Chapter 8: "…That somehow this black night feels warmer for the spark…" (Intermezzo II )

Misty didn't know what time it was when she woke up, but she knew that she had to get up. There was no way she could lay in bed much longer. It was a bright sunny day, the birds were singing and the most important thing was she was hungry. It just came to her mind at this very moment that for the first time, since she escaped hell she was hungry. She didn't care about the fact that Cordelia laid next to her, she just left the room and walked downstairs with nothing on but shorts and a t-shirt. She padded into the kitchen. She assumed that she was the first one up on this Sunday morning because there were so dishes in the sink yet. She opened the fridge and there she found some blueberries and eggs. 'Pancakes, I think it is then…' She thought to herself and began to open the cupboards and cabinets to find the rest of the ingredients needed. She mixed them all together and finally put a pan onto the cooktop and let some clarified butter slid into it. She watched it melt and thought of what happened between Cordelia and her last night. It was awful. It was SO. VERY. AWFUL. But there was no way Misty could have made it undone. At this very moment she wished she had the power of ruling over time. Did she do it to please Cordelia? Did she do it because she was physically aroused? By Jonas even? She found no answer to her questions but she knew that she had to talk to Cordelia and finally bring out that she was not in love with her. She felt tears burning in her eyes at the thought. She knew that Cordelia was special to her but knowing that she wanted her in another way than Misty herself needed her to survive was hard to bear and hard to compromise because there was no way Misty could give her what she wanted in return. She was even disgusted by the memory of pleasing Cordelia as she did last night. She had to get out of all this. She had to get away from Cordelia. She had to leave and maybe this suggestion Cordelia made yesterday wasn't that unpleasant as it was a day ago.

She took a deep breath and began to pour some dough into the pan. And finally she even began to hum a melody while she was preparing her breakfast.

Misty was undeniably as hungry as a wolf, so most of the bites she took were too big to fit into her mouth. She took another bite into her already full mouth, some maple syrup dropping on her chin and she didn't know into which corner of her mouth she should push the next bite. It was at this moment when Cordelia walked in.

"Some one's hungry, huh?"

Misty looked up and a little giggle escaped Cordelia's throat at her sight.

"Cute!" she said.

"Embarraffin'" Misty managed to articulate, which made Cordelia laugh even more.

"Adorable, actually…You left some for me?" Cordelia walked around the table. Misty was chewing and swallowing intently and then she wiped her sticky hands off with a napkin. She nodded.

"Over there, it's enough for a whole pride of lions." She pushed her empty plate away from her and leaned back in her chair. She watched as Cordelia prepared herself three pancakes before she came back to the table. The following talk was inevitable and Misty knew that she had to begin, but she decided that she should let Cordelia enjoy her breakfast first. What she didn't expect was that Cordelia began.

"Misty, after all that happened last night and…." Cordelia's cheeks blushed, "what happened in the early hours of this morning… I think it's not necessary for you to leave. "

Misty froze. This couldn't be true. Not a twenty-four hours had passed since Cordelia kicked her out. Now, that Misty found that it was a good thing to leave, to live alone, to be independent again, Cordelia wanted her to stay.

"I'll call the realtor tomorrow and ask him to rescind the contract."

Misty leaned forward with her elbows on the tabletop. She shook her head vehemently before she took Cordelia's hand in hers. She searched for her eyes to look at her and then she softly spoke.

"Let me try to find the right words." She swallowed. "What happened this morning was wrong, Cordelia."

Misty saw the pain stroke through Cordelia's eyes.

"It was wrong of me to…"Misty struggled for words.

"It was wrong for me to give myself to you. It was wrong to let you think I enjoyed it. I should have never let it get that far. I am so sorry. You need to understand, that I'm not in love with you! I mean…I love you more than anything else in this world…. But… not in that girlfriend-way of. "

Misty felt how Cordelia wanted to pull her hand away from her, but she held it with an even stronger grip.

"There's no way for me to say this to you without hurting you, but I hope you understand. For the first time since I cut myself to get out that class room I get the possibility to do what I actually want. For the first time since then, there's nothing evil in me telling me to do the whole opposite of what I want. I don't end up harming me in order to not harm others. I am finally myself again, and that's because of you, Delia. It is so awful to hurt you while you are the person I owe all this. I think I need my own place to live. That's what I did before we met. That's my way of living. Alone like a tigress, if you like. That doesn't mean that I don't want you to be around me, but I need to stay individual. I don't know how to describe it but I even think that I found my tribe in my own self. I need to love and be in love with me before I can fall in love with…" She intended to end the sentence with 'someone else' but she hesitated before she added "…you!" instead.

There was a minute of silence. Misty knew she lit a light spark of hope in Cordelia, who was giving her a soft smile.

"I think this has something to do with you coming of age. I'm proud of you, Misty Day. "

She gingerly put her hand in the crook of Misty's neck and rubbed it softly with her thumb, her eyes constantly asking the other woman if it was okay, but Misty just smiled at her.

"I'll show you the apartment tomorrow, and then we visit all furniture stores in Louisiana so you can choose whatever you want, no matter how exclusive or expensive it is."

Misty slowly shook her head.

"There's nothing I could give you in return…" She slowly whispered. She was happy but uncomfortable at the same time.

"You could ask me out for dinner." Cordelia suggested.

Misty gave her a questioning look.

"As in a date?"

Cordelia winked at her.

"So you say!"