When I fall
Chapter 9
By Iana
A.N: Guys, I'm really sorry for taking so long to update! Work is been driving me insane! I also just started a new Glee fanfiction so I think I may actually get carpel tunnel from all this typing. LOL.
Anyways, I hope you didn't abandon me or this story and I which this chapter will give you hope for B/B new fluffiness on the series as well.
Hugs,
Iana
#BONES#
"Living without you will tear me apart. When I know how it could've been but I don't care what it leads to.
Let's make a new start and give love a chance to win, 'cause baby I swear.
Baby, baby, I swear to you. Anytime you want me to. Baby, baby, I'm here for you. Don't leave me lonely, 'cause I need you."
#BONES#
Remembering…
"You'll always be second best to me next to Bones. Leave the keys under the mat when you leave. Today."
Booth turned his back and walked towards the bathroom not bothered at the least with the sound of sobs behind him.
#BONES#
He drove to the hospital like the army of hell was chasing his car. His anger knew no boundaries and his fingers kept flexing with the need to punch something. Or someone.
If he could punch himself in the face he would have. How could he have not seen he was dating this person? It was like waking up next to someone you've never met before.
His tires screeched as he parked near the hospital and he stomped all the way to Brennan's room, scowling at anyone who looked at him. When he got near her room, he realized Angela and Jack had gone home but Cam was standing by the door, staring through the glass.
"Cam?"
She turned sharply to look at him. Her smile was welcoming but a little sad.
"Hey, Seeley. Angela and Jack went home; Angela's feet were really swollen. I had a feeling you'd be back and I didn't want to leave her alone."
Booth turned to look through the glass at Brennan and sighed.
"Thanks, Cam. I really made a mess of things, didn't I?" He added the last part after a pause, sliding his hands in his pockets.
Cam took her time to answer, pondering on her words.
"Seeley, remember when we talked about your feelings for Dr. Brennan? I told you to be sure, didn't I? Because if you started this and realized you made a mistake she'd never open her heart to someone ever again?"
Booth nodded.
"Well, what I was also trying to say was that you needed to give her time. I thought you out of all people would understand that her first instinct would be to run. Well, now it's going to be really difficult to convince her you're not leaving again, you know that, right?"
"I know, Cam. I just… I thought all those years were time enough for her to see I wouldn't leave her. I love her, Cam. Just the way she is and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. And I wanted that baby. I never knew I had it, but now that it's gone, I've realized there's nothing I want more than to make a hundred babies with that woman. And she's going to see that because this time, I'm not giving up."
Cam smiled and placed a gentle hand on his arm.
"I hope you won't. She deserves a man like you, Seeley. I'm going to go now. I think you should go in, spend some time with her. Brennan may not tell you, but I know that just you being there is a great beginning in healing those wounds she has."
She kissed his cheek and grabbing her purse from the chair near the door, left.
Booth kept his eyes on Bones through the glass, yearning. She was sitting up, head turned towards the window. He swallowed. She looked small and fragile and he pondered that sometimes, he forgot that she was as damaged as he was and that if she looked tough, inside she was easily bruised and with wounds yet to close properly.
The biggest regret he had was to realize he had been the one to split a lot of those wounds open. And at that moment, he vowed to make her see that although he was an idiot, he was an idiot who loved her. And he was never leaving her again.
"Bones?"
He walked towards her bed but she didn't turn to look at him. Clearing his throat softly, he approached her bed again, noticing that her hair was now wet, pulled back from her face by a headband. She still looked awfully pale and by the IV in her arm he knew she was still refusing to eat.
Sighing brokenly, Booth placed his hand on top of hers and squeezed, wishing she would respond.
"Bones, I know you're mad at me. And I know you're hurt and I'm really sorry. Could you please at least look at me?"
Nothing.
He wanted to cry. Knowing that it wouldn't do any good, he sat on the chair by her bed, her hand still on his and kept brushing his thumb back and forth on the soft veins on the back of her hand. Booth didn't want to keep staring at her, so he kept his eyes on their linked hands and on the soft movement of his thumb over her skin.
A thousand thoughts kept running through his head and there were a thousand things he wanted to ask her but he knew she wouldn't answer him and he didn't want to disturb her again.
