The Window
Chapter Nine
APOV
"We have to go. NOW!" I blinked back the image that had assaulted my vision, my eyes refocusing on the here and now.
"What is it darlin'?"
I turned to my love, my life, my mate and melted into his embrace. Only in his arms would I ever feel peace and safety, and it had nothing to do with his wonderful gift. He was my north, my south, my east and my west. I had been drawn to him before he even knew I existed and we would love each other for eternity.
"It's Edward. He's going to ruin it. He can't control himself. It's going to happen; we have to get there first." I squeaked, frantically pulling at Jasper's arm.
My visions had been flipping between two different outcomes lately, all depending on whether Edward could control his urges. He seemed to be winning against his demon, but I kept watch anyway, so much was riding on this, on him, on Bella.
I had seen how he had met her. I knew she was silent to him. Ever since he had made the decision to bring her back to his home the snowball of visions kept rolling through my mind, sometimes ending well, other times...not so much. Of course, the others knew, they constantly requested updates. Esme, in particular, was concerned about the wellbeing of her son. She would always consider Edward her boy, regardless of his lifestyle and his decision to live alone. It had saddened her, all of us, so much when he left. Like losing a limb, an integral part of our family.
I told them all of the vision I had of him returning, if Esme could have cried, she would have. Carlisle had looked so relieved. His pained expression etched permanently on his face since Edward's departure, finally easing slightly. We all knew the guilt he felt, as if it was his fault, like he had failed his son somehow.
"So it isn't going happen? He won't return? Are we to lose him again?" Esme whispered. Despair etched across her beautiful, soft face.
I made my way over to her, circling her in my arms. She was the mother I never had, this was the family I had always longed for and I was not going to let it be torn apart again. I had to try.
"If we leave now, we might just make it..."
I blinked back another vision.
"...yes, we can still help, stop him before any irreparable damage is done, I think. It will be down to Bella now."
"Well what are we waiting for lil' sis'? Let's go!" Emmett boomed, pulling Rosalie grudgingly up by the waist.
Jasper took my hand and we flew out the door, racing as fast as we could through the thick forest, speeding to save our family, running to stop a nightmare, hoping to secure our future.
EPOV
I sat hunched over my desk, taking in unnecessary breaths to try and calm myself. I could hear the thoughts of my "siblings" echo through the house, thoughts of disgust and hope and sadness. They were all gathered in the parlour now, making themselves at home.
In my house. How dare they...!
But deep down, I was silently thankful that they did dare. I shook uncontrollably as images of Bella, frightened and crying underneath me sent a new wave of disgust through me. If Emmett hadn't pulled me off her I don't know what I would have done. I remembered I had snapped out of my lust-filled state just before he tore me from her broken, bleeding body. Hearing her scream had brought me to my senses momentarily. I tried to hold on to that tiny shred of hope that I might have stopped myself if they hadn't showed.
You are a monster. Don't deny what you are. She wanted it, you gave it to her...oh, and you could have had so much more if that stupid pixie hadn't shown up. She ruins all our fun...
"SHUT UP!" I growled, putting my hands over my ears, trying to block the demonic voice that filled my head.
I had been fighting him since the day I was turned.
The moment the burning fire had finished searing through my body, twisting and snapping each bone, hardening each of my internal organs, one by one. The moment I felt the tiniest ounce of release, I was filled with a new pain, a new fire, a new battle.
The bloodlust was pure torture. On the day Carlisle had taken me on my first hunt, I knew I would not last long in his way of life. The demon in me was too strong, all the while gnawing at me, filling my head with taunts and sneers at my refusal to give in to my basic instincts and take the pleasure that was rightfully mine.
He knew, Carlisle, my father, my maker. He knew of my inner struggle. That it wasn't just the thoughts of others that filled my head, saturating my very being and dragging me under with the weight of it all. He knew I had another voice, another struggle to contend with. It wasn't enough I had to hear the constant stream of unedited thoughts of those around me, struggling with their demons. No. I had to listen to the fiendish thoughts of my own demon, shouting from the depths, surfacing constantly. I was unable to quiet it like the others in my family could, for they didn't have my curse, they didn't hear what I heard. They had their freedom.
It didn't matter so much once I had left them, my family. I didn't have to face their disappointed eyes when I slipped up. I didn't have to explain myself anymore. I didn't feel the guilt anymore. I just succumbed to the beast, set him free, and for once...it was peaceful. He didn't shout at me, just quietly coaxed me from within, and I followed his lead.
And the blood, oh that sweet, sweet blood. It was, ironically, to die for. And I had, I had died for it, so it was mine. At least that is what the voice told me...it was my reward for this life. I deserved it. I took it.
Yet, now, this once silent beast was roaring at me again. It was set to destroy me. Set to ruin my one chance at happiness, my last chance. For Bella was far sweeter than any blood, far more alluring than any whore I had taken in the alleyways and gutters. She was my silent angel, and I treated her like a scarlet woman, I used her, and I was so close to feeding from her.
My Bella would never forgive me. I had doomed my very existence and I deserved my Hell.
