Author's Note: I tried to make this chapter as long as I could. That may or may not have caused my writing to go down the drain, but at least I tried. I hope people actually enjoy this and are interested. Feedback is honestly how I stay motivated. All comments are accepted, even the really crazy ones. I'll see you at the next update.
My head was pounding as I felt my body wake up; almost as if it had a heartbeat of its own. I attempted to raise my hand to suppress the pain, but my wrists were strapped to the bed, along with my ankles. Limbs fought to become free, but failed due to my weak state.
The light seeped into my eyes as I opened them for the first time since I had gone into the darkness. It was bright in the room, white lights shone from above my head. There was no comfort in this room, and I wanted to get out as fast as possible. My head whipped left and right, looking for someone to assist me, but my search came up short.
"Katie?" A deep voice croaked, causing my attention to turn towards the door. I saw a distressed Finnick coming into the room. The plastic container of fruit slipped from his hands, crashing to the floor as his body quickly made its way over towards me.
I took a deep breath as I took in his appearance. Deep purple bags hung under his eyes, causing his complexion to look paler and his eyes to look duller. His clothes were torn at the seams and ill fitting, making it look as if his figure was a giant blob. For a split second I tell myself it is not him, but I know that it can not be anyone else.
His hands frantically search for something. Squeezing one of my hands in his for reassurance, but I am not sure if he was trying to calm me down, or himself. All of his actions were happening so fast, that I almost forgot about my plan. I can not allow Finnick to grow any more attached to me than he already is. Him admitting the feelings he has towards me was unprofessional, and not okay for either of us.
"I was so worried. I had no idea you shouldn't have been drinking. You were out for five days, and I couldn't sleep. They tried everything they could, but you were going into shock and screaming- screaming for me- and there was nothing I could do." Finnick's knees fell to the floor, his forehead resting on my hand. Sandy hair tickled my knuckles, and his chest rose and fell at a violent pace.
Five days? I was unconscious for five days? I found that highly unlikely, but I had to trust his word. He has not given me a reason not to give him my trust, except for telling me he loves me. That caused a wrench in our strange friendship.
"I'm so sorry. I know how you've been after the Games, and I let all of this happen. Let me get a doctor, they need to know you're up so they can help you." His words were going a mile a minute, and I could not keep up. Before I knew it, he was out of the room and I was laying by myself again.
Faint sounds were being made outside my door, and I could see the shadows of two people. My ears perked up at the mention of my name, trying to figure out what it was that was being said by the voices.
"Before we check on her there is something you should know," one of the voices said.
"What is it?" The other spoke with concern, there was no doubt in my mind that it was Finnick's. This means that the other one must be one of the doctors or nurses.
"Do you remember how one of the side effects was lucid dreams?"
"Of course."
"Well, she might not be able to recognize what has really happened and what was in her head." The doctor informed Finnick about something. I assume the conversation is about me, since I do not know anyone else in the hospital that Finnick would need to visit.
"What does that mean? How long will this last?" His words were drowning in worry.
"This could last anywhere from a few days to a week. I suggest you help her separate what is real from what is not. Answer any questions she asks truthfully. That might help speed up the process." The doctor, or nurse, informed Finnick.
Once again the door to my room was swung open, my head turning to see the doctor waltz in. I let out a sigh, relieved that Finnick did not follow in after him.
"I have good news Miss Rose," he looked at the clipboard in his hands before looking at my hopeful reaction, "You are free to go whenever you are ready. Your heart rate seemed to have gone back to normal, and your injuries have healed during your unconscious state."
The only thing I can do is nod; half of me was wondering what other injuries I had, but I do not think I would be able to handle that information right now. I watched as the doctor thought about how he should approach the next topic.
"Your mental state is very poor," he forced a comforting smile, "We suggest that you have someone to watch over you until you can cope with everything. We suggest someone that you are close with. Does anyone in particular come to mind?"
"Finnick," I subconsciously blurt out. Not only was he my closest friend, but he was also the only person in my life currently. Coming up with another name would be like looking for a needle in a haystack: impossible.
The doctor carefully rids the needles from my body, and unstraps my limbs from the cool metal bed. My hands rub the slight burns the straps have left on my skin from my thrashing. I wince at the small pain before waiting for the doctor to continue speaking.
"Perfect. I will inform him about your physical and mental condition, and then you can be on your way." Once the doctor left the room, I buried my hands in my face. A growl rumbled in the pit of my stomach, relieving some of the stress this entire situation was making me feel. There was no way I could avoid Finnick when he was going to be with me until I was mentally sane.
However, if I can not avoid him, I could always give him the cold shoulder. Maybe he will get the hint if my mood shifts and I become less comfortable around him. He had already succeeded in getting me to become somewhat intimate with him, but there can be no more of that. Especially if he feels something every time our skin brushes against each other.
The way our bodies form together is something that can be easily replicated. No two bodies fit like puzzle pieces like people try to tell me. It is all about the way you twist and turn until it feels as if you were made to press up against each other, but it is all a scam. We were not made to fill each other, or complete each other. We were made to help each other become the best versions of ourselves.
The burning desire that forms in between my thighs is not one of love, but lust. That is all Finnick will ever be to me; someone I can lust over. He can not gain my heart, just like I know I can not gain his. No matter what he says, it will never be true, because this is not how it is supposed to go. We are not fit for each other. He does not make me the better version of my self. If anything, he makes me crazier, and I am trying to stray away from that.
