Heyy you guys. Soo sorry that I haven't typed in a while. This is the first disclaimer for this story in a couple of chapters. I'm sorry about that. Geometry just so happens to be kicking my ass right now XD…But, I will try to update sooner than I have been. So, if you will bear with me, I promise you that the next chapters will be even more amazing…Well, at least from what you tell me. So, yeag

Disclaimer: I DO NOT Own anything of Stephenie Meyers' making, or the band Jamestown Story...I only own the plot and maybe a few surprise characters (hint hint, nudge nudge, wink wink) So, without further adieu, I give you Chapter 8 of Goodbye I'm Sorry…!

Previously: "I love you so much," he whispered against my lips.

"Forever and always?" I asked him. He started to answer but was interrupted by Esme.

"Edward, it's for you." She said handing him the phone.

"Who is it, Esme?" He asked, the perfect gentleman.

"Tanya, your girlfriend."

Chapter 8 - My Happy Ending?

Your girlfriend. The words swarmed around my head, blurring my vision, making it so I could hear my pulse in my head. At some point I had fallen to my knees, when I don't know, but when I felt Edward's arms wrap around me, I yelled.

"Let go of me!" I screamed at him. He flinched back at the piercing sound, letting me go. I stood up and stepped back a step away from him. He looked up to meet my gaze, and of its own accord, my hand pulled back and backhanded him in the face, knocking him off balance. He looked at me, astonished. "I trusted you!" I yell to him. "I gave you everything I have! I believed you when you said you'd never hurt me!" I was panting with anger and hurt, trying to find sense in all of this.

"How could you do this to me?" I whisper to him. He met my gaze and looked away just as fast. I swallowed back the tears, nodded, and walked into the house. Alice tried to follow, but I shook my head at her. I kept walking through the house, up to my room. I walk over to the window, kneel down and start to pray…Possibly to the only person who does care.

"Jakey," I whisper. "Jakey, I don't know what to do. I'm so lost without you. Please, help me to understand what is happening, and what I should do. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. You were always there for me, even when I didn't want anyone near me," I stopped to clear my throat, trying to make the tears go away. "I miss you, Jakey. I need you. I miss my glowing sun, my shining star. My best friend, brother…Father. Please," I whisper to him sadly, "please don't leave me more alone in this world than I already am." I fell off of my knees with a gut-wrenching sob, holding my face in my hands.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say that you're in love with him," came a voice from behind me. I gasped, looking for something to throw blindly when he spoke again. "Hey, it's me. Jasper," he said. I looked up and saw my adopted brother. I stood up numbly, not knowing what was right anymore. He held out his arms silently, and I ran into them, the sobs wracking my body. He wrapped his arms tightly around me. "Shh, shh. It's all right, I'm here. Shh," he whispered to me, his hand smoothing over my hair. I tried to breathe but I couldn't. First my mom, than Jake, and now Edward. . .

"I…Can't…Stay…Here," I managed to get out. I pulled away from him slightly, looking into his eyes. He shook his head.

"No," he said fiercely. "No, I won't let you leave."

"I…Can't…Be Here…With…Him," I said, my breathing starting to even out. He sighed and said something too low for human ears to hear. I felt presences in the room with us and pulled away, wiping away my tears. I looked up to see Emmett, Rosalie, and Alice.

"You're not leaving us," they all said at the same time. I shook my head, about to explain, but Emmett cut in.

"No, Bella," he said, coming towards me. He grabbed my shoulders in his hands, careful not to hurt me. "If you leave, than I'm leaving too. I forgot all about that dumb whore, Tanya," he said, wincing when I did. "Sorry," he said and I just nodded. Alice, Rosalie, and Jasper all spoke up.

"We're going with you as well," they said. I looked at my friends, my sisters and brothers. I smiled a watery smile and nodded, holding out my arms. Next thing I knew, I was the filling in a four-vampire sandwich. I laughed, and they did as well. They put me down and we just looked at each other.

"If our brother wants to be an ass, than he can be an ass. . . Without us," Rosalie said. I looked at her and she just winked.

"Yeah, it's about time he got off his damned pedestal and taken a good look at what he has and might lose," Emmett said. I blew him a brotherly kiss.

"Thank you," I said to them. "So," I said, sighing, a mischievous smile across my face. "I guess this means a road trip, huh?" And before I knew it, four very excited, very immature vampires were jumping up and down, yelling and laughing. And just for the hell of it, I joined in.

Later, when we were all packed and ready to go, after telling Esme that we were going on a little field trip, without Edward and why, we piled into the car and sped off, the sounds of Face Down, by The Redjumpsuit Apparatus blaring through the speakers. I called Tanya and told her she could go fuck herself. Then we called the school, saying I was officially dropping out.

We didn't have a real destination; we just wanted to get away. And let me tell you, if there's anything the Cullens excel at, it's getting away. So, we drove and drove, the miles flying by. We stopped at a center along the way and I got my abortion, followed by my hysterectomy. We ended up staying at a motel or two along the way so I could sleep comfortably, and by the next morning we were on our way again. It was exciting, being with only my brothers and sisters. We laughed, talked, played games, made jokes, and bonded. I soon forgot about what happened.

We were gone for six months, and had been to almost everywhere in the country. I had thousands upon thousands of pictures of all of us, and even more memories. But, all too soon, we ended up back at the Cullen household, where all the repressed memories suddenly flooded my mind.

Tanya…Girlfriend…You little bitch…I hate you...Forever and always?...

"Whoa, Bella!" I heard someone call my name and catch me before I pitched forward. I tried to gulp in some air, but the possibilities flooded in my heart and mind. I leaned over and puked onto the driveway, trying to forget and move on. Jasper held my hair back for me, and wiped my mouth for me once I was done.

"Thanks, Jaz," I said to him hoarsely. He smiled, ruffled my hair, and handed me the soda Alice had handed him. I took a swig and handed it back, grateful for my family. I turned, grabbed Jasper and Emmett's hands and walked up the front steps, into the house I now called home. "Esme?" I called out normally, knowing she would hear me. And faster than I could blink, she was standing in front of me, pulling me into a hug, and kissing me all over. For a moment, I almost felt like this was my real family. I pulled back and smiled.

"Oh, it is soo good to have you all back home! Now, you must tell me all about it!" She spasmed with joy. I started to say something when Alice suddenly remembered something.

"Hey, Bella," she said, and I turned to her. "Are you gonna call Fork back?" She said slyly, and laughed when I blushed.

"Who's Fork?" Esme asked. I blushed even more, but answered nonetheless.

"He's this guy we met. And he's just a friend," I said pointedly, glaring at Alice. She just winked. I rolled my eyes at her, failing to hide my smile. Damn her.

"Oh, and wherever did you meet said friend?" Esme questioned.

"Well, it all happened when…" and so I told her how we met Fork, and how he helped us out. How we all became good friends, and how he helped me personally. After the story ended, I noticed two new members to our little party. Carlisle…and Edward. I wasn't ready to face him yet, so I gasped and asked the rest if they remembered that crazy lady with the chickens. We all started laughing and soon we were gasping for air.

"Well Bella," Carlisle said, after he too was done laughing, "it seems to me like you enjoyed yourself immensely."

"I did, Carlisle. And, thank you…For everything that you've done for me; even when I didn't appreciate it." He came forward and hugged me. I hugged him back, relishing in the feeling of possibly belonging somewhere for the first time in my life. I sighed happily.

"I'd do it again in a nanosecond," he whispered to me. I smiled, the tears forming behind my closed eyes. He pulled away to hold my shoulders, looking into my eyes. "Whether you or some people like it or not, you are a member of this family. And we all make it a promise to defend and help our family."

"Thank you, Carlisle," I said to him, looking around at everyone, except Edward. "So," I said, looking at my companions. "I don't know about you guys but I'm going swimming," I said and searched through my bag for my new bathing suit. I found a note attached to it from Fork, saying how he hates how he'll miss seeing my wrinkled body in that dental floss. I started laughing at our joke. And hate how I would probably never see him again. I sighed, went into the bathroom, and put on my fire engine red bikini. I walked out of the bathroom to find everyone in their bathing suits. I laughed and took off towards the lake. I was tiring out when I felt Rosalie scoop me up and start racing towards the lake. Emmett, Alice, Jasper, Carlisle, and Esme were behind us. Edward sped off up front. For a moment I just watched the way his muscles flexed as he ran. But then I remember what he did, and the admiration disappeared.

We got to the lake in record time, and soon enough we were diving into the cold water. I came up and laughed with exhilaration. Emmett started a splash fight, and before long, he had Rosalie in his arms and was holding her there. Jasper and Carlisle had Alice and Esme that way. I subtly let it be known that I needed to go to the bathroom, and walked into the trees, away from Edward.

When I came back, they were playing Marco polo, and instead of joining them, I laid out on the grass. It was amusing, while nauseating, watching them swim back and forth. Once again, I got the strong urge to know what it would be like to be a vampire. I shook the thought away though.

I laughed when it was appropriate, smiled and nodded when it was expected, and talked like everything was amazing when, really, I wanted nothing more than to slit my wrists. Amazing, how in just three hours of being in his presence, death was all I could think about. Sighing, I got up.

"Hey guys," I called out. They stopped and looked at me. "I'm kind of hungry," I said simply and shrugged my shoulders. Everyone got out simultaneously and walked over to me.

"I'll carry her," Emmett and Jasper said at the same time. We laughed as they glared at each other. I shook my head at them.

"I'm walking, but you both can escort me there. That is if it is all right with your ladies," I said and looked meaningfully at Alice and Rosalie. They pretended to be offended, but started chortling and just winked at them. "Very well then," I said as I held out both arms and started to walk away. They each grabbed an arm and we began walking back the Cullen house.

When we got there, there was a black Jaguar in the driveway. Before anyone could ask questions, I squealed.

"Fork!" I yelled, letting go of Emmett and Jasper, and running to Fork's waiting arms. He caught me in his arms and spun me around, laughing.

"How are you, sport?" He said once he had put me down. By now Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, and Jasper were all yelling and laughing and hugging Fork. We had missed him terribly. I just shrugged my shoulders and looked up at him. His liquid blue eyes stared back at me. I noticed how his dirty blond hair was blowing in the breeze and how the sun hit his skin tone just right, making him look like melted honey. He was shirtless, like always, and his chest was amazing. Unfortunately, I noticed how plain he was next to Edward. I sighed and hugged him again.

"I missed you, idiot!" I said to him. He squeezed me back for a moment before letting go. And then he turned to Esme, Carlisle, and Edward and introduced himself.

After a while we all were in the living room, talking. Fork was granted permission to stay here with us, and he accepted. I jumped up and hugged Esme and Carlisle, thanking them immensely.

Fork stayed with us for a month. He kept my mind off Edward, and for that I was thankful. But, soon enough, he had to leave, and go back to his home. I fretted over it, and begged him to stay. He would not have it though. His family would be missing him. He said he did not want to go, that he would rather stay, but duty called.

"Fine," I said sadly, the tears forming. He sighed sadly and pulled me into his arms, kissing my forehead.

"You have no idea how badly I wish to stay," he whispered against my ear. "I'd give both my arms and legs if it meant I could stay here." He kissed my forehead once more before letting me go. "I love you, Bella. You're my best friend, and I will never forget you," he said, starting to walk away. I ran to him and kissed him on the cheek.

"I love you, too, Fork. You have helped me in ways I never imagined. It is going to be a darker place in my life without you," I said, hating how I would never see him again. "I know Jakey sent you to me, and I hope we will see each other again. I'm going to miss you terribly," I said to him, kissing his hands before retreating away. "Goodbye, Fork," I said. He said his goodbyes and got into his car, driving away.

