Disclaimer: I do not own the Soul Eater manga, anime or anything else. This fic is fanmade and purely for enjoyment, just like everything else on this site.
Authors Note: Hmm, and here comes some major angst... Hmm, I'm not really satisfied with how this turned out though. I rewrote it probably 4 times before I settled. Tell me what you think...
"Hey, Soul?"
"Yeah?"
She paused, second guessing herself before she timidly put down her fork, then picked it up again, obviously unsure of how to come at the situation. Perhaps she was just being too nosy? "No, nevermind."
He chuckled, glancing over at her from across the table and swallowing the food he had shoveled into his mouth. "Now you just went and made me curious. C'mon Maka, what is it?"
She fidgeted nervously, moving the food on her plate around with a fork. "Why did you leave home?"
Everything in him froze, the silence in the room suddenly deafening. His eyes became wary as he looked at her. "Why does that matter?"
She shrugged, her eyes set firmly on her plate in an utter refusal to look at him and he could tell she was regretting even bringing it up. "It doesn't really matter, I guess. I was just wondering, that's all."
They lapsed into an awkward silence, neither eating anymore and the sound of forks scraping porcelain filling the air. He felt his stomach tighten in response. Sure, it makes sense that she would want to know, he'd been here for almost a year now and she had no idea about his life before. But that was something he would really rather not discuss... He would really rather forget it all, to be honest...
"My father used to cheat on my mother."
Soul jumped slightly, looking over at her in surprise as her voice cracked through the silence like a gunshot, even though she was speaking barely above a whisper. She continued to manuever her her fork around, not looking at him but obviously deep in thought.
"She left when I was young. I can barely even recall her face, to be honest. But I can still see the night she left, clear as day."
"I remember her yelling at him, as usual, and he just sort of stood there and took it. She went into her room and threw everything into a suitcase and left. Just like that. No goodbye, no telling us where she was going, no nothing. She was just... Gone. I never saw her again after that." She looked at him briefly, a cruel smile twisting on her face, all light gone from her normally lively eyes. The expression simply looked wrong on Maka. It sent a shiver down his spine.
"She was a meister and he was her weapon, you see. A scythe, like you. I thought that their bond was stronger then what it really had been. They always told me about times when they were allowed to be partners openly and they loved each other a lot, but after the rebellion, it all changed. They both got restless and took it out in different ways. For Papa, it was sleeping around. For Mama, it was fighting with Papa. I guess it just got to a point where it wasn't enough anymore. I really should have seen it coming, they could barely stand to even be in the same room with each other and I spent most nights huddled into my bed sheets, trying to block out their screaming. I knew I was the only thing that held them together that long. I guess you could say I was the main reason they were both so miserable. They felt responsible for me and felt it was unfair to leave their child with a single parent. I guess everyone has a breaking point, though, and Mama had finally reached hers."
She took a deep breath. "We moved into an apartment, a bit bigger then this one, and I spent a lot of nights alone. He would go out for hours at a time and would come home smelling like liquor and drunk out of his mind. Sometimes he even brought women with him. I would just turn up the radio and try to ignore the sounds that came from his bedroom."
"Despite all the drinking and the depression I knew he was going through, he never once raised his voice at me or mistreated me in any way. In fact, he spent most time when he was sober apologising to me, telling me how much he loved me and how precious I was to him. He really did try, I think. But I was still so angry at him. Why weren't Mom and I good enough for him? Why did he have to go out every night and leave us alone? Even when I didn't have Mom, he still... Still left me. Alone. Every single night."
"I put up with it for a few years, just letting that anger build and hardly ever leaving the house. Papa thought I was safer where no one could see me and realise what I was. Money was never an issue, Mama and Papa had stockpiled plenty before the rebellion, one of the first things they taught me was how to get access to it. He would often try to spoil me with material things. I loved to read and Papa would often bring books back. I would spend days just immersing myself into other times and places, allowing myself to forget what life was really like. It was comforting, knowing that everything wasn't as bad as it seemed. That maybe... Maybe my story, like so many of the ones I read, would have a happy ending." She laughed darkly, shaking her head and taking a small bite of potato that had long gone cold.
"I wasn't allowed to go to school. Papa said it was risky with my abilities and to make up for that, he often brought me home textbooks. I loved learning and taught myself so many things. I wanted to go to school so badly and I didn't really think of the consequences this would have, of what Papa was trying so hard to protect me from. It was just another thing that Papa deprived me of. I hated it."
"One night, he came home sober but with another woman. I got upset. That surprised him, I think. I usually just went and hid away in my room but something in me snapped and I knew that I had had enough."