"Are you ready?" There is a great amount of care in Finnick's voice, and it makes my stomach churn. I give him a small nod, and he walks over to help me into a wheelchair, it is standard precaution to use them when leaving the hospital. I resist the urge to fight his touch as he gently lifts me with ease before sitting me down. His hands grip the handles, wheeling me out of the hospital and through the streets of the City Circle.
We made it back to my building, riding the elevator up to my floor, before Finnick rolled me inside my door. The familiarity of the room comforted me a little bit, easing some of the tension I was feeling.
"Are you hungry? Tired?" Finnick continued to worry, but I just shook my head at his questions. I could not have him helping me. No, I could not allow myself to let him help me. The sooner I depend on him, the sooner I give him false hope.
My fingers wrapped around the armrests of the wheelchair, knuckles turning white from the pressure. I conjured all of my remaining strength to push myself up from the seat, struggling to balance on my legs. Two steps were made before my legs were swooped from under me. Finnick's strong arms now held me against his chest, as if we were a newlywed couple on our honeymoon.
"Let me," he insisted on carrying me to my desired destination.
"No, I'm fine," his hard mold held me to him as I squirmed in his grip.
"You can barely stand. Just tell me where you want to go." I could tell his patience was running thin. I should let him help me, but my mind told me that it would be no good.
"Finnick, let me go. I don't need you." My palms began pushing at his chiseled chest, trying anything to get out of his hold.
"Fine," his jaw became more defined as it clenched shut, and his eyes became darker as he furrowed his eyebrows. I hit a nerve that I should not have.
Finnick let go of me and I braced myself for a painful hit to the floor. Relief took over when I felt myself bounce on my bed, watching for Finnick's reaction. The look in his eyes was hard to read, but I knew that they were not flooding with positive emotions.
The air became thick and my breathing became heavier. I watched, patiently waiting for him to storm out of my room, but it never happened. He left me puzzled as he climbed into the bed next to me. Arms wrapped around my waist as he held my body against his, chest to chest.
"You're not leaving?" I felt timid, causing my voice to come out as a whisper. Usually when I fought against someone who cared for me, they gave up. Most of the time they would warn me that I would end up alone unless I changed. However, maybe I needed someone to stick around long enough to show me what it is like to be cared for.
"You are in no condition to be by yourself," his right hand raised up to brush the hair away from my face, "and knowing you, I bet you have a few questions."
I could not help but nod. My mind began wandering to all the unanswered questions I have had since I won the games. There is a long list of things I crave to learn, and I can not help it when one slips out of my mouth.
"What were you like?" A confused look takes over Finnick's face, and it was then that I realize what he meant. The question should have been based around my injuries.
"What do you mean?" He asks. It surprises me that he is even willing to talk about his personal life at all.
"When you first became a, you know?" Heat rose to my cheeks and I could feel the red blush tint my skin.
"So innocent," Finnick whispered to himself, his warm breath dancing across my skin as he buried his head in the crook of my neck. "You shouldn't have to go through this."
"Neither did you," I surprised myself by saying. There was something about Finnick that made me say what is on my mind freely. It was as if I knew he would listen and understand every word I say.
"I do," he admits, "I deserve this."
"Why?" I question. At this point I did not even care that he had avoided my question.
"I trained for the Games, Katie. I wanted to be picked so I could win, and have fame." His words were muffled by my skin, "No one told me I would become a slave; an object people would use for their own sick, twisted pleasure."
I found my hands raising towards his face, gently caressing it in my hold. His eyes met my gaze as I tilted his head back, a slight smile present on his lips. He found comfort in my touch, and it was extremely noticeable.
"I was afraid," his voice hummed.
"What?" Confusion flashed across my face from his unrelated statement.
"When they first started selling my body. I had no experience, just like you." There was a flicker of pain in his eyes making me wince.
"I'm so sorry, Finnick. I really appreciate you helping me," I could feel my heart shatter from what he had said. There was not anyone to save him from the Capitol's savages. He was not as lucky as I have been, and my luck is all thanks to him. The luck he had lost, he had given to me. For that, I am more than grateful.
His head shook; sandy hair tickling my skin as his head nuzzled its way back into the crook of my neck. A deep breath was taken, before releasing hot air across my face. This was the most vulnerable I have seen him, and it was comforting to know he trusted me enough to open up.
"You're the one that's helping me," his chest rumbles against mine as he speaks, "Without you I might have gone insane."
"You looked like you were fine without me," I whisper, afraid to raise my voice any louder.
"Looks can be deceiving," lips ran along the length of my neck. Goosebumps rose from the gentle touch I was receiving. My instant reaction was to push at his chest, trying to put space between us, "No one has ever turned me down, or push away my touches; they request it, but you are different. When you ask about me it's because you want to get to know me, not because you want to use me like everyone else."
"Finnick," my heart rate increased from the quickly decreasing space between us, "Finnick, I'm tired."
His body shifted away slightly, "Yeah, you should probably get some rest." I watched as the gorgeous man got up from my bed and walked towards my door, "Goodnight, Katie."
"Goodnight," I tried to say, but he was gone before I could. All I could wonder was why he had not forced me to let him stay the night. Out of all the possibilities I decide that it must be some kind of doctor's orders.
Once again, I go to sleep by myself. Silently, I am hoping that the nightmares do not return. There needs to be a break from the madness going on around me. Without a break, I am unsure if I will be able to handle another day.
