Month 9:
As much as Santana has read about childbirth and logically knows that she probably doesn't have to race to the hospital, she can't help herself. She helps Brittany pack her bag, which she'd been telling her to do for weeks, and she goes downstairs to get a cab. Right now, she can't even think about the fact that she and Brittany just kissed and she has all of these feelings she has to deal with, she can just think about the fact that her baby girl is coming and she needs to be prepared for that.
Santana can't believe how calm Brittany is in the cab, when she's totally freaking out. She's glad though that she doesn't have to calm her down because she isn't sure how she'd be able to calm her down when everything is so weird between them. She can feel Brittany looking at her, but she just can't look her in the face. She wasn't supposed to fall for her surrogate and yet here she is, about to witness this woman having her baby who she may or may not have fallen in love with. It's a lot and she takes a deep breath.
"We can just forget about everything." Brittany murmurs, clearly breathing through a contraction.
"Okay." Santana nods.
"Okay then."
Santana can tell that Brittany is pissed off about it but she leans back in her seat and rides out the contraction. They get to the hospital and Santana had arranged a private room for Brittany which is luckily available. She gets brought upstairs and Santana follows behind the wheelchair that the nurse pushes. When the doctor does the first exam, Santana steps out of the room so Brittany can have some privacy and she paces up and down the hallway. She's about to be a mother, this is the biggest day of her life, and she feels like she might pass out.
When the doctor leaves, Santana goes back into the room and sees that Brittany is playing something on her phone. She's just so confused about what she's meant to do throughout this whole ordeal and she wonders if she shouldn't just go down to the waiting room and let Brittany do her own thing. But at the same time, there's no one to coach her through if she's not there and she just doesn't feel right about it so she sits down beside the bed and takes out her own phone.
"The doctor said it's going to be a fast labor." Brittany tells Santana. "I'm already four centimeters dilated, and I guess I'm supposed to get to ten?"
"Yeah, you're supposed to get to ten."
"If you wanted to call anyone or anything, I'm fine." Brittany squirms awkwardly on the bed and Santana sucks in a breath.
"No, I mean, I don't really want a whole thing here. I just want to meet my daughter without my mother and my friends and everyone else having breathing down my neck."
"Okay."
"Look, Brittany, I don't want this to be weird tonight."
"It's not going to be weird. I'm going to have the baby, you're going to take her home and I'm going to move out. You never have to see me again after we get through this."
"Brittany—"
"It's fine. I have a job to do that I'm getting paid for. That's all this is, right?"
"Brittany—"
"Let's just forget it."
Santana doesn't know what to say, so she just sits there. She feels like a total failure. She couldn't have a baby herself so she hired someone and managed to screw that up too. As much as she doesn't want to think about her feelings for Brittany, they're filling up the room and every single time she looks at her, her heart beats too fast. They don't really talk as Brittany's labor progresses and maybe that's the way it's supposed to be. That's probably how it would have been if things didn't get all screwed up anyway but at least she can bring her ice chips and tell her to breathe through her contractions.
The doctor comes in again and Brittany asks Santana to stay this time. She stays in her chair and listens as the doctor says that she's at seven centimeters and still progressing quickly. She feels like there's not a lot of time for her to say something to fix this but she just has no idea what will make it right.
"I want to call my mom." Brittany says, breaking the tension in the room.
"Okay, I'll step out."
"You don't have to."
"I know, but I want to give you some privacy."
Santana goes out into the hallway and figures even though she doesn't want anyone to come, she should at least call Mercedes and let her know. If Santana tells her not to come, Mercedes won't and that's why she appreciates her so much as a friend. She takes her phone out of her pocket and dials, waiting for four rings until she finally picks up.
"You survived the shower." Mercedes says when she answers.
"And I might actually survive the birth. I'm at the hospital, Brittany's in labor."
"No way! That's awesome. Do you want me to come down there?"
"I think I'd rather just be here by myself. I'm not even calling Maribel, she'll come with an entourage and I don't need that today."
"Something sounds off about you. Are you alright?"
"Mercedes." Santana takes a breath. "I think I made a huge mistake."
"Having a baby? Because…it's a little late to change your mind about that."
"Brittany and I kissed before."
"Well that was only a matter of time."
"Wait, what?"
"You've been so clearly in love with her for months."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Santana, I've never heard anyone talk about someone the way you talk about Brittany without being in love with them. And I know you, you're probably freaking out because she's technically working for you right now and everything has to be just so in your world, but you just gave this whole speech about taking risks. Take a risk for her and maybe you'll find yourself actually happy."