I fell to my knees and watched him drive away, possibly leaving me forever. Once his car was out of sight, I got up and walked into the house. I was met by four pairs of arms, hugging me and telling me it would be okay. I just let them hold me. I really didn't have anything now. The love of my life lied to me, my best friend was dead, I killed my own mother, and I just lost the only comfort I still had. The only thing I did have was myself, and that wasn't worth anything.

Eventually, we made our way into the living room, where Esme brought me some tea, and we put a movie on to watch. I didn't pay attention to it, though. I was too busy wondering where I would go from here, what I would do. Sometime later, the Cullen's had to go feed. I told them I would be fine to stay along for a few hours. Reluctantly, they agreed and left.

It was a couple hours after they left that the phone rang. I answered it.

"Hello?" I said. A nasally scoff answered me.

"Hi, is Edward there?" A girl's voice asked.

"No, he is not. He's away for a little bit," I said, grimacing.

"Oh. Well, do you know when he'll be back?" She asked.

"No, I do not know," I said, getting irritated.

"Wait, is this Bella?" She sneered. I gulped.

"Yes, why do you ask?"

"Because I just want to let you know that Edward is mine, and no worthless little bitchy human is gonna take him away from me," she said, her voice slightly louder.

"Who says he is yours?" I countered. She was really pissing me off, whoever she was. "Who the hell are you, anyways?"

"My name's Tanya. And I'm really sick of you trying to warm up on my boyfriend, you little whore," she spit at me. I tried to speak, but she would not let me. "You are so pathetic. Can't you see that he doesn't want you? That he cannot stand being near you? That he hates you? That you are nothing to him? That you can never, ever have him?" She was yelling now, and the tears were falling from my face. I sniffled, and she laughed. "You are so fukking pathetic. Crying over a man who does not want you, nor will he ever. They feel sorry for you, don't you see? You're just a worthless whore." She sighed before speaking once more. "I don't have time for this. Goodbye, human," she said and hung up.

I threw the phone down and ran into the kitchen, grabbing a steak knife from the drawer. I ran up to my room, locking it. I turned on the radio, blaring the music. While the sounds of Evanescence struck through my room, I fell onto the floor, holding the knife to my wrist. I slashed straight down, watching as the blood started leaking from my wrist. The tears were falling and I couldn't help it. I slashed my other wrist as well. I dropped the knife and got up.

Walking over to the mirror, I looked at the blood dripping onto the floor. I wiped some of the blood onto my fingers and started to write on the mirror. Blood dripped down the mirror, giving it a darker edge. A strangled laugh came out as I finished writing, holding onto the dresser so I wouldn't fall. Stepping back, I looked at what the mirror said:

Without Him I'm Nothing

I slid down the wall, laughing and coughing. The phrase was so true, in every sense. I sensed my phone ringing, but the ringing in my head was more prominent.

Sometime later, when I was feeling fuzzy, someone came in the room and was yelling for someone. I lifted up my hand and turned them towards me. I leaned in and spoke.

"She is right. I don't mean anything to him. He really does hate me. I mean nothing to him," I whispered to the person. I felt a breeze on me and soon I was being strapped down to something, and I heard a beeping. I felt the prick of a needle and soon, I was sleeping again.

When I woke up, I turned my head and saw the calendar. It said September 20. It was Saturday. I groaned and rolled back over, wincing a little bit when I twisted my wrists. I sat straight up, looking at the bandages. I ripped them off, until only my slashed wrists stared back at me. Tears filled my eyes as I remembered why I cut.

I removed the comforter I was under and got up, slowly walking towards the bathroom. After relieving my bladder, I brushed my teeth and took a shower. The cold water felt like heaven on my hot flesh, but felt like shit on my wrists. I gritted my teeth, too used to the pain to cry out anymore.

Once I got out of the shower, I dried my hair and walked into my room, heading for the closet. Once in there, I picked out a lacy red and black bra and underwear set, put them on and looked for some sweatpants. I found a loose-fitting black pair, and with that I put on a t-shirt that was also black, but had streaks of red in it. I went to my dresser and put on black eyeliner, some vanilla body spray, and grabbed my black and red nail polish.

After my nails had dried, I put on some black ankle socks and, turning off the light, I walked out of the room and downstairs. I was being super quiet; I heard people talking.

"…I won't put her through that," someone was saying. I think it's Edward. Someone sighed.

"What choice do we have? If she doesn't go, she'll only get worse," Carlisle said.

"I am not going to let her be taken to a damned mental hospital, for psychiatric 'help'," Edward said. So they were going to send me to a mental institute…Tears filled my eyes at the possibility of leaving my family.

"Edward," Carlisle said, trying to reason with him. "She's sick. You can't want to sit here and watch her get worse by the day. You saw what she did to herself, what she wrote on the mirror, what she was mumbling. None of it is, well, sane. I, for one, am not going to sit here and let her wither away," he said, and I heard movement, I peeked around the corner, seeing that Carlisle had put his hand on Edward's shoulder. "This is for the best, son," he said. Edward looked up, tormented, but nodded. I noticed that all the Cullens were in the room as well. Anger flooded through me. How dare they? I walked into the room, tears falling down my face.

"I am NOT going to a damned mental hospital," I whispered harshly. "You have no fukking idea why I even slit my wrists!" I yelled, holding up my wrists. "Or why I wrote what I wrote, said what I said! You don't even fukking ask me why!" I yelled, my voice getting louder. "How can you all be so fukking stupid?" I screamed, my voice reaching an octave I didn't even know about. "You wanna know why I did this to myself? Huh?" I yelled. They all looked at me and nodded. I turned towards Edward and glared at him. "Because his," I said, pointing at Edward, "trashy girlfriend said that I was worthless, that I meant nothing to him, that I was only an obstacle that was in the way of her getting him, that nobody wanted me, that you all feel sorry for me, that no one would ever want me! That he hates me and I'm a fukking pathetic whore, crying over a man who could never want me," I said, my voice cracking and fading out as my lips started to tremble and my throat clogged up. All the Cullens looked astonished, and soon rage took over their features.

"She said that?" Edward's voice broke out, over the growling of the others. I just nodded sadly, knowing that every word she said was true. I turned and started walking away when someone caught my arm. I looked up bleary-eyed into Edward's handsome face, remembering what happened between us. My eyes drifted to his lips and he noticed that as well. He started to lean in, but I pulled away from him.

"No, Edward," I said. "I'm done playing these games," I said and pulled out of his grasp, walking up the stairs. I didn't turn back once.

(Sometime later) EPOV

"I'm done playing these games," she had said. I had let her go, again. Stupid Tanya, she never got the hint. We were together over 50 years ago, but only because she had wanted it. I never liked her, and I broke it off quickly, after just 3 days. I couldn't stand to be near her, and she just kept coming back. About 5 years or so ago, though, we tried again. I guess word never got around that we had broken up. I'm surprised immensely that it didn't. The same day we started being together again, I found her with some male vampire, having sex. Disgusted, me and my family had left. I guess she still thought we were together.

"Not this time, Tanya," I said angrily, the words sounding like a curse. She ruined everything. "Or was it my fault this time?"

"It was and wasn't your fault, Edward," Alice said, coming to stand next to me. I looked up at her, questions in my eyes. She sighed. "It was because you didn't tell her about Tanya, but it wasn't because you didn't know that Tanya would just call out of the blue. I want you to know that I don't want Bella to go to one of the places, Edward," she said, shivering with memory. "I know they're more modernized, but the feeling is the same. She doesn't need a hospital to get better…" she seemed she wanted to say more.

"Just say it, Alice," I said in monotone. "It cannot be as bad as having her walk away from me twice now," I said, my voice dripping with sadness. She sighed once more.

"Edward," she said, humming the national anthem in German in her head, "she doesn't need a hospital. She needs you," she said, looking at me meaningfully. I felt my heart breaking, knowing it would be impossible. "I'll go talk to her," she said. I looked at her gratefully. "And please do not listen to the conversation. Go hunt," she advised, waltzing into the house. I smiled sadly. Stubborn little pixie. Running off into the trees, I ran as far away as my thoughts would carry me.

Finding a mountain lion, I took the creature down, wondering how I was supposed to get my Bella back.

APOV

"…Just talk to him, Bella," I said again for the fifteenth time. She just shook her, tears glistening in her eyes. "Why the hell not?" I said, my voice betraying my aggravation.

"First," she said, getting up and hugging me, "I'm sorry I'm making you mad, and second," she said releasing me and going to sit on the bed. I grabbed her hand. "It would be like talking to the wall. And I can't go through that again," she said the tears brimming over.

"What do you mean, Bella?" I asked, sitting next to her, pulling her head onto my shoulders so she could let it out. She sniffled and sighed before speaking.

BPOV

"Talking to Edward is like talking to the wall. No matter what you say to it, it never seems to understand what you're talking about. You can talk to it for years and years, but you'll never get the reply you want, you need. You'll never know if they feel the same things you feel," I said, looking up at her. Concealed pain was in her eyes. "If they ever do answer you, the answer always changes. One minute they feel the same, the next minute, they're trying to get away from you as fast as they can," I said, my voice bitter with memories.

"Bella," Alice said, her voice uneasy. I pulled away to look at her.

"What is it, Alice?" I asked her.

"How do you feel about my brother?" She asked.

"Which one?" I asked. She smirked, but her voice was stern.

"Edward," she said, waiting for my reaction. I grimaced, my heart tearing into little bits and pieces.

"He's like a brother to me," I said, choosing my words carefully. Better make her think I don't love him. "He treats me kindly, most of the time, but he's like a brother," I said, looking into her eyes. She looked taken aback at what I said.

"So," she said, trying to find the words. "So, you don't love him? As anything more?" She asked. I shook my head no. "But…But I thought," she said, her voice stuttering.

"You thought what, Alice? That I was in love with him? Please," I scoffed. "Love doesn't even exist. It's all an illusion. I mean, sure I'd have a quick fling with him, but love? No," I said, lying through my teeth kind of. I don't know if love exists. I mean my heart speeds up whenever he's around, and my palms get sweaty, and whenever his lips press against mine it feels like electricity, and when I found out about
Tanya it felt like my heart was being torn out of my chest. I don't know what to think.

She was looking at me as if I had grown three heads. I sighed and got up, walking to the door and opening it.

"I am not in love with Edward, Alice. Nor will I ever be. I think of him as a brother, nothing more. Now, will you please leave? I have things that need to be done, and I would rather do them alone," I said, making sure everyone in the house could hear me. She looked like she was going to cry, but got up and left, silently, without a word or glance to me. I closed the door behind her, and sat down on the floor, trying to block the sounds of my sobs. I closed my eyes tightly, hating how I had hurt Alice. But I didn't know what else to do.

Sometime later, I heard voices from downstairs. They were arguing. The voices were getting louder, and not five minutes later, I heard the sound of glass breaking. I closed my eyes on a pained sob, remembering when Charlie and Renee used to fight…

(Memory)

"How is this my fault?" Mommy yelled at Daddy.

"Well, gee, I wonder why!" Daddy yelled back. "I come home to find you and some drunken asshole, FUCKING in my bed!" He yelled, his voice getting louder.

"Well, maybe if you'd stop going out every night and coming back wasted with lipstick all over you and half your money gone from spending it at the damn stripper joint, I wouldn't have to!" Mommy is really mad at Daddy now. "I can't keep living like this! How the hell do you expect me to raise our daughter with only my help? You're just a damned drunken asshole and I can't stand you!" Mommy yelled at Daddy. Someone picked up something and threw it. I heard the sound of glass breaking. Mommy cried out.

"Shit, honey I'm sorry!" Daddy said to Mommy.

