So yeah. I'm not gonna make excuses. I'm the only reason why this hasn't been updated in so damn long. But anyway. I hope everyone had happy whatever-you-celebrates, and a happy new year from me ;)
Chapter Eight: By Far the Strangest Thing
~Corona~
Shitshitshitshitshitshisshii iiiiiittt . . . .
Thus went the the thoughts of one such Flynn Rider, head ducked and body scrunched up under a bar in a seedy pub populated by singing thugs. If he had a dime for every time he was in a situation like this . . . well, he'd only have twenty cents but it was weird that it happened twice, right?
"Where's Rider?" The head guard snarled as he stormed inside, shoving the thug Greto out of the way. "Find him," He ordered the men behind him. "Turn the whole place upside down if you have to!"
The four huddled under the bar winced collectively as his fist came down on the counter top with a slam.
"What the hell did you do?!" Hiccup mouthed at him around a mouthful of Ginger's hair. Flynn waved his hand dismissively, silently telling him they'd talk about it later, probably around an open campfire, while Blondie patiently tried to torture the tangles out of Ginger's mop. Oh yes. Flynn just cracked himself up.
Waving at the other three to stay hidden, Flynn shifted just a little bit to take a small peak over top the counter. Just to see how many guards were coming in. If there weren't that many in this party then maybe Blondie and Hiccup could sing the thugs into helping them escape.
In his head, Flynn counted about five or six guards already inside, but that didn't mean there weren't more outside. Just as he thought this, two more guards walked in through the little door, and between him stood two tall men with cropped short red hair and several scars over their identical faces. The Stabbingtons.
"Shit," Flynn mumbled, all but flying back under the bar. He wasn't retreating. No, not at all. He was just . . . regrouping, that was it, yes. Okay though, he had to focus now. If the guards had caught the Stabbington twins, then that meant the Stabbingtons were not happy. Not happy Stabbingtons meant a swiz-cheese Flynn Rider.
"What do we do?" Curly-top hissed lowly, and Flynn could only shrug, like, what did she expect him to be able to do!?
Something tapped Flynn on the shoulder and he squeaked. It was a totally manly squeak, shut up. He looked up and found Piano-playing Hook-thug to be looming over them, indicating something off to the left with his eyes.
Crawling out of their hiding place, Hook-hand-thug pulled down one of the levers for the alcohol. Only no ale came out of the tap; instead the floor let out a quiet groan and with a rattle of chains, a large trap door opened down into a dark, cool but dry cave.
"Go," Hook-hand told them with a smile. "Live your dream."
Flynn cheered up considerably. "I will."
"Your dream stinks," Hook-hand deadpanned and nodded to Rapunzel and Hiccup. "I was talkin' to them."
Annoyed again, Flynn rolled his eyes and started crawling down into the cave. Glancing behind him when he could stand up straight again, an unconscious frown tugged his lips downward. "Thanks for everything," Blondie said to Hook-hand, and gave the thug a small kiss on the cheek for his trouble. Wow, okay. That wasn't annoying. That hadn't annoyed him at all.
"Hiccup," Ginger spoke to the scrawny kid, who jumped a little at being addressed. "What about Toothless?"
"I-, uh," He coughed and scratched his head, a motion that made Ginger raise her eyebrow. "I'll just whistle for him wherever we come out. He should find us without trouble. Uh," He glanced at Hook-hand. "Where does this tunnel go?"
"'Bout a three minute walk southwest," He explained quickly, glancing up toward the pub where the other thugs were trying and succeeding at stalling the guards. "It'll take you down to the damn at the bottom of the hill. Climb the rope ladder and make sure to take the tunnel to the right. There was a cave-in down the shaft that led to the river and it's a dead-end now."
Flynn could almost see the kid file this information away for future use. "Okay, thanks."
Hook-hand glanced back again. "You guys better get out of here," He huffed. "We can't keep this door open for long." With a sudden grin and a playful wink, he finished by saying "And make sure you come 'round again, you hear? Got lots more stuff to show ya!"
"Yeah, great!" Flynn pretended to beam while pushing Merida and Rapunzel away. "See ya around! Nice knowin' ya! Bye!"