Brennan moved her aching eyes from the window to look at her hand. The movement of Booth's thumb was captivating and she found herself unable to avert her eyes from their linked hands. She was bone tired and wished everything would sort itself out; but it also pained her to know that he was here after all this time out of obligation and not love.
Because if it was not obligation, why hadn't he come when she had called him on the most horrible day of her life? Why hadn't he come to share with her the grief, the pain and the hollowness she was feeling?
"I missed you. For all that was worth, I missed you. I know I was the one to… I know I did a mistake and there were maybe a hundred times I wanted to come to you. Just to talk a little, say 'How do you do' and all that but I was afraid you'd reject me. I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am and how disgusted at myself for being such a weak coward. I thought about you all the time. Sometimes I'd get into my computer at work and spend hours looking at pictures of us, of you and Parker, of the squints and…"
He stopped talking and raised his eyes in surprise when she suddenly burst into tears. Taking her hand from his, she buried her face in her palms as the poison that was burning inside her chest was suddenly washed out by her tears and the wounds begun a slow process of healing. Just listening to his voice after wanting for him to come to her for so long was heavenly.
Booth suddenly realized he was just sitting there like an idiot and jumped up to curl his arms around her shaking frame. He sat down on the bed slowly and pulled her to rest against his chest; cupping the back of her head to bring it under his chin.
"Shhhh, Bones… I got you, baby. I'm sorry… I'm so, so sorry…. Please forgive me, please…"
He murmured softly against her hair, his lips brushing her temple and remembered whispering those same words to her earlier that day and kissing her. Well, he wasn't going to do that again.
But it didn't mean he couldn't run one big hand up and down her back, brush his lips ever so softly against the sweet smelling hair on her temple or close his eyes to relish on the feeling of having her on his arms, so, so close.
"Why didn't you come? I called for you, why didn't you come?"
It was a whisper but he heard it and felt another guilty blow to his chest. Pulling back from her, Booth placed the hand that was on her back on her shoulder, the other still cupping the back of her neck to keep her in place and force her to meet his eyes.
"Bones, I know I was a selfish bastard and you have every right to not believe me, but I didn't know. The hospital called and Hannah answered the phone."
It was implied that Hannah never passed along the message.
Brennan nodded softly, feeling at least one huge weight lift off her chest. He didn't know. He hadn't left her alone to deal with everything because he wanted to. At least not on that matter.
"I made a mistake. I should've realized you needed more time, that I needed to make you see I was serious about loving you and I that I wanted, no, want to spend the rest of my life with you. Hannah was a mistake I made because I was so hurt and frustrated and I just… I wanted her to be you, Bones. I needed her to be you and I blamed all of us when she didn't succeed. Hell, she didn't even come close. And I wanted that baby Bones, so badly I didn't know until I realized we'd lost it. Can you understand that? I LOVE you. And I'm not giving up on us, do you hear me?"
Bones' eyes were huge, tears running down her cheeks and tiny sobs racking her frame. She wanted to believe him, she really did. But she was afraid what it'd do to her if she gave them a chance and he suddenly decided she wasn't good enough and left her again. He brushed his thumb under her eyes to catch the tears and then pulled her into a bone crushing hug.
What he really wanted to do was kiss her again, but after the last time he wasn't sure what her response would be.
"It was a girl."
She whispered against his chest and he pulled back to look at her.
"Bones?"
"The baby…No…OUR baby. It was a girl."
"Oh, Bones."
His face contorted in pain. She looked down at her hands, remembering the feel of that small body on them.
"She was small and perfect. I named her Matilda. It means strength because that's what I had all those months I had her inside of me and what I hoped I would have when I lost her."
Booth brushed her hair softly in sorrow and could almost see that beautiful, beautiful baby.
"That's a beautiful name, Bones. She was a lucky little girl to have you as her mother."
Brennan looked up in surprise and gave him a watery smile. If felt incredibly odd on her face because it stretched muscles she hadn't used for a while.
"Her name was Matilda Parker Brennan Booth. She'd be lucky to have you as her father as well, Booth."
This time, he was the one who burst into tears and she was the one who hugged him, beginning to heal his new wounds and her old ones.
#BONES#