"Forget it, Charlie! I'm going to stay with Marissa for a few days, until you calm the hell down!" Mommy had yelled, and stormed out of the house. Daddy came up a little bit later to find me sobbing. He held me until I fell asleep. Too bad Mommy was gonna leave Daddy when she came back…

(End Memory)

"No!"I yelled, coming out of my room and running down the stairs. I got to where the yelling was and met the Cullens. They didn't see me. They just kept on fighting. I hated the fighting. "Stop!" I screamed out. They all stopped and looked at me. "Stop fighting! Please, stop fighting. I can't take the fighting," I cried, walking towards them. "You're all a family. You shouldn't be fighting like this! This is all my fault," I whispered, looking at each of them. Alice was about to speak but I cut her off. "If I never would have came here, you all wouldn't be fighting like this, turning to violence to solve your disputes. If leaving means that you'll become a family again, I'll do it. I can't stand to see you all fighting over me," I said to them, all of them had looks of guilt and regret on their faces. I sniffled and wiped away the tears. "I'll get my things," I said and didn't even get a fourth of the way turned when Edward was in front of me, again.

"Don't leave, Bella," he whispered, his voice tormented. "I don't want you to leave. I won't let you leave," he said, his voice promising retribution if I did.

"How can I stay, Edward? All of this," I said, indicating the state of the living room, "is my fault. I can't sit here and watch you fall apart because you wanted to protect a worthless mortal, whose life doesn't even mean a thing. Your family was perfect before I came along, and I'm sure it will be once I leave," I said trying to turn, but his steely grip on my arm was making it impossible for me to go anywhere. He shook his head.

"Bella," he said, holding my face in his hands, refusing to let me turn away, "before you came along, we were just another coven. We were never a family…Not until you came along. You leaving is what is making us this way. We don't want you to leave. If you do, we'll fall apart. We can't lose you," he said and all the Cullens started nodding with him.

"Bella," Alice said. I looked at her. "I love you like my sister, and if you leave, I don't think I'll be able to go shopping again."

"I won't be able to look in another mirror," Rosalie said.

"I won't be able to play anymore pranks," Emmett said.

"I won't be able to look at another book on the war," Jasper said.

"I won't be able to work as a doctor anymore," Carlisle said.

"And I won't be able to be a mom if I lose another child," Esme said. I looked at Edward.

"I won't be able to live at all," Edward said. He let me go and stepped back, making it so I could see all of them. Tears filled my eyes at what they were implying. I was lost for words.

"I don't know what to say to you," I whispered, wishing I could promise that I would stay, but not knowing if it would be true.

"We can't lose you," Alice whispered, repeating Edward's words earlier.

"I don't want to lose you," I whispered back, knowing they would hear me. I noticed how Edward was trying to read Alice's thoughts and getting aggravated that she was blocking him. I smiled a little bit. "Alice," I said to her and she looked at me. Her face betrayed what she wasn't saying. That she was scared I would leave. I held out my arms. She ran into them, careful not to hurt me. I hugged her, hard.

"Please don't leave, Bella," she dry sobbed. I just nodded.

"I want to talk to you, alone," I said to her, placing emphasis on the word alone. Soon, everyone left. But I waited a solid five minutes before speaking. "Are they far enough away that they can't hear what I'm saying?" I asked. She nodded.

"What did you want to say, Bella?" She asked, afraid of my answer.

"I want to tell you the truth," I said. She led me to the couch and we sat down. I gulped, afraid of her reaction, but with a comforting glance, I began to speak. "Alice, when you asked me earlier why I couldn't talk to him, and I said that it was like talking to the wall…I didn't give you a good enough explanation…" I said, the tears forming. I faintly heard the song 'Goodbye' by Secondhand Serenade playing and the tears started flowing freely. So, I poured my heart out to her, explaining my fears, what happened to me, how I felt about Edward, how he always kept changing his mind, how scared I was, how he claimed he was scared but always changed his mind when things got rough, and how deathlessly in love with him I was. I left out the part about what Charlie did to me with the whip, though. By the time that I was done, three hours had gone by. Alice was unnaturally silent. She now knew everything that happened to me since I was 5. Things I've never told anyone. Her eyes were tortured, never imagining that that had happened. I gulped, and tried to speak. "Alice?" I asked. She just got up and stormed out of the room. I followed her. "Alice!" I cried after her. She just kept going. "Alice, will you stop for a minute? Please!" I yelled, but she was out of the house and into the woods.

Me, being stupid, followed. I was running after her, to no avail. I noticed that the sun was setting, and that in less than 20 minutes, it would be dark out. I didn't know my way around these parts. I stopped and yelled again. "Alice!"

I was lost. There was no doubt about it. I was completely and utterly, lost.

When the sun had set, possibly a couple of hours ago, I tried to find my way back to the house. But, I had gotten lost because I didn't remember which way it was. Something rustled in the bushes and I took off running, screaming.

"Alice! Edward! Help!" I screamed as I ran, wishing I knew where I was. I had a feeling I was going farther and farther away, so I stopped again. I found a sturdy tree and climbed up.

When I got as high up as the tree would let me, I looked to see if I saw any lights. I saw the pond where we swam at, about a mile away. I groaned. The house was a good five miles away from the pond. I turned in the direction the house would be in, and spotted it. And cold fear filled me. The lights were all off. They never were, not even when no one was home. Panicked, I climbed down as fast as I could, and when I hit the ground, I took off running towards the house. I prayed for everything I didn't believe in that they hadn't left me.

I reached the house, tired and panting, and ran up the front steps, opening the door. And screamed. There were white sheets covering the furniture. Well, what furniture was there. I ran through the house, checking each room, finding them all in the same state. Except my room. Everything was where it was when I left it. Everything was untouched. I went to where my cell phone was and dialed Edward's number. It was disconnected. I tried the others' and got the same answer. I yelled, throwing my phone across the room. It hit something that sounded like a body, and when I looked up, there was Laurent. I screamed.

"No, no, no, no!" I screamed, getting up and inching away from him. "You're supposed to be dead!"

"Well, I'm not dead, am I?" He purred, stepping closer. I tried to back away, but the backs of my legs hit the bed, and I fell backwards onto it. He took the opportunity and got on top of me, pinning me under him. I tried to get him off me.

"Get off! Please, get off me!" I yelled, tears falling. He smiled and arched his head back. I stopped struggling long enough to see his fangs. "Noooo!" I screamed. "Noooo, Edw—" I started to call but he sunk his fangs into my neck. I screamed…

I jolted up, sweating and panting, my throat dry. I was in the living room, and all the lights were on, and the furniture was okay. I looked around me and saw that I was alone. Fearing the worst, I grabbed the phone and dialed Edward's number. He answered.

"Hello?" He said. I yelled.

"Oh, thank God!" I yelled, relieved tears falling down my face.

"Bella?" He asked. I began to nod when I remembered that he couldn't see me.

"Yes, it's me. Where are you guys? I'm alone, Alice is gone, and I'm scared. Please, help me!" I sobbed, hoping he would come.

"We're at the pond. What do you mean Alice is gone? What happened? Are you okay?" He asked.

"Please, come home. I don't want to be alone. Alice freaked and ran off. I followed her, but she just disappeared. I got lost and couldn't find my way back. So, I climbed a tree and saw the pond and the house, but there were no lights on at all, and when I ran back to the house, there were white sheets on all the furniture and everyone was gone. I went into my room, where everything was fine, tried calling you and everyone else, but your numbers were disconnected. Then I threw my phone and it hit Laurent. He was alive and he…he bit me! Please, come home Edward. I'm so scared," I whispered.

"I'm on my way, with everyone else. I'll be there in thirty seconds," he promised. I counted to thirty, and he was suddenly there, pulling me into his arms. I hugged him back, sobbing uncontrollably. Soon, I felt everyone else enter the room. I let go of Edward and hugged each of them, not wanting to let go. I looked up and saw Alice. I screamed and backed away from her. "Alice, where the hell were you?" Edward demanded angrily. She looked confused.

"I asked Bella if she needed anything and she said some mint chocolate chip ice cream. So," she said, holding up a bag, "I went and got her some. She was tired, and wanted to sleep, so I told her I would be back in ten minutes with her ice cream," she said. She moved into the kitchen to put away the ice cream in the freezer and came back. "What happened to you, Bella?" She asked. I grabbed Edward's hand and he led me to the couch, where he held me as I told her what happened. A look of horror filled everyone's faces as I got to the end. By the end I was crying, again. Edward just held me as I cried.

"I was so scared," I whispered, covering my face with my hands. Edward rubbed my shoulders soothingly.

"It was just a dream, Bella," he whispered in my ear. "I won't let you go. I'm right here," he kept whispering sweet nothings in my ear, and soon he was humming a song to me. I fell asleep against his shoulder.

When I woke up, he was gone. I started panicking. "Edward?" I called out. He was by my side in a second. I blushed, causing him to chuckle. He looked at me, asking a silent question: can I lay with you? I nodded, moving so he could get in the bed next to me.

When he was under the covers, I snuggled up next to him, and he wrapped his arms around me, holding me next to him. I sighed, content. Right now I didn't care if he had a girlfriend, all I cared about was that he was lying next to me, protecting me from the dangers out there.

I lifted my head. "Edward?" I asked. He looked at me. "Can…Can I ask you something?" I questioned. His eyes became wary, and a little apprehensive. I grimaced. "Yeag, I can understand why you'd feel that way," I said to him. He looked hunted for a second before a sort of guilt washed over his features. I smiled sadly and started to roll over so my back was to him when he spoke.

"It's not that, Bella," he said. I looked at him. "It's…It's I don't know. I should have told you about Tanya, I really should have. But we haven't even spoken to any of the Denali's in 5 years. She hasn't contacted me in 4. So, for her to do that just out of the blue…" his voice faded as he shook his head. "I'm sorry for what she said to you. So, so sorry. If I could go back in time and prevent any of this from happening, I would. I wanted to go to Denali and murder her when I heard what she said to you. I could have killed her. I talked to Alice as well," he said, gazing into my eyes when I looked up, shocked.

"What did she say?" I asked, feigning indifference. But the way he was looking at me proved that he knew something.

"She didn't say anything," he said, sighing. "She told me that if I wanted to know, that I was to talk to you," he said with an impish smile. My heart stuttered in my chest at his smile. His smile vanished, but his eyes were smoldering. I swallowed audibly. He chuckled lightly at my response. For some reason, I remembered what he had said would happen to him if I left.

"What did you mean before? When you said that you wouldn't be able to live at all if I left," I said to him, watching his face for any traces of emotion. His eyes grew sad and ancient and suddenly he seemed his age. What is his age anyways? I asked myself. Well, if you really wanna know, ask him. But, wouldn't that be rude? Hell if I know, I once again answered myself. I really need to stop talking to myself in my head. Sighing, I looked up into his amused eyes. "What?" I asked, embarrassment rushing through me. He just shook his head, laughter dancing in his eyes. I kept looking at him, waiting for an answer, so he sighed and spoke.

"Bella, if you left, I wouldn't be able to live. I wouldn't be able to look at the rest of my family without remembering something about you. Probably some dumbass memory, but it would be of you, and I wouldn't be able to handle that. Having to see you, remember you, through someone's memories. It would be unbearable," he whispered, tears in his eyes. "I would go to the Volturi, an old and ancient vampire family that rules all vampires. I would ask them for death because I wouldn't be able to go another day without you next to me. You are my life, Bella," he whispered, taking my face in his hands.

"I'll spend the rest of my existence trying to make it up to you, how I hurt you, and lied to you, and hid things from you. I'd do whatever it took to make you mine again," he said, looking at me like he'd die for me. Tears fill my eyes at what he is saying. "Please, do not cry, honey," he whispered, kissing away the tears. I stiffened at the endearment, wondering if he knew he said that. Or if he even meant it.

