.
She flinched a little when he got up from the table to stretch, sure he was going to touch her, but he just reached into the pockets of that brown coat of his and gave her a package of tissues. She muttered a hasty 'thanks' in his direction and blew her nose.
He sat down again.
"What now?" he asked quietly. "Do you want to stay here with me? Do you want me to take you to Mickey or Sarah Jane, or do you want to go back? What do you want, Rose?"
Choices, she thought, again. Now he was giving her choices. Of all the times to let her choose something in her life, now was the time he was letting her. What did she want? Rose had no clue. Sure, she wanted to see Mickey again. He was her friend, or had been her friend at one time, but she didn't want to see him right now. Sarah Jane… oh, yes. Let's go see Sarah Jane, she thought sarcastically in her head. The one you let stay on this planet. She knew it wasn't fair to the woman but Rose wasn't feeling very charitable at the moment.
Going home again was not a choice. Rose had meant what she had told the man in front of her. Home was not home to her any longer.
But if she stayed here with him… she could travel again. She had missed the gentle hum of the TARDIS as she had drifted off to sleep every night and the thrilling adventures to be had every day. And maybe- just maybe- if she stayed she would be able to sleep a night with no dreams.
But if she stayed she would have to see the man in front of her every day. She would be subjecting herself to his presence almost every waking moment. He would see what she had become- cold and dark as the midnight sky. How would he react? Right now, he was taking it well enough, but she knew what her moods did to people. What it had done to her mum. Well, maybe he deserved to see what she had become. After all, he had made her this way.
So it was decided. She knew what she wanted- the TARDIS and the adventures. She could deal with the man beside her if she could have that.
"I want to stay here," she heard herself say.
"You want to stay with me?"
"I want to stay on the TARDIS," she replied coldly. "You being here is of no great thought to me."
And with that she pushed up from the table. "I'm going to my room."
Rose left him sitting at the table, a million thoughts going through his head.