"I'm having a baby right now."
"So what? You think your baby is going to care that you took a risk? If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. At least you can say you went for it."
"I don't know if I can do that. Look, she's off the phone in there, I have to go."
"Fine. Good luck."
Santana hangs up the phone and goes back into Brittany's room. She is in the middle of a contraction and Santana can't help but take her hand to help her through it. When she flops back on the bed, Brittany looks up at Santana and the way she looks just takes Santana's breath away. She doesn't know if she can really live without telling Brittany that she's in love with her, but at the same time, the timing just feels so damn wrong.
"I'm going to go back to Ohio for a while." Brittany murmurs, clutching her belly.
"What?"
"My mom thinks it's a good idea. I think…I could use a little TLC after this."
"You don't have to feel like I'm going to throw you out, Brittany. You can stay for…as long as you need."
"You're going to have a baby, Santana. You don't want me hanging around."
Santana is just about to say something back when the nurse comes in the room and interrupts. She says that she wants to take Brittany down to delivery and Santana takes what feels like the hundredth deep breath of the day. It is really happening, she is going to have her baby and everything else will have to wait. She follows the nurse as she wheels Brittany down the hall and she feels like all she can do is look at her feet. This is real, so real, and in just a short period of time she will be holding her baby girl.
"Make it stop!" Brittany screams once a particularly hard contraction hits her. "Please, make it stop!"
"We've given you all the medication we possibly can, Brittany. You're almost there."
"Listen, Dr. Miller, I don't care what you have to do—"
"Brittany, look at me." Santana takes her hand and squeezes it. "You're so close, you're doing amazing. I promise, you can do this."
"How do you know that?" Tears stream down her face and she clenches Santana's hand really hard.
"Because I just do. You've made it this far, it's just a little while longer, really."
"I don't know why I thought this was a good idea." She cries.
"You made my life so much better by doing it."
There's a charged moment between them and then Dr. Miller tells Brittany that the baby is crowning. Everything feels like it's happening so fast and before Santana can even respond to her, the nurse is holding the most beautiful baby girl she's ever seen in her arms. Brittany lets go of Santana's hand and pats the back of it, silently telling her to go see her new baby and when she does, she cries harder than she ever has in her life. She takes the baby in her arms and kisses her little forehead.
"Hi, baby." She murmurs. "You're here."
Santana is so lost in the world of her new daughter's face that she doesn't realize that they take Brittany out of the room. She holds her and she sings to her and even though she has no idea what she's going to call her, she's totally and completely in love. Finally, the nurse taps Santana on the shoulder and tells her that they need to do some tests on the baby and then they'll bring her up to the nursery where she can see her. Santana doesn't want to let go, but she knows that she has to and she kisses the baby one last time before handing her over. Once the baby is out of her arms, she realizes that Brittany is gone and she realizes that they must have brought her back to the room she came from. Inhaling sharply, Santana walks down the hall and sees Brittany with her head against the pillow looking totally and completely exhausted.
"Can I come in?" Santana knocks on the door frame and Brittany nods. "You okay?"
"Eh, you know, just shot a seven pound watermelon out of my vagina, so I've been better."
"I, uh, just wanted to thank you for everything you did. She's perfect, and I'm in love with her."
"Did you name her yet? Is it like…Dickens or something dorky?"
"I didn't name her yet." Santana laughs a little. "I haven't really had the chance to get to know her, so I wanted to wait."
"Will you text me and tell me what you decide later?"
"Brittany."
"Look, Santana, we don't have to pretend anymore, okay? I'm going to send Mike over to get my stuff and then I'm on a flight to Ohio in two days."
"Don't go." Santana whispers.
"What?"
"I don't want you to go. Brittany, I've been trying not to feel this way for all of this time, but I'm totally and completely head over heels in love with you. This was never supposed to happen but it did, and now I don't want you to go to Ohio. I want you to stay. You don't have to live with me if you don't want to or you think that's weird, but please don't leave New York. We're just getting started."
"You really want to have something with me? This isn't just because I gave birth to your baby?"
"No, it's because you're you and you're the exact opposite of who I thought I'd fall in love with, but I did, and now I want to be with you."
"I want to be with you too." Brittany murmurs, putting her hand on the back of Santana's neck. "And I'm in love with you too."
"So you'll stay?"
"Yes." Brittany pulls Santana down for a kiss and she doesn't pull back for a long while. "I'll stay."