I heard him sigh, aggravated and wondered why until Jasper came in.

"Bella," he said sternly. I just looked at him. "How many times have I got to tell you? Try to keep a hold on your emotions! Please," he said. I could see that I was torturing him, and I felt guilt wash through me. He grimaced, looking depressed now.

"I'm sorry, Jaz," I said to him. I pulled my emotions back into me, so that I was numb. He glared when he felt my emotions disappear.

"And stop doing that," he said. "I told you once already that you'd end up exploding if you kept doing it…" his voice faded out as he looked at Edward. "And, I think Alice is calling me," he said, walking away and closing the door. Edward chuckled and turned back to me.

"As I was saying," he said, sighing. I sniffled and wiped the tears away. He just looked at me, his cool hands framing my face lovingly. "I know you don't trust me anymore, Bella," he said and I knew he was going somewhere with this. "But, please just tell me if you can handle having me in your life as a brother," he said, his voice dripping with sadness and defeat. I sighed, deciding to go with the truth.

"No, Edward," I said, meeting his depressed gaze. "I can't handle having you in my life as a brother…" I said, my voice fading away as I blushed and looked down, wanting to say the rest but afraid it was too late. He tilted my face up to his and looked at me.

"But..?" He asked, knowing that there was one. I sighed.

"But, I'd have to fight from kissing you every time I'd see you," I said, blushing madly. He busted out laughing, and all the blood washed out of my face. I knew it, my mind whispered. He doesn't feel the same way. I tried to smile with him, but I almost cried when I did. He looked at my expression and he got an incredulous look on his face.

"Did you seriously think I wouldn't care? That I wouldn't want the same thing?" He asked, his voice hurt. I just nodded, afraid of him getting mad. I looked away, but he brought my face back to his and kissed me. I gasped, and before it even began, it ended. "You crazy, beautiful, wonderful, woman," he said to me. "I don't care if you have some crazy, stalker ex boyfriend. I'll beat his ass and take you away on my shoulder. I want you to be with me, for as long as you wish to be. I can't let you go," he whispered, kissing my lightly. "I'm too far in," he whispered before pressing his lips to mine, hard. I gasped at the electricity and melted against him. I pulled away from him briefly.

"Edward," I whispered, biting my lip. He nodded for me to continue. Gearing up for battle I said the words that could make me or break me. "I love you." His answering smile was dazzling and took my breath away. He pulled me to him and kissed me again. It wasn't a soft and cautious kiss. It was fiery and full of passion. Like triumph. Our lips moved in synch, battling it out. He only pulled away when he groaned out. I blushed because I knew that groan. But then a wave of pain pulsed through me as I remembered why I knew. He saw that expression and kissed me lightly, again.

"Sorry," he whispered, not sounding sorry at all. "You get to my head sometimes." I couldn't help it. I started laughing so hard I had tears running down my face. I gasped and coughed, getting my bearings. Edward was smiling like a madman. Even if he doesn't love me, at least he wants me; I thought as I sat up and looked at the clock. It was 12:34 am. I sighed, hating how time seemed to be going so slow.

"Edward," I sighed. He looked at me. "I'm fukking bored!" I groaned out loud. He laughed, not expecting that answer.

"What would you like to do?" He asked. I thought.

"Hmmmm," I thought. I gasped, just as Alice ran into the room. "Let's go swimming!" I squealed. Soon, all the Cullens were in the room, jumping up and down. Edward just sighed with a smile on his face. I got up and ran into my closet, looking at all my bathing suits. I picked out four. "Rosalie, Alice, Esme!" I called out.

They all came into the closet and took the bathing suit I gave them. Alice's was a halter bikini, which was a deep purple. Rosalie's was also a halter, but instead was silver and blue. Esme's was one that criss-crossed in the back, but had a metal loop around the breast area, and was a deep red. Mine was a halter with thin straps and bottoms that tied at the sides, which was a midnight blue.

While they dressed in the closet, I went into the bathroom. They didn't need to ask why. I looked at myself when I had the bathing suit on. "Funny," I remarked to the mirror-me. "You can wear this skimpy thing, but when it comes to actual clothing, it's baggy, baggy, baggy! What the hell is wrong with you? Maybe you are a whore, you just don't want to admit it," I said to her. The girl looking back at me was really skinny. The bikini was almost too loose on her. She held out her arms and I saw the old scars covering her body. Some new ones as well were there. I could see the spots where her ribs hadn't grown right. There was a stab wound on her left side, and a gash going across her left shoulder, down to her right thigh. I saw white-pink scars around her private area and grimaced, feeling sorry for her.

Looking down, I realize it's me I'm looking at, and I hold back tears as I breathe in and out, calming myself. I pull my emotions back, and a numbing calm takes over my body.

Walking out into my room, I grab an overdress to wear over my bathing suit. I notice that it's black. I laugh darkly as I walk barefoot out into the hallway and down the stairs. When I reach the bottom, everyone is down there. I walk over to Edward and he hoists me onto his back and we're off.

We got to the pond before the others did. Edward said that they wouldn't be here for another 2 minutes. When I asked why he said he had taken a shortcut and pulled me to him before I could say anything else. We shared a few hot kisses before the others got there, and when they did Emmett scooped me up and jumped into the water, holding me under. When I resurfaced, I dunked him, and it became a war.

A little while later, I got out of the pond and lay on the grass, panting and laughing. After a minute or so, I sat up, and began watching them. After about 30 minutes, I was back in the water and we started playing chicken. I was against Alice, while Edward was against Jasper. I beat Alice, but Jasper beat Edward. Then I was on Jasper's shoulders, while Alice was on Edward's. Together, I and Jasper were unbeatable. We beat everybody.

After our tenth game of chicken that we won, I flipped off Jasper's shoulders and swam to shore. The others filed suit. Me and Jasper high-fived and saluted each other. We turned to the others, bowed and sat down. They laughed at us. We were sitting around when Alice and Edward stood upright, listening. We stopped talking and I held my breath, willing my heart to slow down. After a few mind-blowing minutes, I heard what they all were hearing. Footsteps. Coming closer.

In a split second, we were all standing, and I was between Emmett and Edward. I groaned inwardly. What the hell is it about me that attracts all this dangerous shit? I sighed, knowing these next minutes were going to fukking suck.

They came through the trees, four people cloaked in black. Except for one…I gasped as I recognized Laurent. "No," I whispered. He saw me and smiled evilly, his fangs protruding through his pale lips. I gripped Edward's hand, hoping what was going to happen next wasn't what I thought. He gripped it back as tight as he could. I swallowed, trying to dislodge the lump that had built in my throat. One of the figures took of their hood, and the others followed suit. It was a young boy and girl, with two older, bulky men. I gasped as I recognized one of them.

"Demetri?" I asked, stepping forward. He looked up and his eyes conveyed his surprise. He ran forward and swung me around in a hug.

"How've you been sprout?" He asked, putting me down. "The last time I saw you, you were this high," he said, indicating the height of a 6-year-old. I just smiled. I started to speak but a voice interrupted.

"You know her, Demetri?" A girl's voice demanded. We both turned to see the girl. She had dirty blond hair, pulled back into a bun. Her eyes were blood red. And she was pale. He pulled away from me so that he wasn't touching me, but was standing next to me.

"Yes, I do," he said.

"How?" She inquired, trying to intimidate him.

"I knew her when she was younger. When that bitch tried to turn her," he said, growling at the last part. Wait…

"Wait, that was you?" I asked. He looked at me sheepishly for a moment. "Holy shit, Demetri! Finally you grew a pair," I said, tongue-in-cheek. He just laughed and the girl cracked a smile.

"Oh, shut up you damn twig," he said, winking at me. I winked back. The girl stepped forward.

"Demetri," she said sternly. He stopped laughing and looked at her. "Enough with the reunion. We have business to accomplish," she said. He bowed to her.

"Yes, Jane," he said and stepped back. I backed up until I was closer to the Cullens.

"We want the girl," Jane said. "She knows too much. Since her and Demetri are already well acquainted, they will be a perfect match…If Lord Aro allows her to live," she said with a glare in my direction. I glared back. "Give her to us," she said, a growl building in her throat.

"No," all the Cullens said at once. I grimaced, looked around me, and sighed.

"There will be no fight," I said, stepping out in between the two covens. "I looked at each one meaningfully. "If you want to fight, you'll have to do it long after I'm good and dead, because you are not going to fight while I have a shot at stopping you," I said to them. Jane scoffed.

"And how is a weak mortal to stop one of us," she said, indicating herself and her four companions. I smiled.

"You don't really want to know. And I have no patience to show you. What do you want with me?" I asked her.

"Lord Aro wishes to speak with you," she said.

"Than why send his liaisons to do his dirty work? Why not come to me himself? And why should I go with you alone, when my family can come with me?" I demanded. She looked pissed.

"Because you don't want to get them killed," she said. The blood drained out of my face and I felt woozy.

"You wouldn't dare," I said weakly. She just laughed and nodded.

"Oh, but I would. You see, a very wise vampire gave us a top that the Cullen clan had a human living with them, and she knew about our world. This vampire also said that you had plans to betray our kind to the world, and that you intend to get impregnated by one of our kind and exploit the baby to the world," she said in a rush. I couldn't help but laugh.

"First off, bitch," I said, "I had a hysterectomy," I said, showing her the scar. "Second, why would I betray my family like that? And third, was this wise vampire named Tanya?" I asked.

"Why yes. Any acquaintance of yours?" She asked.

"I'd sooner rot in hell than be acquainted with her," I growled out. She sighed.

"I am getting bored with this. Alec," she said and the boy came forward. He was looking at all of us. I waited to feel something, but nothing happened. Well, to me anyways. The Cullens were all disoriented and couldn't hear or see. I looked back frantically at Jane and Alec. Jane motioned for the other man to come forward, and I turned to run, but he caught me and slapped me in the face, hard, knocking me back about ten feet.

I fell onto the ground hard. Crying out, I held my sides as he came forward. Keeping one hand on my stomach, my other shakily reached out and was pointed at the one coming after me. He stopped and arched back as his whole body burst into flames. Jane, Alec, and Demetri all gasped. Alec lost his focus and the Cullens were once again back to normal. They all were gawking at me.

Groaning, I got up, never taking my focus off this one. He was screaming in silent agony, and my eyes rolled in the back of my head at the sound. It was music to my ears. Soon, his body was nothing but ashes. I lowered my hand, looking at the others, daring any of them to come near me. Well, the Cullens could, and maybe Demetri could, but not the twins. Jane started toward me, but Alec held her back.

Cocking my head at her, I motioned for her to step forward, my eyes asking her if she was a chicken. Hissing, she lunged forward.

"No!" Alec cried. But it was too late. As soon as she had lunged, I flicked my wrist at her and she was on the ground. She did not cry out in pain though, to my disappointment. Instead, her eyes met mine and promised vengeance. She knew I would not kill her, and I didn't. I looked away, breaking focus and she got up. Alec rushed to her side, speaking to me. "Thank you! I do not wish to know what it would have been like not having my sister with me," he said, picking Jane up. I just nodded to him. The three of them left, but not before Jane yelled back.

"You'll pay for this, you wretched bitch!" She called to me. I just smiled, blew her a kiss, and waved goodbye. When they were gone, and far enough away, the Cullens all ran to me just as I pitched forward.

"Sorry," I said to them. I ended up in Edward's arms, and sighed contentedly. I felt him smile against my hair, and smiled. "Can we go home now?" I asked them. Without a word, Edward had picked me up bridal style. Alice must have asked him something in her mind because he nodded and the others ran off ahead of us. We were walking. "Why are we walking, Edward?" I asked.

"Scared to be alone with me?" He challenged. I shook my head.