I would crawl into the earth and never return, I would let the forest swallow me and take my existence. I knew it was impossible to die, so I would just lay there as still as the earth, let the ground swallow me and the leaves and moss encase me in a tomb of my own remorse and despair.
It was over.
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Edward? Can we talk?
I could hear Alice's thoughts on the other side of my door. I didn't want to do this right now. There was no point discussing it, my eternal life was over.
I rose slowly from my chair and made my way to the door. I opened it, seeing Alice's compassionate eyes looking at me from under her lashes. She looked so tiny and fragile, like she would snap like a twig if you were to step on her. But I knew different. She not only had the obscene strength of a vampire, but she was emotionally the strongest of us too. I always found this amazing, considering her past, or lack thereof. She seemed to always be the one reassuring everybody that things would be ok, and save for me, she was usually right.
I looked at the floor, unable to face the pity behind her golden eyes, and stepped past her, pulling the door closed behind me. I made my way towards the parlour where I knew the others waited. She followed me silently. I flinched as we passed Bella's room, the door closed but I could tell from her steady heartbeat that she was still unconscious. I ran my hand through my hair and turned the corner to face my family.
Emmett was sprawled across my couch, feet resting up on the arm and his fingers interlocked behind his head. He gave me a pitiful smile, and then frowned, looking at the floor. Rosalie stood behind him from the back of the couch, running her hands through his curly, black hair. Her expression was blank, but I could read from her thoughts that she didn't want to be here, wondering why they hadn't left me to it, like with all the others I had taken.
Jasper didn't look me in the eye as he stood motionless by the fireplace, no doubt uncomfortable from the dark thoughts I was keeping.
Jeez brother, chill...I feel like I want to slit my wrists...
He let a wave of calm wash over me, and I tried, in vain, to fight it off. I didn't want release from my Hell. I wanted to feel as much of the pain as Bella had, and this was my only way. I growled in his direction, as I felt the tension in my muscles ease.
Sorry, but you need to calm down and listen to Alice...
I stood there, in the middle of the room, looking at Alice impatiently. If I could just get through their judgments and accusations, I could then go and find a dark, dirty hole to crawl into and stay there for all eternity.
"I suppose you are wondering why we are here, Edward?" Alice chimed. Her voice held sadness with a hint of hope that I couldn't understand.
"I hadn't thought about it actually. Not that it matters." I replied harshly.
Other than saving Bella from death and destruction, I didn't see much point in their visit. It had been over 40 years since we had last crossed paths. It happened, on occasion. When you live forever, the world can become a very small place indeed. I knew they had relocated to Forks about 6 months after I had set up home here. They knew to keep their distance, far enough away that I could not hear them. They never bothered me and I them. There were only so many places with limited sunlight on the planet anyway, so it never occurred to me that their being here would be more than just coincidence.
"It does matter Edward. We moved here for you. For you and Bella." Alice took a step towards me, as though she wanted to reach for me, but I shot her a warning glance. I didn't need comfort; I didn't deserve it, not now.
"Why? What have you seen? God damn it little sister you better talk!" I growled. Of course she had seen Bella, she see's everything. God, what else did she know? That I had wanted to turn her? The fury building inside me was growing and as Jasper wrapped a protective arm around Alice he shot another wave of calm in my direction.
"This is exactly why I left Jazz! I wouldn't hurt Alice, but what with her visions and you manipulating my emotions, can't you see why I had to get out. Your thoughts and secret-less lives were a constant torture for me. I can't take it...I just can't..."
I sank to my knees, sobbing wildly, tearing at my indestructible hair, trying to find some kind of release. Never finding any. Oh how I wished I could cry, just a tear. This dead frozen body needed it now more than ever.
I felt Alice's slight arms stretch themselves round me, rocking me as she cooed into my ear. I tried to shrug her off, but her vice-like grip held me firm and I let myself melt into her, feeling the comfort from Jasper wash over me. I would have an eternity to feel all the pain and despair later, so I selfishly took the comfort offered, if only for the moment.
"Shhhh, Edward. We came because this is important. Bella is important. I am not sure how, but she can help you, in ways you never thought possible. We got here as soon as I saw the vision of what you planned to do. I don't yet know if you can fix this, it all depends on Bella, but you have to try, Edward...you have to try."
Alice's words sent a shiver through me as I contemplated what she could mean. I knew Bella was important somehow, why else could I not hear her thoughts. Yet why was this so important to them? I couldn't understand.
On hearing it, we all froze.
Emmett leaned forward from the couch, staring at me expectantly. Rosalie kept her eyes away from mine, indifferent and uninterested; she let out a small, irritated sigh. Jasper reached for Alice's hands, intertwining their fingers, squeezing slightly with anticipation. I put my head in my hands, the weight of their stares unbearable.
"Edward, she's awake."
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Hope that has helped clear a few things up regarding Edward and his torment. I know what he did in the last chapter was awful but as much as he seems to have control, he has spent a long time away from the Cullens, taking blood and pleasure from women without a second thought. The fact he would be able to restrain himself from Bella's blood and body, when he has such a strong desire for it didnt work for me, so what happened had to happen....it all lies with Bella now....what will she do???
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing xxx
