Hey everyone. :) Since I had so much fun writing a flashback in Leo's perspective in the last chapter, I decided to switch things up a bit. There's another individual who has some lingering issues about the events that day and I think it's about time we heard from him. So without further ado...enjoy ;)
Yeah yeah. I still don't own the turtles...or April...or Splinter...-sigh-
-x-
-Present time-
"Stop crowding me, Mikey!" Raph hissed, determined to keep Leo and April from knowing that their private conversation wasn't so 'private' anymore. If he had been alone, he knew that he would have had no trouble remaining invisible. But, like always, wherever he went, his pain-in-the neck goofball of a brother was not far behind.
"But this is so boring! If I had known you were just going to hug a door, I would've just hung out with Donnie!" Mikey crossed his arms in front of his chest, annoyance and boredom coming off him in waves.
Rolling his eyes impatiently, Raph groaned, "Well then why don't you go hang out with him?"
A wide grin spread across his baby brother's face as the latter replied "Because if I did that then who would pester you? Nobody!" Mikey pointed his thumb to his chest as he continued, "And I think that'd be the saddest thing in the whole world." He paused for a moment, looking thoughtful, before adding "Besides having the Footbots steal your last piece of pizza."
As Raph pressed his hand to his forehead, Donnie's voice interjected "Well that, and the fact I told you to leave me alone so I could work on a retromutagen to cure Mr. O'Neil IN PEACE!" Donnie narrowed his eyes at his hyperactive brother.
Unflustered, Mikey shrugged. "What's so fun about sitting in complete silence watching you do 'sciencey' stuff? I mean, c'mon dude. That's so not my definition of cool, bro."
Sensing an imminent lecture on the "wonders of technology," Raph placed his hand over Donnie's open mouth, straining to hear what Leo was saying to April about Master Splinter giving him a lecture all those years ago. 'Huh. Well that's new.' He thought bitterly. 'After all this time, he still doesn't trust me.'
Regret rushed through him as he heard his older brother refer to himself as a weak child. His eyes darkened as Raph's mind thought back to when Leo returned with Master Splinter.
-Flashback: Raph-
A sharp pain ran its way through Raph's shoulder as he started to return to consciousness. He drew in a pained gasp, catching the attention of his younger brothers who were nearby.
"Raph! You're awake!" "How're you feeling?" "You don't look very good, bro." "Give him some space!"
Shaking his head, Raph tried not to focus on the fact that their well-meant questions were giving him a throbbing headache. "I feel like someone tried to cut my shell in half." He forced out, wincing as he felt his shoulder object to the notion of speech.
A nervous silence hung over the living room. Highly concerned, Raph jolted himself upright, ignoring the way his shoulder burned in agony. "What's wrong?" He asked, his gaze switching from orange to purple nervously. 'Why are my most talkative brothers so silent? More importantly, what's up with their pity?!' His mind raced as he awaited any sign of speech.
After a few seconds, Donnie started looking at his hands nervously. "W-well...you see..." Raph noticed Donnie shoot Mikey a panicked expression before he heard the latter exclaim "Leo attacked you during training! And you got really hurt. Then Master Splinter wrapped you up before going to bring Leo back. And now you're awake!"
Raph stared at Mikey, scrutinizing his grinning expression with more than a healthy level of skepticism. 'Yeah right' he thought. 'Leo wouldn't do that. He's too much of a control freak to ever-'. Suddenly, his memories of the match rushed back to him.
He remembered the pleasure he felt when he learned that he would have a chance to finally one-up his perfect brother. The joy when he realized he would be able to beat his brother at full strength. The hurt and betrayal that stung as he discovered Leo was going easy on him. He remembered the humiliation when he was kneeling defeated before his rival. How his stubborn pride caused him to lash out the only way he knew how. In anger. He had wanted to get even with Leo, to make him feel the same pain he felt. And then...
Raph felt his right hand move over to his left shoulder, taking in the feel of bandages where skin once was. A smirk spread across his face as he realized 'I guess I was successful.' His smirk faded almost immediately afterwards. He deserved this. After all, Leo wouldn't have done this if Raph hadn't pushed him over the edge.
The sounds of distant footsteps immediately drew his attention to the lair entrance. As Raph turned, he could feel the concerned eyes of his brothers burning holes into the back of his head. 'Geez, you'd think I came back from the dead!' He thought in irritation. He held his tongue however. He knew that if the situation were reversed he would be doing the exact same thing.
Eventually the sounds of voices reached Raph's ears. 'Good. Leo came back.' He thought happily as he began to smile. The smile faded immediately when he heard the exchange between Master Splinter and Leo.
"Leonardo, that was reckless of you. You shouldn't have taken matters into your own hands the way you did." Raph couldn't help but flinch at the subtle anger that pervaded his sensei's voice.
"But Sensei," Raph heard Leo protest, "I had no choice. Today I learned that I can't trust myself around him. I had to seal them away. Otherwise who knows what could happen next time."