"I just want to know why we're the only ones walking," I said, shrugging my shoulders. He stopped walking and looked at me, his gaze smoldering.

"Because I can't do this when running," he whispered, bending his head. I met him halfway and when our lips met, it was like an explosion. I gasped, and he took that chance to allow his tongue to explore my mouth. I held back a groan as I answered his kiss, his ardor matching mine. We were kissing for some time, and he only stopped when I couldn't seem to breathe. He pulled back, but kissed my lips softly once, twice, and a third time. I was panting, and I was sure my face was as red as a tomato.

"Oh," I simply said, like an idiot. He smiled and winked, starting to walk again. I snuggled closer to him, resisting the urge to say I love you. After a while, we reached the house and he took me into my room. I didn't even remember falling asleep.

When I woke up, it was to the sound of people talking. Quietly, I grabbed my robe, and tying it to my waist, I walked downstairs. The voices got louder as I got closer to the living room.

"You cannot be serious," a nasally voice said. Tanya. I swallowed. "You'd pick a filthy human over me?" I could hear the disgust in her voice. I peeked around the corner. It was Tanya and Edward. I looked at her though. She was gorgeous, to say the least. She had long, strawberry blond hair, a model's shape, and an amazing bust. And she was a vampire. I could tell by her pale skin and topaz eyes. A thrill of envy poured through me as I looked at her. Sensing the scrutiny, she looked at me, and an icy glare replaced her look of disbelief. She came towards me and yanked me into the room.

"This is who you picked over me?" She asked, anger dripping from every word. "Look at her!" She yelled, ripping off my robe, successfully taking my clothes with it. I had nothing on except a bra and underwear. I tried to cover myself, cowering back at my body. She held my arms out to the side. "You pick this filthy vermin over me! Look at how disgusting she is! If I was her, I'd kill myself already!" She said with a hateful glare to me. Tears filled my eyes at her words. She scoffed. "And she's a fucking cry baby as well," she said, slapping me across the face. "Grow up!" She yelled in my face. As soon as she did that, though, she was on the floor across the room, Edward crouched in front of me. He was vibrating with anger. I turned tail and ran.

Tripping on the stairs, my face smacked into the edge of one of them, successfully giving me another bruise. I scurried up the rest of the way, longing for the confines of my own room. Finally reaching it, I slammed the door, locking it. Once it was locked, I turned my back to it, sobbing. I smacked my head as hard as I could against the door, multiple times. If I was her, I'd kill myself already!...If I was her, I'd kill myself already! The words swirled around in my head. I jumped from the door, facing it.

"You want me to kill myself, bitch?" I screeched. "Huh, do ya?" I yelled to her. I heard her yell back.

"Yes!" She called back. I held back my sobs as I tried to keep my lips from trembling.

"Fine!" I yelled to her, going over to the window and crawling up onto the roof. I looked down at the drop…Which was about 35 feet. "Tanya!" I called out, looking out over the front yard. "Tanya!" I kept calling her name. The Cullens came out of nowhere, screaming.

"Bella, get down!" Alice yelled.

"Just fucking jump!" Tanya called, smiling. I didn't see who, but someone went after her.

"Bella, please get down!" Alice kept calling. I shook my head.

"This is how it ends," I called to her. "This is where my meaningless life comes to an end…In front of the family I can never have. Don't you see, Alice?" I asked her, looking down at her. "I have nothing anymore. I've lost everything," I cried, sitting on the ledge. "My mother, my best friend, my chastity, and the love of my life…I lost all of it. My life has nothing left to hold onto. I have nothing to hold onto…" I said sadly.

"You don't get it!" Alice cried. I looked up at her. "This isn't how I saw your death!" I gaped at her. "You're not supposed to die here. You were supposed to get married, get pregnant, and then…" she stopped talking.

"And then I die," I finished for her. She grimaced, I think.

"For lack of better term, yes," she said to me. She took a few steps forward. "But that's just it! You can't get pregnant, so therefore you cannot die he—"

"You didn't have a vision of how I die, after that one was lost. You don't know when, where, or why I die." I said. I sighed, regretting my next words. "Come and get me, Alice," I said to her. "I don't give a shit anymore," I mumbled to myself.

In a split second, she was there, pulling me back into my room. As soon as she put me down, she slapped me across the face, hard. I didn't flinch, or wince. The pain was excruciating, but I learned how to handle it. Without a word, she walked away. When she did, I fell onto my bed, crying silently. I wanted an escape. I needed one.

When it was around 2:34 am, on a Monday, I got up. I had put some clothes on earlier. Sweatpants and a T-shirt, with some heavy socks. I walked into the bathroom, looking into my reflection. On my left side of my face, there was a huge bruise. On the other, there was a smaller bruise. Furious, I grabbed my brush and smashed the mirror with it. It cracked where I had hit it, right on my face.

I walked out of the bathroom, out into my room, making my way into the hallway. I looked around, listening. It was very quiet, but I knew the Cullens were awake. They didn't sleep. I walked down the stairs, not caring if I made noise. I went into the kitchen and poured a glass of water. When I finished, I washed, rinsed, and dried the glass, placing it back in the cabinet. I felt someone come into the kitchen.

"I was just getting a glass of water," I said monotonously. I felt hands on my shoulders, and when I was turned around, I met Edward's sad face. "Don't look so depressed," I said sarcastically. I tried to get by him, but he wouldn't let me. "What do you want, Edward?" I asked, because being near him was causing my heart to break even further, causing a sharp, searing pain to shoot through my chest. I flinched slightly.

"I want a second chance," he said. I laughed humorlessly.

"A second chance at what, Edward? We never had anything," I countered. He looked taken aback. "We had a few kisses, shared some secrets, but that doesn't equate for anything that could have a second chance," I said to him. "You didn't ask for more, you didn't say you wanted more…Well, except for my body, you didn't say or want more," I claimed, my voice bitter.

"You think I only want your body?" He questioned. I sighed.

"Let's be honest," I started. "Men only want one thing from me: sex. And I don't know a damned thing about anything emotional or psychological, only physical. That's who I am. I'm just a sex object," I said to him. "And I'm fine with that. Even if no man can ever want me for more than my body, at least they want me," I told him simply. I heard a scoff of disgust. Rosalie came around the corner.

"Do you really sell yourself that short?" She asked. I sighed.

"I don't sell myself. But, if you mean that I don't mind that men only want me for my body, and that as long as they do, even if in that way only, I can survive. Then, yes." She had a look of horror on her perfect face. "I realize that I'm only desirable for my body, that that's the only way I'll ever be wanted. I can live with that," I told her. Alice, Esme, Jasper, Emmett, and Carlisle all came into the big kitchen.

"Do you honestly think that there aren't any men who think of you in an emotional way, and nothing physical whatsoever?" Carlisle asked. I sighed.

"Besides, you three," I said, indicating himself, Jasper, and Emmett, "I have met none. And that is simply because you have your women," I pointed out to them. They glanced at Edward. "He wants me physically, nothing more. From my experience with men," I said, a sneer in my voice, "all men come to women for something. They go to Esme for a warm bed to sleep in and a nice breakfast. They go to Rosalie for beauty tips, and Alice for fashion advice. They come to me for sex." I had tears in my eyes.

"I don't know how to function right," I whispered, my voice breaking. "All I've ever known was sex, alcohol, drugs, abuse, depression. I don't know anything else," I said to them, holding back the tears. "This is who I am," I said, motioning to myself. "I'm the whore who lost her virginity to her father, made her mother leave, gave every person in the world a reason to hate her, killed her best friend," I cried hoarsely. I can't talk anymore, the tears making speech impossible. Since Edward was the closest, he pulled me into his arms. I didn't bother trying to fight him. "Jacob died because of me," I whispered. "He was killed because he was my friend. Everyone I love and care about always leaves me," I told them.

"Bella, we will never leave you. We told you already. You meeting us changed us. We need you, almost as much as you want us," Emmett said. We all looked at him. "She doesn't need us, but she wants us. We need her," he said.

"Shame on you, Em," I said. He looked at me. "You're one of the best brothers ever," I said. "Jaz, you are too," I smiled at him. He smiled back.

"Bella," Carlisle said. "I want to talk to you," he said, motioning me to come to him. I went.

He waited until we were in his study before he spoke. "What happened?" He asked. I looked confused. "I saw the scars, Bella," he said, motioning to where my darkest secret laid. I gasped, and averted my face. "You can trust me," he prodded gently. Tears poured out of my eyes. I looked back at him, seeing fatherly love in his eyes.

"He whipped me," I whispered. His brow furrowed. "It was the first time he ever took the whip to me. I told him that I'd had enough, that I wanted out. I was 12," I whispered harshly. I walked over to the window, looking out. "He struck me until I couldn't get up. I thought he was done," I scoffed. "But, then he came back with his special whip." I looked at Carlisle. "It was custom made. The end of it split in two, making each strike more painful than the last," I told him. "He ripped off my jeans and my underwear, and carried me up to his room. He chained me to his 'table' and started whipping me…In that area only," I said, motioning where. Carlisle looked murderous. "He did that for an hour or so, and only stopped when the phone rang."

Carlisle was speechless. I walked by him to the door, but he caught my wrist. I looked at him, and he got up. I cowered away slightly. But he just pulled me in for a hug, and I let him. He was the first person I told. "I'm so sorry," he whispered in my hair. I just nodded. He let me go, but didn't move. "I think you should be on antidepressants," he said. I grimaced and asked him to hold on a moment. He complied. I went in my room and got my book bag. I walked back into his study.

Standing next to him, I dug into my bag for my pill bottle. Holding it up to him, he gawked at me.

"How did you manage to get these?" He questioned. I shrugged, placing the empty bottle back in my bag. "I told you, men want me for my body. I promised a doctor I'd have sex with him if he could get me some pills," I said. His jaw dropped. I grimaced. "The doctor's name is Joe Mengele," I said, watching the anger fill his gaze. "I never gave him what he wanted. So, he went to Charlie…"

"I'm so sorry, Bella," Carlisle said.

"It's fine, Da—I mean, Carlisle," I said, covering up my slip. He knew what I was going to say, though.

"You were about to call me 'Dad', Bella," he said. I sighed.

"Yeag, I was."

"Why?" He inquired. I looked at him.

"Because you're the closest thing to a dad I've had in 13 years," I said. His smile was dazzling. He picked me up and spun me around impulsively. I laughed and hugged him. "Thank you, for everything," I said, when he put me down. Grimacing and sighing, I geared up. "You've helped me, and you've done everything you can to make me better," I said, hugging him. "I guess I just wanna say that I love you…Dad." I pulled away, smiling. He smiled back.

"Whatever demons you have in your past," he said as we walked out of his study and down the stairs, "me and my family will do everything in our power to make them go away," he promised.

"Thank you, but you can't get rid of them," I told him as we reached the living room. "You can't get rid of memories, only suppress them. They're kind of like your emotions. You can't stop being sad, so you just repress your sadness with something else, like happiness. But that sadness is there. And it always will be."

"For someone who's only 18, you sound as if you're my age," he laughed. I laughed as well. We were sitting on the couch for some time, before the others came in the room. We looked up at them.

I looked at each one of them, seeing their beauty, their perfection. When I got to Edward, though, I couldn't stop looking at him. I looked away, cursing myself for my lack of restraint.

"Bella?" Alice called to me. I met her sad gaze with an icy look.

"What, Alice?" I asked. She winced slightly and furrowed her brow, trying to think of what to say.

"I'm sorry…That I hit you," she finished quietly. I sighed and got up, walking over to her.

