The Definition of Loss
Loss
is something you can never get back.
It's been raining again.
Yahiko stared out far as the skies tears would let him.
I
really gotta skate.
It always seems to rain when you get an
inspiration for a trick. Usually the rain makes you realize how much
you are addicted.
Yahiko hasn't heard from his dad since the night
he left. He was pissed. Even though he agreed a hot anger burned
inside him. His dad has always been like that. One minute you'd be
laughing and the next he'd be having a fit about how you said
something you didn't. When you tried to explain you were arguing with
him.
Isn't he just lovely?
"Yahiko, you have a phone
call."
"Who is it?"
"Your old man."
His
heart sunk. He's been dreading this phone call since he
left.
"Hello?"
"Hi, what have you been doing up
there?"
"Just skating and preparing for the comp coming
up." Yahiko heard his dad mumble about something.
"Nice.
When you coming home?"
"I really don't know if I win the
comp."
"I highly doubt that." Yahiko ignored the
interruption.
"If I win the comp I'll be able to stay up here
indefinitely."
"Boy, you stay up there and I'll drag you
on your ass to come back home. I never you hear me. Never
agree to you staying up there forever."
"Dad I'm a grown
man now I can take care of myself."
"Grown. You had to
take care of a child and a wife..." Here he goes the whole 'I
raised you speech'. Or the 'since I didn't beat the crap out of you
like my father did I'm and excellent one.' That was Yahikos
favorite.
"I want you to amount to better things and this
isn't anything. It's pointless and I want you home. Now."
For
once Yahiko noticed his father for the first time. Not as if he never
seen him before. In a new light you could say. Lost cause. He didn't
think anyone could measure up. His father always said I don't want
you to be perfect, but you should strive for it. All else is put
aside. He couldn't measure up. Measure to perfection. Maybe that is
why he was always tired. Curled himself upon the couch when no one
was there to see and wished away his life. Listening to silence and
loving the sound. When no one was around he was he. His parents where
Bible lovers to an existent. He new verses. I guess he was what he
was. I am what I am. He didn't want this anymore. Nothing
anymore he couldn't take it. All his life he wanted to scream. He
never would. He was too good for that. He wouldn't stoop. He was
above. He strove to be himself and grow in the ways his father never
would let him allow. His dad kept on talking. Like a drone of bees in
his head. Even when he wasn't in the room you could hear him. Like
some force making your brain expand with every stupid word.
"Dad...
just... shut up." He hung up the phone.
Yahiko
didn't want to think about what his father would want in the future.
He would probably call back and tell him "those people"-
Never his friends just "those people"- are the reason he
was disrespectful and they were the reason he was turning into a
horrible kid. Yes, he heard that almost every day. He would say this
directly but you go the gist of what he meant, "You aren't good
but I guess your getting there."
No support.
In his minds
eye he didn't have a father. A man who lorded over your life, making
you want to cry every time he spoke, and making almost give up the
one thing that made you who you are. How can that be a
father?
"Yahiko?"
Looked up from where he was
sitting. He still had his hand on the phone. His face wad wet from
the tears he spilled onto the ground. He didn't even know he was
crying. That'll make you more of a man and make Kairi like you.
"Yahiko you alright?"
"Kenshin?"
"Yeah it's me." he slowly sat
down beside him with concern on his face like a covering. Like a
white washed fence. Plainly seen.
"Kid, what's wrong?"
"It's
nothing..."
"It's something. If you don't want to tell
me it's cool."
"It's just my...you know my dad
called...and." Kenshin gave him a big hug which surprised
him.
"Kid you got to let him go. Stop letting him in. He
destroys what he can take."
"That's profound where you
read that?" Kenshin smirked.
"Opera." Yahiko
laughed. "Come on I need help in the store room."
"I'll
be there. In a second."
He left Yahiko be. He went in the
storeroom and wondered.
Kenshin really cared about this boy. He
had more than some scratches. He had wholes in his heart.
He was
the definition of loss. He didn't have it hard as most people. He had
it weirdest. His father type of man who could try and tell
you your flowers looked good and still you find yourself feeling like
a sack of shit. What a father.
He wondered how he got such a good
son. He knew if it were him. He would've been a fucked up case.
He
went outside for another smoke. He needed it.