"I yelled at him like Mama used to. I didn't hold anything back either, throwing every single venomous word and cutting insult I could think of without a second thought. He never said anything back, just sat there with this shocked, pitiful look on his face. I was furious. I wanted him to fight back and defend himself, not just take it like the pathetic shell he had become since Mama left. But he kept his silence, perhaps waiting for me to tire myself out and calm down a little. But I didn't. I ran out of the house, looking for some way just to get away from him. He chased me down not long after and he talked me into coming home. Told me that he would try to be a better Papa and spend more time with me. I didn't believe him, but it was cold and dark and I just wanted to go home and shut myself in my room. On the way home, some thugs cornered us. He tried to smooth talk his way out of it but had no luck and in the end, one of them grabbed my arm and started to drag me off."
"Papa turned his arms into scythes and cut off the hand of the guy that had grabbed me. He started screaming, but even with all the noise, I still distinctly remember Papa telling me to run. I hesitated, but he yelled at me again so I went off a short distance, just around a corner and into an alleyway so I could still watch but I didn't think anyone would find me."
"All the noise attracted people, they called the cops. They cornered him, all the lights shining down on him as he begged for mercy. I remember seeing the tears, there were so many. He pleaded and got down on the cement, begging for his life. I hoped they would show him mercy. I wanted nothing more then to go out and tell them to leave him alone. He may have been a cheating liar, but he was still my Papa and nothing he had done had made him deserve this fear. This humiliation. This cruelty. And just as I moved from my hiding spot, one of the officers fired. Then another... And another... Until Papa stopped moving."
Soul felt his body force him to breathe, something that he didn't think he'd done for a few minutes. He looked down at his plate of still cold food, his mind working rapidly to process what she was telling him. It sure made a lot of things make sense now...
"Well, after that, I ended up back home and I guess I really should have run, but I didn't. The girl he had brought home had left long ago and I just sat in my room and waited for something to happen. Maybe the police would beat down my door or a SWAT team would crash through the windows, coming to take me into custody or for execution. I had no idea what to expect. When no one came for a few days, I supposed the coast was clear and just continued living. I remember hoping that one day Papa would come stumbling through that door again, mumbling to himself before collapsing on the couch. Even though I watched him die out there, all by himself, alone and afraid... I still hoped that he would come home. It was two months before it finally sunk in that he wasn't coming back."
Her mouth twisted, a look a deep grief entering her eyes. "All those times I sat there and waited, cursing him for leaving me by myself and it took until he really had left me to realise what true loneliness felt like." She sighed, her breath shuddering slightly.
"I tried to commit suicide once. It just flashed down on me that I was completely alone in the world. The one person that I had always counted on, whether I knew it or not, was gone." She flashed her wrist to him and pointed to a scar he had never really noticed before. A line so thin and white that it was almost not even there unless it shone just right in the light, something so small and seemingly insignificant that you would have to know it was there to even see it and yet, it represented so much.
It made him feel sick. His Maka, the brilliant, brave, intelligent girl before him... Trying to kill herself? It was simply unfathomable to him.
"I was an idiot. I sat there for over and hour, holding that blade to my wrist. I finally worked up the... Well, I wouldn't call it courage, I suppose motivation would be a better word? Either way, I finally found it in myself to try, to rid myself of this agony of an existence. Of living in the apartment and never going outside. Of not being allowed to live as I liked because I could see things other people couldn't. Of being alone. And yet, all I could make was a shallow little slice. It bled a little, a few pricks of red coming to the surface, not nearly enough to kill me. I just didn't truly have it in me. Deep down, I know I want to live."
"When I think about it, my logic was idiotic. I wanted to kill myself after what Papa had just went through, sacrificing himself so I could live. What a selfish, ignorant, pathetic person I was. I decided, though, that I would force myself to change. I would get stronger and I would not allow anyone or anything to stand in my way anymore. I would get better."
"I couldn't stay in that place, constantly reminding me that I had no one else to turn to. That everything I had ever known was gone because I had to get over emotional and run out there. So I got the money that Papa had stored and moved here." She smiled lightly, although it didn't quite reach her eyes. "It was here that I found the others. Tsubaki, Kid, Liz, Patty... Even Black Star. I don't know what I would have done without them. I still don't know why I came here, but something about this place puts my soul at ease. It might just be knowing that there are others here who carry the same burden I do. So, I stay."
She looked up, glancing at his plate and picking up her own. "Well, I guess I should start washing the dishes. Are you done, Soul?"
"Yeah." He replied faintly and he did nothing as she took his dish and turned on the sink.
He sat in silence long after Maka went to bed.