"You think you can just say sorry and for things to be perfect," I said, hiding my smile. "Well, an apology isn't enough for me to forgive you, Alice," I said. She looked hurt, and small. "So," I said, getting right in front of her, "I guess I'll just have to do this," I said as I hugged her. She hugged me back instantly.

"You witch!" She pronounced me, smiling. I laughed. Pulling away, I kept smiling. I winked at her, and she winked back. "Can we go shopping again?" She asked, smiling secretively. I laughed, and spoke.

"Only if we can have our gang with us," I said laughingly. Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie, and Alice all laughed.

"What do you guys do when you go shopping?" Edward asked. I smirked evilly.

"Do you wanna find out?" I asked, cocking my head to the side. He looked stunned. "Oh, is the little Edward afraid of finding out what we do for fun?" I asked teasingly, but with an old Romanian accent. He arched an eyebrow before I cleared my throat.

"I'm not afraid of what you guys might do," he said. "I'm just afraid that what you guys might do could possibly kill you," he said, looking at me with pained eyes.

Why can't I just forgive you? I asked myself as I looked at him. My heart ached to go over to him and hug him, promising things that I won't mean. I cleared my throat, turning my gaze on my gang. "What do you think guys?" I asked them. "Should we let him join us?"

"Yeah, sure," they said at once.

"Very well than," I said, and looked at Edward. "Pack some things and we'll be off. If it is okay with you two," I said to Carlisle and Esme.

"As long as you come back in less than a month," Esme whispered to me. "I worry when you're not around, and this house is so empty without you guys," she said, tears of venom forming in her eyes. My heart lurched at the concern in her voice. Tears formed in my eyes as well.

"Don't worry, Mom," I whispered to her, hugging her. "I'll make sure to call every day and talk to you. I won't leave you," I said to her. I felt her holding back sobs and I closed my eyes, making the tears come out. If only my mother had been this loving. "I love you," I whispered, pulling back to kiss her cheek.

"I love you too, my daughter," she said to me. Tears fell even more. She wiped them away, kissing my forehead. "Now, go have fun." I smiled and hugged Carlisle.

"Be back soon, Dad," I said to him.

"Take your time," he said. I smiled and turned towards the others. Edward had his suitcase packed and was ready to go, his eyes wary. I placed a smile on my face, tears threatening once more, and we walked out of the house, towards the cars.

"All right," I called to them. "Me, Alice, and Rosalie will take Alice's car, and Emmett, Edward, and Jasper can take Jasper's car," I said. This was how we did it before. Everyone got in their designated cars and we took off.

We were driving for some time before something occurred to me.

"Hey, whatever happened to Tanya?" I asked. Alice and Rosalie had angry looks on their faces.

"Edward ran her up to the border, calling her all sorts of names, and promising threats as well. She left, but very reluctantly," Rosalie said tightly. I nodded and turned the music back up.

After about five hours, I demanded a rest room stop. So, Alice pulled over at a rest stop and I got out, practically running the whole way. When I came back, my bladder relieved, I got into the car and we took off once more. I took a nap at one point, and when I woke up, we were doing ninety down the highway. It was 10:30 at night.

"Well good morning, sleepy head," Rosalie cooed. I tossed a pen at her and she laughed.

"Are we almost there?" I asked, wondering where we were going.

"Bella, how can you be so blonde right now?" Alice asked. I shrugged my shoulders and she laughed. "We're going to our favorite place, remember?" I was thinking about what that place was, when she pulled up to a really fancy motel. I didn't object since I knew it would be useless.

We checked in and I noticed a pool downstairs. Good thing I brought our bathing suits. I went into the bathroom, changed into mine, and put my clothes back on. "I'm gonna go explore," I said to the girls. The guys were somewhere next door. They nodded. I left the room, getting into the elevator. I felt someone's eyes on me but when I looked, there was no one there. Shaking my head I rode down, to the main lobby.

Getting off the elevator, I walked to the front desk, asking for a key for the pool. The woman there gave me one. I still felt someone looking at me, and when I turned around, there was Charlie. My eyes got wide as I turned around and ran. I heard heavy footsteps coming after me, and I turned to look back. Charlie's eyes were blazing with fury.

(Rated M Part Here; A/N: I started to cry)

Running from hall to hall, with him right behind me, I eventually got to an elevator. I pushed the button furiously, but he was getting too close. I took a stupid chance and ran up the emergency stairs. He had me at a disadvantage, because before I realized what was happening, he grabbed my foot and tripped me. I cried out as I smacked against the metal stairs. He turned me around so I was facing him.

"No," I tried to yell. He slapped me across the face. I felt tears coming and pleaded that one of the Cullens would come. He grabbed my pants and yanked them off, and I started to yell. "No! No!" I was struggling against him, trying to fight him off. He leaned in to me and spoke in my ear.

"You thought you escaped me, did ya? Well, not this time," he said, thrusting into me. I cried out in pain. "If you ever do get away, I have people who know where you are, and will kill you and your precious Cullens." I didn't even realize he had his pants down. He had his hand over my mouth as he kept thrusting into me, driving for his own fulfillment. Once he was finished, and he had pulled my pants back up, I kicked him in the balls. (Rated M Part over, but I started crying here)

He cried out and I snapped my foot up, getting him in the jaw. He fell to my side and I started to run down the stairs. I didn't get very far before I tripped. Thankfully, I caught myself on the railing. I looked up when I heard a gun cock. I looked wide-eyed up into Charlie's gun.

"No," I whispered. There was nowhere for me to go. He never took his eyes off me as he began to descend. He hit a spot where he couldn't see me and I took the only chance I had. I bolted through the door and down the hallway, screaming. "Help!" I screamed, but the hallway was abandoned. I ran from hallway to hallway, trying to find someone, anyone. "Edward, Alice, help!" I cried, sobbing. There was an emergency exit sign above a door and I ran for it.

Busting through the door, and successfully getting outside, I looked around frantically. I didn't have my cell phone or any money. I was in the back of the hotel. "Shit!" I cried out, looking for a way to go. I heard angry footsteps behind me and took a glance. Charlie had found me again. "What the fuck?" I yelled, running towards where I heard cars.

I heard some shots being fired and prayed for all I was worth that I didn't get hit before I could tell Edward the truth. I heard him stop, and I picked up my speed, almost to the front of the hotel. He fired.

I felt the pain like a flash. He had gotten me in the back of the leg, making running impossible. I tried to keep running, but I was too slow to get far. Miraculously, I managed to get to the front of the hotel, but I noticed that no one was outside. Charlie was gaining behind me now, and I didn't care how much pain I was in. I started to run, crying out as my leg screamed for me to stop. I got to the front door, and he got there as well.

He yanked me by the hair, pulling me onto the ground. I yelled. But, before he could do anything more, I used my good leg to kick him in the balls once more. He cried out, and I got up, trying to run into the hotel. It worked.

I was running to the main desk, but turned to the elevator, pressing the button for my floor. It closed right when he got there. I sighed, shaking. There were some people in there, asking me if I was okay. I told them I was. When the elevator stopped on my floor, I bolted for our room. It was locked. I pounded on the door, yelling. I heard footsteps, but not from the room. From the stairwell. I started screaming.

"Alice, Rosalie! Open the door!" I screamed. It opened right as Charlie spotted me. I ran past Alice. "Close the door! Close the door!" I screamed. She did as I wished. "Now fukking lock it! Lock it, Alice, hurry!" I screeched. She did, right as a loud bang hit the door. I screamed. I grabbed her phone as the banging continued. I dialed Edward's number. He answered.

"Hello?" He asked, annoyed.

"Edward!" I yelled, screaming as I heard wood starting to break.

"Bella? What's wrong? Why are you screaming? Where are you?"

"Ch…CHARLIE'S HERE! PLEASE HELP, EDWARD," I cried as wood was shattering. Alice and Rosalie were in front of me, protecting me. I screamed louder as he broke through the door, dropping the phone. I faintly heard Edward's frantic voice, as he called for Emmett and Jasper. But, my eyes were on Charlie.

"I want her," he growled, pointing at me with his gun. Alice and Rosalie stood their ground. They growled, crouching into their fighting stance. He laughed. But his laugh was cut short as Edward, Emmett, and Jasper pounced on him, snapping his neck. I screamed once more, trying to get up. I made it to the bathroom, where I collapsed, holding my leg. I started crawling.

I made it halfway when I felt someone's arms touching me, lifting me up.

"No!" I screamed, trying to get away. "No, please, don't!"

"Bella!" Edward yelled. I stopped fighting. I turned around to see his concerned face. I threw my arms around him, sobbing. "Shh, it's okay. You're safe now," he whispered against my head, rubbing his arms up and down my body. I calmed down quickly. He picked me up and carried me to the main room, where he sat me down on the couch. When he sat down, I cuddled up next to him, trying to control my shaking. Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper all came towards me. But, Jasper stopped, his eyes turning black.

"Jaz?" I asked, looking at him. He wasn't looking at me. He was looking at my leg. I gasped, the pain passing through me. Everyone else seemed to notice it as well, for they all had the same reaction.

"Holy shit! What happened?"

"He shot me," I whispered, glaring at Charlie's limp body.

"We have to get her to Carlisle," Edward said. I didn't argue, I just obeyed. They cleaned up the mess and soon we were on our way back home. They didn't know what happened, except that he shot me. I was shuddering with the memory of it, and Alice put on some soothing music, putting me to sleep.

When I woke up, from a nightmare, we were pulling up the driveway. When we stopped the car, I got out by myself, limping towards the house. Carlisle came to me first, and picked me up without a word, whisking me into his office. I didn't object.

Carlisle took the bullet out and bandaged it up. I didn't wince or anything, but the minute he tried to lift me off the table, I screamed. Gasping, I jumped off the table and tried to run up to my room. I only made it halfway before he was in front of me. I screamed again, turning around and trying to run down the stairs. He caught my wrist though, preventing me from falling.

"No, Charlie, please don't!" I whispered, crouching down in fear. Carlisle gaped at me. I knew he wouldn't hurt me, but old wounds were mixing with new ones, captivating me and making me afraid. He got down to my height, looking at me.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Bella," he whispered, pulling me against him. "I'm not going to harm you. I promise."

"Don't make promises you can't keep," I said bitterly, wishing I could believe him. He didn't say anything; merely he just picked me up and carried me downstairs, placing me on the couch. I watched as he sat down on the table, looking at me.

"What happened, Bella?" He asked. I shook my head, the past flashing across my vision. He sighed and mumbled something. I didn't know what until Edward was standing in front of me.

My eyes widened as I held my arms out for him, tears forming in my eyes. He put me in his lap as he hugged me, rubbing a soothing arm down my back. I wrapped my arms around his body, snuggling into his neck. It sucked that I couldn't be with him. "What happened?" Carlisle asked again, his voice soft.

"Charlie...He…He raped me," I said to him, my voice shaking. "I cou…couldn't stop him. He wouldn't stop." Carlisle and Edward's postures went rigid. "I kicked him in the balls when he was done. He bent down far enough for me to kick him in the jaw. I started running, and eventually he caught me, and he had his gun. He was in a spot that he couldn't see me at one point and I ran for the exit sign, which led me to the back of the hotel. I didn't know where to run until I heard him behind me once again," I said, my voice breaking. "He fired some shots while running, but then he stopped. I knew he wouldn't miss than. He got me in my leg, and I tried to keep running. I made it to the front of the hotel and was about to go into the doors when he yanked me onto the ground.

I kicked him again and made my way inside, running for the elevator. I thought I wasn't going to escape him, but the doors closed right when he reached them. I made it up to our hallway, and was banging on our door. I heard footsteps, but they were his. I got into the room, had the door closed and locked right when he came to it. He banged down the door, and if it wasn't for Edward and Emmett and Jasper, I'd still be running from him," I said, the tars falling from my face. I remembered what Charlie had said to me, but didn't voice it out loud. I couldn't. Carlisle knew there was more and asked for me to continue.