The door swung closed behind them a few moments later, and light in the tunnel dimmed considerably. Up ahead was a lit torch, and they stumbled through the dark toward it. In the dirt below sat a small round lantern that, once told what it was, Rapunzel showed high interest in. Though he (not really) hated to take away something that fascinated the girl so, Flynn took the lantern back and lit it with the small flame off the torch. Now able to see, the four so-called 'un-likely friends' began walking down the tunnels.
A few minutes of silence that Flynn was honestly enjoying later, he heard Hiccup speak up from somewhere behind him. "Uh, Mer . . . ?"
"Aye?" She replied easily.
"Can I . . . uh, ask you a question?"
"Well, ye just did, but I suppose ye could ask another if y'like."
Flynn could almost feel the awkward coming off the poor kid. He swore to God, if he was planning to ask Princess Pain-in-the-ass to the ball while acting like this, Flynn was going to hit him with the lanturn and not care if his lizard ate him. It was almost painful to listen to.
"Uh, right . . . well, um . . . what country are you from, again?"
" . . . why d'ye want to know?"
"Just curious." There was a squeak to Hiccup's voice. It was almost cute. Like a baby yak.
"Scotland. Why?"
"Noreason!" Hiccup coughed. "S-so, uh . . . why'd you leave?"
"Because I wanted to." Her voice was firm and just a tad bit annoyed. Mayday, mayday, abort mission, kid!
"Did you, uh . . . leave anyone behind? Anyone who might . . . uh, miss you?"
"Nae." She hissed, with so much venom that Flynn actually had to stop to look back at the two of them. "Nae, I did not."
Hiccup had flinched down so much his neck disappeared into his shoulders. "Okay?" He offered, swallowing and giving a sheepish grin at the glaring look in her icy eyes. She huffed and crossed her arms, not saying another thing about the subject. Flynn whistled under his breath and the train-wreak attempt at conversation, then turned back ahead. He glanced down at Blondie, her big green eyes transfixed by the golden glow coming off the lantern. Amused, he bobbed his hand a bit, and tried not to laugh at how her eyes followed the little candle inside.
"Is it nicer seeing them up close?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.
She blinked, straightening up again as if just now realizing she'd been staring at the contraption like it was her first ever Christmas present. "What? Oh, uh . . . yeah, sort of," She admitted, grinning sheepishly. Flynn shook his head. How someone could be continuously so perky all the time was beyond him. Did the fact they were almost attacked and kidnapped by kingdom guards just fly right over that head of golden hair? Well . . . she was blond . . . so he supposed that made sense.
"So," He began again, examining a skewered skeleton tacked to the wall with a large cutlass. Pirate style. He approved. "Back there? Didn't think you had that in ya. It was pretty . . . impressive."
"I know!" She exclaimed, ever cheery, every optimistic. But a second later she contained herself and repeated, calmer, "I know."
Flynn chuckled. Seemed she was starting to learn to control her mood swings. Good for her.
"Soo," She repeated him and it got a raised eyebrow out of him. "Flynn . . . where ya from?"
"Woah-woah," Flynn yanked the breaks on this train of thought as quick as it started. "Sorry, Blondie, I don't do backstory." He glanced at her and smirked at the curious pout on her face. "However," He continued. "I'm becoming very interested in yours."
She blinked, like, 'Really?'.
"Now, I know I'm not supposed to mention the hair,"
"Nope," She clarified.
"Or, the mother,"
"Uh-uh."
"Frankly, I'm to scared to ask about the frog,"
"Chameleon," She corrected, mimicking his face of wry amusement. It actually looked good on her. Made her look smarter than she really was.
"Nuance," He waved it away. "Here's my question though. If you've wanted to see the lanterns so badly, why haven't you ever gone before?" It was an honest question, something he really was curious about.
Rapunzel stopped walking, startled. "I- . . . uh," Oh no. That usually started the 'it's a long story' line. "Well-"
She was interrupted by a pebble landing on her head. She blinked and looked down at where it landed, watching as the other rocks started to tremble slightly in their spots. "Uh, guys?" She said nervously, looking back at Hiccup and Merida who's faces started to morph to match hers.
Far behind them, the tunnel was slowly starting to illuminate. The sound of running footsteps was getting closer.
"Guys?!" She repeated, voice shrill as the group of guards from back at the Snuggly Duckling came around the corner alarmingly fast.