Raph's eyes widened and his mind went blank. 'What did Leo do?! Seal what away?!' His mind raced to form coherent thought. Still feeling confused, he exchanged a surprised look with Donnie and Mikey who were still standing nearby. Judging by the looks on their faces, they didn't have a clue either.
Raph heard Splinter draw in a deep breath before stating, "You should have asked me to help you. I'm your sensei. That's what I'm here for."
"I understand. But I couldn't." Leo replied.
Raph noticed that for a long moment neither of them said anything. He wasn't even sure his family was even breathing any more. Fighting the urge to pull himself up to peek over the back of the couch, he pointedly stared at the tv sitting across from him.
After what seemed like a lifetime, Raph heard Master Splinter speak. "We will continue this another time. For now, I suggest you apologize to Raphael, Leonardo. And then I want you to join me in the dojo for further discussion." With that, Raph heard Master Splinter turn back to the dojo and slide the door closed behind him.
Almost immediately, Mikey ran over to Leo, excitedly telling him "Welcome back Leo! We missed you. You'll be glad to know Raph woke up a little while ago."
"That's great news, Mikey." Raph wasn't sure, but something sounded off when Leo spoke. It was as if there were no inflection to his voice. No personality, just words. Cold, hard words that conveyed no hint as to what the speaker was thinking. When Leo reached the other side of the couch to stand before him, Raph stared at him suspiciously.
Suddenly, Leo bowed and began apologizing. "Raph, I'm so sorry. Your injuries are all my fault. I should've controlled myself better. I don't know how, but I'll make it up to you." Then Leo lifted his gaze to meet Raph's eyes.
Startled, Raph continued to stare at his brother stupidly. Leo's voice still didn't reveal any emotion, but Raph noticed that his brother's eyes were filled with desperation and guilt. "Don't worry about it." He muttered quietly, puzzled over the contradictions between Leo's speech and eyes.
As Leo turned around to leave, Raph called out, "Wait! What were you saying earlier?"
Leo stopped and seemed to regard Raph before coolly asking, "What do you mean?"
Raph swallowed, beginning to feel uncomfortable under his brother's hawk-like stare. He saw Mikey and Donnie cling to each other for some support, their eyes revealing their anxiety that another fight was about to break out. Raph steeled his nerve as he demanded, "Just tell me what you meant when you said 'I can't trust myself around him'."
Leo let out a sigh, as if he were bored by this conversation. "I meant exactly what it sounds like. I can't trust myself around you. And seeing as I'm the one who did that," Leo pointed to the bandages wrapping Raph's shoulder, "you shouldn't trust me either."
Once again, Raph noticed how although Leo's voice and body language conveyed nothing, all Raph had to do was look into Leo's eyes to see just how much the guilt was eating away at him. His own sense of guilt swam through him as he thought, 'I have to let him know that it isn't his fault. I have to apologize...and tell him I forgive him.' "Leo," he started as he began shaking his head, "the whole thing was my fault. I pushed you over the edge. I-"
"ENOUGH!" Leo yelled, his eyes becoming a near black.
Raph stopped, surprised he managed to get something other than a robotic impression from Leo. He glanced over to the two younger brothers and saw Mikey bury his face into Donnie's plastron. A protective urge ignited his temper as he growled, "Geez Leo! All I was trying to do was apologize and tell you I forgive you already! No reason for you to bite my head off! And just look at what you've done to our brothers! They're scared out of their wits!"
Leo's eyes returned to normalcy as he glanced over where their younger brothers were now on the floor, clinging to each other as if life itself depended on it. Leo visibly wilted, closed his eyes and breathed in and out slowly. After a few breaths, Leo turned to head to the dojo.
Raph watched him go, his anger settling down to more manageable levels. He saw Leo pause just before the entry and he had to strain his ears to hear the quiet words before Leo finally entered the dojo.
Clearly still visibly shaken, Mikey and Donnie approached Raph, casting nervous glances in the direction that Leo had left in.
When they reached Raph, he glanced up at them and asked, "Did you hear what he just said?"
Raph watched them both shake their heads before he continued, "He said 'I am not worthy of your forgiveness.'"
"What does that mean?" Mikey asked, confusion and worry pervading his voice to a rather large degree.
Raph narrowed his eyes as he answered, "I'll tell you what it means. It means he doesn't trust us enough to know that we will always love him. He refused to listen to my apology and refused to accept my forgiveness because he would rather wallow in his pit of misery." Feeling the beginnings of a hurt anger burn within him, Raph thought 'Curse you, Fearless…why do you have to be such a darn martyr?! Why won't you trust me to help you?!'
Raph was so absorbed in his bitter thoughts that he didn't notice his younger brothers start heading toward the dojo door.
-x-
Hmm...did Leo's "Pandora's Box" already start to open? I wonder what Splinter has to say about all this? Haha. Well I guess we will just have to see in the next chapter, eh? Let me know what you guys think. :D I originally had a really good cliffhanger ending, but I decided to spare everyone the emotional distress that would cause, so I changed it up a bit. I'll see you guys soon.
-Ariane
P.S. Yeah, it'll be longer than 10 chapters.