"You can trust us, Bella," he said. I shuddered.

"He said that if I ever escaped him, that he had special people that would gladly finish me off…But not before killing you in front of me," I said sadly. He looked shocked. "I know, Charlie. He'll do whatever it takes to make me separated from you. Even if he's dead," I said.

"No one is killing us, Bella. We'll protect you, I swear," Carlisle said. I looked up at him, my fears plain on my face. I was terrified of losing them.

"I know I'm not much, and that I'll never be good enough. But," I said, knowing the others could hear me, "I want to be a part of your family. In every way."

"Are you sure?" He asked. I nodded.

"I know the consequences, Carlisle. It's a risk I'm willing to take if it means I can stay. You are my family now, and I'll do whatever it takes to make you safe again," I vowed, standing. "I want you to turn me. I want to learn to protect myself, to know who or what it is I'm meant to be, to know what it's like to be part of a real family. You can give me that. And if I die in the process, than at least we gave it a shot."

He hugged me. "You are so brave, young one."

"No," I shook my head, pulling back, "I'm completely terrified. But for your family, I can do it."

"When would you like to do this?" He asked. I thought for a minute.

"Two nights from tonight. Meaning," I said looking at the calendar, "on Friday."

He nodded and walked away. I turned to look at Edward, but he was gone. Puzzled, I walked onto the back porch, to the gazebo. I saw him, sitting there, looking out on the river. I went to him, and sat down next to him.

"Why?" Was the first thing he said. I looked at him. "Why would you do it? Don't you realize what you're giving up?" The idea of me turning must disgust him, I thought as I looked at him.

"Because I want to be part of your family, and I don't want to lose any of you. I'm not giving anything up, Edward. It's all been taken from me already. And now I'm losing the last thing I have left," I said, tears forming. I blinked them away, getting up. He looked up at me.

"And what is that, exactly?" He asked. I smiled sadly, turning to walk away.

"You," I whispered, walking away. The wind was blowing and it started to rain. I stopped walking when I was halfway and just looked up into the sky. A sob escaped my lips as more tears fell. They were mixing with the rain. I felt my heart breaking all over again. "I'm in love with Edward Cullen," I whispered to myself, walking the rest of the way towards the house. Instead of going inside, though, I sat on the swing. Sobs were wrenched from my body as I realized the truth I've been hiding from myself for so long.

The next two days were painful. I wouldn't look at Edward and he wouldn't look at me. Soon it was Friday. I was lying in my bed when Carlisle bit me. It felt like a fire was burning through me, and I screamed for about an hour or so. I held back the rest as tears rolled down my face. I couldn't feel a thing besides the burning. Compared to my broken heart, the pain was slightly mild.

Three days had gone by, and the fire disappeared. I sat up, seeing a different world. Everything looked bright, and I could see things I hadn't before. I walked downstairs and was there in three seconds. We all went hunting, and after a couple of deer, I got the hang of taking down my prey. I fed as much as I could, until I felt sick, and then we ran back to the house.

After a few months, I was just like the Cullens, except I had all my memories, and I was completely and utterly heartbroken. But we learned that I was a shield, that I could protect my mind from harm. We worked on projecting it, and we had Kate, Tanya's sister, come down and help me. It took a while, but soon I was able to cover a distance of a mile for almost an hour. Smaller spaces I could cover for longer. I could protect my whole family for two days without tiring. I was new and felt like I belonged.

The Volturi had come back, but only once. And when they discovered that I was a shield, they wanted me. But, I would not go. They gave up trying to persuade me, and decided to use force, not realizing my strength. After they saw how powerful I was, they turned tail and ran. I had waited for a few hours before Alice said we were all clear. I released my shield and we went back to our business.

I saw Fork on a regular basis, and we became even better friends. He had found himself a girl. She was gorgeous, and ironically enough her name was Bella. We were talking about her one day, and Alice was with us.

"…I love Bella," Fork was saying to Alice. We didn't know that Edward was in the hall. "She's everything to me, and I cannot live without her. We wish to be married as soon as possible."

Alice 'awed' at his words. "I'm so happy for you two. Can I plan the wedding?" She asked happily. I and Fork laughed.

"As long as you don't go over the top, I'm sure we won't mind," Fork said, still laughing.

(No one POV)

Edward was looking at the three of them, seeing how happy Bella was. He looked down at the box in his hands. He opened it and inside was a 24 carat diamond ring. His eyes closed on a wave of pain. He walked away, and didn't come back.

When Bella found out he had left, she eclipsed into a dark depression. She planned Fork's wedding, and attended. After they left for their honeymoon, though, she went insane. She started doing all these insane things. She went skydiving, parasailing, motor racing, and bull-riding, entered a yacht race, raced in the Nuerburging, and went ice climbing. She was trying to forget about her pain, but only caused her family more. After a few years, she realized she was getting nowhere, and quit.

BPOV

It's been three years, and the pain of him leaving still hurts. Getting up, I go and take a shower. Once out, I blow dry my dark brown hair and get dressed. I put on black skinny jeans, a red tank top and a black fishnet top over it, putting on some black socks. I brush out my long hair and notice I need to do my nails again. I get out my black nail polish and paint my nails. My alarm went off on my phone and I went to my dresser, doing all of this without seeing him watching me.

Walking over to my dresser, I pull out a few pill bottles, taking two out of each. I dry swallow them, looking into the mirror. My fingers trace over my face on the mirror, and a sob escapes.

"What did I do to make you leave?" I whispered. Suddenly, Alice was calling me.

"Bella, hurry up!" She called. I smiled sadly.

"I'm coming Ali!" I yelled, using the nickname I gave her. I grabbed my bag and, with a sprits of vanilla perfume, I went out the door, stopping to grab my converse on my way. I ran down the stairs, stopping at the foot of them to put my shoes on. She laughed at me.

"You know all the good stuff will be gone by the time we get there," she said as we made our way to my car, which was a black Bugatti Veryon 16.4 coupe, with NOS. I just laughed at her antics as we pulled out of the driveway.

We reached the mall in record time, no thanks to my driving. We scurried at human speed in the front doors and raced to the first good store. The war had begun.

After spending the whole day in the mall, we came out, carrying at least thirty bags a piece. We put them in the trunk and drove home. I sighed, hating how my distraction was ending soon. Alice, knowing that sigh, talked to me the rest of the way. Grateful for the distraction, we talked the whole way. But when we got home, I had a feeling. I told Alice who grimaced.

"It's probably nothing, Bella," she said, although I sensed something underlying her voice.

"You're right," I said, as unconvincing as she was. We walked into the house. And was met by everyone else…Including him. We stopped dead as we glared at him. I noticed that the three years hadn't changed him physically. But, he was a dead man. I could see it in the way he stood. He was defeated. I hated that look in his face, but smiled indifferently. I cleared my throat. "It is good to see you, Edward. Sorry that we cannot talk for a little bit, but we have to put our things away," I said, motioning towards our bags. "Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper," I said, looking at my brothers and sister, "there's some stuff for you in here," I said as me and Alice darted up the stairs. We were laughing as went.

After we put our stuff away, we came back down. Everyone was seated with their mates, and I noticed sadly that I didn't have mine. But I shook the sadness off and sat down next to Emmett. He put his arms around me and Rosalie. Rosalie pretended to be outraged.

"How dare you throw yourself at my husband!" She yelled. She got up and had her hands on her hips. I got up as well.

"Hmm, well, he doesn't seem to mind," I said back. "What? Don't like sharing? He's not that good in bed anyways," I said carelessly. She broke first.

"Hahahahaha, okay Bella. You win," she said as she hugged me. I laughed and hugged her back.

"I always win," I said sweetly. She just laughed and winked at me. I did the same. "So," I said, shrugging my shoulders, "what are we talking about?"

"Well, dear," Esme said, "we were just talking to Edward."

"Oh," I said, looking at him. I noticed that he didn't even sit up straight anymore. He was slouched forward, but I also noticed that he was still just as gorgeous as when I last saw him. It broke my heart all over again to see him. I felt the beginnings of one of my attacks coming on and I ran upstairs, into my room. I went crazy looking for my pills. "Where are they?" I yelled. "Alice!" I yelled, and she appeared. "I can't find them!" She got a scared look on her face as I began to shake.

She helped me look, but we didn't find anything. I ran into Carlisle's study, where I knew he had some. I broke into it and pulled out the pills I needed, my hands shaking and my teeth chattering, my body going numb. Before I could take one, however, a searing pain shot through my heart. "Argh!" I cried, falling to my knees. I shakily got the pills in my mouth and swallowed. I sprawled out on the floor, cringing and crying.

After a few minutes, the pills kicked in. I started calming down, my shaking starting to cease. I got up once I was sure I could, and went downstairs. Everyone was there, and Alice was shaking from fear. I went to her and hugged her.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to her. She just nodded. "I really am. I didn't mean to scare you like that."

"It's okay, Bella," she said and smiled. I smiled back. I went over to my previous seat and sat down. Edward was looking at me with an odd expression. I glared at him. But stopped. This wasn't his fault. Venom filled my eyes as I looked away.

"What was that?" He asked. We all looked at him. I was the first to look away.

"That was one of her depression attacks," Carlisle said sadly.

"What?" Edward asked. Carlisle sighed.

"This is the first attack she's had in over 2 years," he said, remembering when I had attacked someone because of it.

"I'm soo sorry about that, Carlisle," I whispered regretfully. "I didn't mean to attack. It just, happened. I didn't drink her blood or kill her if you're wondering, Edward," I said, looking at him. "She was one of our kind. But, I'll never forget."

"It's fine, Bella. She forgave you, and it's time you did too."

"I can't," I whispered. He sighed. I swallowed. "I need to hunt. Who wants to come with me?" I asked. They didn't need to ask why. Jasper got up, followed by everyone else, except Carlisle and Edward. I smiled sadly at Carlisle and we took off.

We came back when the sun had set, walking back slowly to the house.

"Why did he come?" I asked sadly.

"We don't know Bella," Rosalie said, hugging me.

"This is only going to make her worse," Emmett said.

"Or it might help her," Jasper said.

"We'll never know though, unless I see it," Alice said.

"I wish I knew why he left," I said sadly. "At least than I can stop wondering if it was something I did or didn't do. Knowing me and my bad luck, it's entirely my fault," I said as we entered the house.

"It is not your fault, Bella," Esme said, stopping me in the kitchen while the other kept going. "He left because he had to clear his head."

"No, he left because I did something," I said, my throat clogging up. "I made him leave. I always make the people I love leave me. Before I was changed I told him…I told him…" I bit my lip.

"What, dear?" Esme asked. I looked up at her.

"I went to him. He was out at the gazebo, sitting…" I said, reliving the memory.

Memory

I saw him, sitting there, looking out on the river. I went to him, and sat down next to him.

"Why?" Was the first thing he said. I looked at him. "Why would you do it? Don't you realize what you're giving up?" The idea of me turning must disgust him, I thought as I looked at him.

"Because I want to be part of your family, and I don't want to lose any of you. I'm not giving anything up, Edward. It's all been taken from me already. And now I'm losing the last thing I have left," I said, tears forming. I blinked them away, getting up. He looked up at me.

"And what is that, exactly?" He asked. I smiled sadly, turning to walk away.

"You," I whispered, walking away. The wind was blowing and it started to rain. I stopped walking when I was halfway and just looked up into the sky.

End Memory

I gulped, trying to dislodge the lump in my throat. The memory was terrible. I looked up to see the Cullens, even Edward, standing there. I looked back at Esme.