"RIDER!"
"Run," Flynn whispered. "RUN!"
Hiccup and Merida put aside their mini-argument to grab handfuls of Rapunzel's hair, and the four of them proceeded to book it. The end of the tunnel came alarmingly fast, and the sudden sunlight on their faces blinded them all for a brief moment.
The tunnel opened out into a small canyon, barely a quarter-mile around. They stood on an open ledge, and behind them was the large wooden wall of the dam Hook-hand-guy was talking about. "There's the rope ladder!" Hiccup pointed at it. "Let's get down before-"
He was cut off when, down below, one of the boarded-up tunnels were smashed away, letting the Stabbington brothers into the canyon. What the hell! Flynn could have sworn that the guards had them handcuffed! They didn't just leave them unguarded, did they!?
"Uh," Hiccup blinked. "Who is that?"
"They don't like me," Flynn replied, whirling around when the palace guards came bursting out behind them.
"Who are they?" Merida asked, eyes shifting around like she was looking for something.
"They don't like me either," Flynn gulped.
Then, as if this situation wasn't bad enough, the damn white horse from that morning came back, neighing like he thought he was Hiccup's lizard. "Who is that?!" Rapunzel yelped. Flynn grabbed her shoulders.
"Let's just all assume that everyone in here doesn't like me!" He ordered them all, exasperated and no, no, most certainly not terrified. Without warning, Rapunzel slammed her frying pan into Flynn's stomach with a curt: 'Here!'
He grunted at the hit and looked at her, but she was already grabbing Hiccup's arm and throwing her hair over one of the beams holding up the massive dam. The brunette had no single clue what she was doing, so when the blonde tightened her grip on her hair and leaped off the ledge, dragging him with her, he let out a very loud and very unmanly scream.
She landed on the next ledge with almost practiced ease, and for some reason Flynn was greatly annoyed at how the kid was clinging to her for dear life.
"Rider!" Merida hissed, and Flynn spun back around to find the head of the palace guards to be advancing on the two of them with weirdly pleased but furious look in his eyes. "I waited a loong time for this," He growled, tossing his torch away without a single care. Flynn looked down at the curly-haired girl on one side of him, then at the frying pan in his other hand. He made a little noise of distress. He was going to die here, wasn't he?
The head guard drew his sword and lunged. Flynn reacted without thinking, quickly smashing the side of the guard's head with the pan and creating a rather pleasing 'CLANG' noise when the pan connected to his shiny gold helmet. Quick as lightning, Merida snatched his sword out of the air and spun it around her fingertips like a goddamn expert swordsman, pointing it at the remaining guards with only a sarcastic "Thank ye," in gratitude.
"You're welcome," Flynn muttered, and together they jumped into the fray. Merida deflected every sharp blade coming at them like it was her job, disarming every guard just in time for Flynn to bring down the wrath of the Breakfast-Food Gods on their helmets. It was over in seconds, and as they stood there above the unconscious group of at least seven guards, Flynn held up the frying pan again.
"Oh mama!" He cried. "I have got to get me one of these!"
Another sword came at them, and Flynn held up the pan again in an 'En guarde!' pose. He stared at the last standing 'swordsman' in disbelief.
It was the horse. The horse that was a pain in his ass all day long. He was holding a dropped sword between his teeth, growling and whinnying threateningly. "You 'ave got to be kidding me," Merida muttered. Flynn agreed with her completely.
The sword fight with the horse was ten times worse than the one against the men. It was like the horse knew how to fight better than the actual guards did! Who taught a horse how to use a sword, anyway!? He alternated between going at Flynn and going at Merida, leaving the two of them scrambling over each other for a chunk of horsehide. It was more frustrating than anything. They were doing okay with it, that is, until the horse decided it would be funny to knock the frying pan out of Flynn's hand. The three of them watched it fall over the edge, standing and waiting for the distant echoing clang that was it hitting the bottom. Flynn glanced back at the horse. "Uh . . . how about two out of three?" He suggested, grinning.
The horse didn't seem to approve. Flynn couldn't tell. There was a sword in his face.
"Flynn!" Blondie's voice called, and a second later the end of her hair was wrapping around his right hand. He looked at it, blinked, then grinned.
"Hey, Ginge, our ride's here."
Her eyes widened and he grabbed her by the sleeve of her dress, tucking her under his arm as Rapunzel with startling strength yanked the two of them straight off the ledge. To her credit, Merida didn't scream while they were flying through the air, swinging like Tarzan in the jungle. But she did cling to him rather tightly. That was stangely amusing.
"Flynn!" Blondie called from above them. "Look out!"
Flynn looked back down, and yelped when he realized he was swinging right toward the business ends of the Stabbinton brothers' swords. "Hang on Ginger!" Flynn ordered, then winced when her grip turned almost bruising around his ribs. Rapunzel gave her hair a sharp pull, lifting him and Merida just enough to sail harmlessly over the murderous duo's heads. "Ha!" He shouted over his shoulder at them, having to gloat about it even though they weren't exactly out of danger yet. "You should see your faces! Because you look-"
"Rider!" Merida cried out.
His stomach slammed into a beam sticking out of the dam's drain canal. "-ridiculous . . . " He finished, wheezing.
Merida scrambled onto the beam before he could drop her, taking his hand and pulling him up after her. Pounding caught their attention, and when they turned around it was to see the horse was slamming his hind legs against yet another support beam. Behind him, the guards were starting to come to again, and just in time too. For them. Because the horse succeeded in knocking the beam out. It busted a hole in the dam, but created an efficient bridge for them to cross to get to Rapunzel and Hiccup.
"Shit," Flynn frowned, trying to think quickly. Merida, thinking quicker, took Rapunzel's hair and wrapped most of it around the beam that hit him. Stupid beam. She took a firm grip on it, ordered Flynn to do the same, then called out to the other two.
"Hiccup! Rapunzel! Jump!"
Rapunzel knew what the other girl was doing instantly. Like girly-telepathy was going on. She grabbed Hiccup around the waist and drew another unmanly squeak out of him. They ran for the edge, Hiccup clinging to Rapunzel all over again.
They jumped off the ledge, and for a moment, one split second, it looked like the horse was going to catch them. His teeth were literal inches away from Blondie's hair. They were in mid-air, falling in slow motion, and Flynn held his breath. Would they-
The horse's teeth closed without a single golden hair trapped between them. Flynn's breath came rushing out through his nose and he helped Merida quickly swing them to the ground. They skidded across a large puddle of water, soaking Hiccup's cloth boots but who cared anyway. They were alive, right?
"Come on, ye!" The ginger girl shouted, grabbing Flynn by the arm and dragging him with her as they ran and slid down the drain canal. Their combined weight, however, was too much for the waterlogged and most likely old wood, and after a short moment of Slip n' Slide, they found themselves knocking the entire thing over as they fell.
There was no time to catch their breath. The second their feet hit the rough ground and they rolled and stumbled to get their footing back, the wood of the dam burst. A heartbeat later, one second of Flynn's mind declaring Oh fuck later, he was grabbing Rapunzel's shoulder and shoving her forward. He grabbed Hiccup's upper arm, interrupting his attempt to whistle for some damn reason. "Run you idiot!" He shouted, shoving the younger male toward the nearest escape exit: the entrance to the mine directly behind him.
Flynn bent to scoop up handfuls of Rapunzel's hair as they ran, Hiccup's hand on Merida's wrist (aw, that's kind of cute- FOCUS!) to lead the redhead. A creak and a groan rocked the ground under their feet, and with horror Flynn realized that one of the boulders used for a walkway was buckling under the water's force.
He shoved Rapunzel into the tunnel, tossing her balled up hair into her arms. He stood at the entrance, making sure the kid and Curly Top made it in too. Water pooling around his feet, the thief had just enough time to grab the frying pan the damn horse knocked from his hand before the boulder came crashing down.
The crumbling slam doomed the young four to darkness and rushing water, with all the air of a coffin lid sliding home.
Flynn turned to look up at his three 'unlikely friends' as the water continued to rise around his feet. It was pitch black, but his eyes were adjusting, and he could see them, faces pale and terrified, staring back.
~Castle Dun'Broch~
"Your majesties," The young guard bowed to his knees on the stone floor. He bowed his head and removed his helmet. "I am afraid . . . your daughter is dead."
And the floor dropped out from under Queen Elinor's feet.