"I told you it was my fault," I said, my voice breaking. She was at a loss for words. "For three years, I've tried convincing myself that there was another reason, that it wasn't me. But, that memory made me realize that it's always been my fault. You lost a son, a brother, all because of me. If you ask, I'm sure he'll agree," I said, looking at Edward. He wouldn't meet my eyes. But he spoke.

"I left because I heard you and Fork talking about your wedding," he said, meeting my shocked gaze. "I heard every word, about how he couldn't live without you, that you both wanted to be married as soon as you could. You and him had been seeing each other, trying to keep it from me. If you would have just told me you were in love with him, things would have been different," he said, the truth finally making itself known. He looked up and an icy glare filled with pain was on his face.

I started laughing. "You really thought I was going to marry him?" I asked him. He nodded. I walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. I picked up my bag and pulled out a photo album labeled Fork and Bella's Wedding. I showed Edward. "Open it," I commanded and he did. His eyes bulged out of his head at the pictures. The album slipped out of his hands and I caught it. He looked at me.

"My God," he whispered. I just looked at him.

"God will not help you now," I told him as I brushed past him, going up the stairs. He followed me. We were in my room now, and I turned towards him. "What, Edward?" I asked, my voice filled with pain. He came closer to me and held my face in my hands.

"So many years," he whispered and bent his head. Our lips were almost touching when Emmett called out.

"Hey, Bella!" He called. I pulled away from Edward. What the hell was that, Bella? I chastised myself. I swallowed, and without a glance, walked away from Edward.

EPOV

My God, I thought as I saw the pictures. They were of Fork and his bride…Which wasn't my Bella. This Bella had short, curly brunette colored hair. She was telling the truth. I felt the album slip through my hands as she picked it up.

"My God," I whispered, looking at her. She was holding back something, but smiled and answered.

"God will not help you now," she said, her voice dripping with pain. She brushed past me and I followed her. We ended up in her room, where she turned around. "What, Edward?" She said, he voice filled with nothing but pain. I came closer to her, holding her face in my hands.

"So many years," I whispered as I leaned in to her. She leaned in as well, but right when our lips were about to touch, Emmett called.

"Hey, Bella!" He yelled to her. She pulled away from me, saying something to herself in her head. And without a glance back, she left the room. I swallowed.

You almost kissed her. And you let her walk away, yet again. Way to go, Edward! I yelled at myself. Sighing, I went to go see what was happening with my family. They were in the living room. I nodded at them as I passed, making my way to the gazebo. I heard everyone except Bella's thoughts as I did.

I know what she needs. A nice, violent game of Call of Duty, Emmett thought.

I wish there was something I could do for my baby, Esme.

Ugh, stupid Edward. This is only going to make her worse, Rosalie.

She's hiding all that pain. Maybe we'll go talk later, Jasper.

My poor daughter. I hope they can work things out, Carlisle.

I tried shopping, Manis and pedis; I bought her black nail polish. Ugh, I don't know what else to do, Alice.

By now I was out in the gazebo, thinking about what I was going to do next. She hated me, which was certain. And I'd surely lost her forever. It had hurt terribly when I heard her talking with Fork and Alice. If only I'd stayed around a little while longer, maybe than I would've known. But because I was scared, I ran.

Sighing, I ran my hands through my hair. Bella had changed. She wasn't the vampire I'd left. She was different…Dangerous. Her muscled body told me that. Her beautiful colored hair was gone. I didn't know how to approach her without worrying that I would hurt her, again. If only she could forgive me.

I sat there until the sun went down. After that, I went inside. I came in to the sounds of Bella laughing. I turned the corner and she was playing a racing game with Emmett and Jasper, and was winning.

"Awwh, come on you guys! I'm barely trying!" She said. And she wasn't. I could tell that much just by looking at her. She wasn't even touching the controls, and Emmett and Jasper were way behind. She sighed and finished the race, laughing as they groaned and complained.

"You're really good at that," I said, coming to sit on an empty seat. She sighed.

"This game is soo easy compared to the real thing," she said, sighing. I was shocked.

"How would you know?" I asked her. She looked at me.

"Because I've raced before," she said. I felt my jaw drop down. She sighed. "I've done a lot of things these past few years."

"Like what?" I asked, the thought of her being in danger scaring me. She rolled her eyes, thinking.

"Well, where to begin. Umm, there was the skydiving, parasailing, motor racing, bull-riding, ummm…" she said, thinking.

"You entered that yacht race," Emmett supplied.

"And you won the triathlon," Jasper piped in.

"And you also raced in the Nuerburging!" Rosalie said.

"And you went ice climbing, as well," Alice said. I was pretty sure my jaw was through the floor by now.

"Oh!" She exclaimed, as if she remembered something extremely important, "I also 'ran with the bulls' about a year ago," she said, smiling triumphantly. "Everyone came to see. Emmett and Jasper tried their hands on it, but I beat them all."

"Why? Why would you do that?" I asked. She sighed.

"Because at the time I had lost everything and I didn't care anymore. I was looking for a way to cope. I figured, 'hey. What else do I have to lose that I haven't already'…" she said, looking at me. "I lost the most important thing in the world, and I knew I'd never get it back."

"What was that exactly?" I asked, noticing how she winced. I wondered why until I remembered. It was the last thing I ever said to her. She swallowed, and stood up. Her lower lip trembled. She motioned for everyone to leave, and they did.

"You," she whispered. "I knew I'd lost you for sure. I'd already lost you once. I couldn't handle the pain of losing you again," she said, visibly shaking. I crossed the room and once more held her face in my hands. I looked into her eyes and saw the pain that was there. "I've been hiding it for three years," she whispered, looking into my eyes. I saw her fear, her apprehension, her longing. "I did the most insane things, all because I was trying to get you out of my head, trying to forget the pain. But, I'd only cased my family more. I should have realized it sooner, but I didn't, or I guess maybe I couldn't," she swallowed once more.

"What?" I asked gently, framing her face in my hands. Her eyes closed on their own accord, and opened.

"That…that day. When I came to talk to you outside, and I left…" she said, not knowing how to get the words out.

"Come on, what is it?" Her eyes closed tightly, and when she opened them, I could tell she feared the worst. She swallowed, tried to speak, and swallowed again.

"When I walked away," she said, closing her eyes and looking away, "I realized that I was in love with you, and that I'd lost you for sure. The next two days I watched you, seeing how you were acting so cold. And when you left," she said, her voice breaking. Her eyes were filled with venom now. "I felt my heart shatter into millions of pieces. I lost my world, my life, my sanity. I was going to tell you how I felt, but you were gone. Never to come back," she said, sobbing. "I was so in love with you, and you didn't care. I am the reason you left in the first place. I'm the reason yo—"

BPOV

For all I am worth, I will never know anything more amazing than the way Edward's lips felt against mine. The moment our lips met, my will crumbled. Not because he was stronger than me, but because my day dreams were not as sweet as this. I'd had 'dreams' of this for three years, and now they were coming true. So, I kissed him back with everything I could give him, wishing he felt the same as I did, but loving him too much to care if he didn't.

Our lips matched perfectly, and the way he held me against his body made me feel as if we were one. I didn't want to let go of him. I felt the tears behind my eyes as we kissed. His hands were on my face and mine were in his hair. There's nothing sweeter than this, my mind whispered. I pulled away after some time.

"Is this my happy ending?" I asked, more to myself than to him. I opened my eyes to meet his. I looked away, my heart shredding itself. "Is this where I'm supposed to go? Following your every step, being with you and your family, and being so in love with you, and you only feeling desire?" He pulled my face back to his.

"It can be, if you want it to be," he whispered. I swallowed back a sob. "I was going to offer to change you myself," he whispered. I looked at him, shocked. He smiled sadly, "of course, there would have been a deal," he said.

"What deal?" I asked.

"I would have said that if I were to change you, that you'd have to marry me first," he said, and when I met his eyes, they were full of love and longing and regret. "I love you, Bella. I know I keep screwing up, and that I can never change what happened, but I can make it up to you. Will you marry me, Bella?" He asked. My breath caught as the words sunk in.

"Are you sure?" I asked, trying not to hope. He nodded, smiling like a madman.

"I've had 100 years to think about it, Bella. I don't want to lose you anymore than I already have."

"I don't know much about family, or life, or love, or happiness," I began, "but…"

"But?" He asked, smiling.

"But, if there's one thing I do know, it's that I am so completely, irrevocably, and irrationally in love with you, Edward Anthony Mason Cullen," I said, smiling the first real smile in so long. His answering smile was dazzling. He picked me up and kissed me for all he was worth, and I answered back, giving everything I had. He only stopped when he groaned. I smiled at his restraint. "I love you, Edward."

"And I love you, Isabella Marie Swan Cullen," he whispered.

"…Do you take, Isabella Marie Swan as your lovely wife?" The minister asked.

"I do," Edward answered. He turned towards me.

"And do you, Isabella Swan, take Edward Cullen to be your lovely wedded husband?"

"I do," I said, looking at Edward.

"I now pronounce you, husband and wife. You may kiss the bride," he said. Edward and I kissed.

Sobs wracked my body as I watched the video of our wedding. I looked at my hand, where my ring was. I took it off to read the inscription on the inside. To my life, Bella it read. I placed it back on and rewound the part where we said I do. I cried harder than before, and soon Alice was in our room, holding me.

"We'll find him, Bella," she whispered. Edward had been kidnapped almost ten years ago. We were all out hunting and got separated. When we found each other, Edward was gone. We looked everywhere for him, with no trace.

We'd been searching for ten years, and still nothing. Except for the letters and videos we got every month, we have no idea where he is.

"I want him back," I cried. "They just sent this, this morning," I said, handing her a letter. She read it. Before she could speak, though, something hit our window. I opened it and saw an envelope. I opened it and inside was a tape. I put it in the VCR and we watched it.

"If you are watching this, than you got our letter. He is alive, and doing okay," a man's voice said, sounding very familiar. The camera moved aside so we could see Edward. He looked up hatefully at the camera.

"Edward!" I cried in a whisper. The others came up, and were watching the video now as well.

"Bella! Bella!" Edward cried. I sobbed, needing my husband.

"You're doing very well, Isabella," the man said. I looked up at the camera. "I am surprised you kept on looking this long. You must love him terribly. You're on the right track, I promise. I'll give you yet another clue as to where to find him," he said and moved to show a map. It was of the world. He drew a circle around the word Atlantic. "Come and find us…If you can," he said. And the video ended.

"No!" I screeched. "Edward!"

"Shh, it's okay. We'll find him, I promise," Rosalie's voice said.

"He could be anywhere! Do you have any idea h—" I gasped, my eyes widening. "Oh my God," I whispered, rewinding the video back to where he circled the word. I paused it at that point. "I know where he is," I whispered. They all looked at me. I enlarged the TV screen. The word was circled, and they were all questioning me.

"Umm, yeah, we see that Bella," Emmett said.

"No, look," I said, moving the camera view to a red dot next to the circle. "He circled that word because he knew I would know what it meant."

"And what does it mean?"

"The Atlantic is a club in the middle of the ocean," I said looking at them. "No humans know about it. The only ones who do are the ones who get taken there to feed on. I only know about it because of my exploits," I told them. "It's right above the spot where the Titanic sunk. And the floors go underwater. He's in one of the basements there."

"Are you sure, Bella?" Alice asked. I nodded.

"See what will happen if we go there," I said.

She looked into the future and gasped. "We'll find him," she whispered. "But, one of you won't come home."

Awwwwwh, damn I was bawling at the end of this chappy! I wonder what's going to happen. And thank you, all of you who are still loyal to me and are still reading and reviewing. This chapter was VERY emotional and made me cry at several parts. This chapter has over 21,000 words in it. And 38 pages. REVIEW TIME!

~ xXxhurting-insidexXx